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Before - Legends As a Father--Obi/Qui Poem

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Katieelessar, Feb 26, 2006.

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  1. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2005
    Title: As a Father
    Author: Katieelessar
    Characters: Concerning Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon
    Category: General/Poetry
    Summary: A short poem of Obi-Wan looking briefly back at his and Qui-Gon?s bond. Please R&R!
    Author?s Note: This is my first poem so I value all feedback!Thanks for reading!


    As a Father

    I watched you from afar,
    Until that overlying day,
    When our twisting paths,
    Yet so different from one each other,
    Merged into one.

    The times grew arduous,
    As the years withered old,
    But I never forgot,
    The creed that you told.

    When I left,
    For a month of years,
    I could never forget,
    The lessons I had learned.

    I followed your path,
    So different from my own.
    We had our sharp words,
    Bitter they did taste,
    For not forever more.

    Despite our unshared blood,
    Running through separate veins,
    There was not a time that I doubted,
    Of you as a father.

    When death?s claws grabbed you,
    And I awoke to your missing presence,
    In your place a young prodigy,
    With your dying words in my
    Ears.
    I had never felt more
    Alone.

    But your spirit guides me still,
    In the darkness of the night.
    For I will never forget the words of
    My father,
    My light, my spirit, my fight.
     
  2. Nienna_Narmolanya

    Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 5, 2005
    But your spirit guides me still,
    In the darkness of the night.
    For I will never forget the words of
    My father,
    My light, my spirit, my fight.


    :_| :_| Great work, Padawan! I loved it, especially the last verse. Wonderful job capturing Obi-Wan's love for his "father". =D=

    You should write poetry more often. ;)
     
  3. kenobiwanobi

    kenobiwanobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 26, 2005
    This was beautiful...great job!
     
  4. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2005
    Thank you Master Nienna! :) I think I will write more poetry soon.

    Thank you very much Kenobiwanobi! I'm glad you liked it! :)
     
  5. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    This was beautifully written, patricularly the last verse.

    Great job!

    =D= =D= =D= =D=

     
  6. Kestrel_Kenobi

    Kestrel_Kenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2005
    I enjoyed this...lovely work.

    Well done - :D

     
  7. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Katieelessar , that was really quite stunning. I've read it over a number of times and find myself each time more impressed.
     
  8. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2005
    KELIA: Thank you very much. My favorite verse has always been the last as well. Thank you! :)

    Kestrel_Kenobi: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it. :)

    Healer_Leona: Ooo, I'm filled with warm fuzzies from your comment. Thanks very much! :)
     
  9. LilyHobbitJedi

    LilyHobbitJedi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 29, 2005
    Oh wow, what an indredible poem. It's perfect, and extremely bittersweet for Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. :_| Awesome job! =D= =D=
     
  10. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2005
    LilyHobbitJedi: :D Why thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed it so much.
     
  11. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    Wow, very nice! =D=

    When I left,
    For a month of years,
    I could never forget,
    The lessons I had learned.


    I especially loved what you conveyed in that stanza. Yes, you should definitely write more like that. :D
     
  12. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2005
    JadeSolo: I think I will write some more. I had alot of fun writing it too. :) Thank you very much for your words!
     
  13. Stormtrooper_TK-421

    Stormtrooper_TK-421 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    That was excellent! :cool: great job! :)
     
  14. NILOC

    NILOC Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 20, 2006
    :_| =D= Good job, I enjoyed the poem.
     
  15. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2005
    *bows* Thank you! Both of you! My infinite gratitude to you. :)
     
  16. Alley_Skywalker

    Alley_Skywalker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2005
    You know I practically never read Qui/Obi-Wan fics but I have an appreciation for poems and this is a rather nice one :)
     
  17. SBD-518

    SBD-518 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Good Job! [:D] I especially like the last verse.
     
  18. obi_webb

    obi_webb Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2005
    great poem! it flowed very well and the last stanza ended it perfectly! i wish there was more poetry on the boards! especially if they're as good as this poem was!
    =D=

    edit- is this the first thing you posted here? i read this because i loved your obi answer in the discussion thread and i went to find more of your stuff to read and i just see this!
    if this is the first thing you've posted, by all means post more stuff! i'll look for it!
     
  19. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2005
    Thank you Alley! Your comment really brightened up my day!

    Thanks, SBD-518. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

    Obi_Webb--I'll be sure to tell you when (if) I ever post another story. I'm so slow at it. :p But thank you for your comment and encouragement! [:D]
     
  20. stormqueen874

    stormqueen874 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 7, 2005
    [face_worried]...[face_worried]...:_| :_|

    Ah, that was beautiful, Katieelessar! Normally I'm not one for poetry, but for some reason I clicked on this, and I'm not regretting it. Your prose was wonderful, and heartwrenching.

    But your spirit guides me still,
    In the darkness of the night.
    For I will never forget the words of
    My father,
    My light, my spirit, my fight


    :_| Wonderful job with this!

    Stormqueen
     
  21. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2005
    Thank you very much Stormqueen. I am so glad you took a chance with me. I am even happier you enjoyed it! :)
     
  22. Lovely-in-Orange

    Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2005
    Very nice poem. I especially enjoyed the last verse.
     
  23. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2005
    Thank you very much for your review, Lovely-in-Orange.

    And to everyone who nominated this fic for the Summer Awards I give you my deepest and warmest thanks! It really makes me happy to know that you guys are out there supporting me! Thank you so much![:D]
     
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