Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated Sept 20, 2011 - Complete

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, Mar 16, 2003.

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. JediNemesis Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2003
    star 4
    *first post on page 5*

    I agree with everyone else, Diane, you do descriptions brilliantly. :) And yes, I'm glad to see that Mace is alive. :) And yes, I'm actually beginning to like Anakin. :eek:

    Reading this having successfully (if temporarily) defeated Darth Homework. LIGHT WILL TRIUMPH! :D As for the Bantha of Real Life - keep your distance, or else...

    So many twists and sub-plots and hints - I believe I'd be 99% accurate if I said I haven't the faintest idea where this is going to end up. *runs away from rabid plot bunny* Atel, Anakin, Ben, Le'orath, Mace, Maul, Obi, Qui, Sidious... Where will they all end up??? ?[face_plain]

    Looks like everyone else got here first with the replies - awfully sorry, I didn't get over to the Saga forum at once when I got on because I privately couldn't believe that any author, no matter how good, could post three days running. Forgive me. Er - please?

    Well, got here eventually. :D

    And TWO new readers! Welcome, forever_jedi and Sheila. Nice to see new faces... :D

    Keep 'em coming!

    - JediNemesis / Nemesis / Nem ;)

    PS Welcome Aunecah Skywalker too. Sorry I forgot you earlier - had to go back and edit.
  2. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Hey, ya hit 100! Congrats, diane!!

    :D



    ...oh...and by the way...I still hate you. 8-}
  3. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    JaneJinn So the bantha of real life is squashing you....welcome to the club. RL has been a b...h lately. Don't worry. We'll be patient and wait for that darn bantha to move his .... ummm derriere...LOL.

    Jacen200015 - did Jane send her bantha over to you or is there a herd of banthas making problems?

    Must be a bantha alert!!!!

    I did warn you about my odd humor!
  4. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    forever_jedi - Yes, Mace is alive and well. You will be seeing him again. Actually, all the main characters show up more than once, some of the minor characters as well. I have to keep you guessing...otherwise you will all drift off in disgust!
    Actually, the rival Temple is a good idea. I don't think the Jedi would be too happy about it though and would probably take steps to have it demolished. Of course, the Jedi aren't too happy with Jinn as it is and you haven't even discovered what he is doing yet...and neither has Obi-Wan...

    When I write, I tend to try and think like the characters (well..except the bad guys but even there I have to think of logical reasons for what they are doing) when I am writing them. Le'orath is protecting her husband. She has seen him be very hurt by Obi-Wan's continual absence (and she couldn't know the pain Obi suffered trying to find Qui-Gon). For her, she needed to get Qui-Gon to probe the relationship and hopefully move beyond the pain.

    Same with Anakin. I know a lot of people don't like Anakin but he is such a facinating character - so full of flaws, goodness and darkness intertwined so that sometimes you don't know which face he is showing. I really like the enigma.
    Diane ducks as LuvEwan throws a lit lightsaber at her...

    As for description, I love description...sometimes too much. The next post has a lot in it but, hey, it's my fic...LOL. I want to evoke a feeling and description does that pretty well.

    Yes, the calm before the storm and the storm is about to break with Obi-Wan and Atel. You'll see tomorrow.



  5. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Hi Shaindl Yes, Mace. I've tried to flesh him out as well. As I told forever_jedi, you will be seeing more of him. The problem with Mace, from my perspective, is that there isn't really a lot of background on him. In AOTC and TPM, he seems serene in the Council chambers but he's a tiger in the stadium. I liked that he defended Dooku to Padme in the movie. So I tried to give him a similar persona, gentle yet strong, perceptive yet playful (not here but in a later chapter). He's a good foil with Qui-Gon and I can really picture them being friends.

    As for your rabid plot bunny, grab him by the ears and make him into a story...I'll look forward to it.

    Yes, Qui - noble, good-looking, gentle, gorgeous eyes, self-sacrificing, nice long hair to play with...okay, I'm stopping now.

    I'm glad you love the story and I hope that I can keep you intrigued...



  6. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Hi again Healer_Leona Oh, how well I know about losing paragraphs with a simple keystroke. I've done it so many times that now, as a matter of course, I copy every few paragraphs. It's saved me more than once!!

    And now on to your comments...wow!
    Personally I don't think the Order has the right to concern itself with a man they ousted from their ranks... my thoughts anyway. But that is exactly the problem with the current Jedi Order. They must control everything and everyone, past and present - with the monitored hallways, punishment for infractions. They can't possibly allow Qui-Gon to get away with doing Jedi like things. Remember, that is why Obi-wan is here...because the Jedi are suspicious of his activities.


    As for Obi-Wan wanting to take Ben back to the Temple, as a Jedi Knight, he would be required to look into candidates for entrance, especially with so few children coming to the Jedi. And Obi-Wan does know that things are not right with the Order but he is really too close to the situation and hasn't thought everything through.

    As for Ben, he is adorable but he does have a role in this adult fic. That will come out later....

    Ah, why doesn't Atel want Obi-Wan telling Qui-Gon what is going on at the Temple? Great question and one that will be answered in the next post - tomorrow. I don't think you will like the answer, either...

    As for the crop comment I think he does suspect that there is something more going on here than growing crops, you know what they always say...great minds think alike...LOL. It just had to be said...

    Ah, Mace. Everyone seems to like that Mace is alive and here. Yes, Qui-Gon will need a friend and Mace is a good one. He'll be cropping up again in coming chapters.

    Absolutely superb story Diane!! Thanks. I hope when it is all done that you will be quite satisfied with the result!!!

    And thanks for telling your friends over on the JC board about it. I really like the new board system except for one thing. A story like this would probably have been better put in the Before the Saga board since most of the JA people are there but because of the timeframe, it had to be put in the Saga board. In fact, I could think of several instances where stories might be better off in boards selected by character, rather than timeframe. But I understand why they did what they did and, otherwise, I like it better this way.

    New post tomorrow....and thanks so much for your detailed post. It was wonderful.


  7. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    LuvEwan...
    your comment **finishs gagging** about Anakin almost made me do something extremely foolish... I almost posted a bit of a love story I wrote and inserted Anakin's name in it...but I knew you would run screaming for the hills and never come back.... so there is no love here....LOL.

    Are you dying from the tension? I haven't even gotten to the tense stuff yet!

    Well, from Qui-Gon's POV, Obi-Wan is a potential enemy, especially since Qui-Gon has stuff...yeah, that's it...stuff going on that the Jedi Order is not going to like.

    I'm glad you like my descriptions. I do get carried away sometimes...so just be warned.

    As for Obi-Wan, he will be in most of the fic, not all, but enough that even you should be satisfied.

    Now, are you sure you wouldn't like a little Anakin/Padme romance? It's all ready, just waiting to be posted...LOL. And the descriptions are breathtaking....



  8. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Hi Aunecah_Skywalker - I'm glad you could join us. You said that you didn't have time to read this but it sure sounds like you read most of it. Wow!

    I'm thrilled that you like it so much. I like the Wonderfully written and completely original. Thanks.

    Yes, the Jedi Order has been forced to cut expenses. They did try to cut costs until the Senate aka Sidious cut them so deep that they were forced to dismiss Jedi and the Senate oversaw the dismissals so they got to pick and choose who they wanted to get rid of. Of course, our own rebel, Qui-Gon Jinn, would top the list.

    Yes the new Jedi Council is pretty bad. You haven't met all of them but there are some additional members that have a small role in future chapters. And, no, none of the original Council members are there.
    Yes, corruption can be insidious, starting with small things and ending up so awful that you can't believe it started with a single misstep.

    Anakin is Qui-Gon's apprentice. I will leave it at that...for now.

    Yes, Le'orath can be to-the-point. She is trying to protect her husband, she's just not gentle about it.

    As for Atel, I like her, too. Unfortunately, she has been somewhat corrupted by the Jedi Order. Will Obi-Wan be able to get her to see the Light? You'll just have to see....

    And, yes, I feel sorry for Obi-Wan, too.

  9. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    JediNemesis Hi again.

    I'm glad you like my descriptions. I hope that you will still say that after the next post tomorrow....

    And you are beginning to like Anakin. Good. He will be showing up in a few posts and I liked him a lot in that one.

    Yes, everyone, it appears, has been having Bantha herds running roughshod over their lives.

    As for you being confused....great!! That means that I haven't given away too much. Good.

    Now, as for posting every day. Frankly, I'm not that good. Really!! I did mention that I have a lot already written (about 80 pages so far -12 chapters) and I have another 5 or so to go (probably about 50-60 pages additional). So, I know people that write everyday and lots of words. I'm a very slow writer. In fact, right now, I'm writing chapter 13 and have written maybe 5-6 paragraphs in 3 days. Slow, slow, slow!!!

    I will keep posting almost everyday (except weekends) until I catch up. Then it will be very, very, did I mention very slow...

    BTW, thanks for the 100th post. I've never done that before!!! YES!!

  10. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Hi again LuvEwan - You said that you hate me....Need I mention again that I have a lovely romance with Anakin and Padme that you would enjoy reading SOOOOO much?

    Thanks for the headsup on my 100th post. Wow. I'm amazed.
  11. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    Qui-Gon frowned darkly, his voice low, almost angry. "They deliberately chose him. To torment me or to punish him. Maybe both." Staring out into the night, he admitted. "It hurt to see him and not tell him the truth. I...I've missed him."

    I am glad to see that even though Obi-Wan is a potential enemy to Qui-Gon's cause, Qui-Gon recognizes the fact that Obi-Wan is just another pawn being used by the Council. I believe Obi-Wan, who was already conflicted, is going to have some serious decisions to make in the near future.

    I can't wait to see where you take this story dianethx. :)
  12. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    I read the whole story dianethx. I read very fast - 1800 WPM, so you can be assured that I'll be keeping an eye on this 'fic.

    Aunecah
  13. Bekah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 4
    I just found this fic and it's great! It's taking a while to figure out these new boards.

    Keep going, you're doing a wonderful job portraying these characters. I can't wait to see how all of this turns out. I will be tuning in daily for updates. :)

    ~Bek
  14. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    *spits out big mouthful of bantha hair* Yuck, nothing tastes worse! Okay, I'm back -- for a while, anyway. *checks horizon for charging banthas* Let's see how much I can reply to.

    Actually, I was thinking that Atel and Anakin might have a romance รก la Han and Leia. "Into the garbage-chute, flyboy!" "No reward is worth this!" *sees author and readers fleeing alike* Uh, well, maybe not.

    That scene with Obi-Wan shredding the flowers was very powerful. I could really see how much pain he was in. I wonder if it's a kind of foreshadowing as well -- that he as a Jedi is going to have to shred some lives here? Hope not! I liked the way that Qui-Gon was quick to tell him how he'd never been a coward. I also liked the irony that the Jedi used Qui-Gon to test AA23 because of his stubbornness. I wonder why they didn't destroy it, despite their promises, as this was even before he left the Order -- I can only presume that Sidious was at work even then.

    I liked the part at the end where Qui-Gon told Obi-Wan that he was the son of his heart. Sweet!

    Moving on to the next post. Uh oh! Someone's going around killing dismissed Jedi? But why? They're not a drain on the Senate's resources anymore -- but Sidious must feel threatened by their presence anyway. Crikey, that's scary. And it seems Obi-Wan doesn't know about it -- yet.

    I liked Qui-Gon being willing to take steps to delay discovery of whatever he and the others are up to, and yet ready to take life "as the Force wills." That's what I like about him; he is the knight of ultimate faith. I also like the way he's ready to sacrifice himself for others, for the right thing, as we saw when he told Mace that the Jedi would have a scapegoat if they needed one. It's good, too, that he's found out that the will of the Force and the will of the Jedi Council aren't the same. No, he's not a fool anymore.

    It does sound very much like they're setting up a rival Temple here, and more power to them! Just what the galaxy needs! Go, Qui-Gon! Maybe in this story you'll get to chop Sidious in half, instead of just Darth Maul. Woo-hoo!

    Corruption is definitely insidious, and the road to evil often slopes down so gradually that people don't often realize how far down it they are, when they only meant to take a small step in that direction. Also, if you're exclusively in the company of others who are headed that way, it's even harder for you to realize that it's the wrong direction, because you think, everybody else is doing it, so it must be all right. I'll bet that's what happened to the Jedi Order, and to the people who were appointed to serve on the new Council.

    You're a slow writer, Diane? I bet you're not as slow as I am, though! I've been working on a story off-line for about six months now, and I'm only halfway through, or so it seems. Everything seems to conspire against me to take my writing time away. *picks up electro-jabber to keep away the Bantha of Real Life, electro-jabber loses power* AHHH!
  15. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Sheila Glad you're here. Yes, Qui-Gon must realize that Obi-Wan is a potential enemy, even though neither of them are happy about what they must do.

    As for Obi-Wan, he does need to make a lot of decisions about the future. I just hope he makes the right ones!!!

    I can't wait to see where you take this story. I hope you will enjoy the journey!!

    Aunecah_Skywalker - You are a fast reader!!!
    I am, as well. What I usually do with books and stories is read them very fast to see if I like them and then read them again slowly to savor the language and interplay of characters. Some books I've lost count of how many times I've read them that way!

    Glad to see you're still here.


    Bekah_K Welcome. I'm very happy to see that you found my little fic and even happier that you like it.
    I try very hard to make my characters believable. I mostly succeed...
    I will be posting daily on the weekdays. Weekends are to take care of family and write!!! ...and to drive off those herds of darth life banthas that keep roaming through my backyard.

    New post coming up...
  16. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Hurray JaneJinn has successfully driven off those banthas....for now. Now, if we could just find a use for bantha hair, we'd have a real moneymaker here...

    Atel and Anakin having a romance. Well...I never thought of that. But, you know, it's a really good idea. They are a lot alike and have just enough edge to both of them that it could work.....but not in this fic. Readers would indeed be running for the hills. And I did promise no romance!!! I haven't tried to write a Han/Leia romance yet (and the list of stories to write grows even longer).

    I really enjoyed writing the shredding flower scene. Yes, it was a metaphor for him shredding lives, especially his own.
    You notice that both men are quick to think the best of each other, even when faced with the "truth". That will become a larger issue as Obi-Wan discovers just what is going on.
    As for not dismantling the cell, the agent of the Sith was already in place when they were testing it (it was only a few months before the dismissals began). Personally, I would have never even tested it but rather just destroyed it. But I can understand the military mentality of seeing if there is a defense against it and also of not destroying it when the testing is done. We still do that in our universe.

    Next post. Yes, someone is going around killing the dismissed Jedi. If you remember in my first post, Maul had a dead hand of a former Jedi (she was in "But"). And Obi-Wan is not aware of it yet but the former Jedi are. Why kill them? Sidious would always see them as a threat and he does not like threats!

    I wrote Qui-Gon's little speech that way because that is the way I see him...willing to sacrifice himself for others, even being stubborn enough to continue his course when others might not wish him to do so. He was always following the will of the Force, even in TPM when he defied the Council.

    Rival temple...hummm. Do you think the Jedi would allow such a thing?
    As for chopping Sidious in half, that's so messy. Do you think I should?

    As for corruption, you have said it most beautifully. the road to evil often slopes down so gradually that people often realize how far down it they are, when they only meant to take a small step in that direction.. That is just what is happening. The corruption is spreading gradually but since it is 10 years later, you can finally see just how bad things have become. The real question is how to reverse it...or if it is even possible.

    Yes, I consider myself a very slow writer. I can write a chapter maybe in a month (I do admit that some of the chapters are quite long - chapter 12 is 16 pages long). And, you are right. Everything does seem to conspire to keep you from writing. But then the itch becomes too great and you just have to shut the door and ignore the world.

    Oh, no!!! Her electro-jabber is out of power. Throw her another one. QUICK!

    New post coming up....

  17. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    And now for Chapter 7. Atel is a little....miffed at Obi-Wan and here's why.


    Chapter 7 - Stumbling in the dark

    The silence in the landspeeder was absolute. The uneasy quiet between Master and apprentice had grown as their vehicle arrowed toward the soft haze of the distant spaceport. It deepened even as the night's second moon rose over the dappled hills and painted the far, jagged-toothed mountains in a pearlescent light. The breathtaking scene, a doubled-vision of black and white, did not relieve the tense stillness within.

    Atel's face was its own landscape, sketched in lines of moonsglow and black and green, the instrument panel's reflected light patterning across her brow. Eyes hooded, mouth hard, her stress-cramped hands were stark with ivory outrage as she drove towards the port. Unaware of her turmoil and battling his own behind duracrete shields, Obi-Wan sat beside her, his figure outlined in chalk and charcoal, staring pensively and still into the vastness of space.

    Finally, he moved to ease his wearied shoulders and glanced at his silent apprentice. What he saw there worried him. Obi-Wan had needed this time for reflection, to try and unknot the twisted threads of conversation and nuance, to determine what had happened and what must happen next. He had thought that Atel was merely respecting his wish for quiet but it was now apparent that more was going on, her unease pulsing through the Force. He leaned forward, touching her arm, acknowledging that he was ready to listen to her concerns but she sharply shrugged him off.

    "Padawan?" Her piercing glance warned him to tread very lightly. He was weary from the constant barrage of guilt and turmoil that had blackened his day thus far but he knew this was important to her. "What is wrong?"

    "I need to meditate first, Master, before I can speak clearly on this issue." Her tone was flat, almost angry.

    "On what issue? If this pertains to the mission, I need to know before we reach the port."

    She growled. "Permission to speak frankly, Master?"

    Ah, this was serious. "Yes, Atel, say what you must."

    The apprentice pulled sharply on the speeder stick. The stuttering white-noise of the repulsor fields indicated that they were no longer on the road and safely out of the way of passing vehicles. As she powered down the speeder, the engine's whine was replaced by the rustling of leaves and echo of night creatures in the nearby wood.

    For a moment, the stillness remained and then the Padawan exploded with outrage. "What were you thinking back there? Endangering the mission like that?"

    "What?" Taken aback, his voice rose in bewilderment.

    "Telling Jinn about the Temple. It's a clear violation of the Standards for Jedi Behavior."

    "That's Master Jinn to you."

    "No. Not Master Jinn." She looked at him, hard frown deepening, voice steely and quick. "No, not to me and definitely not to you. Master Jinn was ten years ago. This man is Jinn who is under investigation, Jinn who is a potential enemy, Jinn who may be a rogue."

    "Atel, enough."

    "No, Master, it's not enough." Her voice hardened further. "What is going on? I've never seen you like this. You have never gone against the rules of the Temple while on a mission before. Ever. Even when you thought that they were wrong, you have always obeyed the Council and the Code. Why now? What makes this mission so different that you would throw away everything for that man?"

    "I haven't thrown away anything."

    Atel looked at him, unbelieving, unable to understand why her Master did not comprehend the potential for disaster here.

    "Master Obi-Wan, please listen to me. The Standards are very clear, uncompromisingly clear on what can and cannot be said outside the Temple. You told Jinn about the Jedi's relationship with the Senate, about the codified behavior, about the monitoring, all things that are not his concern. And he is under investigation. The Council might think that you are consorting with the suspect, an accessory. You should not have told him anything
  18. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Oh no. Atel's thinking about reporting this to the Council? It's true that you should follow rules, but it sometimes is so clear that the Council is in the wrong that you just have to stop following it and its stupid rules and start using your logic. On the other hand, Atel has no kind of relationship with Qui-Gon whatsoever, and that makes it awkward for her to bend rules for the sake of him.

    On the other hand, she does have a relationship with Obi-Wan, and I refuse to believe that she'll tell the Council about it.

    Finally, I'm amazed that you have a revised version of the Standards every year. Isn't one year enough? I bet this is coming from the senate. It almost makes me wonder - is the new Council appointed by the Senate as opposed to being (restrictedly) elected within the Jedi Order?

    As far as Obi-Wan's and Atel's relationship goes - I don't know, it seems a little too formal for me. Is there a reason for that? I mean, they're Master and Apprentice, right? Anyway, I'm sure it'll be cleared up as the story goes on. :)

    Great post dianethx.

    Aunecah
  19. JediNemesis Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2003
    star 4
    The quintessential 'should I, shouldn't I' situation, given a whole lot of very nasty context by the stuff happening at the Temple.
    :(

    A new set of Standards every year... wonder who writes them... bet you anything it's not the people who should be - in other words, the Jedi. ?[face_plain]

    Reminds me of Nazi Germany, where kids were encouraged to inform on their parents - and most of them did! It shows the depth of Atel's attachment to Obi-Wan that she hasn't made up her mind to split on him. Yet.

    Probably if she was a couple of years younger and used to the Standards, she wouldn't have given it a second thought. Presto - Obi in jail. Or dead. Or something.

    *spots charging bantha on horizon* :eek:

    Yup, my ENTIRE WEEKEND is taken up by the latest emissary of the Bantha of Real Life - archery practice. :(

    Nemesis ;)
  20. forever_jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2002
    star 5
    What delectable shades of grey coming up in this story, Dianethx. Obi-Wan and Atel both are already caught between a rock and a hard place. Though we, of course, know that Atel should NOT report her Master to the Council, I can't blame her. This is all she has grown up with, all she knows. What a departure from the old Master/Padawan relationship and the trust vested there. With the revised directives, the Council is extending its power even between that relationship - reminds me depressingly of the beginnings of dictatorships and the McCarthy era. I feel for Obi-wan here - there's so much on his plate already; how can he deal with problems from both a padawan and an ex-Master?

    What will happen to Obi-Wan and Atel now? Can Atel bear it if her Master is dismissed? And will she then understand the relationship between Obi-Wan and his Master? I can sense similar stuff coming up between Anakin/Qui-Gon and Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan as well.

    I must say that like Jane_Jinn, I too thought you had something planned between Atel and Anakin. I wouldn't mind a light bantering/flirtation. Maybe not real romance.

    I had mentioned earlier that I thought Leorath was a little sharp and less compassionate when she first met Obi-Wan. I understand her love and protectiveness towards Qui-Gon, but I felt her behavior was similar to ..."Fools rush in where...". IMO, she should have realized that Qui-Gon's relationship with Obi-Wan was complex; he had been hurt because he loved Obi-Wan so much. Instead of trying to get the other part of the story, her outright threatening Obi-Wan seemed slightly unintelligent (to me). A cool, reserved attitude would have been sufficient! Even without her interference, these two intelligent and sensitive men would have worked it out themselves. Anyway, just my take on her!

    Finally, about the pace of your writing. While I really enjoy daily posts, I am scared that once you reach the end of the part already written, you said the posts will get very slow. My withdrawal symptoms would be severe! I would enjoy a slightly more even pace, so I wouldn't mind non-daily posts. I don't know what your other readers think.



  21. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Diane,

    Do you realise how good your story is if you're generating replies as long as the ones here?

    I find it interesting how everyone seems to be against Atel and Le'orath. Personally, I see them as two women both fighting to protect men they love (albeit love in different ways). Atel is a creation of where she was raised - it's not completely her fault if she's been force fed lies and deceptions while growing up at the Temple. Le'orath is simply a strong - although maybe a little blunt - woman who only knows that this man who has suddenly walked into their lives is one who hurt her husband immeasurably. She can't possibly know about his struggles with the Council to find Qui, or what he's been dealing with. All she knows is that he's a threat to her husband's well being.

    Regardless, your two OCs are finely crafted, each possessing their own personality. Incredible what you've done in so short a space.

    Thanks for your comments on my story the Lesson. I have another idea to go with it, but I can't get it to work properly. I might give it another shot soon.

    Anyways - more soon from you? Please? I'm not adverse to begging! :D

    Shaindl
  22. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Hi again Aunecah_Skywalker Yes, the rules. Actually, I'm a bit surprised that you are surprised that there is a revised standard every year. Ummmmm, where I work, we are supposed to sign a Code of Behavior statement that outlines what is allowed and what is not. It gets changed on a regular basis. In fact, sometimes they make changes and bury those changes in some little email that no one pays attention to until someone gets fired!!! It doesn't happen often (and frankly the guys who did get fired really should have known better). But, yes, rules may be stupid but they will enforce them when they feel like it. See, you didn't know that I was really writing about where I work, did you????...LOL.

    As for Atel following the rules, she just assumed that Obi-Wan knew about them. She did say that he had always followed the rules before this mission. She would have assumed that he would continue to do so.

    As for your question, the new Council is mostly handpicked by the Senate with suggestions from "trusted" members of the current Council. It is sort of like the different branches of the US government. The head is usually picked by whatever political hack is currently in office and then he will pick his cronies for the top slots. The ones below them are usually lifers - those with some actual experience in running whatever branch they are in. My sister-in-law worked for the IRS and that's how they worked the system. So I'm taking it from real life situations....scary, isn't it????

    As for Obi-Wan and Atel's relationship...I don't really agree that they have a formal relationship - I think of it as close; maybe that did not come across?? It is very strained at the moment because of the situation. Well, there is a scene coming up that is a bit more informal. Maybe, that will clear some things up....

    Thanks Aunecah





  23. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    dianethx - Well, I finally finished my marathon read and it took me a bit to break out of my stupor. Don't worry it was a good stupor! ;) I'm just in awe. The story is intriguing and gripping.

    I am always on the hunt for something new to read. And am glad I decided to get up off my kiester and hop on into this board.


    After I finished reading this, I went and checked out the prequel to this. I have to say, this concept is really awesome. And you execute it so well. Bureaucrats are so annoying. And I can't believe that the Jedi Order has been brought to it's knees by politics. It almost boggles the mind. I wonder what the Vatican or another such organazation would do if placed in a similar situation. To rid itself of personnel to satisfy monetary needs. I'm sorry if my analogy offends, but it's the closest we have to our culture.


    I love stories that question things, even if it's subtle. And of course a little Obi-Angst is always welcomed. ;)

    Now I'm wondering what exactly all these Dismissed Jedi have up their sleeve. And how will this effect Obi? I know his Padawan has been brainwashed into the protocal of the current Order, but will her actions only effect her Master or the Underground Jedi too? And how will Obi react to this new discovery? Will he feel like he was left out? Like he wasn't worthy enough to join them? Or did they think he wouldn't help them if they asked?

    OH, I can't wait to see more on this. I'm am totally enthralled. :D Soon, I hope?
  24. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Hi JediNemesis - As I told Aunecah_Skywalker, I took this from real life. Rules at work that change every year and sometimes, the important ones are buried in trivial emails!!! Yep, welcome to the wonderful world of corporate America.

    As for Nazi Germany, good call. I did have that in mind when I wrote about the standards and how she was expected to rat on Obi-Wan.

    Okay, your weekend is archery. Mine is getting ready to show 8 year olds the "wonderful" world of chemistry on Monday - think of me with a baking soda/vineger volcano on Monday...and squealing girls....

  25. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    forever_jedi Thanks. I loved how you put that What delectable shades of grey. That is exactly right. For most of the characters in this fic, there are lots of shades of grey and they must choose which shades to deal with and whether it will lead them to the darkness.
    As for the directives, they are trying to control every aspect of the Jedi - that way they are easier to manipulate.

    Yes, Obi-Wan has a lot on his plate and yet he has more to pile on there yet!!!

    What will happen with Obi-Wan and Atel and Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon? Those are the questions that drive this fic. You'll just have to see.

    I honestly didn't even see a budding romance between Atel and Anakin. Sadly shakes her head. Frankly, with what I know that I've written so far, I thought there was way too much going on in the fic as it is. It will be getting more complicated soon as Obi-Wan finds out what is really going on. So, a romance would have been nice but, I don't know, it might have distracted people from the main story. However,if I had thought of it, I would have given it serious consideration!!

    It's interesting that different people are seeing Le'orath in different ways...almost as if she were a real person. Hurray!!! I'm glad that this fic is generating so much discussion. I'm amazed actually. I figured most people would say good job or up and leave it at that. WOW.

    Pace of writing....okay, I'll ask the group here.



    OKAY GROUP A QUESTION---

    forever_jedi is concerned that my daily posting pace might be too fast and that I might need to cut back before I run out of the parts already written. After that, I'd probably post every month or so. What do you say?
    Should I a) continue to post daily until I catch up with what I write and then post very slowly or b) post every few days and keep the posting pace smooth? Either way is fine with me.

    Diane

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