Before Any Good - Qui-Gon/ Obi-Wan fanfiction

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by River_Stone, May 12, 2005.

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  1. River_Stone Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 7, 2005
    star 1
    Title: Any Good
    Author: River_Stone
    Timeframe: Set just before the JA book ? The Rising Force?
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi
    Genre: Pure angst :)
    Summary: A short vignette on Qui-Gon?s thoughts as to why a certain Initiate should not be put into his care.
    Author?s Note: Correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar are foreign concepts that do not dare to intrude upon my writing. Be forewarned!

    ****(*****)****

    I?ve seen it, you know ? the way you feel about me: I see it brimming under the surface of your turquoise eyes, feel it radiating from the warm light that makes up your being. I don?t understand why you feel that I am destined to be your Master, why you feel the precious bundle of your heart belongs in my polluted hands, but that was never my decision.

    If it were, I would tell you to stop.

    I can?t allow you to feel for me because I will never be able to feel for you. Your bright presence cannot thaw the depths of emotions that froze at the turning of my former apprentice; your gently warming laughter cannot resuscitate my own. You would become but a barrier, locking me in my duty as a Master to a world in which I have no desire to remain.

    I would resent you for that.

    I will push you away with everything I could have once given you, as a wounded animal pushes away one who tries to treat it. I will fight you with a desperate passion, for that is the only feeling left in the empty caverns of my heart.

    I cannot be what you need.

    In my weaker moments I contemplate what it is that draws you to me. There is so little left in me that I wonder what it is that you see. I wonder if you have fallen for the shroud of tranquillity I cloak myself in, if you have fallen for a mask - a ghost playing at living - and nothing more.

    But somehow I know that is not true. You are different from the others.

    You might be able to save me.

    I will not allow it. I will not shatter your great potential with ill equipped teachings and a heart turned to sickness. In your eyes I see the thousands of ways in which I could fail you, all the ways in which your bright, vibrant spirit could be crushed under the heavy dormancy of my own. I will not allow it, no matter how many times I feel your spirit crack under each curt and unwarranted rejection.

    Somehow, I have made you love me.

    And I cannot allow that.

    It hurts too much.

    I am afraid, afraid of what would happen if I fall into your embrace and you unlock the mysteries of my heart and mind; afraid that you will see the darkness coalescing within me and be destroyed by it, too.

    No, it?s best that you keep your distance, and that I retain mine.

    Best that whatever part of me remains, remains hidden.

    Because none of it is any good.
  2. Cookietribble Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Great work!!! =D=
    I just love how you described Qui-Gon's feelings - so beautiful but sad...:_|
    Amazing!
    Loved it! [face_love]
    Cookie ^_^

    Edit: Yay, I got first post!! ;)
  3. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Absolutely lovely! Haunting! =D= I will be keeping an eye out for more of your work! :D
  4. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Welcome to the forums River_Stone! A most excellent vig to start off with too!

    That was just wonderful. Qui-Gon is my favorite character and you've portrayed his fears so wonderfully well. I have trouble writing first person, but you've done such a great job!


    Well done!
  5. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    That was really terrific. A lovely expression of very raw, real emotions. =D=
  6. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Very good! Sad, but very deep. I could definitely see Qui-Gon having those sorts of thoughts going through his head, so painful and dark. Keep writing!
  7. The_Hutt Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2004
    star 1
    I wonder if you have fallen for the shroud of tranquillity I cloak myself in, if you have fallen for a mask - a ghost playing at living - and nothing more.

    I particularly like that section...so many of us have our own masks and hidden true identities, that we can relate, but seldom have I heard this common thing described so simply, and yet eloquently. Qui-Gon's self-destructive thoughts and his defeatist attitude rip my heart out- in a good way.

    Best that whatever part of me remains, remains hidden.
    Because none of it is any good.


    That last line was the clincher. Very sorrowful...but you know, I really did enjoy this story- although my comments might be misconstrued as negative. Everyone needs a well-written, melancholy thread now and then! :D
  8. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I see this is your very first post to the boards... and what an introduction for us it is!! :D :D


    A very nice look into Qui-Gon's mind... so sad that he deems himself so unworthy... makes me want to give the poor guy a big hug.... not that it takes much to make me want to do that. :D :D

    Welcome to the boards!!
  9. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    That was a great first post! I look forward to more :)
  10. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Wow, very nicely done. I think you captured Qui-Gon's anguish very well.

    I especially liked In my weaker moments I contemplate what it is that draws you to me. There is so little left in me that I wonder what it is that you see. I wonder if you have fallen for the shroud of tranquillity I cloak myself in, if you have fallen for a mask - a ghost playing at living - and nothing more.

    Poor guy. He needs a hug.

    Great job. I hope to see many more.
  11. ithesock Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 12, 2005
    star 2
    This is a lovely piece of work. Qui-Gon's excellently done. And the angst percentage is perfect. :)

    Nice work.
  12. River_Stone Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 7, 2005
    star 1
    Aww, thank you all. I'm really embarrassed now [face_blush]

    Cookietribble: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed the fic. For being my first post I'm going to send you a blueberry muffin, with extra lard.

    VaderLVR64: Thanks again. The fic came out better than I expected, if I'm to be honest. I'll try not to disappoint you if I ever get the time to write anything a bit more substantial (can't promise you anything though ;) )

    Layren: I've received such a warm welcome here that I'm happy to be able to give something back, no matter how small. I must admit it was hard writing from Qui-Gon's persepective ( I favour Obi-Wan's normally) and there was a distanct lack of hugs which I normally insist upon in my stories. (If i had my way TPM would have been a constant hugging session.)

    LuvEwan: I am absolutely honoured to have you even read my fic! I've read some of your work on other websites and I am totally in awe of you. I'm really glad you enjoyed it :)

    maychorian: Another author I've seen who I completely admire. I've loved the fics I have read of yours and I'm sorry that I've not been able to really look at them until now.

    The_Hutt: Yay angst! I didn't think you were criticising, and you are more than welcome to if you want. Constructive criticism is the only way we grow, and grow we should. Thank you for such a beautiful review.

    Healer_Leona: Who wouldn't want to hug Qui-Gon? That Obi-Wan is one lucky guy! I'm glad I came out the proverbial fanfiction closet. Everyone here has been so supportive. I couldn't ask for a better place to post.

    PadawanKitara: Glad you liked it. I've got a couple of fics I'm working on but they are not in a fit state to be posted any time soon. I only hope they live up to the other fics I have read on this site.

    dianethx: Many more? I'll give you one but it will involve constant hugging interspersed with more hugging ;) It was hard thinking from Qui-Gon's point of view. I was afraid I would diminish his character, and poor Qui doesn't deserve that. He has enough to cope with!

    I'm going to return to the fanfiction closet now. Thank you all for being so supportive and making these boards such an enjoyable place to post.
    [face_love]
    xxxx
  13. River_Stone Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 7, 2005
    star 1
    sorry, ithesock, didn't see you there! Qui-Gon isn't my favourite character so it was difficult trying to enter his thoughts without having that slight detachment come through.
    Glad you liked the fic :)


  14. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Hey, hugging is good! Just needs to be a reason for it, is all. ;)
  15. Seven Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2000
    star 3
    Yay! Another great story ripe for the reviewing!

    I really liked this. It was wonderful. And Qui-Gon's thoughts were well protrayed.

    Well done!

    Seven
  16. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4

    awwww, this was so sad. :(

    But a wonderful fic! Very haunting, you really captured Qui-Gons insecurities very well...

    In your eyes I see the thousands of ways in which I could fail you, all the ways in which your bright, vibrant spirit could be crushed under the heavy dormancy of my own.

    poor Qui. But we know it turns out happy. :)

    Lovely! =D=
  17. padmay_skywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 27, 2005
    star 3
    In your eyes I see the thousands of ways in which I could fail you, all the ways in which your bright, vibrant spirit could be crushed under the heavy dormancy of my own

    So beautiful! Yet so haunting. You did an amazing job getting into Qui's head like that. I'll keep a look out for your work!;)
  18. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    I don?t understand why you feel that I am destined to be your Master, why you feel the precious bundle of your heart belongs in my polluted hands, but that was never my decision.

    :_| Poor Qui-Gon! I just feel so bad for the big guy. I'm just glad he doesn't feel quite this horrible for much longer. I mean, who can, with dear, sweet Obi-Wan around? [face_love]
    Great story, River Stone! I look forward to more from you! :D
  19. Opal Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2003
    star 4
    Fantastic. I look forward to seeing more of your writing. :D
  20. Star_Drifter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2005
    star 3
    "I will push you away with everything I could have once given you, as a wounded animal pushes away one who tries to treat it. I will fight you with a desperate passion, for that is the only feeling left in the empty caverns of my heart.

    I cannot be what you need."


    I love the way you have captured the essence of Qui-Gon fighting the very thing he needs.

    Wonderful use of haunting imagery... @};-

    =D= =D= =D=
  21. River_Stone Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 7, 2005
    star 1
    Hello all @};-

    maychorian: ?Hey, hugging is good! Just needs to be a reason for it, is all.? Yep, but creating a situation that would warrant hugs is what keep us going, and what you write so well. There should be hugs for everyone!

    Seven: Partner, forgive me! I didn?t know you had posted here. I hope you can forgive me. It was hard writing Qui-Gon ? I don?t know how you and your Master do it so well! ? so I?m glad you liked it.

    JOINME: ?But we know it turns out happy.? He does, and he deserves it the poor guy! People should hug him. ;)

    padmay_skywalker: Thank you so much. I?m glad I managed to capture Qui-Gon as he is a hard character to do. I?m glad you liked it. [face_love]

    Bastet: ?I'm just glad he doesn't feel quite this horrible for much longer. I mean, who can, with dear, sweet Obi-Wan around?? Here, here! I know Obi-Wan would cheer me up, the cute little thing. :D

    Opal: Wow, thank you. I?ll try not to disappoint (notice the word ?try?). Thanks!

    Star_Drifter: ?I love the way you have captured the essence of Qui-Gon fighting the very thing he needs.? He is afraid to embrace it because he is afraid to lose it, I think. And I have a bit of an addiction for imagery ? it gets in the way sometimes!
  22. ___Sithspawn___ Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2004
    star 3
    Yeah, I'm kind of late to review - I found this while digging around the murky depths of the board - but I just had to put in my two credits.

    Wow...Short, but effective; very sad, in a deep way. The characterization was so Qui-Gon.

    Great viggie.
  23. Sionnach-Airgid Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    I'm glad Sithspawn brought this back up to the top, or I might not have found it! This is really good! I'm not a big Qui-gon fan, but you've shown a possible side to him that can make me like him. For this story, anyway!

    Nice job!
  24. Magenta_Moonshadow Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2005
    star 3
    Great story! :)

    And I LURRVE Qui-Gon! [face_love] Where's the queue for hugging the big guy?;) [:D]
  25. River_Stone Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 7, 2005
    star 1
    Hi guys, sorry I've taken ages to reply but I didn't realise people still read this. Thank you all so much [face_love]

    Sithspawn: Put in as many credits as you would like. If anything I should be paying you :) I'm glad you liked the story. For a man who tries to live in the present I think it's kind of sad that he can not escape his past and a fault that did not belong to him. Thank you so much for your review [face_love]

    Sionnach-Airgid : "not a big Qui-gon fan, but you've shown a possible side to him that can make me like him. For this story, anyway!" LOL, glad to hear it! There's a somber side to Qui-Gon and I just wanted to try and show that if I could. I'm glad I've managed to get you to like him, if only for a time. :) Thank you for reviewing.

    Magenta_Moonshadow: LOL, I think the Qui-Gon hugging queue has gone twice around the Earth by now, so you may be in for a bit of a wait! It just makes sense to me that Qui-Gon would refuse to take Obi-Wan not because of Obi-Wan's rashness but because of his own fear of accepting him. Thank you for your review. I think I might join you in the queue. [face_love]
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