Arriving with the Dawn - Part the 6th Interlude I, What Obi really thinks about

AU Obi is 18
This is the first story I've written in a long time, so please bear with any mistakes or inconsistencies, I refuse to read the JA books, so anything from that era is what ever I've picked up from around here.
Feedback appreciated. And since my flight or fight instinct is kicking in... and is voting in the favor of fleeing:

without further ado,

Off the cuff, rough draft, and inspired by Calais Kenobi...

Disclaimer George Lucas owns them, I'm just playing with them.

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The end is near. It has to be. I can't go on any longer. I just don't care. I don't even care enough to-

No!

I can't think that! Its too late though, I've already thought about it countless times. I just haven't admitted it to myself.

I want to die.

There, I said it.

Are you happy?

Now what?

I can't kill myself, I'm too weak. I don't want to feel the pain.

*What a coward! You can't even kill myself. *

I'm weak, I don't deserve to live. They all hate me. I know they do; I see it in their eyes, so cold, filled with hatred, loathing, or worse yet, envy. Why do they envy me? I may be smart, I may get good grades, but I sure as hell don't earn them. If only they knew the monsters that are ravaging within my soul.

Undying pity.

That's the worst they can feel for me. They stare at me...blue eyes, green, brown...all looking at me like I don't care, I don't deserve to exist.

They're right, I see that now. Everything makes perfect sense. Their eyes tell me that everyone would be better off without me, even my master's. He could have a padawan who deserved him, not some little cast-off like me. The padawan nobody wanted. Thats me. He deserves so much better than me. Someone more attuned to the living force...some one who can be everything he needs. His Chosen One...the legacy he will leave to the galaxy.

I've seen it, you know. I'm nothing to him. Soon he will cast me aside for some cute little kid, once he arouses from his drunken stupor; just because his precious living force tells him to. Hey, if it makes him happy, then who am I to complain?

I'm also rambling...

Where did I begin? Oh yeah, it doesn't matter what I want, does it?

I've told you my secret...no one cares. No one listens.

No one hears my cries, not even my master. I know he is still angry with me for the death of his beloved, and he's right. It was my fault. I cost him his wife; my best friend her master.

This could be my way of paying the debt I owe them. They will be happier without me. The galaxy will be better off without me. But, I've already been here... I need a new thought.

What will happen to my soul when I- NO- if I suicide. Suicide. Such a harsh medical term; it practically strips all the soul from it. It means nothing...the words don't...the action however...

*Suicide is cold, cold term. Come on Kenobi, say it, you want to kill yourself. Was that so hard?*

Why can't I say it out loud?

*You thought it, why couldn't you say it?*

Am I so afraid that someone will here me and do nothing- or worse, try to stop me? Master would never stop me...he can't hear me anyways...he's out cold in the bathroom. He and his new Padawan, Jack Daniels are getting along great. What the council doesn't know, won't hurt them.

*No one else is around to hear you... and yet once again, you've rambled off topic. Come on Kenobi, get it together...your such a dumbass...*

Will I become one with the force? Will I be cast in to the fiery pits of hell? I hope neither...all I want is to rest, cease to exist forever more. Sleep eternally...

Yeah right, like I'll ever deserve that reward.

*Come on, Kenobi, there is only one way to find out*

*Dawn is coming soon. Fitting, don't you think. They always said that in the old days, the traitors died at dawn. You betrayed your master...You will die at dawn, too.*

NO! I will not die. I can't keep thinking it. I will not! I am the only one

 

*kills Qui-Gon*



That was fantastic. Very sad, with good emotions . . .

Great job!

 

Great Job JKH! I hope that more is in the works? [face_hopeful]

 

Gasp. Wow! That was excellent Hunter!

I must be such a sadist but I really loved reading that!

 

You know what? I really, really liked this. But I don't know why. Maybe cause it makes Obi-Wan seem more human. I hope it's not the end I want to see qui-Gon's reaction. You did a really great job and what makes it perfect is that I have Creed's Weathered Album playing in the backgrouns and that album just screams angst!

 

That was amazing and very nicely written.

Good job!

 

Yikes, what a start!

Forgive my ignorance... who's Bant?

 

Wow... I'm speechless, but I'm going to talk anyways.

You made it so real. The feelings of despair we all feel at one point in our lives. But Obi had no one to help himh through it. It hurts to think about it!

Absolutely wonderful. I hope there's more to this...

~*Nikita*~

 

WOW! This is really great so far, Jedi_Knight_Hunter!!!! I'm glad you began this, it's dark and angsty and different! Now, you better post soon...

 

Wow, great job, JKH.

Much angst, I loved it!

 

Thanks everyone for commenting. I do have another part written...but its not ready to be posted yet

Individual replies later

 

Oh my! That was wonderfully..depressing! Can't wait for the next part!

 

Wow! Glad CK put a link on her thread for this wonderful story! And YAY!!!!!!!!! You are continueing it! Hope you torture that lazy, lump of a Master named Qui-gon Jinn greatly!!!

Very good post!!! Can't wait for the next part.

 

Very good! I hope you're going to continue because I see lots of ways how this fic could take.

Nicky

 

Ooooo!! MORE!!

 

WoW JKH that was a very powerful post.

More? [face_hopeful]

TW

 

Up!

 

Ok, I have almost all day thursday to polish the post... If I'm happy with it, ya'll can have it tomorrow night, if not, I promise by Sat

 

How terribly sad! Poor Obi!

Nicely done! I can't wait to read the next part. I hope Qui-Gon suffers greatly.

 

<stumbles in, carrying deadish Obi>

Did someone drop this?

Woo more!

-_dparis

 

I get so excited when I see a reader?s name beside a thread?s title. Wonderful post, J_K_H . Absolutely wonderful. I liked it. It?s so sad and poignant. My poor Obi. Now post that next part of the story!

Aun

 

Hello!

 

more please?










pretty please?








fine i'm getting on my knees and begging you...


::::gets on knees and throws her hands up:::

I need more!!!!!!!

 

Just found this. It's wonderful! So angsty, so... I'm at a loss of words.

His emotions are so realistic. You can virtually feel them.

Such a despair and no one to help! Kill Qui-Gon right now! Or wait and make him pay

Please, please, post more

 

::looks around for post:: Awww it's not here yet! I don't think I can wait much longer!