Because sj dared me - The way we wuz. . .

Solojones said that my Mary Sue story couldn't possibly be as horrible as that LOTR story she posted a link to in her thread. I'm here to prove her wrong, with happy little excerpts!

So feel free to laugh at how much I sucked as a writer. I know I'll be doing it, as I dust off the old writing samples.

And if anyone else is brave enough to volunteer samples of their own old writing, then go ahead and do it!

Example One: An excerpt from "The Top Seacret Paper in the Garbege"


Eugend was skared. Jessica was skarred. Cersive writing was hard. Soon it would be time for graduateg. . .


Love the spelling, love the attention to detail. The best part of this story was that it said nothing about the top secret paper until the end, when it was revealed that Eugene threw it in the garbage. Glad to know what happened to it, or else I might have been wondering for the rest of my life!

Example Two: An Excerpt from "The Youngest Rebel"


Jessica Smith loved secret spys and detectives. She watched James Bond Junior every day! Jessica even had a spy name that she called herself. She loved to collect MAD magazine and she loved Spy vs. Spy.


Gotta love the detailed history. Also, the fact that this story switches obsessions in mid-stream is kinda impressive. I hadn't watched Star Wars at this point. . .


One day Brendan Fox passed her a note and snorted with laughter. Jess opened up the note and read it. It read: Roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to get out of school, I do too! So Jess rigged up an escape route out of the Boiler room.


Ah, the beginning of Mary's wonderful powers. She can escape from school, even out of the boiler room! I wonder if traveling through any ducts was involved.

I'll go on to the super-disgusting Star Wars part. . .


Brendan and Jess opened the door and stood there in the doorway horrified and to scared to move! The custodian was a ninja! Just then Jessica leaped up into the air and started to fight the custodian. With a series of kicks and acrobatic leaps she overpowered the custodian. At the last minute of the fight, Jess outstretched her hand and a locker opened!


Muahahahaha! I think there are places on this planet where you can be caned for writing that horrible!

But as you see, not only is Jessica a martial arts expert, but she's also a jedi! Big surprise there. [face_GriffZ]

I'd share more, but it's killing brain cells to read this stuff.

Jae Angel

*hides in the corner*


~ James

Awwwww, poor James. Come here and let me protect you from Mary.

Jae Angel

I think there are places on this planet where you can be caned for writing that horrible!

...horribly

just kidding, just kidding! Too much time spent reviewing stories

That was a hysterical story! I have to ask, how old were you? I need to find an approximation from some of my own writing.

You're really going to eat my brains if I get close to you, aren't you? [face_shocked]

I'm onto you.. o.o


~ James

Actually, it was talking specifically about the writing, which could be horrible enough to get me caned. Or at least put in a burlap sack and beaten with bamboo poles.

I was ten years old when I wrote some of that, and then eleven for the rest. And the top secret paper one was from when I was seven.

I still look back at writing from high school and cringe. I had this horrible habit of putting multiple exclamation marks after every strong comment a character made. It took me hours to correct.

Jae Angel

ED: No, Snowdrop, I wasn't just smelling your spicy brains as you walked past. . .

Ahh now let me get some of the stuff I did in elementary school here.

As for high school, well, that's where I am now... and I don't want to brag or anything, but I believe some people are just gifted with being able to write, and they have to. So that's just me. I think my current stuff's pretty good, though obviously there's room for improvement

Ok ok, now I have to find some old 'books' I started

Snowdrop? *hides far, far away from here*

O.O


~ James

I vaguely remember a story I wrote when I was 10. It was about this gang of Q-bert creatures, the ones from the old arcade game. I found them fascinating because they were so odd, yet cursed like a foul mouthed sailor when touched by a snake.

Anyways, I thought I had written a novel that Tolstoy would have been proud of. I got my mom to type it out for me, and it turned out to be about a half of a page, so it was really no novel. But with all the Q-bert's, I had used the letter Q more than any other title I've read to this day.

Yeah, Snowdrop and Mittens, those crazy kittens.

I'll have to send you a link. I don't think I can post it on here because the material is questionable in one episode.

sj, I've also noticed that some people are just naturally gifted at writing, even in high school. This is a great place to find them. In fanfic you can read amazing stuff by thirteen year olds. LOL! At age 13 I was still writing Mary Sue, but this time it was a Mara Jade clone. I could REALLY get beaten for that! Her name was the funniest part -> Tara Janyx. Tara is obvious, but Janyx is a combination between Jade and Onyx. Ahhhhhhhh, such sweet horrible writing!

Jae Angel

ED: That is so true, B'omarr! Each one of my "chapters" from The Youngest Rebel were a paragraph at best. Of course, if I'd known anything about grammar or dialogue structure then they would have been longer.

Ok, this is from the first 'novel' I wrote. Yeah, so it was about 5,000 words maybe... so not exactly a novel there More like a short story... a very disturbing one about child detectives and killer
robotic octopi

So, here's the *unedited*, *unspellchecked* version.. well, some excerpts (oh, and of course, it stars me and all my friends). Written at age 8.

Chapter 1
Rachel knocked Kenny's hat of. "You little" Kenny began.
"Little what?" Rachel asked before he could finish. Kenny picked his hat up. Rachel was always picking on Kenny, even though she was youngest in her class.

Kenny was the oddball out of him, Paul, Zach, and Rachel. He was always being, well he always seemed to be, wierd.

hey, weird is a hard word to spell! I was surprised that I actually had paragraphs and indentations. hmm... moving on..

Chapter 2
"Hey Rachel, Kenny hasn't taken his hat of yet." Paul pointed out. "Your right. Mabey I should help him get it off." Rachel replied. "No you don't." He said knowing what she was going to do. He took it off his self.

The other three laughed. "Ha ha ha." Kenny laughed sarcastically. He hung his hat up.

ah yes, even at this age, I knew how to spell sarcastically. That's what's important Apparently, I had trouble with the word 'off' though

Ok, let's find an 'action' part


Chapter 8 (The Lab)

Inside they parked THE CHASE Behind a crate. The kids steped out quietly. The tables were covered with mechanical stuff. Chemicals stacked the shelves.

A Tall man steped over to the boys. "You got it?" He asked. "Yea Cramesic, we got it." Jobec answered. They extanged boxes. Kenny took pictures.

Oooh, a horribly pornographic sounding moment! Those weird names are the 'bad guys code names', by the way

Ok, and there was a sequel to this book, too, that takes place when we're all of 17 (because that's really old!) and we go to the Cayman Islands (money laundring?). There are people there trying to kill us because we know about their weather machine that can rain bullets. Honestly... I don't know where that is, though.

That is really sad, but very true. In general, fanfiction sucks My first fanfic was entitled High Treason, and was published in the fanzine I Care IV. The sequel was published in the subsequent issue. I wrote them when I was 13 and 14. I am still proud of them, I think they're rather good.

My fav, though, is my Han/Indy crossover... the sequel to which I should probably be finishing soon... hmmm...

<lazy

Dude, you could get stoned for writing that stuff. Don't worry, I've gotten stoned before. In fact, I think I'm stoned now...

Hmm...Han/Indy crossover...

I still think that if Han and Indy saw each other, Han would like faint or something...I dwell on that a bit too much...

COS, it was a kind of popular fic here actually. It's how I first met Rogue 1.5 because he loved the story. He was surprised to find out it was written by a 13-year-old girl, though I can PM you a link to it if you want to read it. It's a riot

I loved how anybody a few years older than myself was looked upon like some sort of god in my earlier fic-writing days. There was Brian and his bunch of tough eighth graders who beat up Jessica and Brendan and got them sent to the principal's office.

In the picture I drew from that scene (yes, I illustrated all my stories too) you can see Brian wearing a leather jacket, a wallet chain, and these high-heeled cowboy boots! He looked so effeminate that I couldn't help laughing when I saw it! Only cool guys wear high heels.

Now that I'm older, I respect instead of worship.

Jae Angel

No joke! I drew pictures for one book, too. It had absolutely no plot except for something about a dog with glasses... but the characters were all these *gasp* HIGH SCHOOL kids. woooow, they were cool

Hehe, high school kids were wayyyyy out of my league. I used to fantasize about being a third grader back when I was in kindergarten. And when I was nine I imagined what we'd all look like when we were thirteen and drew it.

Then when I was thirteen I found it and drew what we really looked like. It was different.

Jae Angel

Dude, back in Kindergarten, Third Graders = teh c00l.

But by the time I was in third grade, I didn't respect anyone.