Before - Legends 'Before and After' Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon JA

Story removed because, quite frankly, it's been done and done better and I'm just not really a writer

 

Freakizimi!

It's always fun to be the first response to a new writer! Congratulations on working up the courage to post - I know from experience that it's one king hell of a leap of faith to do it - I'm glad you did so.

You did a lovely job conveying the emotions of Lilae. I liked how she noticed the difference in his eyes and how she didn't let on she recognised him. Also liked the idea of the Emperor's speech being projected on the side of the building. Somehow that seems like something he'd do - it would demonstrate his power over all the galaxy's citizens.

Good job! Hope to see more from your keyboard soon!

Shaindl

 

*blinks at screen*
Shaindl...
*rubs eyes and blinks at screen again*
Freaki...SHAINDL reviewed my story!
*does little dance of delight*
One of my favourite authors reveiwed my story! Well, I didn't expect that...
Thankyou so much for your review Shaindl! It really really means a lot to me and hopefully now I'll have more confidence in my writing.
Thankyou again!

 

Good character analysis of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, you hit both of them right on the dot in terms of their respective sense of humor. I find myself wondering what Lilae looked like physically though.

Overall, great job!

 

You posted?! [face_shocked]

**dances around room**

Freak , that was fantastic !!! A beautiful, original concept. Vibrant and sharply sad.



What a contrast between the bright youth at his Master's shoulder to the melancholy shadow huddled behind his cloak.

Wonderful, spectacular job Freak.

I DO expect much more from you.

**waves pink lightsaber as threat** Or else!

LuvEwan

 

Flask: Thankyou for reviwing! Sorry I forgot to describe Lilae...if I ever write another story, I'll try to remember to actually describe my characters.. *looks sheepish*
Thanks for reveiwing!

LuvEwan: See my message
Pink lightsaber?! Waved at me?! Better get writing then... *starts frantically racking peanut brain for plot*

 

Very good job Freakizimi. I liked the way you showed off the characters of both Jedi and it was very poignant how you contrasted Obi-Wan's eyes before and after.
As for describing Lilae, I prefer that you don't. That way, she is every woman.

Very well-done and I hope to see more of your work.

 

Thanks for reviewing dianethx! You have no idea how happy I get whenever I see a new review! Plus, I love reading your stories, so your opinion matters a fair bit to me!
It's interesting how you prefer Lilae to not be described, but Flask prefers her to be described. I personally think it could work both ways, but as I'm too lazy to change it, I won't.
Thankyou again for your review, and I can't wait to read the next bit of your story!