Saga Behind a Waterfall, Before the Pyre (Obi-Wan, Yoda, Anakin) - Obi-Wan's Knighting, Qui-Gon's funeral

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Persephone_Kore, Oct 7, 2007.

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  1. Persephone_Kore Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 19, 2006
    star 4
    Title: Behind a Waterfall, Before the Pyre
    Author(s): Persephone_Kore
    Timeframe: TPM, shortly before Qui-Gon's funeral
    Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda, Anakin
    Genre: Vignette
    Keywords: Knighting, braid, Padawan, waterfall
    Summary: The thunder of a waterfall and Yoda's silence give Obi-Wan shelter to feel until he's ready to think. His Knighting and a promise give shelter to Anakin.
    Notes: Originally inspired by the Prequel Trilogy Rewrite contest, but completed too late for an actual entry. Also, I think it kind of wandered off the prompt.


    Behind a Waterfall, Before the Pyre

    Obi-Wan knelt.

    The stone beneath him was cold and very slightly uneven, lumpy, though the surface was smooth and slick. Dampness seeped up through the fabric that cushioned his knees, and he could feel his boots squeak if he shifted his weight. Most of his skin was dry, the moisture in the air not penetrating the shield of his clothing, but a fine spray misted his face every few breaths. He didn't know what caused it, but he accepted it. It was refreshing.

    His eyes were open and unfocused. There was little light, and the occasional faint gleam was moon-silver fractured into rainbows. He couldn't see the rainbows; they weren't bright enough to activate human color vision. But he could feel the spectral splay when they passed through the water.

    The waterfall he rested behind thundered in his ears, loudly enough to drown out his heartbeat.

    When he closed his eyes, he still saw red light and heard its dispassionate electronic hum.

    The Sith's lightsaber was minor. The buzzing in his ears, the scarlet across his vision, were the force fields that had held him back. He had been too slow. Qui-Gon hadn't waited. Qui-Gon had rushed ahead alone, not waiting to work as a team; Qui-gon had been confident that Obi-Wan would keep up, and Obi-Wan had failed him. Obi-Wan was too drained and his head too full of buzzing red lights to meditate or to think rationally about which it was.

    He liked the waterfall. It gave him privacy. It blotted vision and drowned sound, as long as he focused on it.

    On the here and now.

    Qui-Gon might have approved. Qui-Gon might even have said that staring into the waterfall and letting it fill his eyes and ears was a form of meditation in itself.

    For Qui-Gon, it probably would have been.

    Perhaps Obi-Wan was meditating too, in a way. At least, he was sufficiently in tune with the Force to feel the tap of stick and scratch of clawed feet on uneven rocks when he could not possibly have heard it, and he was unsurprised when Master Yoda walked behind the waterfall. Obi-Wan shifted to the side, and Yoda sat next to him. There was just room.

    They sat in the water-thunder for a while without speaking. Obi-Wan decided the third moon had risen, since the glints of light came brighter and more often.

    At last Master Yoda said, "A Jedi Knight, you are, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

    Obi-Wan blinked. "So you mentioned before. I admit I'm still surprised by the decision."

    "A greater Trial than most have you passed."

    "I lost my temper."

    "And found it, too."

    "I failed my Master."

    "Disagree, Qui-Gon would. He gave you his trust." Yoda was silent again, then looked up at him. "Wish to come again before the Council to cut your braid, you do not, I think."

    Ah, so that was why Yoda had come. Obi-Wan shook his head and felt the damp length of the braid drag on his shoulder. "No. But I suppose I must."

    "No." The gravelly voice was barely audible.

    After a moment Obi-Wan turned his head toward Master Yoda and bowed it. Hot green lit the small cave for less than a second, and the noise burned in his ear.

    "Your oath you may record later, for the Republic," Yoda grunted. "No words do I need from you."

    Obi-Wan nodded and wrapped his hand around the slender cord of hair. His head felt light and slightly off balance, and his shoulder and neck tickled with the feeling that something was missing. A spray of water left fine droplets
  2. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    Oh Obi!!

    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    Too quick you are to place blame on your shoulders.

    I loved his chat with Yoda, though I'm surprised the Grand Master wasn't more concerned Obi-Wan didn't like Anakin.

    Oh well. This was a beautifully written piece.

    =D==D==D==D=
  3. Cole_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2005
    star 2
    Oh wow, it was so beautiful, the waterfall and the spectrums, and Anakin scooting closer to Obi-wan, and he's actually trying to befriend his little charge. :) But this was still sad, the lose of a loved one is hard, and I could just feel the symbolicness of the waterfall and Obiwan's grief. Loved it! Please keep writing! Awesome story!
  4. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    The pyre scene was very short compared to the rest, but what a punch it packed!

    The flames crackled and roared --- a horrific thought when one remembers that those flames are coming from the burning body of someone that Obi-Wan loved.

    And then this --

    He did not weep, but he could see rainbows in the fire.


    wow.
  5. Persephone_Kore Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 19, 2006
    star 4
    KELIA: Thank you! Yoda at this point is generally unthrilled with the whole situation.

    Cole_Kenobi: I'm glad you liked it. I do think Obi-Wan and Anakin liked each other most of the time they were Jedi together, despite the rocky start -- and, er, rocky finish. The fact that they were frequently exasperated with each other doesn't negate this. It had to start somewhere. :)

    ratna: Funerals are never really easy, I guess. I'm glad you liked the final line; I wanted to tie the flames back to the waterfall.
  6. jedidas3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2007
    star 3
    This was beautiful and yet heartwrenching at the same time. You wonderfully captured the thoughts that would have gone through Obi-Wan's mind. What a tremendous job with this!=D=
  7. ROTSFan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2006
    star 4
    =D= That is beautiful, simple and heartfelt. Loved the last line.
  8. Persephone_Kore Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 19, 2006
    star 4
    jedidas3: Thank you. I'm really glad you liked it and felt the characterization was realistic.

    ROTSFan: Many thanks to you as well. :)
  9. silverfighter Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 28, 2007
    star 4
    :eek: Wow. That was so good.

    ~Silverfighter
  10. Count_B Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2003
    I've always loved fics that deal with the immediate aftermath of TPM, and this was no different. The conflicting feelings Obi-Wan felt towards his new position and his new role in life were excellently described and the emotional impact could easily be discerned.

    And the other reviewer was right about the last line. That was something that sticks with you for a while. Great work!
  11. wolf_kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2007
    star 1
    That was totally awesome! so well done!!
    Obi blaming himself is so sad but so typical of him.
    And giving Anakin the half hug to comfort him- so sweet.
    The last line was indeed very well done.
  12. divapilot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 30, 2005
    star 4
    Beautifully written. The opening imagery is remarkable. I love the layers of meaning you have here.
  13. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 7
    Beautiful imagery, I felt i was right there. The emotions fit the situation and the characters perfectly. Of the PT characters, Qui is my favoritie, so thank you for writing such a sensitive moving viggie. :D =D=
  14. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4


    Excellent story.=D=
    I love the fact he sat by the waterfall, I always find waterfalls calming
    and I think it broke the ice between Obi and Anakin.

    Excellent description of the aftermath of Qui-Gons death.=D=
  15. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Lovely story

    if you update this please PM me
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