Saga Bad Boys, JEDI Style

Title: Bad Boys, JEDI Style
Summary: A comedy of errors...
Genre: Parody, Humor, Romance, Drama
Timeframe: Episodes I through VI

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

It is a time of peace in the galaxy. In fact, things are so peaceful
that the Jedi have very little to do these days, aside from handling
occasional Senate matters and training new younglings.

This newfound peace is largely due to the tremendous popularity
of the reality holo-broadcast, JEDI, which over the past decade has
elevated the Jedi to a nearly god-like status. Criminals quake in fear
of the legendary warriors, while parents flock to the Jedi Temple,
begging that their gifted children be accepted as Jedi younglings.

The Jedi themselves find the logistics of the reality show somewhat
annoying, but they tolerate the cameras for the sake of good public
relations. However, during this heinously boring time of peace, the
producers of JEDI have resorted to staging much of the action in
order to keep the show exciting for their avid viewers...


Chapter Index:

1. II: Obi-Wan & Anakin are assigned to JEDI
2. II: Everybody is nervous about filming
3. II: Let's have a rogue Jedi on the show
4. II: No, let's say he's drunk instead
5. II: Oh and by the way they're all family
6. II: Ahh! Don't make me work with PADME!
7. II: Anakin and Padme learn how to act
8. II: Obi-Wan discovers Kamino
9. II: I love you, you're not like sand
10. II: Frolicking in the meadow
11. II: Hey, let's go rescue my mom!
12. II: Oops, too late, she died anyway
13. II: Now let's fight droids in a factory!
14. II: And play Gladiator!
15. II: And get chopped up by Count Dooku!
16. II: Wrapping up this episode of JEDI
17. Anakin studies for the trials
18. Hi Padme, let's pretend to be in love
19. Uh, we ARE pretending, right?
20. Oh good, I didn't think so either!
21. Obi-Wan would die if he ever found out
22. Or maybe not?
[link=http://b

 

Chapters 1 - 16

(Please click here for the first part of this story!)

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[b]Chapter 17[/b]

"What is the capital of Cordolan?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Karnosis?" Anakin guessed uncertainly.

"Kardosa," Obi-Wan corrected him. "That was close. All right... What two sentient species are native to Mon Calamari?"

"Calamarians and... Squirrels?"

Obi-Wan shook his head, sighing. "[i]Mon[/i] Calamarians," he corrected Anakin. "And they're not squirrels, they're [i]Quarren[/i]," he added, shaking his head with frustration. "Anakin, you must study harder if you are to face the trials. A Jedi Knight cannot make these types of mistakes while on a diplomatic mission," he implored his padawan.

"I know, Master," Anakin apologized. "I'm sorry; I've been studying all week, but it just doesn't seem to sink in," he said miserably, laying his head on the table. "I'm not good at this, Master. I'm sorry."

"Being sorry is not going to help you face the trials," Obi-Wan pointed out. Then, seeing his padawan's utter mental exhaustion and complete misery, he took pity on him. "How is your ankle?" he asked gently.

"It's all right," Anakin answered glumly. He had sprained it four days earlier during lightsaber practice; Obi-Wan had pushed him to his utmost limits, driving him back relentlessly, and Anakin had landed badly after a hastily-executed somersault. It wasn't the injury itself that frightened Obi-Wan so much; it was the knowledge that in a real engagement this type of error could very well cost him his life.

He also had realized that Anakin was nowhere near ready to face the trials, either as a swordsman or in the area of knowledge, which had always been his weakest point. As a fighter pilot, Anakin had been ready for years, and he was a natural in his use of the Force; without even trying, his abilities were already beginning to surpass Obi-Wan's in some ways. But lightsaber practice and academic study required constant focus and discipline, something that Anakin unfortunately did not seem to possess.

[i]I have been too lenient with him,[/i] Obi-Wan had realized. [i]He must learn discipline if he is to face the trials.[/i] And so for the past three days, while Anakin had been recovering from his sprained ankle, they had both been camped out in the Jedi Temple library, as Obi-Wan had desperately tried to fill his brother's pretty little head with knowledge. So far it didn't seem to be working, and he realized he had only succeeded in making the boy completely miserable.

[i]He will never be a Master at this rate,[/i] Obi-Wan realized sadly. [i]He will never find out how much I love him; and worse, he will only come to hate me for pushing him so hard.[/i] Obi-Wan wanted so badly for Anakin to become a Master one day, because it meant that he would be allowed access to his personal file, and could finally learn that he and Obi-Wan were brothers, and that Qui-Gon was their father.

But he was beginning to despair that that day would ever come. Anakin seemed to have no ambition whatsoever; he theoretically wanted to face the trials and become a Jedi Knight, but he had no intention of dedicating himself to further study to become a Master. Anakin was incredibly bright in his own way, but he wasn't a natural scholar, and studying was difficult for him. Judging by his alarming lack of progress this week, Obi-Wan was beginning to worry if he would even achieve the rank of Knight.

[i]I was twenty-five before I faced the trials,[/i] Obi-Wan reminded himself. [i]And Anakin only just turned twenty last month.[/i] There was no standard age at which a padawan was expected to face the trials; but still, as Obi-Wan knew from personal experience, after a certain point it became embarrassing and shameful to still wear the padawan braid, when all of your peers had already gone on to become Jedi Knights. Obi-Wan had learned exceptional patience and gained much wisdom in his final years under Qui-Gon's training, but he re

 

Obi-Wan had desperately tried to fill his brother's pretty little head with knowledge.

lol! Do you know - for some reason - your Obi-Wan and Anakin reminded me of Hector and Paris in Troy?


Anakin, you are quite the drama queen. It's a wonder the folks at JEDI haven't hired you permanently by now.

Famous last words.

You like Jabba? *this is when I back away from you slowly*

 

Hmm if Anakin needs to be a scholar to pass the Trials, then I foresee him remaining a padawan for the rest of his life. On the other hand, how can he be that bad with a lightsaber? In the movies he is like a combat machine! Although admittedly that is after he attains Knighthood. But still, he can't be that far away now, so he should be better with a lightsaber.

Can't wait to see how his little romantic getaway with Padme works out. Probably lots more corny dialogue. But I suspect that a real marriage will be taking place sometime soon between two certain someones...Probably out on the lakes of a certain planet...Get where I'm going with this?

 

I missed a few updates...

This is so funny! Sometimes you just need to laugh after reading all the angst...

Padme is getting married to someone else? I can see why Anakin is so upset...

Can't wait for more!

 

Sighing, Obi-Wan gazed at his little brother now, trying to imagine how he would look one day with a little grey padawan braid.

Oh priceless!

Oh no...the frolicking begins once again! Can't help but feel sorry for Anakin and the thoughts going through his head about Obi-Wan were so sweet. The not being able to live his glory days part was really touching...

Poor Obi

Can't wait for the next chapter!

 

that was great cant wait for the next chapter!

 

Chapter 18

Anakin sat inside the cockpit of his Jedi Starfighter on the docking platform behind the lake retreat, wiping the tears from his eyes with his sleeve and trying to compose himself before facing Padme. Breathe, he told himself. You can do this. It's just play-acting. You did it before; you can do it again. Taking a deep breath, he opened the hatch and started to climb out.

"Ani!" He looked up to see Padme coming over to greet him, followed by three hovering camera droids. Perfect, he thought, smiling bravely and waving to her. We're filming already. Distracted by Padme's ravishing beauty and failing to realize that his ankle had gone completely stiff and numb from hours of sitting in a cramped cockpit, Anakin climbed down to meet her...

And then somehow he was lying face-down on the docking platform, inspecting the pavement at close range as pretty little stars danced before his eyes. Oh, this is off to a brilliant start, he thought ruefully, blinking away his minor concussion.

"Ani!" Padme exclaimed anxiously, running to him. "Ani, are you all right?"

"Yeah. Fine," Anakin grunted, staggering dizzily to his feet and trying to ignore the pain that shot through his swollen ankle. "I just, um..." he broke off, gesturing lamely toward the Jedi Starfighter. Nope. There's no explaining that one. "How are you?" he asked, smiling cheerfully as he quickly changed the subject.

"I'm fine, thank you," Padme smiled politely, her deep brown eyes conveying a mixture of surprise and concern, along with barely-concealed amusement. Then she burst into a fit of giggles, hugging him affectionately. "I'm sorry, Ani," she apologized. "I've just never seen a Jedi fall out of his spaceship before," she explained, still giggling. "Are you sure you're all right?" she asked again, concerned.

"Yeah, I - " Anakin laughed with embarrassment, shaking his head. Please tell me we're not going to use that. "Sorry, can we try this again?" he cringed apologetically. "That didn't happen," he intoned hypnotically, waving his fingers at the camera.

"Oh! They're not on," Padme reassured him quickly. "Sorry, I should have told you," she apologized, handing Anakin a homing device, which he clipped onto his belt. "These are new cameras; they're voice activated," she explained. "Watch this: Action," she commanded, as little red lights started blinking on the cameras. "Now they're on... Hi Owen!" she smiled cheerfully, waving at the camera. "Cut! And now they're off," she demonstrated, looking quite pleased with herself. "Isn't that great?"

"Yeah, that's... perfect," Anakin grinned, impressed and relieved. Then he remembered his manners. "Oh! Congratulations," he said politely, managing a proper Jedi bow, though it seemed a bit pointless after falling flat on his face a moment earlier. "Obi-Wan and I received your wedding invitation; we're both very happy for you, Padme," he smiled warmly, hoping he looked sincere.

"Thank you, Anakin," Padme smiled appreciatively. She feels tired, Anakin sensed. And sad, he realized with surprise. Anakin quickly masked his concern, listening to her words rather than probing her feelings; having the Force was an unfair advantage, and he hated when Obi-Wan did that to him. "Yes, I can't believe it's only a month away," she was saying now. "I've been so busy lately with all the wedding preparations; I'm glad to get away for a few days," she admitted, with a somewhat forced smile.

"So am I," Anakin commiserated. "It's been a rough week," he grinned ruefully. I have never felt her so unhappy; she feels as if she's about to cry. "So should we try to film something here?" he asked cheerfully, sensing that Padme needed a distraction.

"Yes," Padme agreed. "Owen said to just make up whatever we want; basically he needs a bunch of little scenes with us meeting secretly, to use throughout the next season," she explained. "So maybe we can try this again - without falling down," she giggled

 

Awwww, I remember this chapter. Anakin is so sweet in it - and I just love the way he names all her hairstyles. *sigh* So romantic.

It is so much fun reading this story all over again, my dear!

 

Great chapter! Loved the naming her hairstyles.

 

LOL that was so funny when he fell!

 

Awww, I thought the naming of all the hairstyles was really cute. But who is this Leif Organa punk? He better stay away from Padme if he knows what's good for him! Maybe he can die or something, seeing as how they are already engaged.

And that dialogue wasn't too bad, except for the pet names, and the fact that there is no way there are any tuna fish on Tatooine (heck there isn't even any water on Tatooine for the tuna to live in). I also loved his little bluff about the squirrels of Mon Calamari. That was just funny.

Just as funny as ever Wawoot. Please keep it going.

 

"I just, um..." he broke off, gesturing lamely toward the Jedi Starfighter. Nope. There's no explaining that one.

There definitely isn't!

Naming Padme's hairstyles is really sweet! But if you think about, it's a little silly too! I love it anyway!

At least this time around nothing too weird ocurred. Or have I spoken too soon

 

How sweet! I loved how Anakin had a name for each of Padme's hairstyles.

It looks like she's not too happy about marrying Leif- perhaps she will be changing her mind?

 

this is really awesome. put me on ur pm list please.

 

Great update. Love the names for her hairstyles. Too funny.

 

Chapter 19

"Action." Anakin stepped onto the terrace from the gondola in the canal, walking softly toward Padme. I should never have said that about her hair, he realized sadly. He hadn't meant to hurt her feelings; it wasn't the first time he'd made up silly names for her hairstyles, and Padme had laughed it off as usual, but then she had fallen strangely silent, and Anakin had sensed her sadness.

He had come up with the waterfall name in an attempt to say something nice, but it had only made things worse. Padme had managed a polite smile, but then she had turned quickly away, trying to hide her tears. Anakin felt guilty, both for having upset her, and for violating her privacy by sensing her inner feelings. Padme had been trying so hard to hide her sadness from him today, and Anakin had respectfully pretended not to notice, but he was very concerned for her. Something wasn't right.

Hearing his footsteps on the terrace, Padme turned to him now. "Anakin," she cried in happy surprise, laying her head blissfully against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. "You're home," she smiled tenderly, looking up at him in wonder. Her eyes were glistening, not with tears of happiness to see him, but with a terrible sense of pain and despair that was emanating from her entire being. Anakin fought tears himself, feeling Padme's intense suffering, though he still didn't understand it.

"Yes," he whispered softly, kissing her on the lips. This was their sixth kiss today, and as always, he pictured Jabba the Hutt in his mind for safety; but at the moment his own physical desires were outweighed by his deep concern for Padme. He wished he could do something, anything, to save her from this intense misery; but his lame attempts at distracting her and making her laugh today hadn't helped. "I wanted to surprise you," he smiled, looking tenderly into her eyes and stroking her hair gently in a desperate attempt to comfort her. Please don't be sad, Padme. I'm so worried about you.

"I'm glad you're here," Padme smiled bravely; but now the tears threatened to well over, and Anakin knew she could not hold out much longer. "How long can you stay?" she asked him, her voice shaking a little.

"Just tonight," he whispered softly, still kissing her and stroking her hair gently. Hang in there, Padme. We're almost done. "I have to be back on Coruscant before dawn," he told her quietly. "They don't know I left. I just couldn't go another day without seeing you." Padme was trembling now, so he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and laying his cheek on her head to hide her tears. Oh great, now I'm going to cry too. "Cut," he said, his voice rough with emotion. Owen did not need to see this awkward moment.

Padme pulled herself away from his embrace, still trembling and crying. "I'm sorry," she choked, giving him an apologetic smile. Then, surprised by Anakin's tears, she laughed despite herself. "You too?" she giggled tearfully.

Anakin sniffed back his tears, grinning shyly. "Yeah," he admitted, slightly embarrassed. "Ha! We are getting way too good at acting... This is ridiculous," he laughed. Padme giggled too, and he was glad to see a sparkle of humor in her deep brown eyes.

"Let's take a break," she said, wiping away her tears and smiling appreciatively as she led the way back inside. "I'll make us some tea," she suggested, as Anakin followed her into the kitchen. "How is your ankle?" she asked, concerned for him.

"It's good," he assured her casually. "I should probably ice it again though," he admitted, going to the freezer and pulling out an ice pack while Padme started some water boiling for tea. She seemed all right again now; at least the tears were past.

"So what is a squirrel, anyway?" Padme asked, curious. "I've never heard of them."

"Um," Anakin said, embarrassed. "Yeah, I got it wrong," he admitted. "They weren't squirrels; I forget what they're called. Squidheads," he explained, sitting down and pulling

 

Don't worry! Weird is good with me!

"So you... Now?"

Oh man! That was good. I loved Anakin's reaction to everything in that chapter. When Padme finally said she loved him, a HUGE sigh of relief escaped me! Finally!

Can't wait to read what happens next!

 

Awesome update! Loved Anakin and the tea. So glad they finally got their feelings out in the open.

 

Fairly interesting story. PM when you update.

 

LOL Glad that finnaly got out in the open I cant wait to see what happens next!

 

Chapter 20

Now? Anakin wondered again, gazing tenderly at Padme as the aching, tingling feelings returned. She was so soft, so delicate, so beautiful; he wanted to kiss her, to hold her close, to... I don't know how to do this, he realized, a little frightened. What if I do something wrong? But the deep, painful longing was back, and tears sprang to his eyes as he realized he didn't have to fight it any more.

"I love you, Padme," he said softly, gazing deep into her eyes as he gently crawled on top of her, careful not to crush her beneath him as he kissed her tenderly on the lips. She was so tiny and delicate; Anakin knew that Padme was a lot stronger than she looked, but still he worried she might break if he wasn't gentle enough.

"I love you too, Ani," Padme smiled tenderly, her dark eyes shining with happiness as she looked up at him. But then she put a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him away. Oh. That was wrong, Anakin realized in dismay, crawling off of her again. He was about to apologize, but Padme was still smiling gently as she reached toward him, unclasping his belt buckle. Oh. Right, Anakin realized with relief. This isn't going to work with clothes on. He was grateful that Padme seemed to know what she was doing.

As she helped him out of his tunic, Anakin looked down shyly, feeling suddenly self-conscious. He knew he wasn't as visibly muscular as other men - Leif Organa for example - and he didn't have even a hint of hair on his chest, but Padme didn't seem to mind. She simply smiled, gazing at him with admiration. Anakin smiled back gratefully, kissing her again playfully; she was just too pretty not to kiss.

Should I take off her dress? he wondered nervously. It seemed so forward; he didn't want to do anything wrong. So he just kept kissing her, running his fingers through her soft, silky hair and gently caressing her shoulder. But then she broke away from him again, and he stopped, blinking uncertainly. I completely suck at this, he realized sadly, tears of shame stinging his eyes.

"Ani," Padme said softly. He gave her an apologetic glance, but her smile was tender and forgiving. "I love you," she began, and Anakin cringed as he sensed where this was going. "But I want to be married," she told him gently. Anakin looked away, choking painfully as tears welled in his eyes; but he nodded, accepting it. "To you," Padme reassured him quickly, smiling tenderly as she brushed away his tears. "Ani, I just thought of something... Your Jedi vows are to the Republic, right?"

"Yes," Anakin agreed hesitantly, with a questioning look.

Padme smiled at him affectionately. "Ani, what if we got married outside the Republic, somewhere on the Outer Rim?" she asked softly. "It wouldn't be recognized here, but at least we could say the words, and get a priest's blessing... We could do it on Tatooine; it's where we first met," she smiled wistfully. "Tatooine isn't far; if we leave now, we could be back in a few hours," she suggested hopefully.

"Oh," Anakin grinned with relief, nodding agreeably. "Sure. I mean - yes. I mean..." He laughed, shaking his head as he realized how completely pathetic that came out. "I'm sorry," he said, holding her hands as he got down on one knee beside the bed. For all the play-acting they had done together, this still felt very strange; then he realized why. "Hang on," he apologized, as he quickly pulled on his tunic and clasped his belt. I'm not proposing to her half-naked. With an apologetic grin, he knelt before her again, taking her hands in his.

"Padme," he began, in an overly theatrical tone, laughing at himself; then he looked down shyly. This is not a joke. She was the Queen of Naboo, and she's giving up a prince for me. He looked up into her eyes now, hopeful and apologetic at the same time. "Will you marry me?" he asked softly, realizing what a huge sacrifice it was for her.

But Padme simply smiled. "Yes," she replied happily, her eyes sparkling with affect

 

Awww that was perfect! I loved the priest and the receptionist. Something about them just made me all happy inside!

Leif and Kiara, Anakin and Padme...oh gosh, how will this turn out!!!!

Very very excited! Great post!