Before Bed Balls - Qui, Obi, Touski(OC) - with Epilogue - really it's COMPLETE/FIXED this time -16-Oct-2006

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Jun 3, 2006.

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  1. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Oh, I really loved that chapter. The description of Obi-Wan's vision was breathtaking. I could see with such clarity the ice-rimed face of Qui-Gon, the purple bruises, how Obi-Wan fell to shivering. What I found interesting was that it was Qui-Gon's steady, physical touch and presence that helped ground Obi-Wan back in reality, yet he seems so skiddish or uncomfortable about touching, especially when it comes to Touski.

    Just beautiful. [face_love] [face_love] Can't wait for more---so hurry the heck up! :p
  2. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Healer_Leona: Excellent post ardavenport . I love you how you write Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

    Thanks! :) Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan can be so easy to write for.

    Princess_Arulmozhi: Very beautiful, Anne. I loved the way you described Obi-Wan's 'fall' into a vision ... and the way Qui-Gon comforted him, when he was out of it. The explanation Qui-Gon gives about when a vision ends or begins was classic - very Qui-Gon, and quite logical.

    It seems to take a lot of time and revisions for scenes where Qui-Gon is teaching something, to get it to sound like Qui-Gon. The vision and the comforting were simpler in a way because Qui-gon is more physically compassionate, I think, than he is verbally. Thanks for reading! :)

    LuvEwan: Oh, I really loved that chapter. The description of Obi-Wan's vision was breathtaking. I could see with such clarity the ice-rimed face of Qui-Gon, the purple bruises, how Obi-Wan fell to shivering. What I found interesting was that it was Qui-Gon's steady, physical touch and presence that helped ground Obi-Wan back in reality, yet he seems so skiddish or uncomfortable about touching, especially when it comes to Touski.

    Just beautiful. love love Can't wait for more---so hurry the heck up!


    Thank-you!:) Oh, Qui-Gon is all about presence. And I see him as being much more touch-y than Obi-Wan. I?m sure he?s the one who taught Obi-Wan how to hug.

    And I?ve tried posting a story this long all at once and I noone would read it (or, at least reply) until I broke it up into installments.:p




    And now, some more....


    ?o(((O)))oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo(((O)))o? part 6


    Touski stared down at the other bed bin in her room. The blankets were neatly draped over the sides. Her Jedi were always tidy. They carried so little with them as well. They never left things lying around, were never messy.

    She sighed, groaning to herself. She sank down on the floor cushion. The stewards would bring in a third bin in the morning. If they took out the second floor cushion, everything would just fit.

    She had slept fitfully most of the day, having fought bitterly with her cousins over the com all night. The com bill would be truly astronomical; her threats about the costs (which she was charging to her cousins? accounts) had at least served as a crude bludgeon into getting them to agree to something, but she most regretted the even higher price that she would have to pay.

    The door chimed. Touski leaped to her feet as it slid open. She stared down at her two Jedi.

    ?Oh!? she exclaimed when she saw the marks on Obi-Wan Kenobi?s face. Purple was a very unhealthy coloring for a humanoid. She crouched, lowering herself to see it better.

    ?A minor accident, only, Touski. We?ve already had it treated at a med-clinic and it will be healed in a few days,? Qui-Gon Jinn assured her.

    ?Oh, it?s still not good.? Touski plucked up Obi-Wan Kenobi; his delicate little hands grasped the edge of her fingers. She put him in the bed bin and he let go.

    ?Oh,? she suddenly thought. ?Maybe you should eat instead? Would that make you feel better.? She peered down at Obi-Wan?s tiny blue-gray eyes.

    ?We ate at a café when we came in,? Qui-Gon Jinn said.

    ?Oh.? Touski turned back to him. ?Then...you won?t want dinner.?

    Qui-Gon Jinn smiled back. ?Later, I think, yes. It?s still early.? Then his two brows lowered. ?You are concerned about something, Touski.? She frowned and then turned herself to go sit on one of the floor cushions. Qui-Gon Jinn patiently followed and stood by her while she gathered her thoughts. His arms and body were concealed in the drape of dark brown fabric that hung over his slender body.

    ?My cousins, Ebiki and Olumski--they?re married--are coming. They?re getting a transport from Yurth today and they should arrive tomorrow.? Qui-Gon Jinn?s head moved, tilting a little bit. ?They?re not my nicest relations, but they are honest and competent enough to act as representatives for Yolosk
  3. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Ha! Love how Obi-Wan became more comfortable with Touski, especially as he was getting insight into his master as well.

    I'm glad that Qui-Gon isn't upset that he's subject of conversation. :D :D

    Wonderful post ardavenport .
  4. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    That was sweet. Touski is so gentle as she needs to be. I'm glad that Obi-Wan is finally relaxing enough to enjoy himself a bit.

    Good job.
  5. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    I love the character of Touski. Have I mentioned that before? :p I think it's so sweet that she refers to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan as "her Jedi", and frets over them. Touski and Obi-Wan's brightening friendship was lovely. I just love everything about this story. :)
  6. Ara-gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 2
    Oh, Anne, the last two posts were just lovely. I can't begin to imagine where you're going with this, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the journey.

    When Touski is through with her family, could she please come visit at my house? It might be a little small for her, but she's so delightful, compassionate, and sweet. I'm sure my children would love her.

  7. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Healer_Leona: Thank-you! All Obi-Wan needed to do was get to know Touski. And Qui-Gon can be a very understanding master.

    dianethx: Thanks! Once he gets around the hugs and being picked up Obi-Wan can see what Qui-Gon sees in Touski.

    LuvEwan: Mmmmm, I think you might have said that you love Touski. She?s so much larger than ?her Jedi? that she is just automatically protective of them. Thanks for reading!

    Ara-gon: Thank-you! Touski is a bit like a favorite aunt, I think. Perhaps a bit pushy, but good-natured and understanding.




    And now, some more....


    -o(((O)))oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo(((O)))o- part 7


    Obi-Wan focused his awareness inward.

    The only thing in his mind was a picture of meeting Touski again, possibly for breakfast the next morning. It was not very imaginative, being nearly the same thing that Qui-Gon had used on him two days before, but Obi-Wan had learned that imagination was not required for influencing visions. He wondered if it might even be a detriment.

    He felt the Force, gathered around him, connecting him to the ground, the Outpost, Qui-Gon sitting before him and the parkland beyond the Outpost on Tilthny Hill.

    Focus inward. A voice, not quite his own, echoed through the Force. His thoughts closed in on their planned breakfast. Touski. The Force trembled like a heat wave around him. His focus shrank down on the dining hall in the hostel, plants overhead, tables, chairs, serving droids, their table overlooking the other patrons eating. And Qui-Gon. The Force rippled around his Master. Sitting next to him. At breakfast. The Force rushed in.

    Obi-Wan felt something soft touch his head.

    Obi-Wan opened his eyes.

    A big, green eye peered down at him.

    Obi-Wan leaped up from where he had been sitting on a clear patch of ground in Outpost. He actually heard himself cry out. Touski hastily withdrew her enormous hand.

    ?Touski!? he exclaimed.

    Qui-Gon was gone.

    Obi-Wan frantically looked about, then up at the purple-mottled Yurthak. She was wearing her green dress again.

    ?You?re not supposed to be here,? he told her. The local laws about non-Jedi trespassing on reservoir parklands were very strict.

    ?Oh, I know. It?s not allowed. But I had to come for a proper good-bye. Once Ebiki and Olumski get here, I?ll be escorting them around and Yoloski is getting worse and things might turn into a vigil and I?ll be at the med-center, and I won?t possibly be able to leave, and you?ve both been so kind to me, I couldn?t just go away. I should have said more this morning, but I was so hoping to see you and Qui-Gon Jinn tomorrow that I didn?t properly think about what would happen...?

    She babbled on, wringing her huge, purple hands before her. Obi-Wan continued to look about him as if a parkland ranger were about to spring out from the Outpost ruins any moment with an arrest warrant. A big, round, three-meter tall Yurthak in a green dress was just too large for them not to notice on their scanners.

    ?Aaaaaaaaauuuugggghhhhh!!!?

    A horrible bellow boomed up from the ground. Obi-Wan froze. Qui-Gon sprang up out of the ground behind Touski; he Force-leaped up from the below-ground entrance, his feet not even touching the broken stairs. He swung his lightsaber, blazing green in the daylight. His hair was unbound, a wild mane around his head, brown, slightly tinged with gray. Qui-Gon took a defensive stance.

    ?Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!?

    A huge brown eye appeared, filling the hole behind Qui-Gon. The ground around it bulged upward, plants and soil tearing. A huge body emerged, rocks and dirt falling away from it. A long, flabby arm swiped and Qui-Gon jumped back jabbing at it with the tip of his saber.

    This new Yurthak was taller than Touski, but it?s skin was patchy and peeling in places. It wore notthing and its purple body was spotted brown, the flesh hanging loosely on its body; its fingers twitched. It?s eye was sunken and rimmed with crusty, yellow puss. Spittle flew from
  8. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    This has to be one of the most interesting stories I've read. Each post brings a new facet, something unique. The whole shared/influenced vision idea is so neat, and their reactions to it are very telling of their personalities.

    Obi-Wan futilely grasped for his detachment. None of this concerned him. He was a Jedi. It wasn?t his family, but he was paralyzed with a desperate desire at least keep it from escalating. Most dismaying, was the sense that Qui-Gon, behind him, was lost to the conflict as well. The Force was contaminated with the small-minded squabbling all around them. Obi-Wan felt abandoned. He bitterly thought of every stupid, selfish thing that Qui-Gon had ever done as his Master.

    Obi-Wan felt a pressure building in on him, behind his eyes. The air was thick with old grudges and back-biting, petty sniping and outright cruelty. Adults slapped each other. Parents squeezed their misbehaving children, who wailed of their innocence, while other adults only cringed but didn?t try to stop it. Siblings cursed each other. Exaggeration, gossip, hidden motives, hyposcrisy. Friendship turned to envy. Love became jealousy.

    Back to back, they sat on a field of roiling bed balls. Red, green, blue, purple, white. And they were all talking, bickering at each other, an ocean of yammering noise, too busy and cluttered to make out any one voice, but they all had something very bad to say about Yoloski.

    ?Will you all SHUT UP!!!? Touski?s voice cut though the din.

    They shut up.


    I really liked that passage, everything jumbling together, with the bed balls rolling. And I liked the 'friendship turned to envy' and 'love became jealousy', little nods to Anakin, maybe? o_O Excellent post. =D=
  9. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I admit to having read the post twice ot really get all that went on.

    ?It was a difficult lesson, my Master.?

    Qui-Gon nodded and turned to him. His dark blue eyes looked intently into his. ?The most valuable lessons can be.?


    How very true. A most unique story is correct and so very highly enjoable.
  10. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    That vision was certainly odd and rather scary. The fact that both the Jedi had to run away from giants and then it turned into bedballs was so like dreams. I found it interesting that Qui-Gon was crying from his vision. I would think that him thinking Obi-Wan was willing to kill him would certainly be upsetting.

    Good job.
  11. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    LuvEwan: Thanks much! The whole ?vision thing? has been fun to play with. They have shown up in the movies and the cartoons, but there isn?t much explanation for them, so there was plenty of room to fill in some details.

    I really liked that passage, everything jumbling together, with the bed balls rolling. And I liked the 'friendship turned to envy' and 'love became jealousy', little nods to Anakin, maybe?

    Possibly, but I think that Touski?s cousins produce enough near-term pettiness to completely drown out any foreshadowing of Anakin for either Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan.

    Healer_Leona: Glad you?re enjoying the story! Thanks for the reply!

    dianethx: Visions, I think, would have to be a lot like dreams, but they would feel much for real in retrospect and have the added weight of premonition. I think that the second vision affected Qui-Gon more seriously because it was initiated by Obi-Wan, so Qui-Gon, even though he knew that something was coming, had absolutely no control over what was happening to him. In the earlier vision, the one Qui-Gon had initiated, he had a little more control and distance from it, so I don?t think it affected him less even though Obi-Wan being willing to kill him might be a more upsetting scenario. Thanks much for reading!



    And now, the final chapter.....



    ?o(((O)))oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo(((O)))o? part 8


    Obi-Wan piloted the rented speeder bike through the morning ground lanes of the city. It was early, with only light traffic. Sitting behind him, Qui-Gon watched the city blocks whiz by. They were heading for the hostel in an older, carefully preserved, historic part of the city, where none of the buildings were allowed to be greater than ten stories. Qui-Gon could see occasional glimpses of the parkland and Tilthny Hill in the distance.

    After Obi-Wan?s ?success? with influencing a vision in him, neither one of them had been inclined to camp that night at the Outpost. They had spent the rest of the day there. The weather was pleasant and they had walked the grounds of the ruins discussing each other?s visions. They had eaten lunch, made some guesses about what parts of the Outpost had been and Qui-Gon had recited some things that he knew about them. They had sparred with their lightsabers, but only for light exercise. They had spent the rest of the day doing anything but visions.

    With the sun low in the sky and the shadows grown long on the ground, they had taken the speeder back into town and secured a simple room at one of the many convenience hostels that occupied the city blocks around the spaceport. They had meditated before retiring. Qui-Gon had admitted that he was heartily glad to not be sleeping in a bed bin that night. Grinning, Obi-Wan had agreed.

    They had tried to contact Touski after they were settled in their new room, but they had only gotten recorded com messages, telling them when she would be up for breakfast. Her cousins had arrived.

    Arriving at the hostel, they were directed to short term parking, since they were no longer guests. They strolled through the rough, defensive entryway pillars of the converted fort, into the main lobby. Touski waited for them. Behind her stood two other Yurthaks. Qui-Gon was not a bit surprised that Ebiki and Olumski were exactly as he?d seen in their vision, even their clothes were the same, red and orange drape and white pleats. Obi-Wan missed a step behind him. Qui-Gon smiled back at him. It was the factual accuracies and prophetic nature of visions, that distinguished them from random delusions and demanded a Jedi?s attention. Qui-Gon would have preferred that it was otherwise; delusions could be discarded as fancy; visions contained the essence of a reality that dragged one into its own focus.

    ?Oh, I?m soooo glad to see you!? Touski happily scooped them up and pressed them to her cheeks. Qui-Gon patted her with his hands. Touski was always alive with the moment. Even contentious, selfish relatives couldn?t squash that. He?d known that all along, b
  12. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    At least the vision was able to help her out - by letting go of her need to help and letting her cousins do the work.

    Good job. Very interesting culture. Loved the visions and how they reacted to them. LOL on Qui-Gon's realization that he wasn't good at following his own advice.
  13. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    visions contained the essence of a reality that dragged one into its own focus.


    Oooh, I like that. :)

    Yoloski wanted to be stuffed for a statue base and we have to stasis-freeze the body and have it shipped back to Yurthak for that backwards, old ritual. Why that mean, old fl?Yurthak, couldn?t have his body be eaten and scattered by water scavengers like everyone else...?

    A most interesting culture. [face_thinking]

    I'm glad to see that Touski has a way out of the mess with the will.

    The end? Well that came as a surpise. Excellent story ardavenport . Thank you for sharing it with us. :D :D
  14. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    dianethx: Thank-you! The visions were fun to play with. They definitely have potential for other stories. Oh, Qui-Gon can be such a rogue, that he doens't even listen to himself sometimes.[face_mischief]

    Healer_Leona: Thank you! The Yurthaks were fun to do; I'm glad you enjoyed Touski.

    The end? Well that came as a surpise. Excellent story ardavenport . Thank you for sharing it with us.

    Y'know I had been thinking about an epilogue, but thought I might be padding the story a bit too much. But maybe not. :)

    So, here it is......



    - o(((O)))oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo(((O)))o - Epilogue


    The transport rumbled around them as it descended into Coruscant's atmosphere. The stacked luggage, boxes and crates rattled with the vibration of the low rumble all around the three passengers in the cargo hold.

    Touski sighed loudly, obviously relieved that the trip was over. Obi-Wan, who sat next to her on a rigid, metal bench, looked up at the huge, purple Yurthak. Qui-Gon sat on his other side.

    Their transport had not had any passenger areas large enough for Touski, so she had accepted space in the cargo hold, just as on her trip out from Coruscant. The crew of this ship had at least been more accommodating than the previous one. They had been given floor mats to sit on and assigned a serving droid to provide refreshment. Obi-Wan had looked the other way when the problem of the ship not having a fresher large enough for Touski was dealt with. The droid had handled that.

    They had rested and conversed for the long hours of the trip. They had also exchanged contact information, though they had all acknowledged that they would likely not be meeting again. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan could be assigned to a mission off-world at any time and Touski would return to Yurth when her court work was finished.

    The rumbling of the ship increased, low and growing in volume until it was interrupted by the solid thump of the landing gear below. Immediately, the engines throttled down and the noise decreased to a low hum and then even that faded to background noise.

    Hatches clanged open. The rear, loading ramp cracked open and lowered to the landing platform. Their droid guided them toward it while crew members and lifters hurried to begin unloading. It was midday and the sky overhead was clear and blue outside. their landing platform was level with the horizon of building tops around it.

    "Ooooohhhhh!!" Touski ran forward, warbling happily. Another Yurtak, wearing a fluttering, blue dress, had ran toward her across the landing platform. They both squealed when they impacted, their bodies squashing together, their long arms around each other's heads. It was a gigantic hug.

    Both grinning, the two Jedi shouldered their traveling packs and followed. The two Yurthaks had separated by the time they reached them.

    "What did you DO, Touski??" the other asked in a high, feminine voice. She was a similar shade of purple, but smaller than their traveling companion. "Your cousins have simply gone into orbit. They're on the com for you all the time. They won't say what it's about, but you can just tell they are VERY unhappy about something."

    Touski told her about signing over her co-executor position to Ebiki. The other Yurthak stared back, her mouth agage.

    "They are just going to DISOWN you, Touski!" she finally exclaimed.

    "Well, don't you think that would be a good thing?" Touski asked. "You've seen what that end of my family is like, all snippy and know-it-all and puffed up about themselves while stepping on everyone one else while they're doing it."

    Touski's companion put her hand to her mouth. "Well, I suppose, you've got a point there. That Pozoli was especially unpleasant. But I told him that you were sequestered with the court and you simply could not receive any outside communications. That should hold them off, as long as they don't call the court directly to ask for you."

    "Oh, believe me, none of them are smart enough to think of that, except maybe Ebiki
  15. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Awww, I for one am glad Touski got one last hug in. I'm a bit of a hugger myself. [face_blush]

    That's a most satisfying epilogue. Thank you ardavenport. [:D]
  16. Ara-gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 2
    That was lovely, Anne. I loved how they took the visions and turned them to Touski's advantage.

    "Padawan, I am not very good at taking my own advice about visions.? A perfect line, and so very Qui-Gon.

    The epilogue was sweet. I loved their farewells!

  17. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Healer_Leona: Aaaawwww, but Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are so huggable. [:D] Thanks for reading!

    Ara-gon: I was also glad that their upsetting visions could be turned to good use for Touski. And they got a nice good-bye, too. Thank-you!

    ---------------

    And BTW, when I posted this yesterday (15-Oct-2006) I checked the preview, but I foolishly did not check the post. Whoa was me, since the sneaky hash codes in the boards decided to show up again. All of my opening and closing double quotes had turned into these things:

    â?? â??

    And apostrophes had turned into these:

    â??

    I don't know what causes this and it wasn't showing up on the other posts and it doesn't always show up in a prewiew either; you have to look at the actual post.

    The only cure is to change them all to plain ASCII double quotes. I have posted about it in the 'technical difficulties' thread in the Communications forum, but so far, there is no explanation for it.

    I'll try to be more careful about watching for these things showing up in the future. They do make it hard to read a fic.[face_worried]

  18. LuvBoo-in Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2003
    Qui-Gon has such an air of dignity and compassion about him, especially in this story. I loved that he made sure everyone could see Touski hugging them, and that Obi-Wan still had that tense feeling he couldn't completely dispel. The relationship you've built between them in this is beautiful and realistic. Another unique and thought-provoking story. =D=
  19. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Aaaahh, thanks LuvBoo-in (peeking in the Halloween sock :)). Qui-Gon's not shy about showing friendship, I think, if he's with the right person, of course. I think of Touski as one of Qui-Gon's definitely non-pathetic lifeforms. Obi-Wan is just naturally more reserved, I think -- it's a good thing he has Qui-Gon for a master! Thanks for the reply!

    Just testing something EDIT:


    Initial Post (no preview)

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    old european currency symbol: â‚ 


    Initial Post (with preview)

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    ellipses: â?¦
    accented e: é
    cent symbol: ¢
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    three-quarters: ¾
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    one-quarter: �¼
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    EDIT: The explanation for this experimentation is here. The problem is a bug in the forum; to quote lazykbys_left:

    The cause of the error appears to be a complete and utter lack of the <meta charset> tag. Because of this, your browser will automatically select a font/language that seems to fit the web page. If it chooses Western Alphabet (ISO-8859-1) when you're trying to post stuff, then the bug doesn't show. But if it chooses Unicode or some other language, then your post gets messed up.


  20. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    What an interesting story! I loved Touski and the lighter side of the story and especially loved how you handled the way the different personalities of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan interacted with her. I like to see poor Obi-Wan squirm occasionally, but was happy to see he started to ?feel more like Qui-Gon Jinn?.

    But my favorite parts were the visions, what beautiful descriptive writing. I am a fast reader and sometimes a skimmer but you made me slow down and appreciate each word and let the pictures form in my head. Loved it, especially the how they dealt with the emotional aftermath of the last one!

    Great story.

    Dear Santa, I want a bed bin for Christmas!


  21. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Aaaaaah, thanks much for replying! Sometimes it's easier for me to make Obi-Wan squirm than Qui-Gon. I'm glad I can make you slow down. :)

  22. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Just re-reading. [face_whistling] Every time I read this, I look for new angles, especially during the visions. It has just the right balance between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, emotion and learning, reality and the visions. =D=
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