BERTI'S CUT-OUT AND KEEP GUIDE TO SCOTS FOOTIE

Thank you to PadawanSDM for sending this to me...and its ALL TRUE!!!

BERTI'S CUT-OUT AND KEEP GUIDE TO SCOTS FOOTIE
> > > >
> > > > THE last time Berti Vogts played in Scotland, Celtic were top
> > > > of the league and it was raining. So when he takes over as
> > > > national team coach next month, he'll feel familiar. But
> > > > there's a lot he'll have to learn about his new home - and
> > > > its football. To help him hit the ground running, BOB SHIELDS
> > > > has prepared a dossier which covers everything Berti needs to
> > > > know
> > > >
> > > > HAMPDEN PARK
> > > >
> > > > THIS is your new HQ and Scotland's showpiece national
> > > > stadium. If you want to know how much it cost, just think of
> > > > the biggest number you can and double it. That's how your new
> > > > employers, the SFA, costed it.
> > > >
> > > > Don't worry if there is no grass on the pitch, this is quite
> > > > common at Hampden. And if you look out and see the home team
> > > > are winning 12-0, you will be watching the Scottish
> > > > Claymores.
> > > >
> > > > If the phone rings and a voice says, "Hi cutie, it's Candice,
> > > > remember me . . ?", you may respond by saying Craig Brown has
> > > > been transferred within the company.
> > > >
> > > > THE SFA
> > > >
> > > > THE initials S.F.A stand for two things in Scotland. The
> > > > second meaning is often used to describe what the first
> > > > meaning do for a living.
> > > >
> > > > Your first impression will be of a lot of well-intentioned
> > > > people who know little about football itself. Don't be
> > > > fooled - you'll be absolutely correct.
> > > >
> > > > The chief executive is a Mr David Taylor who is known
> > > > as "himself". That's why you will often hear the
> > > > phrase, "everyone at the SFA is looking after himself".
> > > >
> > > > The SFA have a tendency to do controversial things - like
> > > > having a match clash with Princess Diana's funeral or
> > > > insisting Rangers play in a war zone.
> > > >
> > > > However, things have improved since the days of "The
> > > > Ayatollah" - a legendary period when a Mr Farry was in
> > > > control.
> > > >
> > > > Shortly after your arrival, a sub-committee will be formed to
> > > > discuss which committee you should be allowed to attend. The
> > > > SFA will "fast track" this decision, so you should find out
> > > > about 2007.
> > > >
> > > > THE SPL
> > > >
> > > > IN Germany, you had the Bundesliga. Other countries have La
> > > > Liga and Serie 'A', where teams battle it out for the
> > > > championship title.
> > > >
> > > > In Scotland, the teams that fight out the championship are
> > > > called "The Old Firm". But because a league of two sides is
> > > > unacceptable to UEFA, it has been extended to include "the
> > > > diddy" teams.
> > > >
> > > > For example, if you switch on Sky TV at 5.35pm on any
> > > > Saturday, the team playing against Rangers or Celtic are
> > > > the "diddy team".
> > > >
> > > > Occasionally, The Old Firm will buy a player from one of
> > > > these clubs. This explains the common expression: "I see
> > > > Rangers have signed another diddy from Hibs."
> > > >
> > > > In recent years, we have also welcomed the "foreign diddy" to
> > > > our game. However, these "foreign diddies" are not eligible
> > > > for Scotland.
> > > >
> > > > To help sort out which is which, take a telephone book to
> > > > games and look up the players' surnames.
> > > >
> > > > If there are not at least another dozen "Tabilys"
> > > > or "Kontermans" listed, you may assume they are "foreign
> > > > diddies". But anyone whose name is "Law", "Baxter", "McGrain"
> > > > or "Dalglish" is Scottish and well worth looking out for.
> > > >
> > > > THE SCOTTISH LEAGUE
> > > >
> > > > THE lowest and poorest ranks of the domestic game, but the
> > > > source of many great players.
> > > >
> > > > Some play every Saturday, year after year, for little reward.
> > > > They are strangely known as "stalwarts", a word so old tha

 

Thanks MOTs1
Very enlighting!!