Saga Anger Leads To Hate: Anger Management With Darth Vader - Humour (Vader etal) Update 11/19

This is just brilliant!

More!!!!

 

Sabe126Thanks!! We appreciate it!!

 

Letter to Padme

To the mother of my children,

The first time I laid my eyes upon your face, I saw an angel. Little did I know, you would turn out to be anything but an angel. Betrayal, that is what you now represent to me.

You were very well studied in deception using people mercilessly. How many handmaidens gave their life for you, I wonder? And you didn?t even tell me you were the Queen when I first met you! Great start to a friendship.

And on the Queen subject, what was with those outfits? Even after you became a Senator and after our marriage, you wore the outfits. I often wondered if you did that just to frustrate me. All those buttons and layers practically wore me out. I?ll tell you, after coming home from the war, the last thing I needed was to fight with clothing! You were indeed merciless. And I won?t even go into the hair styles except to say that your daughter is also showing a bent toward the bizarre in that respect. My poor little princess! Tough to fight those style or rather the lack-of-style genes. It doesn?t seemed to have hampered the attention she gets, however. I think we are up to Hot4Leia327 at last count. But I have come to realize that these IMs are from harmless boys with no evidence of social skills and whose lives are consumed by their holonet obsession with our daughter. My rage has subsided there.

But back to the deception...Many items come to mind here!

I really wanted to tell everyone about our marriage, Pad...no your name is not spoken here...but you refused. Were you ashamed of me? I?ll tell you, woman, I probably could have had any woman in the galaxy at that point. I had a reputation going on and if I do say so myself, I was pretty darned buff! One look at my, um, lightsabre, and I was fighting the females off, you know. Yet, you did not want anyone to know about us!

I had my suspicions about all that extra work you did for the Senate though. You did spend a great deal of time behind closed doors, allegedly working, sequestered with other Senators. Bail Organa in particular certainly seemed to have his eye on you and as I recall he was frequently and conveniently on the same committees as you . And your outfits seemed a lot less elaborate when you were in committee sessions with him! I bet you thought I did not notice that. Ha! I was not as naïve as you obviously thought.

Well, here is another IM from that ObiluvsVadr! It seems that Luke gets an inordinate number of them from that deluded soul! Strange name that! I have definitely come to terms with these juvenile interruptions. My therapist has suggested worry beads and they do seem to help, those and the counting.

And how about Obi-Wan. You think I didn?t notice that either?!? You really did take me for the fool! You can not deny to me that you had something going on with Kenobi, that small-minded former Master of mine. He had such a narrow view of things, you know. The two people I loved the most, plotting against me. I know he brain-washed you but I think maybe there was even more going on between you two. I saw the looks of longing he had for you or maybe it was for the apartment! He did seem to have a flair for decor, you know. That did make me wonder sometimes! You never told me he?d been ?visiting? but I could always tell by the lingering of his Force signature. There was no mistaking that, not for me of all people! But I always had to ask you, didn?t I? You knew I could tell he?d been there, at our apartment, or rather your apartment.

That?s another thing! That pre-nup you insisted on. Talk about lack of faith! But in the end, I got the apartment and the children too. Ha, ha! I may have lost my limbs to Obi-Wan, but I didn?t lose the apartment! But I?m sure there are a couple of lamps missing! He had to outfit that sad little hovel of his on Tatooine somehow after all.

Now what is this? It seems that there is a holopic of Luke attached to another IM and this one is from SkywalkerSlave233. What is that son of ours doing now?! No more pictures for him!

Well, that holowebcam d

 

You know, I can totally picture him going through a million layers of clothing before he could actually touch his wife's skin!!!!

And yes, DV sounds alot better than Ani!!!! Awesome stuff you guys!

Happy New Year!

 

I think this one's the best yet! Vader has quite a bone to pick with Padme, doesn't he? Everything from supposedly cheating on him with senators and Jedi alike right down to her multi-layered outfits.

or maybe it was for the apartment! He did seem to have a flair for decor, you know.

Of course he did! I bet those lamps he stole were quite fashionable.

 

Know that your children have been raised in a constructive environment thanks to me!




*shakes head and laughs*

Hilarious, Kayla! Absolutely hilarious! It seems he is as irrational as always when his dear wife is concerned. He never could think straight when it came to her. Oy...

Excellent job!

AQ

 

these are all amazing!!!! Kayla and Anakingirl05 , you guys crack me up!!!the team you 2 make is awesome, yet scares me at times . not that I'm worried or anything just kidding ! keep up the great work !!!

 

that was great come on we all know Padme would never cheat or maybe she would and Lukes not Anakins just kidding

anyways can't wait for more

 

Can I join the PM list?

 

This is great!
I gotta go back to page one and start again!

 

Well, here is another IM from that ObiluvsVadr! It seems that Luke gets an inordinate number of them from that deluded soul! Strange name that! I have definitely come to terms with these juvenile interruptions. My therapist has suggested worry beads and they do seem to help, those and the counting.


ROTFLOL!!!

hilarious...

DV...I do think that is a lot better than Ani...

 

I may have lost my limbs to Obi-Wan, but I didn?t lose the apartment! But I?m sure there are a couple of lamps missing! He had to outfit that sad little hovel of his on Tatooine somehow after all.

thank you!!!!!

 

And I won?t even go into the hair styles except to say that your daughter is also showing a bent toward the bizarre in that respect. My poor little princess! Tough to fight those style or rather the lack-of-style genes. It doesn?t seemed to have hampered the attention she gets, however. I think we are up to Hot4Leia327 at last count. But I have come to realize that these IMs are from harmless boys with no evidence of social skills and whose lives are consumed by their holonet obsession with our daughter. My rage has subsided there.

Hee!! Great stuff, you two! I just can't get enough of this story - it's hysterical! I got so excited when I saw that today's update was Vader writing to Padme - I knew it was going to be pretty... rough!

Wonderful job!

 

It's nice to see DV come to terms with his feelings towards Pad

One look at my, um, lightsabre, and I was fighting the females off, you know



...Ahem...I concur!

Great update!!

 

Wow guys! Your responses to our letters are great! Thank you all!

Anakin_Heartbreaker - the clothing would put a damper on the spontaneity! DV does have more of an ominous ring to it than Ani. Glad you liked it.

Nienna_Narmolanya - well DV certainly did have some issues with Padme. Personally, I (and I know AnakinGirl would concur,) would have joined him to rule the galaxy. And the lamps in Padme?s apartment were to die for, the ones you saw in the scene after his nightmare in ROTS. They would be the perfect addition to a hovel, don?t you think?

AngelQueen - Glad you liked the constructive environment comment given the state of DV?s computer. And irrational is putting it mildly! Pleased you enjoyed the update.

DarthFernal - What can I say - we do seem to inspire each other with all the silliness! Be afraid...be very afraid! So glad that we can make you laugh!

JediFalcon - Hmmm...Luke not Anakin?s son? Interesting idea there! But we all know the connection they did have, or do we? Glad you liked it.

Mrs_Anakin_Skywalker - Thanks for reading and we?ll add you to the pm list.

JMN77 - Happy to have added a laugh to your day. Thanks for reading.

little_miss_jedi - *picks you up off the floor* Glad you liked it. Don?t know how long the worry beads will actually last in DV?s grasp.

darth_frared - You are very welcome. I?m sure you?ll enjoy the next update even more with what AnakinGirl has in store for poor Obi-Wan.

VA_Parky - DV has had some time to think about all the little irritants of his departed wife and like the sands of Tatooine, those irritants seem to have gotten everywhere. So pleased we could add some laughter to your day!

KELIA - We do like Anakin?s lightsabre so very much! Glad you enjoyed the update.

 

One look at my, um, lightsabre, and I was fighting the females off, you know


lol this is funny!! I was litterally crying after reading these posts!

I may have lost my limbs to Obi-Wan, but I didn?t lose the apartment! But I?m sure there are a couple of lamps missing! He had to outfit that sad little hovel of his on Tatooine somehow after all.

LMAO!

Great job!

cant wait for the next update!

 

ENOUGH! Where do they come up with these outrageous names? Hot4Leia83? Leia? I know he could not mean my little princess. He certainly had better not! Who does this piece of Bantha fodder think he is?

SOUNDS LIKE MY DAD!!!!!!
And I won?t even go into the hair styles except to say that your daughter is also showing a bent toward the bizarre in that respect. My poor little princess! Tough to fight those style or rather the lack-of-style genes.
i concur
It doesn?t seemed to have hampered the attention she gets, however. I think we are up to Hot4Leia327 at last count. But I have come to realize that these IMs are from harmless boys with no evidence of social skills and whose lives are consumed by their holonet obsession with our daughter. My rage has subsided there. [i/]
doing your research eh darthy?

Well Pad...mother of my children.
oh come on! say it!! you know you want to!


this is so twisted and I love it!! thanks for the entertainment!!
-mia-

 

Well, Vader is certainly getting out the anger I can only hope it allows him to let go of it instead of bottling it up to fuel his Dark Side energies... he probably wouldn't agree to this if he figured that's what it was doing. Anyway, nice job!

 

Y2K2 - Guess we need to provide tissue! So glad you had a laugh from this and thanks for the comments.

americantragedy - DV just can?t find it in him to call her by name. Twisted??? Us??? Glad you liked it.

ShrunkenJedi - You do have to wonder why Palps would want an Anger Management program. Thanks for reading.

 

This is really great stuff! Brava! Love the way you put in the stuff about the apartment. It's an amazing apartment, and those lamps, I loved those lamps, can't blame Obi there if he swiped them for himself. Poor Vader he was insecure wasn't he? And the frustrations with Padme's clothing, hehe. Ironically, I think her wedding dress was the simplest outfit she ever wore, besides that tight white outfit in AOTC towards the end.

Thankyou for the update, the new year has started off well. for you both!

 

Dark_Disciple - Glad you liked it! I love Padme's apartment and would be lusting after the furnishings too! And the clothing, well, her nightgown in ROTS was pretty simple but almost looked too fragile to touch.

 

Dear Padwankayla and Anakingirl

I have been advised to write to you on behalf of Miss Ceridwen1977 who has since died laughing after reading your series of letters written by the late Darth Vader.

I think it was the line But in the end, I got the apartment and the children too that finally led to the laughing fit that finished her off. Her final words were believed to have been "those guys they crack me up so much with their jokes I think I might die laughing one day."

A sad irony don't you think?

Since then we have had some communion via meditation and it seems she can continue to read them via the Force so keep them coming! Apparantly the dead need something to cheer them up.

Best wishes
Mr Walsh Waring
Solicitor

 

Well!! Mr Walsh Waring...on behalf of myself and PadwanKayla...we would like to extend oyur deepset sympathies. We certainly had no intention of making poor Ceridwen1977 die of laughter! Though we were glad to see that she read our silly letters...we missed her greatly! So thank her through the Force for us, will ya?

And on that note, here we go again!!!


______________________________________________________________________________________________


Letter to Obi-Wan


Obi-Wan,

Let me start off by saying that I am writing this with a clear mind. I really had an opportunity to release a lot of my anger with that last letter to the mother of my children, that woman whose name we do not speak. Oh, and before I forget, in writing to her, I realized that my apartment is missing some key decorative pieces. You wouldn't happen to have in your possession any lamps would you?


As I asked before, how is exile on Tatooine? Like it there? That sand sure does get into everything doesn't it? And the sandstorms - awful things they are - though they give you ample time to think, you know, with nothing else to do but wait them out. So what do you think about? Do you think about me? About Anakin? You remember Anakin, he was the devilishly handsome, incredibly witty and fiercely loyal young man that I was before...before you left me alone to die on the fiery banks of Mustafar!

Force!! Here is that ObiLuvsVadr character again! I am really beginning to worry about my son, I tell you. Looked up this guys profile, turns out his name is Ben and he is at least twice Luke's age. I think he may even be older than me. I must have a father to son chat with the boy. If only he could be more like I was at his age, or even more like his sister! Looks like she may have gotten all the brains there, even if she does hide them behind those silly looking cinnamon bun things on the side of her head that she calls a hairdo...just like Pad...just like the mother of my children used to do.

Yes, well, let's get on with it. Tell me, was chopping off my legs and arm a highlight of your sad little existence? Make you feel like a big, bad Jedi, did it? I suppose that is better than feeling like the pathetic little puppet that you really were. And that speech! You loved me? You LOVED me? Do you think that perhaps there would have been a better time to tell me that? Oh, say ten years before? Come on, even ten days before would have been better, Obi-Wan!

12345678...

Almost!

All I wanted to do was save Pad...her. She was my wife, albeit an ungrateful one. She was the only person in this Force forsaken galaxy who loved me, at least, who I thought loved me. You know, come to think of it, I really could have done better than her. Yes, she was beautiful in spite of her hair styles. Yes, she was intelligent although her choice of jobs made me question that at times. But I could have had any woman I wanted! You know what old friend, I bet even you could have had any woman you wanted! But no, not you. There is no attachment, there is no love, there is no...blah, blah, BLAH! Wait, I know why you never wanted anyone else, it is plain as day to me now. You, of course, wanted her. But did she really want you? I saw the way you looked at her, it was in quite the same way that Qui-Gon looked at my mother once. Figures, after all, he did train you.

You tried to turn her against me, Obi-Wan, I know you did. In fact, you did turn her against me. If not for you, she would be ruling the galaxy here with me, by my side, instead of this creepy, crusty old man who gets on my very last frayed wire! Who did you think you were standing there on the ramp of her ship like that? A superhero? Yoda? I tell you, if I had not been so angry then, I would have laughed. But I was angry, Obi-Wan. I am ANGRY now!!

1,2,3,4...ahhhh, Force. This counting is nonsense. This therapy is nonsense. My anger makes me stronger!!!

Well, Obi-Wan, I see this computer is starting to smoke and I have been advised by the procureme

 

Ooh, I knew Vader was going to have to unleash it on his poor old Master... the Dark Side is sooo clouding his vision! He can't even get the message in Ben's screen-name! Although he does have some points, I have to admit

 

But I could have had any woman I wanted! You know what old friend, I bet even you could have had any woman you wanted! But no, not you. There is no attachment, there is no love, there is no...blah, blah, BLAH! Wait, I know why you never wanted anyone else, it is plain as day to me now. You, of course, wanted her.

For a second there I thought he was going to say Obi wanted someone else entirely...

I sense much anger in him. Poor Vader. I Like how he almost got to 10 there on the counting! (yikes!)

Keep up the good work, and Ceridwen wherever you are now (still laughing most probably), rest in peace.

You just keep making it great gals!