Saga Ascension into Darkness- Vader vignette, angst

Title: Ascension into Darkness
Character: Vader
Genre: Angst, vignette
Rating: PG 13
Author: VaderLVR64


Darth Vader muses over his choices at three different points in his life. The first being just after embracing the ways of the Sith, the second a decade after that choice. And for the third time after discovering that all was not lost when Padme left his life forever.




Ascension into Darkness


I?m sure there are those who cannot comprehend the choices I have made, but I don?t concern myself with them. My choices are my own, my destiny molded by my own hand. Choice ? such a double edged weapon, don?t you think? One can insist that fate and one?s destiny is written at the moment of birth but I choose (another choice!) to believe that destiny is created, shaped, spawned if you will, by each of us. I chose the Darkness and it has chosen me.

The Darkness is not the soft warmth of a woman, or the cold edge of a weapon. Rather, it teases with the sensations of both, so that you can never know which will touch your soul in the middle of the night. It can embrace you and keep you warm or it can cut you deeply and leave you bleeding. It is never the same, never predictable, it simply is.

When I embraced the Darkness I left behind the more mundane destiny of the common man. The comforts of love and home and family would no longer be for me. I left behind the tender caresses of a woman who loved me to join with the Darkness and I did so gladly. My destiny, my choice, called out to me to take a different path. Regret is not possible when one lives in the Darkness. Regret is weakness and weakness is punished.

The Jedi spoke of falling into Darkness, but I know that I have soared up to meet the Darkness, a living entity that holds me tightly in its grip. I have risen above the Jedi and grasped the powers they were too frightened to claim. The Jedi are no longer, for they have met their own destiny at my blade point. I made the choice for them, since they seemed incapable of making it for themselves. Destiny is a choice, and to refuse to make a choice is still essentially electing your path.

If there are moments when my weak flesh yearns for the soft touch of that familiar hand then I will let that pain cradle me during the long night. I welcome it, nurture it and let it force me to grow stronger. Pain is a constant of life; it will not do to seek escape from it. I embraced my pain when I walked away from the only good and pure person in my life. But before I left I made yet another choice and destroyed that love as well. No regrets, no looking back, no choosing a different destiny.

We all begin as slaves; it is only by making choices that we can free ourselves. But even that freedom is an illusion, a mirage. We choose our destiny and must follow that path to its end. Our choices commit us to a path and we are free then to follow only that path and no other. True freedom is a delusion.

**************************************************

I saw a girl one day and she reminded me of the one whose name must not be spoken. The wraith who lives only in my most secret dreams, hidden from the view of my master who would punish me for that weakness.

She looked so innocent, so pure, so untouched by all that is hidden within the Darkness. Is such innocence really still possible? Does it live anywhere other than in this girl? Her long hair swayed about her hips as she walked; she was grace personified and given life. Her slim hand touched the edges of the wall as she walked along it, not mindful of chaos surrounding her. She walked unheeding along the path she had chosen for herself, the destiny she had created. And I let her walk away rather than sully that innocence with my presence.

The Darkness still cradles me in the night, wounding and caressing with equal ease. Years have passed now since I set my feet upon this path, years since I was embraced by the light of the Force. I have become well acquainted with the shadows of the Force, I have delved into it, embra

 

Your writing is very poetic VaderLVR.

This is the second story of yours I've read and I really enjoy the imagery and the characterization of Anakin/Vader.

I agree, I like how you use ascension and descending into darkness in different parts of your story. The change in Vader's view of the darkness in the three parts is excellent! Looking forward to reading more of your work!

 

I've seldom seen such a good characterization of Vader. He's so full of contradictions. It makes him very difficult to write unbiased-ly and you are one of the few I've seen really pull it off

Great work, especially showing the progression of Vader's emotions from dark back to something near light. Also the one whose name must not be spoken. Beautiful turn of phrase. Don't know why, it just is.

Also, is the girl in the second section Leia? If she isn't, she should be

Hope to see more like it in the future!

Nem

(BTW, as you seem to like my Shadow on the Stars, my own attempt at Vader is here: Against A Dark Background )

 

Thanks JediNemesis for your kind words and I checked out your other work. Fantastic work! I think you like Vader as much as I do.

tangled_sphere- glad you enjoyed. Vader just touches a chord for me, so I like to write about him whether as Anakin or Vader.

 

Beautiful as always!

The Darkness is not the soft warmth of a woman, or the cold edge of a weapon. Rather, it teases with the sensations of both, so that you can never know which will touch your soul in the middle of the night.

I loved this line.


I really liked the way you used the three different parts to show the change in his attitude as he grew older from no regret and almost defiance, to a shadow of wondering, then finally progressing to regret and sadness.

 

Excellent job as always! I enjoyed seeing what could have been going in inside all that black armor and leather.

 

Whoa, really nice viggie there VaderLVR, I really like it a lot! Very pwoerfulyl written.

:Targeter:

 

Amazing and very powerful. Interesting how the first section is so assured and confident, and as he ages, he becomes less certain. It's a wonderful and sad portrait of Vader.

 

Thanks to all who read.

Gina- I've always felt that Vader SURELY went through some emotional crises as his life progressed. I would guess his thinking would have to change and adjust as he aged, at least I HOPE so.

obi_ew-I think he was a sad, sad man inside all that armour and leather. And he should have been.

CodeName_Targeter- thank you for your kind words. This one just had to be written and practically wrote itself in an hour. It may not be any good, but it was done, WHEW! I felt better!

Dally- I definitely wanted to portray a changing Vader. The confidence of youth giving way to the questioning of our thirties (is this all there is?) and then the regrets of later in life. Thanks for reading!

 

Sweet Force.

That was stunning. I've read all of your stories, but I just joined recently, and you're either the first or second person to get me to freely read A/A. They're like pure dark chocolate, so sinfully good. I know someone on this board has said your writing is very poetic (tangled_sphere?) and I have to agree. Every line has beautiful phrasing that almost seems to seem more than it appears. And your characterization of Vader is perfect. Perfect.

We all begin as slaves; it is only by making choices that we can free ourselves. But even that freedom is an illusion, a mirage. We choose our destiny and must follow that path to its end. Our choices commit us to a path and we are free then to follow only that path and no other. True freedom is a delusion.

A: That was a touching, sincere, incredible line.
B: I think that exact same thing a lot. It was really scary when I read it up here.

 

Beautiful, VaderLVR. You have such a knack for portraying the conflict between Anakin and Vader. I love the way you express it.

 

My love, my angel?don?t let the Darkness claim me forever.


I really can't think of something that hasn't been said before... So, at the danger of being completely unoriginal, I must say that this is beautiful.

 

I just want to reiterate here what i said on I am anakin. VaderLVR64, this is the last of your fics left for me to read, and again, i love it for the same reasons as the others.

It's the observations that make it so excellent. To use a quote that has already been used, We all begin as slaves; it is only by making choices that we can free ourselves. But even that freedom is an illusion, a mirage. We choose our destiny and must follow that path to its end. Our choices commit us to a path and we are free then to follow only that path and no other. True freedom is a delusion.

Have you thought of becoming a philosopher, Vader?

The way that you flesh out what Vader thinks (rather than just saying "I feel like a slave never truly freed") is remarkable and insightful. You are truly worthy of the name VaderLVR64.

Yes your writing is poetic, as Vader himself is poetic in his own way. The scripts from the OT gave him mannerisms and phrases that betrayed a true mastery of language and how to best use it (he had an balance between power of speech and efficiency of words, i think it's best described). You capture it so well.

I'll finish by saying that i really dont like mush, but guess what? i loved this. There is a very fine line you must toe when giving Vader emotions (apart from anger), and you toed it perfectly. I'll admit i was worried when i read this bit:

And now I find I also missed twenty years with the child that only she could have given me. My shining light, my son...

But then you go and finish it so well with one of your great observations and poetic stylings:

I find that regrets and doubts are not as easily banished as I thought in the brashness of my youth. One does not ascend into Darkness; one falls swift and hard into those shadows.

 

Wow. Who is this wonderful writer who graces the threads of the JC? This is wonderful, like I've mentioned on your other threads.