Before - Legends Averting Obsession

Title: Averting Obsession
Author: SabyneAmberle
Timeframe: pre-TPM, KotOR
Characters: Malina Korryn (Revan), Carth Onasi
Genre: Angst, AU
Keywords: KotOR
Summary: Malina attempts to shield her heart from love even as Carth attempts to tell her he's falling in love with her.

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?I think I could love you, if you gave me the chance??

Oh, frack. Tears blurred my eyes as I stared at the floor before my feet, pretending the dull gray tiles that paneled the floor of the Ebon Hawk were the most fascinating things I had ever seen. I bit my lip as hard as I could without drawing blood, allowing the slight twinge of pain to distract me from those threatening tears. My hands twisted in my lap nervously, as though they were attempting to untie the knot that had formed in my chest.

I would not allow him to see me cry. I had made that promise to myself a total of three times over this journey; once on Taris when he announced he would be keeping a close eye on me, once on Dantooine when he accused me of deliberately leaving him out of the loop on the matter of our mission, and once more two weeks ago, after our escape from the Leviathan, when he reaffirmed his distrust of me after discovering my former identity. Each time the bitter tears had burned their way to the corners of my eyes, only to be forced back by sheer force of will.

These were not the same bitter tears, however. These were tears born of an unwillingness to cause pain to one I cared about. They were tears of understanding, knowing I would wind up causing the pain I sought to prevent, in spite of my actions.

The tears were difficult to conceal, yet I held them in regardless. I was once Revan, the ruthless Dark Lord of the Sith, even if I did not recall being her. Tears did not befit one of such former stature. Taking several deep breaths, I struggled to regain my composure even as I kept my head bowed. I did not dare look up at him, did not dare risk myself against the questioning brow, the soft eyes almost pleading for the answer that would please him.

I soon found myself without the luxury of that choice, as I felt a gloved hand lift my chin, his face only inches from mine. Was it my imagination, or did tears glitter in his eyes like clear crystal shards?

?Revan??? The single name from his lips lingered, questioning. I wanted to both deny it and embrace it. I wanted to shout that I had no memory of being the one he spoke of, that I was Malina Korryn now, not Revan. Yet I wanted to embrace the familiarity of my former identity, my former self. Dark as it ultimately became, it was me, and there was no escaping that.

I knew what he was asking with that simple word. He was asking if I felt anything for him, any shred of affection, any fragment of love. As I sat there, I wished I could have lied to him and said I felt nothing. It was true that I felt some affection for him, but not to the same depth that I knew he was starting to feel for me.

Ever since my confrontation with Malak on the Leviathan I had been remembering more of who I had once been. Not just my former life as a Sith Lord, but my life as a woman. A woman with her own desires and needs, a woman who would do whatever it took to fulfill those needs, make any sacrifice to obtain what she desired. Those memories were rarely pleasant and often brought me to tears, even as I struggled in vain to forget them again.

I had known love once before, known the taste of a passionate kiss, the feel of a comforting embrace. Yes, I knew it before it turned from a benevolent emotion to a tainted, possessive one, a poisoned emotion born of obsession. The one who desired me went to whatever lengths he thought it took to win my heart. Such obsession culminated in the destruction of an innocent world, wrapped in the guise of a ?surprise gift?. I remembered the feeling of my heart icing in sheer hatred for the one who stood arrogantly before me, any feelings of affection driven from it as he smugly proclaimed his conques

 

Aww, no fair making me want to cry on a Friday night, Sabyne.

Wonderful job, too few authors consider this possibility.

Dangit, now I need rainbow chip icing...

 

Beautiful. Just beautiful. Since I'm a huge Carth fan, I didn't want his heart broken. But I can definatly see this possibility happening. My knowledge is wavering, but can you do something like that in the game? I'd asssume you could, but I don't know...

 

DWH: Glad to see you enjoyed it, even if it did make you want to cry.

kotorchick: Yes, there's an option in the game for this, though it's executed in a more sterile manner. You can tell Carth something to the effect of "I'm sorry, but there can't be a future for us" which ends the romance subplot. It isn't something I've ever done, as I'm too much a romantic sap to do it.

 

That was very good and very heart felt i was feeling her pain, her sorrow you did a wonderful job.

 

That was very good. Extremly well written, just like your canderous short story you posted recently. your take on the characters is superb. i could hear carth's voice in my head with every line he said. and if you ever HEARD revan's voice i'm sure my reaction would be the same with her.
i like the choice you made about revan not telling carth she loved him too. it wouldn't have worked if you wouldn't have provided such a good reason for it, but you did, with malak and telos. (very sweet explaining how he lost his jaw too- it adds a lot to the overall story of kotor saying revan did it and the reason she did)