Basher Sanctuary Episode 4: A New Forum

There should be an "Erase from existence" button on TPM

 

Darth Sillyname's Star Wars story:

- Early 80's: Got some actionfigures and comics before I had seen the movie. Thought they were cool. Had fun.
- Saw ANH and TESB back-to-back some time before ROTJ came out : AWESOME experience.
- ROTJ: loved it.
- Got Darth Vader's autograph outside a toystore. Probably wasn't the real Darth Vader...
- Always a fan, never an über-fan.
- Remained a fan, but obviously as time passed and I got older, Star Wars more or less disappeared from the radar.
- During that time saw the OT on VHS, loved it, but obviously it wasn't as grand and endless and supercool as my imagination had made it look in all those years.
- Got internet access at the university - discovered Star Wars still had a strong fanbase all over the world. Old action figures were still being collected, etc. Cool stuff.
- SW games on computer. Some cool stuff.
- Special Editions and Prequels announced. Excited, but also somewhat concerned and realistic - it simply would never be the same. It could never be as good as it once was.
- Special Editions - first excitement, liked the cleaned-up image and sound. Had serious doubts about most of the changes. Pointless at best, terrible at worst.
- The original OT would never be released again: Anger, frustration, disbelief.
- Closing in on Episode 1. Saw some spoilers, not much, didn't know what to expect. Some kid, a girl, a queen, R2-D2 on Tattooine...
- Read TPM script (movie was released months later in my country than in the US). Shocked. What the hell was that?!
- Saw TPM on crappy bootleg. Bored. First SW movie in 20 years and I walked away to get some coffee. What the...!
- Finally saw TPM in cinema. Nice colours...
- Bitched about TPM on TF.N boards.
- Achieved Basher status.
- Followed Episode 2 spoilers. Concerned.
- Read Episode 2 script. Potential, but surely this could not be the shooting script?!
- Saw AOTC. Ok fanfilm with neat effects. Not a real Star Wars movie. Not looking forward to episode 3.
- Continued bitching about prequels on boards.
- Read some episode 3 spoilers/rumors. Some predictable, some bad. Stopped reading them. Not interested.
- Original original trilogy will not be on DVD. Instead we'll get extra special edition with not so special extras. Whatever...
- Continues bitching about demise of Star Wars on boards. A bit sad really...

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* ANH: Great. The real star wars. Looks a bit dated, and I'm not only talking about the effects. It's a movie from the late 70's. It always will be, no matter how many changes Lucas makes to it.

* TESB: Interesting sequel. A bit slow. Has a special 'feel' to it which makes it a classic.

* ROTJ: Good fun, most of it. Loved it as a kid, but it's really not that good.

* Ewok movies: Liked the first one, didn't like the second one. Still have them on video somewhere.

* Droids en Ewok cartoons: Saw only a bit of them, not interested.

* Special Editions: Should have simply cleaned up the image and sound, and maybe removed some matte-lines. Some shoddy CG copy-and-paste stuff give it all an inconsistent look. Changes are pointless and sometimes terrible.

* Holiday Special: Saw bits of it. Laughed, clicked the little 'x' in the upper-right corner, put it on cdr just because.

* TPM: Saw it once in the cinema, a few times on video. I hate parts of it, I can tolerate other parts. Hate the chosen one crap. It's basically an ok story, but mostly boring.

* AOTC: Saw it once in the cinema. Three times on video - but only once completely. The last time I tried to watch it I only watched the action scenes, and even those had become lame. I dislike AOTC more than TPM, despite some more entertaining visuals.

* Clone wars cartoon: haven't seen it, not interested.

* Episode 3: whatever.

 

Maybe I should get more detailed:

?late 70's: first exposed to Star Wars (not A New Hope)
?first saw SW in its entirety in 1979
?saw ROTJ in theater twice
?went into SW hiatus with the rest of the world
?went to SW marathon in 1985 (sweet! )
?back into hiatus
?bought and read Zahn's books; was back in SW for a short time
?never saw the SEs
?bought OT on VHS and kept them stored until I bought a VCR
?went into TPM totally clueless (thought kid in teaser poster was Luke! )
?saw TPM four times, but each time became less and less excited about it
?bought VCR so I could see TPM, anyway
?got online in 2001; shocked at "basher" phenomenon; joined the gushers, but kept my mouth shut about what I didn't like
?decided to stop denying what I knew and became parttime basher
?saw AOTC twice; couldn't believe how bad it was the first time, had to see it again; decided it wasn't SW
?became a basher full-time
?read Ep3 spoilers: train wreck ahead.
?original OT won't be on DVD; my anger knows no bounds.

 

Or since subtitle's are no longer Lucas' thing, lets re-edit the Special Edition ANH to have Greedo speak English with an accent.

Leia: My hands are dirty.
Greedo: Meeesa hands is iiiicky too. Yousa muy, muy fwaid of someting?

 

- Screw it up even worse? Aha! So you admit that the prequels are screwed up?

Yep.
And I think ESB and ROTJ are screwed up too, to (on average) equal degrees.
No major complaints about ANH, at least not enough to call it "screwed up". Though I do find individual scenes within it screwed up. Eh.



Or since subtitle's are no longer Lucas' thing

Watto, Jabba and Poggle got 'em in the PT.

In fact, the only SW film where no one gets subtitled dialogue is ESB.



Rick McCallum loves you!

 

I hope Sebulba isn't Poggle, because Sebulba got 'em

 

The Greedo thing gets funnier the more I think about it. Or perhaps I'm just insane.

In either case, it certainly begs the question of what remains inviolate in any of the original films. If Lucas can "update" what I take to be such fundamental, basic, core elements as Han getting the drop on Greedo, is anything safe? For pure humorous effect, if I were Lucas I would quit dancing around it and finally make some of the following changes:

ANH:

Greedo kills Han, takes over Millenium Falcon as if nothing has happened. Chewbacca gets big CGI eyes so he can look surprised at the event, and also big flappy ears that move around to reflect his mood.
Whenever Leia wears a white dress, digitally enhanced Burger King commercials are projected on it. Obi Wan's lightsaber is replaced with an American Express card. The Mos Eisley Cantina band troupe is updated every 3 years as boyband fashions dictate. R2-D2 can not only fly, but also dispense sodas. Jawas changed from eletrocuting him to buying a round of Pepsis out of his storage hold. Death Star altered from blowing up planets to using its giant ray to rapidly materialize Sheraton Hotels on them. All accents switched from British to French, all blaster fire changed to 'sleeping darts'. Biggs parachutes (using a "space parachute") out of his burning fighter onto the surface of the Death Star, where he discovers Porkins has also survived and they have a cook-out.

ESB: Greedo spurns Millenium Falcon in favor of new Segway Scooter. Luke soaks in big tank of Gatorade, then seeks out Yoda on newly revised Planet Disneybah. C3PO starts to exhibit sassy Oprah personality. All 'starfield' space backdrops replaced by shots of various LFL offices. Instead of strangling Lando, Chewie and Lobot play 1-on-1 basketball. Chewie wins with monstrous dunk that shatters backboard, then has Nike symbol tattooed on forehead. Greedo eventually encased in Godiva chocolate. Luke's hand is "cut off", only to re-emerge moments later from inside his sleeve where he hid it. Vader and Luke bust out laughing and agree to reconcile over a screening of The Phantom Menace: Special Edition.

ROTJ: CGI Ewoks everywhere from the opening moment. If I see a second of screen time without a CGI Ewok in it, heads are going to roll. If you run out of Ewok templates, use Mon-Chi-Chis. Mon Mothma replaced by Jessica Simpson. R2-D2 now does nothing but chirp the names of XBox games, which may be played on his new plasma screen attachment. The Emperor's force lightning removed and replaced with him tickling Luke. Giant battle on Endor converted from forest to standing in line for Attack of the Clones. Leia, at minute 114, forced to stop acting for a moment and wish Lucas' children happy birthday. Stormtrooper-helmet-drumset at the end replaced with Hobbit heads.

 

Ah found it. It took days to go through every single page of the TPM forum looking for where this thread had gone.

Anyway, pleased to see the new thread title, now we've got something else to bash if we (temporarily) get bored of bashing the PT (Pitiable Trilogy). Great Work Stryphe!

Obligatory short Bashers' AA bit:
I'm too young to have caught the OT in cinemas, but was most certainly caught up in post-Jedi marketing hype. My Falcon, X-Wing and Y-wing ships and Luke-in-X-Wing-pilot-suit figure saw plenty of action and now sit in a rather battered state in the attic, retired with honour.
But it wasn't until university, courtesy of a neighbour with a video and an alarmingly encyclopedic knowledge of EVERY LAST LINE of dialogue from ANH that my SW interest really blossomed. Many happy times were spent with the OT and plenty of alcohol. In a way, ROTJ became my favourite film because it's easier to crack jokes and sarcastic comments at!

ANH - Best for quotable dialogue and magical fairytale quality. Favourite scene: The Binary Sunset.
ESB - By far the best episode and one of my favourite movies ever. Best Music and best storyline in the trilogy.
Favourite scenes: The Asteroid Field chase, (This scene IS SW); Yoda's X-Wing Lift, The duel.
(As you can tell, I tend to like scenes where the music swells up)
ROTJ - Enjoyable but nothing so special. I liked the duel, but it was damaged by being intercut with the other battles.
TPM - Just didn't capture the feel of SW. I break out the DVD occasionally for the lightsabre fight and Duel of the Fates theme(the one aspect that didn't disappoint me).
AOTC - Even worse, because it captured the SW vibe slightly better than TPM, but made a mockery of it. Awful story line, poor action sequences, and worst at all, the 'Love Story' - I've seen better writing and delivery in a cheap imported TV Soap. Even JW drops the ball. I've no desire to see this again.

I'm vaguely optimistic about AVBE, but given the direction of SW since 1980 (nothing good except a few games), I have little reason to be so.

 

Bashers AA bit. Heh !
Hey LSHB your name keeps confusing me- I think it's me writing the funny stuff !

SHB

 

Yeah, sorry..my old name no longer works here since they outlawed those evil apostrophes (plus it was long) so I just went with the initials.

 

My list of best to worst trilogies.


1) Star Wars OT
2) LOTR
3) Indiana Jones
4) Back to the Future
5) The Matrix
6) Star Wars PT (thus far)
7) Jurrassic Park

 

Ooooh BlueTrooper, mines is a little different. Any trilogy with a majorly flawed segment has to loose points. Unfortunately that means the SW OT because Jedi sucks worse than a 10lb leach. To be honest I never rated the OT past TESB, up until that point it beats most htings hands down, but ROTJ is like a completely different vegetable, it fails where its predecessors excels. It's the Rocky 4, the Godfather part 3, the Highlander 2. I hate that film.

1) LOTR
2) Indiana Jones
3) The Matrix
4) Back to the Future
5) SW OT
6) Evil Dead

 

Well, looks like my time of posting in the TPM forum is now at an end. Since this thread has been moved there no longer any reason to hold me to the TPM board. As for the whole move thing.... meh! And since I'm feeling a bit annoyed about having to come to the community board....

the prequles suck!
Uncle George is a hack!
Natalie Portman portrays the dullest Star Wars main character ever!
Little kids in a Star Wars movies has been a stupid idea!
Force Messiahs suck!
Force Stalkers suck!
Whiny Force Brats suck!
Peter Jackson as a director of a fantasy movie officially pwned Old Man George!
3P0's creation by the Force Brat, sucks!
The Clone Wars cartoon panders only to 14 year Dragon Ball Z fans and as a result sucks!
Rocket jets on Artoo was one of the most moronic things ever!
Kermit Fu, thats right you guessed it.... SUCKS!
The Clone Trooper command structure, sucks!
Jar Jar Binks, Sucks!
Star Wars has taken a steep nose dive with the release of the Return Of The Jedi.

Hehe, I don't think I've ever used the word "Suck/s" before in one of my posts. I guess I really do hate moving..... Which I incidentally just did yesterday., hehe.

-----signature-----
"Rabid Balding Ewok, you make me sick.
If there was an enemies list, you'd be on mine."


:::*::(^^) :(^^) :::::::
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:::::/###-^^-##I :::::
: *:.l##/(*)# (*)\\:::::
:::/##(###.00#)#I ::::
::(___/#*#(XXX)/__) ::
::/000{{{{www}}}}\:: Ewoks Will Eat You!

 

My list of trilogies. I'm gonna cheat a little and include a few that have more than 3 by only taking the first 3 made.

1) LOTR
2) SW OT (close call but for Ewoks)
3) Man with No Name series (Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly)
4) The Godfather trilogy (weighed down by III)
5) The Indiana Jones Trilogy (weighed down by TOD)
6) The Terminator series
7) Alien (for sake of list, first 3)
8) Star Trek (first 3, elevated by wrath of khan)
9) Mariachi series (El Mariachi, Desperado, Once Upon a Time In Mexico)
10) Superman series (first 3, elevated by first one)
11) Rocky series (first three, elevated by first one)

Oh, and:

Rocket jets on Artoo was one of the most moronic things ever!

I hear that

 

My ranking of trilogies... hmm.
I am considering the SW trilogies separate for purposes of this post, despite my belief that it is one saga.
I am not considering series (other than SW) with more than 3 entries.

(1) SW OT
(2) LOTR
(3) SW PT (thus far...)
(4) Back to the Future
(5) American Pie
(6) Indiana Jones
(7) The Matrix (haven't seen Revolutions yet, don't plan to, but other people were talkin' Matrix, so I decided I had to include it)

Kevin Smith's 'Jersey Trilogy' has been left out here because I consider his first five films a more cohesive series than his first three alone, largely thanks to J+SBSB.



Rick McCallum loves you!

 

Adam, the way you so gamely defend the Prequels I'm shocked you actually put LOTR ahead of them on your list.

I myself would put LOTR just slightly above SW OT because the quality of Jackson's epic is of consistently high quality. ROTJ brings the OT down a notch or two for me. Although ESB is my favorite single film of all-time....

 

Rhaegar, it works out like this...

On average, I give the LOTR series a better score than the PT. But I like AOTC better than I do, on average, LOTR. I am more likely to defend AOTC than TPM on any given post.

While my love for FOTR and AOTC is great, the other instalments in their respective trilogies really start showing chinks in the armor to me.

My grades work out like this:

ANH, FOTR ... A+
AOTC ... A-
ESB, ROTJ, ROTK ... B+
T2T, TPM ... B

Also, let's face it, I'm going to defend the prequels "gamely" because this is a SW board, where I go to be excited about SW and not neccesarily other movies.

And also because I find the prequels vastly underrated (whereas I find LOTR a tad overrated). LOTR does not need my sympathy.



Rick McCallum loves you!

 

Oh Jeez, how could I forget Godfather and Terminator. Let me redo the list.


1) Star Wars OT (ROTJ sucks, but ANH and ESB are so great, that they make up for the crappyness of the final chapter.)
2) LOTR (3 solid masterpieces)
3) Indiana Jones (Temple of Doom brought this one down)
4) Back to the Future
5) The Godfather (part 3 sucked)
6) The Matrix (part 3 sucked)
7) The Terminator (part 3 REALLY sucked)
8) Star Wars PT (AOTC is AWFUL)
9) Jurrassic Park

 

TPM Sucked Raw Oysters. Just a really atrocious, awful movie.

AOTC, besides sucking because of the big video game battle, sucked right from the beginning.

PADME: I think Count Dooku is behind it!

*applauds sarcastically*

Way to introduce a major villian you twits!

ARGH! Sucks so bad! I think I'll go balance myself on a cow, fall off and play dead, wait for a 24 year old senator to straddle me and then roll around in the grass with her. And then wait until she changes into a super sexy seductive black get up, set up on a leather couch next to a romantic fire, and listen to her tell me we can't do anything together, regardless of the effort put into all of this. Stupid tease.

What a joke.

 

And then wait until she changes into a super sexy seductive black get up, set up on a leather couch next to a romantic fire, and listen to her tell me we can't do anything together, regardless of the effort put into all of this. Stupid tease.

Sums up MY Saturday night pretty well.






Rick McCallum loves you!

 

There are films I can't have on my list like the Superman films, the Alien series and Rocky. These films are not trilogies, they have more than three films to their series. The Godfather should be on my list above the OT because the first two parts of those are truly the best made films I had ever seen until LOTR even if the third is crap! For the life of me I can't see why Temple of Doom is hated by so many. None of the Indiana Jones films dissapoint and Temple of Doom is my favourite, it's a rollacoaster of pure entertainments, thrills and fights from the very start to the finish. It's more on track in terms of homage to the old Republic Serials than the other two. I don't think I ever had anyway near as much fun watching a film in the cinema as I did TOD the first time around.

Same goes for the Matrix Revolutions, it simply blew me away, the two parts along with the sequences from the game make for an epic sequel to the original film. Unlike most I don't have a problem with the ending, I hate the same old crap with one side dominating over the other or the so called good guys winning every time at the end. This wasn't about good and bad, it was about life and co-existence and so the ending was perfect and a well welcome change to the norm. I think the Matrix sequel was one of the best and most original presentations I ever witnessed. To take something like that and deliver it on a multi media platform was risky, most people were never going to endeavour to get the narrative from the game or the Animatrix shorts but for those who did and understood everything that the W.Brothers were trying to get across, then the analogygy of life as delivered in the movie was superb.

But so what, nothing comes close to LOTR, it's by far and away the greatest trilogy in my book. It has extended editions that leave all the other films in the shade. The sheer quality f their production stands head and shoulders above anything ever produced before and the best is still yet to come.

 

I find very few trilogies completely satisfying. LOTR is outstanding & not since Sergio Leone's dollars trilogy has a series of films gotten better with each new edition. Here is how I rank them

3 Great films:
LOTR
Matrix
Once Upon a Time in China
Jackie Chan's Police Story
The Man With No Name
Evil Dead
Infernal Affairs

Marred by one bad film
The Godfather
Mad Max
Star Wars
Fight Back to School
Terminator
George Romero's Dead trilogy

Each of these series started great, with an amazing 2nd chapter & a horrible finale. The Indiana Jones series is where I think we first see Lucas losing his edge & playing for cheap laughs. Short Round is the precursor to Jar Jar & is a shining example of what isn't funny. I think the series was redeemed with Last Crusade & the chemsitry between Ford & Connery.

I don't add other trilogies where there is only one good film & lame sequels.

A special mention should go out to the Greatest 6 part series ever put to film:

Lone Wolf & Cub

 

^^

Yeah, I probably shouldn't have even added these two.

8) Star Wars PT (AOTC is AWFUL)
9) Jurrassic Park


Only the first Jurrassic Park is good, and the only thing that can save the PT is Episode 3.

 

Yeah, the Evil Dead series is great too, I forgot that in mine. Curses!

 

I have to admit that I haven't been following the developments concerning Ep. 3. Does anyone here know if Lucas has enlisted help with the script this time?