Before - Legends Attraction (Obi/Qui/OCs) - humor - thanks so much, everyone!

Meesa back. I had most of this written before I went on vacation.

Oh, and at Dragoncon, I got to have lunch with Mike Stackpole and Tim Zahn as part of a charity auction. A whole hour! I was very happy.

Here's the next part.

---

I have to admit that the women who flew out to our ship in the middle of the night on speeder bikes were certainly among the most relentless beings I'd ever encountered. It didn't matter if they were clad in elaborate ball gowns or embarrassingly-small traces of almost-clothing, they were determined to get the most out of my master. Even Qui-Gon, strong in the Force, one of the Jedi's top negotiators and the best swordsman in the Order, was barely able to cope.

But my master was stubborn, too. Ignoring their demands, he made sure that each and every one of them got, not what they wanted, but what they needed - a kiss. It took quite a while but at long last, I was finally able to escort the last of them off the ship and sent the now-happy women on their way home.

Now, if nothing else, my poor master could finally rest - at least for a few moments. He'd been kissing women one right after another without taking a break and he looked tired.

He was also a little rumpled. The females had been persistent in their attentions, grabbing at things that they shouldn't have, their fingers trying to dip in past Jedi tunics and testing Jedi reflexes. I swear that every one of those women had had tentacles instead of hands.

Female number five was the worst, though. She'd gotten in past his guard and was playing with his hair while he was trying to give her the antidote-kiss. It had also been really hard to get her loose afterwards.

I was actually a little suspicious of that one because she kept coming back for more kisses long after she should have been cured.

At least they were gone. But Master Qui-Gon looked like he'd been wrestling with a Sarlacc and lost. Tunics were twisted around and his hair - one side was all knotted up and the other side was glued to his neck with hardened sweetcream. There was even icing in his beard.

Not exactly the model Jedi.

I know it shouldn't matter. After all, Master Yoda would say that we were luminous beings and appearance wasn't important. But we were supposed to be representatives of the Jedi Order and have a certain aura to maintain and Master Qui-Gon was not... clean. Coated in mashed cake and sweetcream, he also had some kind of red fruit splotched across one tabard and a blue streak on his leggings where one of the drink-splattered women had rubbed up against him. He was a mess.

But he didn't really have time to change. The women at the Prime Minister's home were likely driving everyone crazy and duty came first. Always.

Sauntering over to my master, her mouth quirking with a not-well-suppressed smile, Captain Antilles was obviously amused by the whole thing. "That's the last of them at this location. The Prime Minister commed to say that you should not come back by the main entrance but go through the kitchen area. There will be guards to escort you to the rooms and also to maintain order when you get to where the women are sequestered."

As Qui-Gon nodded thanks, she leaned in close to him, murmuring. "When you return to the ship, I'll be glad to help with any... [i]problems [/i] you might have, Master Jinn."

I hope she didn't mean what I think she meant. I don't think I could take the two of them doing anything.. ummm personal in front of me while we were on the ship. And, although Qui-Gon said that Jedi weren't celibate, that didn't mean that he did that kind of thing. Did he?

I knew I was blushing again but Master Qui-Gon thankfully ignored her remark. He turned away from the captain, tugging at his tunic, trying to straighten the tabards and conceal the stains. But it was impossible. His clothes were ruined and the only way to hide the mess would have been to cover it with his cloak and that was in pieces back at the Prime Minister's house.

So I offered him mine. I was much shorter tha

 

I should remember not to read this at work when ppl are around.... i had to cover my mouth so i didnt laugh out loud

As Qui-Gon nodded thanks, she leaned in close to him, murmuring. "When you return to the ship, I'll be glad to help with any...problems you might have, Master Jinn."
I hope she didn't mean what I think she meant. I don't think I could take the two of them doing anything.. ummm personal in front of me while we were on the ship. And, although Qui-Gon said that Jedi weren't celibate, that didn't mean that he did that kind of thing. Did he?
At the top of the ramp, he looked back at Captain Antilles and nodded. "I thank you for the offer of help but I'm still on a mission and it would be inappropriate to discuss personal matters while on duty."
"And off-duty?" she asked.
To my relief, he said, "I can't discuss off-duty activities while on duty. My apologies."
She laughed softly, "Nicely done, Master Jinn." Then with a shrug, all business now, Captain Antilles nodded toward the entryway. "I'll have the ship prepped and ready to depart when you and Padawan Kenobi return. May the Force be with you."
that was a great escape, Qui Gon

"Is it true that your Master started a riot?"
"Is Master Jinn going to have to have sex several times a day to stop this epidemic?"
My face turned hot and I stepped back, horrified when a man to the left of me snarled, "Don't be ridiculous, Le'tn, he couldn't possibly do that. He's a Jedi, not a machine."


"Is the Republic going to be sending in more Jedi to use as sperm donors?"
"Is he trying to topple the government here?"
"Will he have to have sex with every woman he meets?"
"Is this a plot to lure our women away to Coruscant?"
"Will Jedi Jinn be quarantined until the crisis is over?"
"Will he be selling his secret with women on the holonet?"
"Does he use sweetcream as a way of attracting women?"
"Will Jinn be having sex in public? Will the government insist that Jinn do it naked?"
reporters are terrible, even on SW world and poor Obi Wan....he's gonna be shown all over the holonet

Looking solemn, Qui-Gon nodded, "You did well, Obi-Wan. But next time, stay close to me when faced with a crowd like that. It wasn't dangerous but the potential for problems was high. I'm sure the Jedi Council won't be happy when the news hits the holonet."
Suddenly I couldn't breathe.
If the news spread to Coruscant, everyone at the Temple would see. The younglings and the Knights, all the other padawans, they'd all know about it - Master Yoda and the Council, too.
I'd be branded forever as the padawan of the sex-mad Qui-Gon Jinn.
yes u will Obi, at least for a while

He was right. Duty came first and my friends would understand. It was everyone else that would laugh and call me lover boy or Padawan Imperfect or even Sexy-Wan Kenobi.
Hell, i think i would call him Sexy-Wan Kenobi right now

I tried not to whimper.
Try harder

This was hilarious, seriously, i just cant stop laughing fantastic update and thanks a lot for the pm... i look forward to te return to the Temple

 

He was right. Duty came first and my friends would understand. It was everyone else that would laugh and call me lover boy or Padawan Imperfect or even Sexy-Wan Kenobi.

I tried not to whimper

Ohmigosh - "Sexy-Wan Kenobi" - ain't that the truth!

Gosh, this was hilarious and those questions. Whew, fans face.

 

Please... stop... this... right... now!
I'm dying from laughter!

No, don't stop it, this story is so funny!

As Qui-Gon nodded thanks, she leaned in close to him, murmuring. "When you return to the ship, I'll be glad to help with any... problems you might have, Master Jinn."

I hope she didn't mean what I think she meant. I don't think I could take the two of them doing anything.. ummm personal in front of me while we were on the ship. And, although Qui-Gon said that Jedi weren't celibate, that didn't mean that he did that kind of thing. Did he?
Poor Obi-Wan!

If the news spread to Coruscant, everyone at the Temple would see. The younglings and the Knights, all the other padawans, they'd all know about it - Master Yoda and the Council, too.

I'd be branded forever as the padawan of the sex-mad Qui-Gon Jinn.

I couldn't go back and face them, not after this.

As my master started toward the kitchen area, my legs wouldn't move and my voice refused to work. Finally, I barely managed to choke out, "Do you think it will? Vids of this on the net?"

"Absolutely. I'll have much to explain when we return to Coruscant."
Can't wait to read about Qui-Gon's explanation and Obi-Wan's reaction when they face the Council

 

Poor Obi-Wan's on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Maybe things'll work out so that he can get to punch out Erelia. Accidentally, of course.

 

I really like this story, Master!

Sorry I haven't posted before--but I too cannot wait to see how Master Qui-Gon does explain this to the council........


.....

....

 

This was so funny! Poor Obi--how will ever live being branded the padawan of the sex mad Qui-Gon Jinn? I think I better send him a hug!

By the way, welcome back Master! I missed you!

 

I LOVED that last sentence!

Female number five was the worst, though. She'd gotten in past his guard and was playing with his hair while he was trying to give her the antidote-kiss. It had also been really hard to get her loose afterwards.

I was actually a little suspicious of that one because she kept coming back for more kisses long after she should have been cured.

At least they were gone. But Master Qui-Gon looked like he'd been wrestling with a Sarlacc and lost. Tunics were twisted around and his hair - one side was all knotted up and the other side was glued to his neck with hardened sweetcream. There was even icing in his beard.

Not exactly the model Jedi.

I know it shouldn't matter. After all, Master Yoda would say that we were luminous beings and appearance wasn't important. But we were supposed to be representatives of the Jedi Order and have a certain aura to maintain and Master Qui-Gon was not... clean. Coated in mashed cake and sweetcream, he also had some kind of red fruit splotched across one tabard and a blue streak on his leggings where one of the drink-splattered women had rubbed up against him. He was a mess.

Poor Obi-Wan. I would guess this is somewhat akin to having females chase after your FATHER!

I'm loving this story!

 

Poor Obi - he's really been put through the ringer on this mission!!

I really felt for him when the "reporters" were throwing all those questions at him.

I'd be branded forever as the padawan of the sex-mad Qui-Gon Jinn.



Oh I'm sure all his friends at the Temple will be perfectly understanding and sympathetic...not!

Great update

 

Sexy-Wan Kenobi {face-laugh]

 

Very funny. Qui is rather cruel to tease his poor apprentice so much. I don't suppose we get to see that mission debriefing with the Council do we?

 

This just continues to be hilarious! Obi-Wan's commentary on everything is just priceless. Sexy-Wan Kenobi indeed!

 

Please let Qui-Gon take a nice, hot relaxing shower in your next post -- and a change of clothes. Or soon we'll have to start calling him 'Lord of the Flies'...

 

Everyone, I'm sorry I haven't updated. I've been really busy with the workshop on titles and it's been eating up all my time. I do intend to finish this and I know how the next two posts are going to play out. Just need to find time to do it!

Veloz ? I just love writing this. Obi-Wan is so funny especially when he's embarrassed. I'm having great fun. I'm so glad you are enjoying it, too! LOL on the Sexy-Wan Kenobi. Thanks so much for commenting.

Valairy_Scot ? LOL. I had a lot of fun thinking up ridiculous questions for the reporters. I figured they'd ask just about anything. LOL. Thanks.

Fifilla ? I'm glad that you liked it so much. I had a great time writing it. I must admit I was giggling a bit when I was coming up with the reporter questions. As for those two going in front of the Council, we'll just have to see.. Thanks for letting me know you liked it.

Musing ? Yes, Obi is pretty close to a breakdown just about now. LOL. Don't worry about Erelia. She'll get what's coming to her.

Qui-GonJinn1 ? Thanks. Hope that the Council explanation will make sense. Just not yet.

Leona ? She really enjoyed the kiss! LOL. I had a lot of fun thinking up those questions. Reporters really want to know everything! Thanks.

jedidas3 ? LOL. I think you better send Jinn a hug. He's going to need one. Just make sure you have an extra set of clothing. He's getting a little ripe about now. LOL. Thanks.

VaderLVR64 ? Thanks. I loved that sentence as well. Pretty much tells it all.

KELIA ? Poor Obi is right! The kid has to put up with Jinn's antics usually but this is too much for him. He's going to need therapy after this. LOL. Thanks. Glad you liked it.

Kitara ? Sexy-Wan Kenobi indeed! Thanks.

Itachi-Uchiha ? Jinn isn't in his right mind at the moment. LOL. Yes, you will see the mission debriefing. Just not yet. Thanks.

DarkAnakinfan ? Thanks. I'm glad you are enjoying it. Obi is so funny to write at this age.

ratna ? LOL. Lord of the Flies. Great idea! Qui is about to get a bit dirtier. Thanks for reading.

 

I was worried.

While I knew that we'd have to face those rabid women again and I had to admit that it wasn't something that I looked forward to but it was nothing to the concern I had about Master Qui-Gon. His behavior was becoming more and more troubling.

The brush with the reporters had been enough of a problem but at least my master had handled it with his usual grace. However, in the last few minutes, unlike his normal, serious, focused self, he had begun to act strangely. For one thing, he was sauntering, his arms swinging loosely at his side. For another, there was a smile on his face and it was broadening with every step he took. It was really odd. He was acting as if he didn't have a care in the galaxy.

Worse than that was, if I didn't know better, while we were walking through the doors leading into the kitchen, I would have sworn that he was humming under his breath. Humming!

I suppose I should have been glad to see him so relaxed and happy for a change. Usually, he was either frowning or looked like he had something bad for lunch. In fact, I hadn't seen him smile so much in all the years I'd been with him.

On the other hand, his humming concerned me. I can't remember a time when he'd ever sung - no melodies, no songs of love or adventure or tragedy, and certainly no humming. But I couldn't think of what else it could be.

Of course, there was a possibility that he was playing some kind of prank on me, having fun at my expense, tormenting the Padawan. But that was something my stoic, serious master would never do - or so I thought.

I looked up at Master Qui-Gon, making sure that he saw me staring at him. Sure enough, the noise stopped. As I turned away, that tuneless melody started up again.

I wasn't imagining things after all. He was humming and then trying to hide what he was doing.

That was disturbing in so many ways.

I didn't know what to do but it didn't seem to be something dangerous so I tried to ignore it. It wasn't easy, especially when the humming got louder and I recognized a Togarian love-chant from my music class a few months back. My master and love songs, two things that just didn't seem to go together.

I could only hope that it was because of the drug Lady Erelia gave him. Otherwise... I didn't want to think about the possibilities.

Besides, I kept telling myself that the sound coming out of his throat was the least of my problems. I had to admit that I wasn't all that happy to be walking back toward the scene of the crime, back to where it started. The terror of running from those uncontrollable, relentless women was forever imprinted on my brain. I certainly didn't want a repeat of that horrible escape.

My master didn't seem to be upset about going back, though. In fact, he looked a little too eager, with a spring in his step and the way he kept smiling - and that sound.

I flinched at the thought of what the women would do with a smiling, singing Jedi Master. Harmonize with him? Get him to try other melodies? Sing while they attempted to get under all those Jedi clothes?

Just the thought made me shudder.

I'm not sure we'd be able to outrun them this time. The way Master Qui-Gon was acting, I wasn't sure that he'd even try. Normally, he'd fend off their advances, doing everything he could to elude the rabid women that wanted to have their way with him but he was not normal, not right now.

What if Master Qui-Gon didn't want to avoid their wayward hands? What if he was becoming more... ummm, eager every moment?

I pushed that thought aside. He'd fight them off. I was sure of it - well, pretty sure anyway. I hoped.

But this happy, light-hearted behavior was suspicious. I figured I'd better be prepared for anything.

Keeping that in mind, I looked around the kitchen, trying to anticipate trouble.

Captain Antilles had said that the guards would meet us here but they were nowhere in sight. I would have thought that they would be positioned just inside the door, or even outside to keep the reporters at bay but there was

 

hilarious, absolutely hilarious and a great way to start the day

 

Ah, yes, the onset of action of an ingested substance may be immediate (e.g. absorption through mucous membranes of mouth) but therapeutic peak may take as much as 45 minutes to an hour to occur...

Poor Obi-Wan. He'll never look at his Master the same way again.

 

Poor Obi-Wan!

What concerned me was that the kisses were getting longer and more.... ummm personal with every woman. I hoped that Master Qui-Gon would remember his duty but it seemed as though it was up to me to make sure he didn't go too far.

I swear that I was going to be traumatized for life after this.

And he was humming again. Blast!

This fic is such good fun!

 

I got a lot further behind then I thought, but oh what fun catching up!

Frowning at us both, fingering her blaster while she talked, she seemed more standoffish than before. She growled out, "You know, Master Jinn, you're a good-looking man. I don't think you need an attractant to get women. And you're not a bad kisser, either. Next time though, maybe you should just ask me." She glanced at me for a second and then back to Qui-Gon again. "But lose the kid when you do. It sets a bad example. I do better one-on-one."

"But I..." Qui-Gon seemed mortified.



I was actually a little suspicious of that one because she kept coming back for more kisses long after she should have been cured.



At least they were gone. But Master Qui-Gon looked like he'd been wrestling with a Sarlacc and lost. Tunics were twisted around and his hair - one side was all knotted up and the other side was glued to his neck with hardened sweetcream. There was even icing in his beard.

Now there's a sight I'd like to see.

I'd be branded forever as the padawan of the sex-mad Qui-Gon Jinn. Sexy-Wan Kenobi Poor Obi-Wan!

It seems even Qui-Gon is getting more and more affected by all this. What's a padawan to do?

Wonderful! I loved every word!

 

Master, I love this story. It seems to me that Qui-Gon will be getting plenty of hugs. I still believe Obi needs a few of them as well. I loved this line:

I swear that I was going to be traumatized for life after this.

I could just hear a teenage Obi thinking this!

Wonderful job, Master! I can't wait for more. It will be very interesting to see how this is explained when they report to the Council.

 

Another funny chapter

I looked up at Master Qui-Gon, making sure that he saw me staring at him. Sure enough, the noise stopped. As I turned away, that tuneless melody started up again.
Obi Wan is the humming police

I didn't know what to do but it didn't seem to be something dangerous so I tried to ignore it. It wasn't easy, especially when the humming got louder and I recognized a Togarian love-chant from my music class a few months back. My master and love songs, two things that just didn't seem to go together.
well dear Obi, seems they're quite together now

I flinched at the thought of what the women would do with a smiling, singing Jedi Master. Harmonize with him? Get him to try other melodies? Sing while they attempted to get under all those Jedi clothes?
Just the thought made me shudder.
Yep Pbi, and then it's therapy for u

As he navigated toward my location, instead of treading carefully as I had done, Master Qui-Gon skated across the slippery floor in a controlled slide. I suppose that was as effective as walking but it was still disturbing to watch Master Qui-Gon doing something a youngling would do when no one was watching. As he reached me, he looked very smug. And that was even more disturbing than the method of transport.
that was too funny, i cant imagine Qui Gon gliding like that

"Master Jinn, they are not inclined to be reasonable at this time. Prime Minister Zadros has asked that you try and quell any violence that might come from confrontation," Plaka said distinctly, "by any means necessary, including mind tricks and other Jedi sorceries."
I tried not to roll my eyes. Why did people always seem to think that Jedi are some kind of wizards and use magic all the time? The Force isn't magic - it's just there like the air we breathe and the food we eat. Just because they couldn't touch it, doesn't mean it didn't exist.
i love how Obi gets annoyed here, it's too cute

Finally, I couldn't stand it any more. "Master, do you know that you are humming? A love song?"
Suddenly silent, he frowned down at me. "There isn't a rule against it, Padawan."
Oh, oh. I hoped I wasn't in trouble. We had talked about rules a lot lately, me wanting him to follow the Code a bit more and him telling me about feeling and not thinking and how the Force did't always follow the rules. Of course, that confused me
Poor Obi Wan, he's only getting more and more confused in this mission

Shoving my master behind me, I stood up straight and shouted out, "Listen. If you want a kiss from Master Jinn, you are going to have to line up in alphabetical order by first name. And don't try anything because if you don't, there will be no kiss. Is that clear?"
One of the guards muttered, "Who put the kid in charge?" But I ignored him. I had bigger problems.
Well somebody has to save their skins

I swear that I was going to be traumatized for life after this.
I believe u will be, Obi

This is too funny, i seriously cant wait for Sexy-Wan Kenobi and Qui Gon to get back to the temple.. i hope the effects are gone by the time they get there, or the female jedi will go crazed for Qui Gon too

Thanks for the pm

 

I wasn't imagining things after all. He was humming and then trying to hide what he was doing.

That was disturbing in so many ways.

I didn't know what to do but it didn't seem to be something dangerous so I tried to ignore it. It wasn't easy, especially when the humming got louder and I recognized a Togarian love-chant from my music class a few months back. My master and love songs, two things that just didn't seem to go together.

I could only hope that it was because of the drug Lady Erelia gave him. Otherwise... I didn't want to think about the possibilities.

Poor Obi-Wan - and I think Qui's lips are going to get both chapped and numb soon. This is just a wonderful story!

 

My master's face turned intense. There was a hunger in his eyes and I could hear him breathing funny

Hmmm....seems as if Qui is starting to enjoy himself a bit too much.

I swear that I was going to be traumatized for life after this.

Probably

I don't envy poor Obi having to watch his normal stoic, rational, sane master reduced to such a state

Great update