Before - Legends As a Father--Obi/Qui Poem

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Katieelessar, Feb 26, 2006.

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  1. Katieelessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    Title: As a Father
    Author: Katieelessar
    Characters: Concerning Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon
    Category: General/Poetry
    Summary: A short poem of Obi-Wan looking briefly back at his and Qui-Gon?s bond. Please R&R!
    Author?s Note: This is my first poem so I value all feedback!Thanks for reading!


    As a Father

    I watched you from afar,
    Until that overlying day,
    When our twisting paths,
    Yet so different from one each other,
    Merged into one.

    The times grew arduous,
    As the years withered old,
    But I never forgot,
    The creed that you told.

    When I left,
    For a month of years,
    I could never forget,
    The lessons I had learned.

    I followed your path,
    So different from my own.
    We had our sharp words,
    Bitter they did taste,
    For not forever more.

    Despite our unshared blood,
    Running through separate veins,
    There was not a time that I doubted,
    Of you as a father.

    When death?s claws grabbed you,
    And I awoke to your missing presence,
    In your place a young prodigy,
    With your dying words in my
    Ears.
    I had never felt more
    Alone.

    But your spirit guides me still,
    In the darkness of the night.
    For I will never forget the words of
    My father,
    My light, my spirit, my fight.
  2. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    But your spirit guides me still,
    In the darkness of the night.
    For I will never forget the words of
    My father,
    My light, my spirit, my fight.


    :_| :_| Great work, Padawan! I loved it, especially the last verse. Wonderful job capturing Obi-Wan's love for his "father". =D=

    You should write poetry more often. ;)
  3. kenobiwanobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2005
    star 3
    This was beautiful...great job!
  4. Katieelessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    Thank you Master Nienna! :) I think I will write more poetry soon.

    Thank you very much Kenobiwanobi! I'm glad you liked it! :)
  5. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    This was beautifully written, patricularly the last verse.

    Great job!

    =D= =D= =D= =D=

  6. Kestrel_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    I enjoyed this...lovely work.

    Well done - :D

  7. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Katieelessar , that was really quite stunning. I've read it over a number of times and find myself each time more impressed.
  8. Katieelessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    KELIA: Thank you very much. My favorite verse has always been the last as well. Thank you! :)

    Kestrel_Kenobi: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it. :)

    Healer_Leona: Ooo, I'm filled with warm fuzzies from your comment. Thanks very much! :)
  9. LilyHobbitJedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 29, 2005
    star 5
    Oh wow, what an indredible poem. It's perfect, and extremely bittersweet for Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. :_| Awesome job! =D= =D=
  10. Katieelessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    LilyHobbitJedi: :D Why thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed it so much.
  11. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    Wow, very nice! =D=

    When I left,
    For a month of years,
    I could never forget,
    The lessons I had learned.


    I especially loved what you conveyed in that stanza. Yes, you should definitely write more like that. :D
  12. Katieelessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    JadeSolo: I think I will write some more. I had alot of fun writing it too. :) Thank you very much for your words!
  13. Stormtrooper_TK-421 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2004
    star 4
    That was excellent! :cool: great job! :)
  14. NILOC Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 20, 2006
    star 2
    :_| =D= Good job, I enjoyed the poem.
  15. Katieelessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    *bows* Thank you! Both of you! My infinite gratitude to you. :)
  16. Alley_Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    You know I practically never read Qui/Obi-Wan fics but I have an appreciation for poems and this is a rather nice one :)
  17. SBD-518 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 10, 2005
    star 2
    Good Job! [:D] I especially like the last verse.
  18. obi_webb Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    great poem! it flowed very well and the last stanza ended it perfectly! i wish there was more poetry on the boards! especially if they're as good as this poem was!
    =D=

    edit- is this the first thing you posted here? i read this because i loved your obi answer in the discussion thread and i went to find more of your stuff to read and i just see this!
    if this is the first thing you've posted, by all means post more stuff! i'll look for it!
  19. Katieelessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    Thank you Alley! Your comment really brightened up my day!

    Thanks, SBD-518. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

    Obi_Webb--I'll be sure to tell you when (if) I ever post another story. I'm so slow at it. :p But thank you for your comment and encouragement! [:D]
  20. stormqueen874 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 2005
    star 4
    [face_worried]...[face_worried]...:_| :_|

    Ah, that was beautiful, Katieelessar! Normally I'm not one for poetry, but for some reason I clicked on this, and I'm not regretting it. Your prose was wonderful, and heartwrenching.

    But your spirit guides me still,
    In the darkness of the night.
    For I will never forget the words of
    My father,
    My light, my spirit, my fight


    :_| Wonderful job with this!

    Stormqueen
  21. Katieelessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    Thank you very much Stormqueen. I am so glad you took a chance with me. I am even happier you enjoyed it! :)
  22. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    Very nice poem. I especially enjoyed the last verse.
  23. Katieelessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    Thank you very much for your review, Lovely-in-Orange.

    And to everyone who nominated this fic for the Summer Awards I give you my deepest and warmest thanks! It really makes me happy to know that you guys are out there supporting me! Thank you so much![:D]
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