Before - Legends Attraction (Obi/Qui/OCs) - humor - thanks so much, everyone!

<Sigh> This isn't the last post you were looking for. My muse is a wordy little thing so I'm posting the first part. Otherwise it would be too darn long.

---

As fast as I could, I raced down polished hallways, short-cutted through dusty, little-used corridors, and, growing more anxious by the moment, pushed through knots of Jedi waiting patiently for the turbolifts. Shoving my way forward, I jumped into the next available one, well ahead of several masters. I did send them hurried apologies as the lift doors closed but I don't think they were happy with me.

Dirt-streaked and sweaty, I was breathing hard by the time I reached the Council chambers. But for all my struggles to arrive on time, I was still one and three-quarter minutes late. The Masters, every single one of them, turned to stare at me when I was ushered in.

Not a good start to the meeting.

Standing in the middle of the room, Master Qui-Gon seemed stern as always. He glanced at me as I rushed to his side. I could tell he was irritated by the way his mouth was pressed thin and the pinched look around his eyes. I just didn't know if it was me he was upset with or the Council - likely both.

Trying to compose myself, jerking my tunic straight with one quick tug, I bowed to the Council and stood up, waiting for reprimands. It was never good to be late to a Council meeting and although I hoped that they wouldn't notice my appearance, they probably did and blamed my master for it. I hadn't wanted to make things worse for him by showing up scruffy like that but it wasn't my fault this time.

"Glad you could join us, Padawan Kenobi." Master Windu shot me a look that could have turned most of Coruscant into arctic wasteland and then twisted away, ignoring me. "As I was saying, I would like to thank Master Gallia for volunteering to be the test case to determine if Master Jinn was still contagious. She placed herself into a potentially embarrassing situation in order to help protect the Temple from further mishap."

There was a murmur of approval and then Master Windu turned back toward my master and scowled at him. Several of the other Councilors followed suit, glaring at us both although there were one or two that seemed calmer about the whole mess than the rest. But no one was exactly pleased to see us.

Even Master Yoda was upset. He kept playing with his gimer stick and sending little glances our way. Although his ears were pointed downward - a sure sign that we were in trouble - at least he wasn't glaring at Master Qui-Gon yet. How long that would last was anyone's guess.

Master Gallia was the only one not looking at us like we were scum, and felis-toad scum at that. Instead, she was gazing at Master Qui-Gon with that same funny expression on her face that I'd seen on a hundred women not so long ago, almost as if she were hungry and he was dessert.

It could not be happening again, not here, not at the Temple.

The same expression - she was wearing the same expression as all those other women. It couldn't be, could it? My heart started to pound and I thought I'd be sick. Panic was setting in, overwhelming panic.

I couldn't believe that the Healer would let her or Master Qui-Gon out if she was under the drug's spell - unless he was still contagious and she didn't tell anyone and they'd all assumed he was cured.

Maybe he should just give her the antidote and get it over with. Maybe that's why she kept staring at him because she hadn't gotten that dratted kiss and she was having those feelings, like all the other women we'd encountered on Septemus IV. Maybe she was just hiding it better because she was a Jedi.

Master Qui-Gon being chased by crazy women, even Force-sensitive crazy women, was not something I wanted to go through again. Once in a lifetime was enough. I just hoped I was wrong.

Then she turned away and her face cleared, smoothing out into Jedi calm.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

I was wrong - thankfully. If she had been affected, she'd have been after him by now. I

 

At least your muse did not make Obi-Wan witness the experiment with Master Gallia. There is no question he would be scarred for life.

 

Secretly we have been paying your muse to keep going on this story. Excellent post as usually! The council scene was well done and dramatic without being too over the top. And I loved Obi-Wan's perspective of the whole thing. I can't wait to see how his report will go!

Post soon!

 

Poor Obi-Wan having to do his report about his masters behaviour.

Loved the update

 

"I follow the will of the Force." How like Qui-Gon!

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

I was wrong - thankfully. If she had been affected, she'd have been after him by now. It must have been my imagination or maybe it was because she just always looked that way when she was staring at my master.

With that thought, my horrified brain started to go into hyperdrive again. If she had always looked at him that way, did that mean that they knew each other, more than as fellow Jedi? Master had said that he wasn't celibate, that I'd understand some day. If that were true, what kind of understanding did he mean, that I'd find out he'd been not-celibate with someone at the Temple? That maybe he and Master Gallia.... Together?!

No, no, no!

I didn't want to know if my master was not-celibate or who he was not-celibate with. It was just too awful to contemplate. How could I ever face his female friends again and not wonder? How could I face any woman in the Temple and not wonder? Or the galaxy?

I was doomed. I'd never be able to look at a female again. Ever!

There must have been horror in my face or maybe he felt it in the Force. Master Qui-Gon cleared his throat, putting his hand on my shoulder and giving it a little squeeze for a moment before turning back to the masters. He said softly, "My apprentice and I are grateful for her help."


And poor Obi-Wan! Still tormented by images of things he'd MUCH rather not imagine!

 

My poor Obi-Wan! I can't wait for his report--it ought to be very interesting!

I can't believe that I didn't post the previous update. I read it, but didn't post. I hope that there aren't extra mediations for a forgetful padawan!

Anyway, two absolutely wonderful posts! I really enjoy coming in on a Monday morning to an update. It's a great way to start the day!

I'm so glad your muse won't let you give this story up so easy!

 

It was as if the heat of the Coruscanti sun was suddenly beating down on my head; I was drenched in sweat and I felt sick, throwing-up-all-over-my-boots kind of sick. They were staring at me - all the Masters of the Jedi Council, the wisest of the wise, the ones who decided how the Order would be run, the beings who determined who would succeed and who would fail in their quest to be Jedi Knights.

They were all waiting... for me.

Aargh - you leave it there!??!

Next post SOON. <begs<> Please </beg>

 

"Your urges have gotten you into trouble before, Master Jinn

Really? Now that's a story thats begging to be told - just not in front of Obi-Wan

Hmmm...now it's Obi's turn to report. I can't wait to see what he manages to say

Great update

 

Oh my god, that is so funny - I really can't stop laughing.
I don't know which part is the best, they are all just great!


I was wrong - thankfully. If she had been affected, she'd have been after him by now. It must have been my imagination or maybe it was because she just always looked that way when she was staring at my master.

With that thought, my horrified brain started to go into hyperdrive again. If she had always looked at him that way, did that mean that they knew each other, more than as fellow Jedi? Master had said that he wasn't celibate, that I'd understand some day. If that were true, what kind of understanding did he mean, that I'd find out he'd been not-celibate with someone at the Temple? That maybe he and Master Gallia.... Together?!

No, no, no!

I didn't want to know if my master was not-celibate or who he was not-celibate with. It was just too awful to contemplate. How could I ever face his female friends again and not wonder? How could I face any woman in the Temple and not wonder? Or the galaxy?

I was doomed. I'd never be able to look at a female again. Ever!
Poor Obi-Wan - I think he will probably never recover from this incident!


Master Windu was furious, though. I didn't know that he could turn purple, but apparently he could. There was also a vein in his head that began to stand out and his eyes were turning that browny-yellow color again. This was not good.
I must admit, I feel a bit sorry for Mace too


'What you have done.' Master Windu's words echoed in my head and they felt wrong somehow. It sounded as if he thought Master Qui-Gon had done it on purpose. But that couldn't be, could it? They wouldn't think that, would they? Did Master Windu and the rest really think that he'd deliberately take some drug that would make the Jedi look stupid, even insane? That he would make women chase him around and try to kiss him and do other things? On purpose? Even my master wasn't that crazy.
"Even my master wasn't that crazy."

 

Master Windu was furious, though. I didn't know that he could turn purple, but apparently he could. There was also a vein in his head that began to stand out and his eyes were turning that browny-yellow color again. This was not good

Loved that bit. This is much better then I could have imagined.

 

Oh man, yet another funny chapter

Master Gallia was the only one not looking at us like we were scum, and felis-toad scum at that. Instead, she was gazing at Master Qui-Gon with that same funny expression on her face that I'd seen on a hundred women not so long ago, almost as if she were hungry and he was dessert.
It could not be happening again, not here, not at the Temple.
Oh dear

With that thought, my horrified brain started to go into hyperdrive again. If she had always looked at him that way, did that mean that they knew each other, more than as fellow Jedi? Master had said that he wasn't celibate, that I'd understand some day. If that were true, what kind of understanding did he mean, that I'd find out he'd been not-celibate with someone at the Temple? That maybe he and Master Gallia.... Together?!
No, no, no!
Talk about an unwelcome mental picture

I was doomed. I'd never be able to look at a female again. Ever!
just as i feared

"I follow the will of the Force."
That was probably the worst thing he could have said. There were no masterly eye rolls that I could see, no loud snickers either among the Councilors; padawans might have but Council members would not do such things, at least not during the meetings.
Never mind that he always says that. As far as I knew, he'd probably be saying those words until he joined the Force or even beyond.
That's always his excuse, huh?

"Very well." With a low, unhappy hummph, Master Windu turned his death glare toward me. "Padawan Kenobi, give us your report on the Septemus IV debacle, starting from the moment Master Jinn ate the drugged food. Leave out nothing. I want every event described in detail, especially your master's actions."
It was as if the heat of the Coruscanti sun was suddenly beating down on my head; I was drenched in sweat and I felt sick, throwing-up-all-over-my-boots kind of sick. They were staring at me - all the Masters of the Jedi Council, the wisest of the wise, the ones who decided how the Order would be run, the beings who determined who would succeed and who would fail in their quest to be Jedi Knights.
They were all waiting... for me.
oh no, talk about a nightmare situation for poor Obi Wan

I seriously cant wait to see how they get out of this one, i'm very much looking forward to the next update.

Glad inspiration has been active, cause i love this fic

Thanks a lot for the pm

 

He looked pale and turned paler when I said, "Yes, Master, the gestures, too. And all thirty-four stanzas."

Why am I picturing a ribald version of the Macarena?

You know, it?s really quite hysterical that Qui is more embarrassed about singing than having all those women chasing him.

Oh, and the nicknames for Obi! Poor lad, talk about pouring vinegar in a wound.


?I would like to thank Master Gallia for volunteering to be the test case to determine if Master Jinn was still contagious. She placed herself into a potentially embarrassing situation in order to help protect the Temple from further mishap.?


Oh, stars! Who wouldn?t volunteer?

But Mace just makes me grind my teeth. He's so smug and ripe for comeuppance.

I hope your muse continues to be wordy!

 

Kitara ? LOL. I did consider doing that but figured Obi-Wan would have enough problems with the Council. Thanks for reading.


Master_Tigris_Leigh ? I think you have been. She certainly was wordy for this short ? what I thought would be a few pages long ? story.

Thanks about the Council meeting. We'll have to see if you think the rest of the meeting isn't too much. They have a lot to say.. As for Obi-Wan's perspective, you'll get more of it in the next post. Thanks.


earlybird-obi-wan ? Poor Obi-Wan indeed. He's not going to be happy about it. Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.


VaderLVR64 ? Qui-Gon is always following the Force but if it's laughing at them??? LOL. Poor Obi-Wan indeed. He has a few more traumas to go through. Thanks.


jedidas3 ? LOL on the report. It?s coming up soon. As for the non-post on the last update, your master is also forgetful. LOL.

My muse went full bore on this one. Thanks for reading, Padawan!


Leona ? Obi-Wan's mind is always thinking! As for Mace, I think he was over reactive and a bit jealous. After all, all those women and Qui-Gon. Mace will never catch up!

Thanks. Obi's retelling is in the next post. Thanks.


Valairy_Scot ? Of course I'd leave it there. Giggle! Sooner than you thought.

I've read your latest post but haven't replied as yet. Gorgeous stuff. I loved it!!!!


KELIA ? LOL, maybe a story but I'm not telling. Yes, now for poor kid to tell the tale and everyone's mad about it. Thanks. Glad you liked it.


Fifilla ? glad you enjoyed it. As for poor Obi-Wan, I don't think he'll look at girls the same way ever again. LOL.

Sorry for Mace? Yes, you should be. You might be more sorry after this post.

LOL. Yes, Qui-Gon is that crazy! Thanks for reading.


Itachi-Uchiha ? LOL. Thanks. I enjoyed writing it.


Veloz ? I love coming up with unwelcome pictures and Obi is at the perfect age when he's either intensely curious or over the top embarrassed.

It certainly is a nightmare for Obi-Wan. He doesn't know which way to turn and everything just makes things worse. Final update (really) coming up.


Ara-gon ? That's a good picture of it! With gestures. LOL. As for Qui being more embarrassed by the song, heck, it's quite a song.

I loved coming up with the silly nicknames. They were my favorite parts.

I know I'd volunteer. LOL. And Mace will be his growly self once more.

Your hope was realized. My muse went into overdrive on this one. Really long final post. Thanks for reading.

 

Be prepared. This is really long and I couldn't break it up easily. And it's done, done, done. Hurray!

---

"I.... I... " Stammering like a fool, I looked around the room, trying to avoid everyone's eyes or feeler-stalks or whatever appendage they were using to stare at me. I didn't know what to do or what to say. If I said the wrong thing, Master Qui-Gon would be kicked out of the Order. I couldn't have that guilt on my head.

Master Gallia said softly, "Padawan, take your time. A deep breath and let it out and then begin at the beginning. We will wait."

I did as she said, trying to even out my breathing and slow my heart rate down from hyperspeed to something approximately five times normal. But I still felt sick and worried and guilty. I knew I'd say the wrong thing, I just knew it.

"Master Qui-Gon... ummm Master Jinn didn't do it on purpose. Lady Erelia was hanging onto him all the time, everywhere we went." I tried to smile but it turned into a queasy kind of grimace. "It happens a lot when we are on missions but my master has always been able to turn the females away with no hard feelings."

"So Master Jinn always has women hanging around him on missions?" Master Windu said sharply.

Blast! Not ten seconds and I've already made things worse. "Ummmm, yes Master, but here at the Temple too, not just missions."

A couple of the Councilors were glaring at Master Qui-Gon after I'd said that although I couldn't figure out how they didn't know. It was kind of obvious. Just following him around for a day or so would have been enough to see the pattern.

I stumbled on, hoping to make amends. "But it's the same when you go with us on missions, too, Master Windu. Sometimes you have more women around you than he does."

There were a few choked-off sounds in the room, almost as if some of them were about to laugh and thought better of it. Master Gallia was trying hard not to smile. I gulped, my face hot with embarrassment as I glanced toward Qui-Gon. "It's the truth, Master."

"Never apologize for the truth, Padawan," he murmured. "But please explain what happened next."

"I didn't feel any danger, either so I didn't even think about what was going on, just kept looking around for assassination type danger, bombs, that sort of thing. Not the kind of danger that a piece of candy could cause." I looked down at my boots and murmured, "I'm really sorry, Master. I should have been more aware. I just didn't think it could get that bad so quickly."

"Obi-Wan, it wasn't your fault." Master Qui-Gon's voice was gentle but my shame was still there.

I didn't want to think about how much I'd let him down. "After Master ate the candy, the crowds got really deep and they started pushing. It was all we could do to get away. That's where the chandelier came in. It got Master Qui-Gon out of the crowd and then we ran as fast as we could. We took speeder bikes and got back to the ship." I gulped again. "That's when we found out that there were only two antidotes, waiting it out or... or..."

I couldn't say it, I just couldn't.

My face was flaming hot so I just nodded when Master Gallia said, "I assume the antidote is kissing the woman affected."

"Yes, Master. Captain Antilles and I lined them up and Master Qui-Gon started giving them the antidote. They were really happy during and afterwards, too. I didn't know females could look so... satisfied." I couldn't stand having all Council members staring at me so I just looked off into the distance, avoiding their eyes. I felt sick again. I didn't know how much more I could take.

Forcing myself to finish, I swallowed again and stuttered, "We... we went back to the Prime Minister's home and Master finished giving the... the antidote to the women there and then we left for home."

When I didn't say anything else, Master Windu snapped, "You are missing a few details such as mashed cake and sweetcream smeared all over your Master and why he was wearing your cloak and you haven't discussed the reporters and, oh yes, a certain [i]song[/i]."

 

Maeva Antilles laughed again, genuine delight this time. Master was close enough and she reached over and patted his shoulder fondly. "He might be right, Qui-Gon. You do seem to attract trouble more than most." Nodding back toward me, she said, "I think you better keep him, Master Jinn."

He looked at me and nodded. "I think I will."

And so he did.


The end

At last and Diane collapses.

What an ending - and I collapse right after you! Boy oh boy, to have sat in Council that day. Bet Obi never tells this story to Anakin.

 

!whew!

It was possible that the older padawans had lied to me about a few things.

Funniest line in the whole post!!

Great work, Diane.

 

Go Obi-wan! Ah, what a perfect ending to this story. I loved Obi-Wan's report. The holovid part was great, and probably similar to what we find on youtube, eh? Internet peoples are so creative. I also liked the conversation between Mace and Qui-Gon at the end. It was a great illustration of their friendship. Excellent last post! And story overall! Probably one of the funniest things I have read in a long time.

Now we will have to pay your muse to write another story.

 

Oh, what a great ending. Perfect last line.

I loved how Obi-Wan's lack of knowledge concerning certain 'areas' amused the Council. And how he foiled the plans of Captain Antilles and Qui-Gon.

A very funny and different story, diane. Loved it, of course!

 

Sheer perfection! Every word of it was genius! I haven't enjoyed a story so much in a long time. It was unique and refreshing...and just fun!

Facing Masters Windu and Yoda, knowing that every eye and feeler-stalk and sensing appendage was focusing right on me, feeling the weight of the galaxy crushing me down, I said, "Masters, it is.... hard for me to speak about what happened - not because it was bad but because...."

I stopped, blushing furiously. Even my fingers felt hot. But I knew I had to do tell them what happened, no matter what. Master Qui-Gon was counting on me. Pushing past the huge boulder in my throat, I blurted out, "Because it was embarrassing. I will try to go through it in greater detail but... please, please don't ask me any questions until the end."

I have to admit that Master Windu almost seemed to understand or maybe it was the whine in my voice. At least he didn't kick me out of the Order right then and there. "Very well, Padawan Kenobi. But make it as complete as you can. Every detail counts."

So I did. I told them about Captain Antilles attacking Master Qui-Gon, about the cloak and how easy it is to slide on sweetcream. I told them about the guards and Erelia and how much singing my master did. I even told them about Aleta, although I must admit I skimmed over that one pretty fast. There was the reporter questions and the Prime Minister's actions with his daughter, his mother and how much she liked Master's kisses. I think I did a pretty good job, too, although it just about killed me to talk so much about something so embarrassing.

Funny thing was that, by the time I was done, I wasn't so embarrassed any more. Continual panic can do that.

 

"Cute" is definitely the word for Obi-Wan. So diligent in his determination to protect Qui-Gon from another lapse of dignity.

Have to wonder, though, what sort of people in the government would be so preoccupied with the antics of a Jedi master who still got the job done. You'd think they'd have more serious matters on their minds.

Wonderful finish to the story, dianethx!

 

Fantastic ending

It was wonderfully done, a masterpiece of creativity and splicing and I knew why Master Windu was turning purple all the time. It was much worse than I'd ever imagined.


Facing Masters Windu and Yoda, knowing that every eye and feeler-stalk and sensing appendage was focusing right on me, feeling the weight of the galaxy crushing me down, I said, "Masters, it is.... hard for me to speak about what happened - not because it was bad but because...."
I stopped, blushing furiously. Even my fingers felt hot. But I knew I had to do tell them what happened, no matter what. Master Qui-Gon was counting on me. Pushing past the huge boulder in my throat, I blurted out, "Because it was embarrassing. I will try to go through it in greater detail but... please, please don't ask me any questions until the end."
poor Obi Wan

Apparently, my brain was still on hyperdrive, still worrying about things that were not going to happen. I'd need a lot of meditation after this.
That's an understatement

My poor master must have thought that he had done more than just kissing during that awful mess. I didn't remember him doing anything like that while I was watching him although there was that one time with the female reporters. Was it possible? Could he really have impregnated those women that quickly?
Oh dear, i think Obi needs to retake some classes

Of course, the older padawans had told me that it was always hyperdrive fast when doing intimate things with females, and that they'd been able to take on dozens of partners at a time and it was always over in a second or two.
OMG that's just evil

Swallowing hard, my voice squeaking again, I said reluctantly, "Not while I was around, Master. Although you did disappear for a couple of minutes when I was talking to the reporters. With two females. They came back pretty happy. Would that have been enough time?"
I must have said something funny because half the Council members started smiling and the others were choking on something, as if they were trying not to laugh and not doing a very good job of it.
who wouldnt, he's just too innocent

That confused me at first and then I started to become suspicious about what I'd been told. It was possible that the older padawans had lied to me about a few things. I guess it was something else to research while we were at the Temple. At this rate, I'd be buried in the stacks of the Archive until I was older than Master Yoda.
That sounds about right

Blast! It was hotter than blazes on Yavin IV, even during the cool season which it was not right now. In fact, if I remembered correctly, it was summer, broiling heat and humidity so high that it was like standing out in the rain without the actual drops. Sometimes it was hard to breath with that much moisture in the air.
And there were bugs there, big ones - bugs the size of my head and they liked to dive bomb people when they weren't looking and arachnids with webs as large as a small bantha and hairy legs and huge eyes. There were multi-legged insects that had nests in the ground and the unwary could get trapped. And some of the flying bugs glowed at night, too, with designs in their wings that made it look as if ghosts were flying in the darkness.
I knew it wasn't right for a Jedi to hate anything but I hated bugs. We'd be sweaty and hot and unable to sleep, living in tents most likely, and the bugs would be crawling all over us. It was punishment pure and simple.


"Not jump to conclusions?" As we entered the lift, Master Windu shook his head, his voice sharp, "What was I supposed to think? The holovids were flooding the 'net and I had hundreds of calls from Senators or their subordinates and several complaints from Septemus IV from prominent citizens there. The Chancellor has called more than once to protest. Your actions, shall we say, were suspect. T

 

Great story!!!
Thank you so much for writing it!


Swallowing hard, my voice squeaking again, I said reluctantly, "Not while I was around, Master. Although you did disappear for a couple of minutes when I was talking to the reporters. With two females. They came back pretty happy. Would that have been enough time?"

I must have said something funny because half the Council members started smiling and the others were choking on something, as if they were trying not to laugh and not doing a very good job of it.



Nodding, Master Windu said, "I know that now. But blast it, Jinn, did you have to sing that song?" His face was getting all flustered and he looked embarrassed. I didn't know Council members could do that.

There was a soft snort from Master Qui-Gon. "We both know who taught me that song, Mace. And the gestures."

Master Windu had the strangest look on his face, almost as if he were remembering something he'd enjoyed very much but was also ashamed to have done. It couldn't be that he... that Master Windu had taught my master that dratted song. That wasn't possible, was it?
So, Mace taught him the song? No wonder he was so angry!


Oh, dear. Was I so obvious? And if they knew what I was doing, why didn't my master just order me to stop? Was it a test? Or did he think it was funny or maybe cute? I'd hate to think it was cute. That would be for younglings, not teenage padawans. Cute would be almost as embarrassing as the trouble on Septemus, well except for the kissing and the holovids and the horror of going before the Council.
Oh, Obi-Wan, you are so cute!

 

They came back pretty happy. Would that have been enough time?"



Oh Force, Obi-Wan's innoncence is hysterical....well, maybe not to him but I'm ROTF here!

I loved his protectiveness on the way to Yavin IV, though I would imagine Capt. Antilles wouldn't share my view.

Great job on the story - I have enjoyed it from beginning to end