Saga Anger Leads To Hate: Anger Management With Darth Vader - Humour (Vader etal) Update 11/19

Whoa, Vader is certainly paranoid. Which is extremely hilarious to read! I love this, I can't wait for more. If you have a pm list can I be on it? Once more great job!

 

oh force thats funny and I can't wait for more

 

Where are those worry beads? Pah! I must find something substantial to destroy, perhaps the droid in the procurement department.

I wonder, is that C-3PO he's talking about?

Keep up the good work!

Nyesse

 

Force!! Here is that ObiLuvsVadr character again! I am really beginning to worry about my son, I tell you.

Ohhhhhhhh... call me slow but I only just got that... *heehee*

really funny guys, keep it up.

I am not finished with you yet.

I should hope not.

 

instead of this creepy, crusty old man who gets on my very last frayed wire

Sheer genius!

Perhaps I am greedy but I am very much looking forward to more! MORE!!!

 

Hee!! Man, I feel bad for Vader's IT guy! He's not making it easy on him, that's for sure!

Great update! I was thrilled when I saw your PM b/c it's going to be a rough day at work and I needed to start it off with a laugh! So thanks for your excellent timing!

I nearly lost it during this section:

You tried to turn her against me, Obi-Wan, I know you did. In fact, you did turn her against me. If not for you, she would be ruling the galaxy here with me, by my side, instead of this creepy, crusty old man who gets on my very last frayed wire! Who did you think you were standing there on the ramp of her ship like that? A superhero? Yoda? I tell you, if I had not been so angry then, I would have laughed. But I was angry, Obi-Wan. I am ANGRY now!!

You two are hysterical! Love this story!

 

''Instead of this creepy, crusty old man who gets on my very last frayed wire!''

That was too funny!

 

This is just too funny!

I kept thinking, after reading the latest post, what Obi-Wan's reply might have been.

"I'm glad you're doing well, Anakin.

In regards to your lamps, no, I don't have them, they wouldn't go with the decor here very well. I much prefer using candles, anyway. Something I couldn't often do at the temple.

Do you really think I could look at Padme as anything more than a friend? Really, Anakin! You know my views on politicians. We would never have been compatable. I've never been like you, Anakin. The Jedi Order was my life, I had no need for companionship of that nature.

As for your computer, Anakin, might I suggest you fix it instead of harrasing the procurement department? You always were handy with gadgets."

EDIT: Forgot, silly me, to request being added to your PM list.

 

Second, Qui-Gon. Tell me, what were you thinking? You send me off with a man you knew for less than a week? I know Qui-Gon seemed like the entire honorable Jedi package and all but what did you really know about him? He could have been a very bad, bad man, the kind you always warned me about! But, noooo. You just decided to hand me over to him. And the stories I could tell you about him now! What were you thinking woman?

Actually, he has a point there!

This is v.funny, I'm relly enjoying it.

Great job PadwanKayla

 

Wow, we are loving the response to this ongoing silliness!! Thanks so much to all of you!!

ShrunkenJedi That Dark Side, I tell ya! And to think he is not done with poor ol' Obi quite yet. Wonder if he will find out who Ben is??

Dark_Disciple And what was it that you were thinking, my dear? *ahem* Glad you are continuing to enjoy. You are great inspiration to us both!

LilyHobbitJedi You are added to the PM list, Thanks for reading!! And yes, Vader is a little on the paranoid side it seems.

JediFalcon Thanks so much!

Lady_Nyesse I wonder...not so sure myself about threepio!

little_miss_jedi We both thank you so much. I have a feeling he has lots more to say to Obi-Wan.

Ceridwen1977 So glad to see that you can communicate with us through the Force, though terribly saddened by your untimely, er, passing. Because of your dedication more MORE you shall get!

VA_Parky We love that you love this story! And we are thrilled that it helped you start your day out on a humorous note. And you are right, he really is being rather harsh with all of this computer hardware, poor IT guy...at least he has a steady job!

Mrs._Anakin_Heartbreaker Thanks! He is rather creepy and crusty don't you think?

Aya-Na_Bashu Loved your reply! Perhaps you and the late Ceridwen1977 should get together and do some letters! And I am thinking that we may...may see some replies?? Hmm...

Kestrel_Kenobi Thanks! Happy to see you are enjoying it!

 

I was just waiting for him to explode!

You know, it would not have hurt Obi-Wan if he told Anakin that he loved him before, Vader maybe onto something there!

Yeah, Obi-Wan did remind me of Superman standing on that ramp!

An exceptional post!

 

And that speech! You loved me? You LOVED me? Do you think that perhaps there would have been a better time to tell me that?



Awesome update!!

 

add me to the pm list please! this is waaaayyy to funny to pass up!

 

well done, my little tfn friends i love it! who's next? could he preps write to palps, too?

 

Anakin_Hearbreaker Truthfully I keep waiting for him to explode as well! And Obi really did look like a superhero with that hands on hip stance, didn't he?


KELIA Thanks so much for continuing to read!

MariaMaxwell We will add you to the pm list! Thanks!

darth_frared I knew you would like the letter to Obi! Who knows who the next victim will be?

 

*curses self for missing two updates*

I'm so sorry! I truly do love this fic, but I am rather lazy. Oh, I loved the last two updates! LOL!! The Obi-Wan letter! Far too funny! A gas, a scream even!! This is wonderful!!! I cannot wait for more!

Jasmine

 

HanSoloIsSoCute Don't worry about missing any updates! We are just glad you are still enjoying our little bit of silliness!! Thanks!

 

Sorry it took me so long to get here. School is being mean again.

That bit about destroying the procurement department droids......priceless! Everything about this post was extremely witty. I loved it! I'm sure Vader has quite a bit more to say to Obi-Wan...

Everything made me giggle, except for:
You LOVED me? Do you think that perhaps there would have been a better time to tell me that? Oh, say ten years before? Come on, even ten days before would have been better, Obi-Wan!

If only...

Lovely post! I look forward to more soon! (to take my mind off of evil school...)

 

Anakingirl - your suggestion to write letters in response is most gratefully recieved. Have been dying (ha ha) to write one for Padme, will see what I can rustle up (they have plenty of pen and paper here thankfully)

 

Nienna_Narmolanya Thanks so much! Though we go mainly for funny, there is most definitely some truth, and ultimately some sadness, in these here letters. If only...

ceridwen1977 Oh, so they have pen and paper there in the...er, afterlife that is the Force?? Good! Get writing...

 

Ah look, so I did I am not sure this is up to your standards Anakingirl and Padwankayla but here goes. A reply from Padme, who incidentally is up in the afterlife too.

A letter from Padme to Darth Vader

Dear Darth Vader or whatever you call yourself now,

Oh Anakin is this what you have come to? Not only changing your name and slaughtering innocent Jedi but now you see fit to ruin any happy memories I have left of you. Such lies indeed they are not fit to repeat! If only the Emperor had not dismantled all the courts I would have sued you for every credit you have and for custody of the children. I only hope you have not been able to pour all your hatred into their hearts. Sometimes I used to think you are still in that black suit somewhere, the man I once knew. Obi-wan once told me I was deluded ? after I hear about the things you have done I know now he was right.

You seem to have forgotten how much I meant to you; perhaps your accident on Mustapha burnt away what little brain you had?

After all it was not easy being in love with you, Ani. We did first meet when you were 9 and I was 14. It was impossible to be in love with you then. I often did wonder what happened to you after you disappeared into the Jedi Temple. I even tried to contact you but you never replied. I thought you must have forgotten me. Why do you think I was so frosty with you when we met again at the beginning of Episode 2?

Then there was Obi-wan always hanging round you. He looked so suspicious I thought he might separate us if he found out I fancied you. I thought if I pretended to dislike you we would be allowed more time alone. And you cannot deny it worked, although I suppose the bounty hunter helped too. Yes Ani, I was so happy when we were sent to Naboo. I suppose I confused you blowing hot and cold all the time but I was confused myself. You call it deception now but I had to be careful, I was afraid we would lose everything. Who was right in the end though???

You think I was ashamed of you. It breaks my heart because I was only keeping our marriage a secret for you. It wasn?t me that made up all those ridiculous Jedi codes about no attachments. No one in the Senate would have batted an eyelid. I was heavily pregnant and nobody even noticed, not even Bail and I spent a lot of time with him. Partly I suppose that was due to my fortunate taste in clothes. I do not accept your complaints about them in hindsight. You never complained when we were together. You said you enjoyed the challenge! But from what Obi-wan tells me, deception and lies are the ways of the Sith. It makes me weep for the honest man you once were Anakin.

And what is this about being able to have any woman in the Galaxy? Oh, how you torment me. And don?t flatter yourself, I once carried out a small poll amongst my handmaidens (this was before we met again incidentally) of the most eligible bachelors in the Galaxy and your name was only mentioned after Obi-wan Kenobi and Bail Organa. Yes you were certainly handsome, especially when you ditched the mullet and the braid (again that was the fault of the Jedi so do not take it to heart), but beauty is only transient. I doubt you are very attractive now Anakin.

And then there is your jealousy. Anakin, you KNOW that you were truly, truly the only man for me. I could have never fancied Bail Organa. He had this annoying habit of picking his teeth and was always passing wind at inappropriate moments. Obi-wan? well Obi-wan was attractive I suppose but he was always so cold. You were passionate Ani. I remember the way you tried to flirt with me and always said something stupid. It was little things like that which I fell in love with, not your plans to take over the Galaxy. We were so happy for about three scenes. We should have been allowed more.

And while we are on the subject of Obi-wan, I must get one thing straight. I never asked him to come to that horrible lava planet with me. He invited himself along. And I was

 

Thanks to all who are reading this and your great comments. And to Ceridwen1977 for her letter of inspiration from Pad...you know, the one whose name is not mentioned here!

And now on with the show!

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Memo

To: Emperor Palpatine

From: Lord Vader

Subject: Procurement Department

It has come to my attention that the employees of this department, in particular the droids, do not have the correct instructions with regard to carrying out my orders. They are citing procedures and rules which naturally do not apply to me. My last encounter with one of the droids resulted in substantial damage to the unit rendering it irreparable.

In my attempt to ensure no further damage occurs, I have approached the manager of this department who defers any decisions to Moff Tarkin. As you well know, Tarkin thwarts my directions at every opportunity.

Knowing, Master, you were never one to let bureaucratic nonsense create roadblocks to your plans, I am certain you will agree that things need to change in this department and request that you take a moment of your valuable time to correct this problem. I am more than willing to deal directly with the droids? reprogramming to speed this process

I remain as always your humble apprentice

DV

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Continuing Letter to Obi-Wan


Obi-Wan

Yes, I have returned as I said I would with my anger suitably in check after taking care of a small issue I was having. Unfortunately, my therapist insists that I continue this ridiculous exercise.

Now where was I...ah, yes. We were speaking of Mustafar! So Mr. SuperJedi, all compassionate, only thinking of others - I think that was how the Jedi mantra went. Did you ever consider listening to what I had to say when you descended from that woman?s ship? Oh, no! You had already made up your mind about me and you?d twisted her mind to your way of thinking too. I?m not sure how you convinced her to bring you to Mustafar - some Jedi mind trick that you and the Council chose not to teach me, no doubt. You just gave her your version of the facts without ever considering I might have had a good reason for doing what I did. Did you know that I did it all for her? No, you didn?t Obi-Wan because you never asked me why. One simple little question and you would have understood. But then, maybe you really didn?t want to know why. You just wanted me out of the way so you could have her, didn?t you? Why cloud things with the truth, eh, old man?

That?s another thing - the truth. A wise, albeit deceitful, man once told me that truth is a point of view! Kinda catchy isn?t it. The Council certainly wasn?t truthful with me, were they? And you, Master Jedi, were part of that once all-powerful Council. I know there were things you were holding back from me, things like that mind trick you used on Pad...that woman. When I think of how long it took for me to lose that ridiculous braid and be knighted - you were holding me back then and you just continued to do the same. You were all afraid of my power. That?s why they didn?t make me a Master isn?t it? So you could still hold things back from me. You just couldn?t admit how good I was! Yup, I had it all - looks, power, adulation from the masses. I was the Jedi poster boy. Jealousy, that was it! You were all jealous. And I still get angry when I remember you asking me to spy on the Chancellor...I know you blamed it on the Council but you were part of that Council, Obi-Wan...grrrrrrrr.......so very, very angry....

1, 2, 3...I am getting much better at this!

You of all people should have known that spying on my friend was something I could not do. You practically threw me to the Dark Side with that assignment. Not very well thought out, that tactic!

Here we go again with that ObiLuvsVadr clown! I?ve had my IT people trying to trace him and he?s got his path very well covered!

 

the IT tech better run for the hills, more soon

 

After you ruthlessly severed my limbs and gave me that heartfelt speech, why did you not try to save me? After all the times I saved your hide, you couldn?t find it in that compassionate Jedi heart to haul me out of there before I ignited?

A very good point!

I love the way you can make something funny out of something so tragic