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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

JCC Anyone here with anxiety disorders?

Discussion in 'Community' started by Zenwalker, Feb 5, 2016.

  1. hudzu

    hudzu Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2003
    since this is apparently a thread, i wanna share a thing i just wrote on the facebooks, see if any of you feel similar.

    -

    the weird thing about anxiety is how quiet it is. a lot of the time i associate it with thoughts run rampant of loathing and self-depreciation: that i'll **** something up, or i'm not worthy of anything good, or that i'm going to make a damn fool of myself doing this or that.

    but lately i've been coming to realize that those thoughts repeating endlessly are the easy face of anxiety. they can be categorized; given form and name and thus be controlled. it's the feelings lying behind those thoughts that are truly long-lasting and dangerous.

    the neurological effects of increased breathing and a racing heart. when the world at large has a physical effect on your very body, your synapses responding to crowds or noise or a scent recalling a buried trauma in the hindbrain. a cacophony of electrical impulses flooding the brain, dispasionatelly triggering memories good and bad while you struggle to just get through the day. the week. the month. the year.

    and that's where anxiety wreaks true havoc: in the forgotten cracks of the psyche. the areas of your mind you don't know how to explore, whose shapes remain formless from fear or willful ignorance. where language and reason hold no sway.

    surrealism is the true language of anxiety; one where "concrete" implies "viscous" and the only truth is that everything that you know is wrong.

    to be anxious is to fear the true shape of things: to know that you could measure every inch of the world, compend every nugget of knowledge, and tether yourself firmly to the comfortable familiarty of Reality... and none of it would matter because you're playing the wrong game. it's the lingering question of "but what if?" spray-painted permanently on the walls of the outside reality that our minds inhabit.

    anxiety needs no words to be truly effective. words are a construct, inherently limited in their precise meaning. but anxiety is meaningless and limitless. and that's why it holds such sway.
     
  2. Zenwalker

    Zenwalker Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 18, 2015
    "since this is apparently a thread" hudzu With all due respect, can you clarify this statement? I sincerely don't mean to sound confrontational. But the statement seems weird to me. Probably just me. ;)

    Having gotten that off my chest, I created this thread nearly a year a ago because I struggle with OCD, GAD, and depression. I never thought it would last this long. I'm so happy that people have shared their stories. I find it therapeutic. Also, your Facebook post is very good.
     
  3. yeurgh

    yeurgh Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 12, 2016
    hudzu with the huge caveat that what works for one person may not necessarily work for another, overthinking always made things worse for me.

    I'm not sure that trying to access the dark recesses of the mind to resolve whatever causes all that stuff to seep through into consciousness is ever going to be fruitful. For me, it always seemed to be quite the opposite. What has worked for me is cutting down on thinking/introspection and living in the moment a lot more. It's not really possible to be distracted by internal jibber-jabber when you have the weight of three human beings on your back and you have to squat down and stand back up. It's also pretty difficult to be plagued by that stuff if you're swimming in the Atlantic or roaming around on Dartmoor. OK, that's my **** but the principle is there... learning to play a musical instrument or to perform circus tricks or whatever would work just as well. Living in the moment is a habit that seems to build on itself.

    Another thing I did was to list the times when all that negative **** would start oozing out of wherever into my consciousness and wrecking my ability to function, along with my life circumstances at the time. A pretty stark pattern emerged where the occurrence of anxiety (and depressive rumination) coincided with periods of stress, inadequate sleep and poor food/insufficient food. The severity of the anxiety also correlated with the extent of the stress, sleep deprivation and food ****iness. Then I started logging sleep, food, exercise and perceived stress levels and found that - when all were good there was no anxiety. Interestingly, when sleep, food and exercise were all in place, big life stressors didn't seem to cause much perceived stress.

    For two decades, I overthought the whole thing and probably made things worse by doing so.

    Now, if I start to feel anxious, I cook a meal with loads of vegetables and protein, take extra fish oil, go for a walk in a forest or swim in the sea and sleep for 8 hours a day regardless of what's going on in my life (sometimes it takes the form of 90min (full sleep cycle) naps when getting a straight 8 hours isn't possible). Boom - anxiety goes away. Because I basically live like that for 300+ days a year, anxiety is rarely a problem and when it is, it's very quickly fixed.

    Not saying it'll work, but I think it's worth logging periods of anxiety and figuring out what your environment is like during and immediately prior and how that compares with your environment when you feel ok. I think food, exercise and sleep are good things to look at, but I'm also convinced that mindful practice of some sort is important. I hate the word 'mindful'. What I mean is something that absorbs you completely in the moment and leaves no room for thoughts or memories or anything other than what you're doing in that moment.

    FWIW there's some half decent science now suggesting a strong link between systemic inflammation (which can be caused by things like poor diet, environmental toxins, stress, poor sleep) and both anxiety and depression. Having said that, I don't believe it's the only factor and it's obvious that some people are more prone to anxiety than others, whether due to genetics or trauma/childhood/unresolved memories/whatever else. I just don't think focusing on the latter is ever going to help much. I mean, you can't change your genotype but you can alter the expression of your genes by taking control of your environment. You can't unwrite history or undo traumatic events but you can learn to function as well as possible regardless.
     
  4. SithSense

    SithSense Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 29, 2002
    Well, went to the doctor yesterday, and after sitting through a number of "disagree-agree-strongly agree" style personality tests, the doctor concluded that I may have "general anxiety disorder" and "moderate" depression. I was prescribed a 30 day supply of sertraline (generic Zoloft) and will meet back with him on February 14th to see if there's any improvement.
     
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  5. Harpua

    Harpua Chosen One star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 12, 2005
    That seems soon for any "improvement" to occur. It can take 4-6 weeks for medication to take effect.
     
  6. SithSense

    SithSense Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 29, 2002

    huh. We shall see.
     
  7. Rogue1-and-a-half

    Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    If the medicine should happen to have a negative effect, as they certainly can, I've always had those crop up fairly quickly. The meeting in a month is most likely actually to assess any negative impact from the meds more than it's to assess any positive impact. Hopefully, you'll have no negatives. If you do, don't let it knock you down further; meds are different for every person. There's one out there that will work perfectly for you, even if this one doesn't.
     
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  8. SithSense

    SithSense Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 29, 2002
    Okay thanks.
     
  9. KissMeImARebel

    KissMeImARebel Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 25, 2003
    I just wanted to say that I appreciate this thread. I don't really want to go into details in this post but I've started going through a rough patch this week and it's helpful to hear I'm not alone on the JCC.
     
    hudzu likes this.
  10. Zenwalker

    Zenwalker Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 18, 2015
    Welcome KissMeImARebel. When you feel comfortable, you are welcome to share.
     
  11. I Are The Internets

    I Are The Internets Shelf of Shame Host star 9 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2012
    This

    I went through 3-4 meds along with various dosages of these types before finding the right one that worked for me. Everyone is different.
     
  12. DANNASUK

    DANNASUK Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Nov 1, 2012
    My voluntary placement has been going very well. Been nice and easy; given a lot of freedom to do my own thing.
     
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  13. Sauntaero

    Sauntaero Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 2003
    Moving tomorrow.

    I am so overwhelmed, I didn't sleep last night. Just shaking and heart racing. I'm trying to accept that this is just how my body is reacting, and that's okay, that I don't have to feed the fear, but it is effing terrifying.
     
  14. Violent Violet Menace

    Violent Violet Menace Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 11, 2004
    "Jump afraid" is a fitting mantra in this situation.
     
  15. yeurgh

    yeurgh Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 12, 2016
    @Sauntero I always hesitate to offer advice in this kind of situation but wth - disregard it and there's no harm done, try it and it might offer some relief.

    What's happening there is that the sympathetic (fight, flight or freeze) branch of your nervous system is in overdrive, causing your body to keep churning out more adrenalin, noradrenaline (epinephrine & norepinephrine in the US) and corticoids. This hormonal cocktail causes the racing heartbeat, dry mouth and - when chronic - sleeplessness, loss of appetite and jitters.

    While this is going on, you're breathing using your intercostals rather than diaphragm and taking shallow breaths into the top portion of your lungs, possibly finding yourself unconsciously holding your breath at times. Without going into too much of a lecture on the autonomic nervous system, because breathing is both an autonomic and somatic function, you can use it to 'hack' your nervous system to calm the sympathetic (fight, flight, freeze) response and engage the parasympathetic (rest, digest) branch of the nervous system. Consciously breathing deeply into your belly then exhaling slowly (maybe start with counting to 4 on the 'in' breath through the nose, then counting to 8 on the 'out' breath through your mouth) should offer a temporary fix.

    There are yoga breathing apps that can help with this. I use Saagara: http://www.saagara.com/apps/breathing/health-through-breath-pranayama

    Starting with one of the easier breathing patterns for about 5 minutes in a quiet room, eyes closed, focusing entirely on your breathing should offer some relief.

    Oh, and get hugs. That helps too. Seriously - science has shown hugs to quickly and significantly reduce stress hormones. Petting animals works, too.

    BTW moving house is one of the most stressful things most people go through (I think it comes third after cancer diagnosis and divorce) so it's pretty much understandable that your anxiety is through the roof.
     
    Violent Violet Menace likes this.
  16. Sauntaero

    Sauntaero Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 2003
    Thanks, yeurgh. To me, the sympathy and advice is welcome, knowing that other people care. I did some breathing already this morning and am going to be very gentle on myself at work today. I hope I can get some hugs.

    And I ate a banana for breakfast. Bananas are good for the brain.
     
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  17. Violent Violet Menace

    Violent Violet Menace Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 11, 2004
    I apologise for giving you such a useless feel-good-greeting-card advice, but I figured it's better than nothing. :p For what it's worth, I think it is a good attitude to have in general.
     
  18. Sniper_Wolf

    Sniper_Wolf Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 26, 2002
    My therapist has recommended I listen to house music to help soothe that part of my brain Been working so far.

    I always found the the most amusing part of anxiety is the self-awareness. The anxiety is one of the main reason I take so long to respond now is because my brain will go, "Hey, baby, if this fool is angry you might die!" because we all know Rogue 1.5 will cap me for a disagreement. I know what my brain is doing is stupid, is silly, but know, the anxiety will kill me so lets drink a lot of cheap whiskey to make it go away.

    Alas, sacrament, I do not wish this on my worst enemy. By the way, hey anxiety, I would have posted a few weeks ago in here, but I expected everyone to burn down my tent in response #selffulfillingprophecy
     
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  19. yeurgh

    yeurgh Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 12, 2016
    I'm like that. Can't show vulnerability, catastrophize potential outcomes, lock myself away in a fortress of solitude and stay there 'til I'm strong again. I'm even positively cold towards others when I need them most. Really dumb but, hey, if we could be rational about it at the time, it wouldn't be anxiety.

    I hope the music continues to help. FWIW after a couple of decades blighted by periods of crippling anxiety I've found a lifestyle 'prevention package' that's kept me pretty much bulletproof for the last few years, even through major life events that used to be a trigger. It's not necessarily forever.

    @Sauntero I hope the move's going well/has gone well.
     
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  20. Sauntaero

    Sauntaero Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 2003
    Aaaand it's back!

    Two mornings now waking up in a panic. It triggers all sorts of worries in me: do I need to leave my job, can I afford to go to the doctor, will I be able to keep food down, etc.

    And just now I realised: those thoughts are coming from me. I don't need to jump to conclusions. I won't know any of those things until I actually do them. And that's a really calming and relieving thought.

    So--time for breakfast, get to work, have dinner with my man, and then just a quick shift at the other job (the one that I like). I can do this. I can do this.