Tampa, FL As the shields go down and stinkbombs rain down on Docking Bay 1138, Edmontooine's troops move in...

*whips out a second slab of CANADIAN bacon and whips Nezsis upside the head with it*

Always carry a spare.

 

That does it RogueThunder er Bacon Boy. Troops...on my signal...release Kyle, Cartman, Stan, and Kenny so they can belittle and humiliate the Canadians into surrendering.

 

Oh my god! They've killed Kenny!

 

That was just a warning!!! We are not above killing obnoxious (albeit funny) children. This "Kenny" was merely an example. Don't make us make another one...

 

Walks in wearing nothing but red cowboy boots and buttless chapps. " What's goin on? ".

 

*Kills ElScooby*

THAT'S FOR NOT KNOWING ABOUT THE WAR!

GET THEM! GET THE CANADIANS!

~Neszis~

 

Jade falls to his knees eyes bleeding after the sight of ElScooby

OH GODS...MAKE THE BAD MAN STOP!

panting

Scoob, not us...the Canadians...hurt the...Canooks...

The women of your "House" have asked you to please put your clothes back on...

*whimper*

 

Annya shields her eyes

"He's not dead ~Neszis~. Someone make sure he points that towards the Canooks," she screams.

The Floridains, though stunned, return to their positions after lowering their blast goggles.

"Don't look directly at him!"

Just like the gorgon, Medusa, one look at ElScooby will turn the Canooks to stone.

 

Scooby....I hope your boots and chaps are fur-lined!!! It is cold in the northern regions...watch out for frostbite!!!

 

*straps on bandolier and grabs a HUGE MACHINE GUN*

ARE YOU GUYS IN OR OUT!? It's okay...stay behind me. I can't die.

I am a robot.

~Neszis~

 

That's okay, you can keep you chap wearing "dude" to yourselves!

*Indigo tosses an EMP grenade at Neszis (EMP=Extra Melted Putty) It sticks to him, automatically hardening and freezing his robot joints*

HA!

 

*drops in with a repulsor pack strapped on and a super soaker filled with cheap booze then proceeds to soak everyone*

Ha hA HA HA!!! Now you can't drive home!

 

*The booze melts the putty and Neszis continues his robotic march towards Canada. He is currently in South Carolina*

~Neszis~

 

You poor thing... I pity you

 

"Is this it? Is this all you can conjure, Tampa Bay? You weaklings will pay with rivers of blood. I crush you, bring you before me, and hear the lamentations of your women!"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!

 

*Puddles of cheap booze begin to pool around the folds of Count Doofus' cape and make mud of the sand he is huddled upon. Slowly, he regains conciousness. His mind is still faintly clouded by Mom Mothma's ballot-induced daze. He shakes it off, and peers out onto the horizon, where he sees the lurking silhouette of Indigo_Jade a few dunes away.

Doofus calls out in his most authoritative voice: "Master Indigo, you have fought gallantly! Worthy of recognition in the archives of the Jedi Order! But, now... It is finished. Throw down your weapons, and your lives will be spared."

 

Indigo_Jade just laughs and spits at him, while waving the flag of the Red Leaf and hissing French curses.

"Then, My Canadian Friend... I'm sorry."

*The Sith Lord conjures up a whirlwind of dark energy, a shimmering orb of blue electricity that turns to a bright ball of fire, until all that is visible in the light is a single pulsating red eye, lidless, and wreathed in flame.

"You did not seriously beleive that a Canadian could contend with the will of Sauron, did you?"

Millions of orcs suddenly pour onto the battlefield from every direction while Ringwraiths swoop from above picking off the Canadian forces ship by ship.

"I gave you the chance of aiding me." Count Doofus said as he watched the carnage unfold. "But you have chosen the way of pain."

The vicious forces leave nothing untouched. The bacon is eradicated, ships, men, aliens, Gonk Droids, scorpion robots, cheap booze, rotten oranges, potato guns, Star Destroyers, Death Stars... ALL is destroyed.

"Lord Sidious will be quite pleased..."

 

After a long drunkin hang over from an all night X trip,and waking to see so many of his fellow TBD mates humiliated in such ways by these so called Canadians from the great white hoth, Luke pulls on his boots and nothing else, garbs his shinny new wrist watch and with a turn....POW....he's transported right into the thick of it all, behind enemy lines, with another twist of that shinny wrist watch he sets it for TOTAL DISTRUCTION..."TOTAL DISTRUCTION IS NOW SET, YOU NOW HAVE 10 SECONDS TO REACH SAFE DISTANCE" Luke thinks to him self wait what is the safe distance asks himself, but he cant rememeber, softly whisppering and getting louder Luke hears " RUN LUKE, RUN YOU DUMB ASS RUN." Luke stands still thinking to himself out loud.."Now where have I heard that voice before????"...mean while, "YOU NOW HAVE 3 SECONDS TO REACH SAVE DISTANCE." "OH I know who that is, its-" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM

With a bright light and loud thunder of a nuculer explosion all the invading armys of the great whites are layed to waste leaving none alive and all the TDB1138 fighters burnt to a crasp and smoking but yet some how still alive....

 

Both sides have taken heavy damage. Both side have fought galantly. There are no winners in war, only Survivors...Gerri flaunts her weapons. While the Canadian and Floridian men stare in awe, the females of both sides stand back angry that a one trick pony like her could garner so much attention. They leave the men to their gawking and invite the Canadian women to go for a SPA day and forget the battle. The guys, they can sort out later.

 

*sees the marauding orcish hordes drawing near i take the one ring off of a chain around my neck and swallow it*

Hah! Now you'll have to wait at least 6 hours to get it back

*grumble*

Maybe 15 minutes... I knew I shouldn't have had chili for supper

 

Damn!

 

*Scorpion Robot Progress*

Now in Illinois. Preparing for fording the Great Lakes.

~Neszis~

 

*launches a barrage of frozen timbits and hockey pucks at Nezsis as he crosses the great lakes sinking him*

 

*Begins walking along the floor of the Great Lakes*

~Neszis~

 

after getting out of his ruined uniform and throwing on his Jedi robes and arming himself with his lightsabers and in a booming force amplified voice

ENOUGH!

sends force lightning to cover Neszis in his trek across the Great Lakes and then activates his twin lightsabers and starts cutting through the Canadians and their bacon