Saga As I burn upon this fiery shore (Vader/villanelle)

Just a poetry form I came across and decided to have some fun with. It's my first shot at it, so meh.
Hope you like it!

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[b]As I burn upon this fiery shore[/b]

[i]As I burn upon this fiery shore,
eyes bathed in rage as angels weep,
Anakin Skywalker lives no more.

I have never felt hate so strongly before,
betraying the love I promised to keep,
as I burn upon this fiery shore.

Those heartbroken eyes could make me sore,
but the Dark Side runs in me too deep,
Anakin Skywalker lives no more.

How I longed for power within my core,
and now the consequences I have to reap,
As I burn upon this fiery shore.

How we laughed and danced behind that door,
But from this charred flesh no joy will seep,
Anakin Skywalker lives no more.

I cut my heart with fear and then it tore,
now the cries of innocents will haunt my sleep.
As I burn upon this fiery shore,
Anakin Skywalker lives no more. [/i]

 

Nice imagery.
Poetry rocks.

 

now the cries of innocents will haunt my sleep.

This is beautiful! Very sad and haunting, and beautifully written. Amazing job as always!

*throws roses on the stage for you*

Ani-maniac

 

Bravo JOINME! that was some good poetry

I could see everything you described perfectly.

 

eyes bathed in rage as angels weep

Loved this line. Nice work. Definitely brought a tear to my eyes.

 

Whoa not usually a big poetry fan but you got my attention.

But from this charred flesh no joy will seep,
Anakin Skywalker lives no more.

Nice...Great imagery you've used here.

Excellent work.

 

I loved this! The imagery is haunting and the emotions are strong. This is the best description of Anakin's death I've ever read!

 

"but the Dark Side runs in me too deep,

and now the consequences I have to reap..."

I love the way that you rhymed these middle lines to tell their own story!

Wonderful work!

*throws more roses to you*

You have many talents!

Darth Mom

 

JOINME, that was awesome! I'm not usually into poems with a set rhyme scheme, but yours flowed very well, and you didn't force it, so it turned out great. Excellent imagery and a great insight into Vader's psyche. Kudos!

 

That was amazing! I loved it!

 

Those heartbroken eyes could make me sore,
but the Dark Side runs in me too deep,
Anakin Skywalker lives no more.

I'm looking at this as if he's speaking of Obi-Wan and not Padme. The anguish in Obi-Wan's eyes and voice when telling Anakin that he was like his brother couldn't even penetrate the barrier the darkside had put in place. Instead, just before it, he screams out "I hate you!"

Wonderful job with this poem! I envy people who can write poetry as I'm a complete clutz at it.

 

All I can say is



great job!!

 

Wonderful poem!

 

oqidaun: Thanks!

Ani-maniac: aw, thank you.

ILoveAnakin7: glad you liked!

PadawanKayla: thank you. Here?s a tissue.

Exeter: thank you!

Jpauln: That?s very sweet of you! I?m glad you liked it!

Star_drifter: thanks Darth Mom! Yes, I did try to adhere very closely to the form. It was a fun challenge!

JediMindTrick000: why thank you my Master. *bow* yeah I don?t usually like rhyme myself. But this villanelle thing intrigued me. Glad ya liked!

VaderLVR64: why thank you. I?m glad you enjoyed it.

Bek: thank you! Yes, I wanted it to be taken either way, Obi-Wan or Padme. He betrayed both.

Kelia: It is isn?t it? Thanks for reading! *hands you tissue*

Rhonderoo: thank you! Glad you liked! Your name is very interesting by the way.

 

Those heartbroken eyes could make me sore,
but the Dark Side runs in me too deep,
Anakin Skywalker lives no more.

That was so sad! Were those eyes Padme's or Obi-Wan's? Or both?


I cut my heart with fear and then it tore,
now the cries of innocents will haunt my sleep.
As I burn upon this fiery shore,

Wow, that was an amazing poem. The last paragraph especially was really outstanding

 

lost_jedii: thank you! I wanted it so that it was addressing either one of them, Padme, Obi-Wan-or perhaps both at the samr time. I'm glad you enjoyed it.