BBWeekly Task: Take 2]The BBB House interviews. Straight out of Compton, the SWA interview.

May god have mercy on all of our souls.


1. You're the Pimpdaddy of the JCC, I think that's obviously accepted by most of the users there. Can you you give any tips to some of the gawdy, and frankly fugly, people that don't have the streetsmarts that a person of your refined stature can pull off without a hitch?


CONFIDENCE and MONEY. Carry a fat wallet full of cash when going out to town with friends. Start off with a nice smile from 20 feet away, then move in and ask, "Can I get you something"? the answer will always be "yes". Move on to the next step. Ask a lady to dance...all of them like dancing and if you can't dance you got no game. But, don't forget to go get her that drink and take your time, it will keep the ladies wondering where you are. Also, ignore them when they are with their own female friends and play hard to get..think of yourself as a DON JUAN..and play out your game as if you looked like Marlon Brando. Of course, in any case that you are too fugly to get away with it, always use that fat wallet and go to a mall. Get a makeover..get urself some sunglasses, a new suit and new underwear. Later, get out of the house, tell your parents you are going to play poker with friends and go to a strip bar..talk to ladies and get to know them..the best way to become a real ladies man is to talk to strippers and give them all your money.


2. You've loved many a lovely lady, and some have speculated that you even had a brief affair with Michael Jackson. What's your bag? How do you get into, and out of, and inside of, the pants of the celebrity industry? How big of an ego does it give you, and even moreso, how bad does it burn when you pee?

Great question. I have a thing for celebs. yeah they love me. as you know, I was a supporter of the "Caravan of Love" I didn't have a sexual affair with Mike per say, but we did get talking on message boards and started a whole campaing in Santa Clarita to save his butt. I love Mike as a good friend..he's a real talented kid, and did you know he loves Star Wars? Oh yeah, we could talk star wars all day long. Ego helps, and celebrities can tell about you, you know if you are just after their money or fame?..but I keep it real. they are just people, like us.
Of course I became an internet sensation with my Natalie Portman story. I'm sure many have read it, you should know i've got death threats for that..there's lots of haters out there.But Nat will never, ever forget me. She was love struck and captured by my charm. and to this day we still send eachother e-mails.

I've also met numerous other celebs. Lindsay, Arnold, Bruce, Mark, Harrison.
All you gotta do is follow them around. You know? know where they will be next, dress up nice and go to the party..then get to know them in person, spark up a conversation, maybe talk about fashion or the 80's. They love talking about the 80's, I once kissed drew barrymore in a club, she's a wild one. this is myspace page. http://www.myspace.com/jedimiller

Does it hurt when I pee? yes! sometimes..and I saw the doctor for that u know? he checked my prostate but he said it was fine..it was only a momentary infection from da ladies..and that's fine, I can deal with the pain for a while. But I do promote SAFE SEX!!!! just that when you are drunk and in the moment you forget you left the plastics in the car. Sometimes, when I pee I can stand there for 5 or more minutes and wait..just wait, But eventually I find relief.


3. I really need you to express, in detail, why, and how much you hate Michael Bay(Bastard Bay, as you refer to him). Did you enjoy Transformers? Did it rape your childhood? If so, please describe why, how, how deeply, and whether you can walk straight yet.

I HATE that bastard!!! what he did for transformers was absolutely unforgivable! he should really get a beating. How dare does he play Linkin Park at the end, what's the meaning of that? I wish I could hang him from his nuts and pull slowly..very tightly until he starts to feel numb, but that's just my wish. He raped me hard, and

 

Thank you ASG. Compton eh? I approve of this interview.

 

This interview had me laughing the whole time! I think I believe about maybe 10-20% of it, but it's brilliant nonetheless. SWA, you're a master of satire. I have no doubt.

 

lol. I laughed at the whole interview too..it's weird you know? cause I wrote it..but sometimes I get into this typing mode and I start talking honesty..but it's not me you know? it's like a part of my personality that's funny..and the next week or so..I read it and go.."wow...I did that?"

 

Reading all the interviews..this is the funniest..and that's not because I wrote it

 

Actually, it makes perfect sense, dude. Of all the guys in the house, I think I've learned the most about you, so far. And it's been enlightening.