Story AVATAR - PARODY STORIES

A collection of unrelated parody stories from Avatar.

FIRST STORY

TITLE: WHY JAKE REALLY CHOSE NEYTIRI
Characters: Jake, Neytiri
Genre: Humour, Parody
Summary: Jake is very popular with the other women in the Omaticaya clan. How can Neytiri ensure Jake chooses her?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Avatar. This is just for fun.

Jake and Neytiri are at the tree of voices. Neytiri turns away from Jake and caresses some vines.

"We have many fine women." Said Neytiri. "Ninat is the best singer."

"Oh, yes." Replied Jake. "I love Ninat. She has such a beautiful voice..."

"Unfortunately, Ninat became one with Eywa this morning." Said Neytiri.

"Oh. my God." Cried Jake. "Ninat is dead? That's terrible. How did it happen?"

"A stray arrow struck her right in the mouth as she was practicing her singing." Said Neytiri. "I was there standing right in front of her when it happened. A terrible tragedy."

"Oh, poor Ninat."

"And Peyral is a good hunter." Continued Neytiri.

"Oh, yes." Replied Jake. "I love Peyral. Peyral would be my next choice. She is the second best hunter after Tsu-Tey. And she is beautiful too."

"Unfortunately, Peyral is with Ewya too." Said Neytiri. "I'm sorry Jake."

"What? She's dead too!" Cried Jake. "Oh, no. Ninat and Peyral on the same day. How did that happen?"

"A stray arrow struck her in the back while she was stalking a Sturmbeast in the forest." Explained Neytiri. "I was standing right behind her when it happened. Such a terrible tragedy."

"What about Piri?" Asked Jake concerned.

"Oh, Jake. I have more sad news." Replied Neytiri. "Piri was knocked off her Ikran by a stray arrow today and fell to her death. I was flying right beside her when it happened. Such a terrible tragedy."

Jake sees Neytiri picks up a bow and a quiver that was hidden in the undergrowth.

"Er...and what about Tseyla, Tarima and Pxalu?" Asked Jake nervously.

"Oh, I'm sorry Jake..."

"Er, let me guess. They were struck by a stray arrow, you were right there beside them and it's a terrible tragedy." Said Jake.

"Yes, that's right, Jake." Replied Neytiri coldly. "It is a very sad day indeed for the Omaticaya clan."

Neytiri notches an arrow to her bow and flexes the bow string.

"Are there other women you prefer Jake?" Asks Neytiri, staring coldly into Jake's eyes. "Kahla, Leytxa, Nala...?"

"Er...no, Neytiri. I don't want any of them." Gulped Jake, shaking with fear. "I have already chosen. But only if that woman chooses me."

"Don't worry Jake." Smiled Neytiri. "That woman has already chosen. And she chose you a very...very...very long time ago."

 

Wow, someone's got a dark side! Jake had better watch himself