Saga Bad Judgement - Purge Challenge, vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Winged_Jedi, Aug 4, 2004.

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  1. Winged_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 28, 2003
    star 4
    This is my response to the Jedi Purge Challenge in the Writer Resource. It was the first thing that came into my head, so here goes. Feedback always appreciated. :)

    Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or it's characters, etc, etc.


    Bad Judgement

    This is the price of my mistake.

    In the dark corridor, The Jedi ignites his lightsaber, and turns back to his padawan. He whispers hurriedly to the young boy, who replies softly, his voice barely audible. Both know these are the last words they will ever speak to each other. Their eyes glisten with the final tears they will ever shed.

    What have you done, Anakin?

    The padawan runs. His master watches him go, and then sits down on the cold floor. He quietly enters a meditative trance, and waits for his death.

    I remember when we first met you on Tatooine. Even then, the Force surrounded you like an aura. You had potential beyond anything I had ever seen before.
    And you were so innocent, even naive. There was no anger there, no hatred. Nothing that could corrupt your training. At least, I thought not. But I misjudged you.

    I just could not see any fatal flaw in your character...I was blind.

    Vader stands at the corridor entrance. Behind him there is movement. Soldiers can be glimpsed in the shadows, encased in white and black armour. Vader motions for them to stay put, and advances on the Jedi.

    I saw your years of training with Obi-Wan. I was so proud, so sure the council had been wrong about you. You would make a fine Jedi Knight.

    But then...I watched the way you were. Impulsive, arrogant, impatient. Common faults in young Jedi. But you weren't just any young Jedi. You had real power at your fingertips. And you used it when you destroyed the Tusken camp. You gave into the temptation I was sure you could overcome.

    And I watched, and saw all my hopes for you fade away. I saw the way you waded through the dead to kill every last one. You lost your humanity for a moment then. And now, you've lost it forever.

    I should have left you on Tatooine. I failed you.

    The Jedi has no time to react. He awakes from his trance only to be violently swept off the ground and into the air. There are a few gasps of horror and awe from the soldiers as the grip tightens on the man's neck. Vader stands there silently with his arm outstretched, his hand claw-like. The darkside pulses as Vader clenches his fist, utter hatred in the motion. There is a horrible sound, and the Jedi collapses to the floor. Vader walks on, and the soldiers follow. They try not to look at the body.

    What made you hate the Jedi so? Your friends, and your teachers, all those padawans who admired you. You killed them...no, you massacred them. All of them. Without the slightest hesitation. Sometimes I look at you, hunting...and murdering...Jedi I once trained with. I wish that I could see even a hint of remorse. I watch you all the time, and I wish you could just show mercy once, just once, show that somewhere inside Darth Vader, the boy I met on Tatooine still exists!

    But I know Anakin Skywalker is dead. There is nothing human left in you. I still hope that somehow, some way, you can be saved. But that's impossible.

    Vader stops still suddenly, and turns to his left, as if he can smell the scent of his prey. The troopers wait, puzzled. Vader looks around, from left to right, before jerking his head in the direction of a small locker in the corner. A gloved hand rises fast into the air, and the locker door is ripped off its hinges and sent spinning into the wall. Inside, the padawan whimpers, cowering from the Dark Lord. A lightsaber is raised. A crimson blade hisses to life.

    You really will kill them all.

    Vader is fast and lethal. A split second later, it's over.

    Even the children.

    Vader deactivates his lightsaber. He looks down at the body for a few seconds, and then turns away and stalks off. The Imperial troops don't give the body a second glance. They march after their fearsome leader.

    I
  2. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    This was very haunting. I can imagine that Qui-Gon really would feel this way.

    Vader deactivates his lightsaber. He looks down at the body for a few seconds, and then turns away and stalks off. The Imperial troops don't give the body a second glance. They march after their fearsome leader.

    I remember what you told me, once, so long ago.

    "No one can kill a Jedi."

    The Dark Lord of the Sith and his stormtroopers head back to the ship. They still have much work to do.

    Now, more than ever, I wish that were so.


    Great work!
  3. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I wasn't sure who's that perspective that was until the end.. very sneaky!!! Haunting is the perfect word for it too!!
  4. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    *claps* Lovely! A blue ghosty perspective, and so well done, too! The regret and pain in his voice come right through.
  5. Zane-Marit Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 2003
    star 3
    Nice perspective....Wish I had thought of it.
  6. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Kind of reminds me of that random qui-gon appearance in AOTC, during the Tusken massacre, how I was struck by how those beyond still are impacted by the force of their own consequences. Well-done.
  7. JediNemesis Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2003
    star 4
    :_|

    That was so sad, and so haunting, especially Vader's killing first the Master and then the padawan . . . and all of it told by Obi-Wan. I liked it a lot. Good work!
  8. Mjsullivan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 8, 2003
    star 3
    Awww, very touching indeed! I especially loved the concluding line - Now more than ever, I wish that were so.

    Very moving, Winged_Jedi
  9. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Oh wow that was so moving! Brilliant insight on how QUi-Gon must have regretted taking the boy off Tatooine. Poor Qui-Gon. Excellent job!
  10. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    WOW this was juz great! And I missed this one! I LOVED how you portrayed Qui here. I was suspected it was him and the bit at the end proved it correct. These lines were sooooooo heartfelt and painful!! My eyes teared up!

    I just could not see any fatal flaw in your character...I was blind.

    And I watched, and saw all my hopes for you fade away. I saw the way you waded through the dead to kill every last one. You lost your humanity for a moment then. And now, you've lost it forever.

    I should have left you on Tatooine. I failed you.

    I remember what you told me, once, so long ago.

    "No one can kill a Jedi."

    The Dark Lord of the Sith and his stormtroopers head back to the ship. They still have much work to do.

    Now, more than ever, I wish that were so.


    EXCELLENT!!! One could almost imagine that this is what Qui is thinking during those times.
  11. Winged_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 28, 2003
    star 4
    VaderLVR64- Thanks. It turned out more haunting than I expected, and I'm glad you guys like it. :D

    Healer_Leona- Sneaky indeed. Hehehehe.

    Lilith Demodae- Thanks! :D

    Zane-Marit- Thanks. I'm sure someone would have thought of this perspective if I hadn't done it.

    DarthIshtar- I know what you mean, it was the Tusken massacre thing that gave me the idea of Qui-Gon.

    JediNemesis- All told by Qui-Gon. ;) :) I'm pleased you liked the Master-Padawan thing. I wanted the Purge to be happening while Qui-Gon was speaking.

    Mjsullivan- Yeah, that line was nice. I was gonna put it right at the beginning to let people know who was speaking from the start, but I think it worked better at the end.

    Layren- Thank you. I agree, poor Qui-Gon. He can just hear all the dead Jedi Council members going 'we told you so'.

    Kynstar- I'm glad you liked it. :D
  12. Laine_Snowtrekker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2003
    star 5
    Good viggie! I loved how you took lines from TPM and wove them into this. This is great!
  13. Fate Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 22, 2003
    star 3
    *sighs* Yet another wonderfully horrible entry. :( As in, wonderfully written, horrible outcome. [face_love]/[face_worried] I really felt for Qui-Gon in this entry - just the thought of having so much blood on my conscience... :( Even if it isn't his fault, he thinks it is, and that is enough.

    I found myself wondering the same things he did - how and why Anakin could grow to hate the people he'd worked and played with for so long so desperately. :( All I can say is that his motivation had better be a lot better in ROTS, George. [face_plain]

    Anyway, you did a wonderful job, Winged_Jedi. [face_love] This called the "Anakin! Anakin! No!" line to my mind, and that part always gives me the chills.



    For freedom. For justice. Viva la Rebellion.

  14. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I didn't know who it was until near the end. And you can just feel Qui-Gon's guilt and sorrow in his final words.

    Great job.
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