So NV Axia for President (Supreme ruler of the universe) in '04

Robert Reporterus: Hello, this Robert reporterus coming to you live from Axia's press conference where he has just announced that she is running for president. We now join him live.

Axia: Greetings my fellow Americans blah blah blah, I now open the floor to any questions you may have about what I intend to do with the presidency. Anyone?

 

I like candy, mr. axia, what are your feelings on this controversial subject?

 

Being diabetic myself I find it particularly insensitive of you to be asking that question, however Im going to answer it anyway. When elected I will be contacting Mars Incorperated and petioning them to begin making suger free varities of their products, staring with and not limited to Snickers. Should they refuse I will accuse them of being prejudice and sue them with all the resources of the United States Government.

As a last resort, should letigation fail I will release a elite squad of ninja attack spider monkies that have been specially trained to deal with this type of emergency. Candy for the sucrose intolerant in 04! Next question?

 

While still on th subject of candy, and sugar-free variants, sugar-free candy gives me bad gas, as I assume it does to most people. Does it not concern you that under your administration's initiative we would soon have a country of svelt, gassy candy freaks?

 

Only 10% of the population, the rest of you pancreas using people can still enjoy Snickers classic. Next question? Feel free to ask more than one.

 

Under the current administration, there seems to be a lack of really good video games. how will you rememdy this? and where do you stand on the issue of hamster racing??

 

I intend for all videogames currently in development to go through my office for extensive "testing". Crap will simply not be allowed to be released. The days of Superman 64 and Tomb Raider will close with this administration. I will putting together a panel to judge games whose genres usually bore me silly.

As far as hamster racing goes, if you can convince me that the hamsters want to race then Im all for it.

Next question?

 

very good. I enjoy good video games. and hamsters should have free choice when it comes to their racing orientation. one last question from me for right now (it feels like an interview and not a press conference!), who shot first: Han or Greedo?

 

In the theatrical release Greedo shot first. In the subsequent re-releases, theatrical mind you of 78 and then 79, although the Episode IV was added to the print greedo still shot first. In the first VHS release Greedo shot first. He also shot first in 3 subsequent and repackaged rereleases. In 1997 the Special edition was released to theaters where Greedo shot first, he shot first on the 2 subsequent special editon VHS releases and shoots first on the upcoming dvd release.

so Greedo didnt shoot first in...
3 theatrical releases and
4 video releases

Greedo did shoot first in...
1 theatrical release,
2 video releases and
1 dvd release

7 didnt shoot firsts and 4 did shot firsts so Greedo did not shoot first.

Equality for hamsters, good videogames, sugarless candy and greedo shot first in '04. Any other questions?

 

It is common knowledge that you love RPGs. If you become president, are there any RPG-related laws or plans for the future?

 

I did not even play RPGs until Star Wars Galaxies came out. when elected president I will do one of two things based on what the american people want.

1. I will round up everyone resposible for Galaxies and make them play them game for a year it is current state before finally killing them.

2. I will make them actually fix the game and let everyone whose played since the beginning play free for a year before letting them each shoot an soe member.

As far as upcoming videogames are concerned they will have to be tested by this administration first before launching so have no fear, Matrix on-line will rule!

Any more questions?

 

My question was actually referring to the "pen and paper" style RPGs, but I believe your stand on Star Wars Galaxies will go over well with the people.

Anyway, moving along. What is your official policy on Terrorism and on Spoiler Tellers?

 

I will answer your intended rpg question first then. Saturday and early Sunday will officially be RPG day. (Early sunday so rpgers can sleep in from playing all night saturday) Also a new website www.RPGfreaks.org will be launched for all your rpg needs at goverment employee prices.

Terrorists? We need to "Glass em"*

Spoiler tellers will not be allowed to by Star wars on DVD or see Episode 3



* the term Glass em refers to the glass thats formed on the edges of a nuclear blast when it goes off in sand.

 

Speaking of glass, many people have been forced to wear glasses after years of sitting in front of computers. How will your adminitration deal with this optical epidemic?

 

We are looking into several possible solutions, matrix like jacking in to computer games and OSs and holographic displays leading the top of the list, holodeck like interfaces are also being explored. Funding for this is being diverted from sports and movie stars salaries.

 

Should there be stiffer punishments on movie studios that release garbage films? And, rewards for studios that actually do something right?

 

Well so far I am still unsure about if I want to vote for you or not Axia...but let me ask...

I understand part of your campaign platform is to have the right of prima noctes.

How do you think your wife might feel about that?

Also, would those same hamsters be involved?

 

Moron dude: absolutlely, while I dont have time to review all films before release I will review all major studio releases and deny distrubution to crap. Good movies will of course get incentives.

Lady Obi-wan: I will only evoke the right of prima noctes when i deem it necessary, most will have nothing to worry about. As far as how the future first lady feels about it I'll have to "consult" with her. And at this time the Society for the Liberation of Hamsters could not be reached.

Next question please.

 

Seeing that the number of men between the ages of 25 and 30 in jail because of revengefull acts against old people (55 + ) for driving too slow or indecisively on the freeway have skyrocketed, what will you do with the sadistic and demented senior citizen population plaguing our society?

 

what is this administrations position on poop and other poop related things? also, where does this administration plan on storing the hamster poop?

 

Inean: Senior citizens will now have their own lane or be relagated to the "old" people buses. Any diversion from this and their medication will be withheld or increased. Whatever's quicker.

Jaded: As you know my administration has never been fond of poop. So you can have all the poop including that of the hamsters.

Any other questions?

 

I like money, I love free money. Can I have free money?

 

I believe all available surplus funds have been diverted...elsewhere. But since you asked first I'll give you 1,000,000$ cool? Next question.

 

If I run for president I can divert the ENTIRE surplus to me, so I am going to run as well. What do you think of them apples?!

 

<whispers over to secret service people>

Robert reportus: Is an unrelated incident to Acthars's running for office threat and Axia's subsequent secret but short meeting with his secret service people, 40 tons of c4 beneath Acthar suddenly went off.

Acthar is the first initiative in a new space program headed by canditate Axia since Acthar is now in orbit.

Axia is still taking questions.