Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated Sept 20, 2011 - Complete

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, Mar 16, 2003.

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Kivas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2005
    star 1
    Great post, I am certain the Jedi were ready for some treachery - along with I am guessing the
    Amidala is involved somehow -specifically the recordings.
  2. jedidas3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2007
    star 3
    Wow!:eek: Where do I start Master? Wonderfully written. Palpatine was perfectly done. I guess that really should sum up the post...sheer perfection! =D= =D=

    Can't wait to see what's going to happen next!
  3. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I get side tracked on a plane from Monterey and come back home to this????

    Runs for closest place to hide (nope- not there, she hid a cliff in that closet) oh noooooo- left the bungee cord on the planeeeeee
  4. JediNemesis Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2003
    star 4
    Interesting that Sidious underestimated Tharten. Relying on people's terror is one thing, but he doesn't tend towards that kind of misjudgement. Of course the alternative is that the Jedi are bluffing (about the content of the files; the confession was real), and that they actually haven't got a shred of evidence that would stand up in court.

    And of course no matter how quickly Palpatine acts, there will be rumours. Because there always are . . .

    And Amidala now getting involved? Hey, is she going to walk in at the crucial moment, last-minute pardon in hand, and see the carnage? :p

    Loved the last line. Awesome cliffie [face_worried]
  5. bek Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 4
    I think Obi-Wan should have just sliced and diced the guard and freed Qui-Gon from his binders. But of course, that's not Jedi like behavior or thinking. I hope those two stick close to one another during all this. Their former training together may come in handy being they know one another so well.

    I liked that fact that the Jedi led Palpatine on for a time before showing their cards and betraying him like he betrayed them. Palps sure does have it in for old Jinn. I hope Palps plan of playing hypocrite to the public in order to show the Jedi in a bad light backfires on him. :)

    Wonderful job with this Diane! Can't wait to see the outcome of this confrontation.
  6. Cole_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2005
    star 2
    NO! He can't win! Wow, I've remember how much I love this story, such a fabulous update! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply...Thank you for the PM!

    Loved the descriptions of Qui-gon not sweating over his trial and Obi-wan so wore and on edge, and Sidioius and getting inside of his head. Just awesome, so well done.
  7. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    As always, it was worth the wait.[face_love] I can see where this could have been difficult to write, but you did a magnificent job showing Sideous and the tension building leading to the arrest. As usual I'm struck with jealousy!

    I hope the next bit comes to you easier and that all is going better in RL. [:D]

    --later--
    6669 [face_devil]
  8. Ara-gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 2
    Oh, Diane, that's just like you. Lots of lovely tension and conflict (internal and external) but no resolution yet. Such a tease.

    Really, it was a perfect chapter. I loved that Amidala showed up, all determination and grit.

    I was trying to guess how you would have Palpatine react to the Jedi. His innocence game was spot on. Slimy, evil, manipulative, and totally in character.

    =D=
  9. Jaira Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2005
    star 4
    :eek:What a completely awesome chapter! Holy cow!
  10. Independence1776 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2006
    star 3
    Oh, that didn't go as I had hoped. But Palpatine is still far too overconfident.
  11. wolf_kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2007
    star 1
    Amazing work, Diane! Your writing from Palpatine's perspective is always eerily in character. Well done!

    And now you leave us with this evil cliffie- Ack! [face_worried]

    Looking forward to more! -waves hand- You will resolve this cliffie soon. :D
  12. Tahi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2002
    star 5
    Hi Diane - I'll be catching up real soon. :)
  13. Tahi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2002
    star 5
    Sidious could feel that there was something amiss.
    Oh - my heart bleeds for him. [face_neutral]

    It would appear that the Jedi scum were trying to corrupt the Force with their good intentions.
    Geez, don't you just hate it when that happens.

    Sadly he IS right about the Senate and their self-serving ethics.

    I have to say that that exchange between Amidala and Palpy was a brilliant piece of characterisation. Your Palpy is both despicable and charming. ;)

    More importantly, with the Force choked with a dark mixture of revenge and blood-lust from the Senators, even the Jedi would not be able to see through the deception.
    That's a good point. Those negative vibes do muddy the Force.

    Classic Sidious there with his playacting as the betrayed one. It's interesting the way you kept Obi kind of in the background there. I wonder what he'll do about the carnage. Will this be the act that turns him? Whew!

    That was an awesome chapter. I feel quite drained. And now I want to kill Palpy even more. [face_devil]




  14. mujapple-juicey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2008
    star 4
    OMG!!!!! How'd that happen?!?!?

    Who died?

    tapping fish
    inhale, exhale, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
  15. darshaassant Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2005
    star 2
    *groans*

    you're the cruelest author ever! But I love your writing and can't wait to see what happens next!
  16. DRS Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 3, 2006
    star 1
    *bumps*

    Diane? Any chance of an update in the near future?
  17. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    DRS- honestly, no. RL has bitten me bad - I got laid off and I'm trying to deal with unemployment, etc. I have the next post started (about 2 pages) but it's going to need a lot more work. I had no idea that it had been so long since the last update. I'm really sorry about this.
  18. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oh Diane how horrible! [:D] :( I wish you the best of luck with that. Finding employment can be such a pain! I hope your unemployment will last long enough in order for you to find some work. Man...things are getting so bad economy wise :(

    Missed your work for so long while I've been net dead! I'm slowly but surely catching up with everybody's writings. [:D] Hope things start looking up for you soon!
  19. Ocelotl_Nesto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2004
    star 4
    Very sorry to hear about your employment situation. Yesterday was a scary day as over 50 thousand layoffs were announced. Hang in there, your story seems even more poignant now.
  20. Ara-gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 2
    Diane,

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with unemployment. Rotten economy. I hope that you find a newer, shinier, happier job soon. Very soon!

    Ara-Gon
  21. DRS Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 3, 2006
    star 1
    Aw, sorry to hear that diane. Hope things get better soon.
  22. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I know I haven't updated in almost a year. I had writer's block for the longest time but I had a more difficult problem. I've grown away from Star Wars. I know, I know. I never thought I would, either but I can pinpoint it very precisely ? the day they killed off Jacen Solo in profic. I'd been reading the books for years, loving them, defending them when they got darker and darker. When they killed off Mara Jade, I thought it was a hard thing. I don?t think it was done well but she was a character who had been relegated to the sidelines for so long and it ? sort of ? made sense. But when they killed off Jacen in the same series, it was just too much. It was a like a switch flipped and I just couldn't take it any more.

    I dropped off the boards for the most part and stopped reading new stories. They are not less brilliant but I just can't.

    So, I will finish this and my Jacen story and maybe occasionally post on my drabbles thread maybe but that will be pretty much that. I'm hoping that someday the love will return but I'm making no promises. I'm really very sorry.

    Edit: for those who want to know what I'll be doing now that my Star Wars love affair has died, I'm still writing but for Merlin fandom instead. It's a new tv show starting June 21 on NBC but it's been playing in England since last year and I've seen all the episodes on youtube. I adore it so at least I'll still be writing. Thanks for asking.[face_blush]

    ardavenport ? nope there isn't a whole lot of wiggle room on this one. I love writing Palpatine because he's so deliciously evil. Yes, Obi-Wan needs to avoid the dark but will he? You'll just have to wait and see.

    Loved seeing you at CC. It was great fun!


    Musing ? I love cliffhangers. Palpatine is pretty much in charge with this scene. I don't know if he'll be worse off when we see him again. LOL on the cliffhangers. I'm resolving one in the coming post. Glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for keeping up with it all these years.


    Jedi_Perigrine ? I'm glad that you enjoyed this. I had a great deal of fun writing Palpatine. He's just so evil that I can really push the envelope with him. Sorry I didn't update sooner but? I'm hoping to update again more quickly this time. There's only a couple of more posts anyway. Thanks for reading.


    Valairy_Scot ? sorry I haven't been keeping up with your story as I should. Like I said above, my love of SW has died and much as I've tried, I can't seem to get it back. Your stories are always so wonderful that I hope you keep writing and sharing your talent! And don't ever think your stories are less that terrific. You've always done beautifully in character, language or plot.

    As for Palpatine's voice, yes I got it from the novel. I thought I should include it a bit and give my story a bit of weight.


    Seremela ? I love writing Palpatine because he's just so evil that you can go over the top a bit with him and it makes sense. He's a planner, although he doesn't know everything and in the end it's his downfall in ROTJ. So I like to make him almost superhuman but not quite.

    LOL on the cliffhangers. I love cliffies but since I'm coming to the end of the story, the cliffies will start to resolve themselves. Yes, next stop Naboo and we'll find out what happens with Maul and Mace and Anakin.

    Thanks for reading.


    Gkilkenny ? I must admit that I do like Palpatine as a character. He's just so evil that it?s fun to write him. As for winning totally, we shall have to see. I'm one for happy endings usually but we'll have to see with this one. Thanks so much for reading.


    Leona ? LOL on the evil one. He thinks he's won. We shall see.


    Ocelotl_Nesto ? Thanks. Glad you liked Palpy's POV. We shall see if the Jedi triumph or not. Thanks.


    Kivas ? The Jedi were ready for treachery but I'm not sure how ready they were for what they faced. Thanks for reading.


    jedidas3 ? How are you doing?? I haven't seen any updates lately. I hope my not kicking />
  23. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    When last we saw Mace and Anakin, they were in the barn with Maul and the fight had just begun.
    Chapter 36 - Dance Macabre

    Death was rocketing toward them.

    Anakin stepped back, staring at the Treadwell as it tumbled madly through the air, its mechanical arms whipping about in a frenzy, its bulk careening into equipment and roof supports as it traveled the length of the barn. In its wake, a destructive chain reaction of metal and biologicals and half-shredded boards wrecked havoc as everything collapsed into chaos.

    Yet despite every obstacle, the Treadwell kept on coming.

    Beyond it, behind it, Anakin could almost see the great tidal wave of darkside energy gathering up the wreckage, a thousand sharp edges and shattered parts, and pushing it towards them.

    And somewhere in the gloom, a monster in black and red, was laughing.

    Anakin?s vision began to tunnel. That rsshak slime was mocking them, mocking him. Furious, he ignored the noise of collapsing droids, deranged glee, and exploding debris. He ignored the mountain of destruction bearing down on them both. He ignored the bright light of Windu's blade whirling in the darkness and his own lightstaff strobing madly in his hand.

    He could only think of one thing - the murderer would pay for this, would pay for everything.

    It was more than calling him Windu's pet or laughing at him. He'd hurt Le'orath, maybe killed her and he'd killed many others, Bendu and innocents alike, even Jedi. He would make sure the demon from hell didn't escape again and not even a storm of droid parts and rubble would stop him.

    It was justice, not revenge that drove him, no matter what Windu might say.

    Now the harsh whisper of righteous rage, seductive and strong, was growing. He could feel the strength of it, feeding on his determination, fueling his power. And he gathered it into himself; he knew he would need it to overcome that Zabrak slime. Another small voice in the back of his head was warning him that power was not enough, that rage was of the dark, but he shook it off.

    Now was not the time for doubt, not with danger coming toward him at breakneck speed.

    Gathering the Force, the immense energy surging under his grasp, he raised one hand in front of him, and shoved it back toward the debris storm. Invisible to the eye, he could feel it growing like a tidal wave and meeting the wreckage head on.

    Shattered parts and the bulk of the Treadwell slammed into the barrier. For a brief moment, it looked like it would not be enough. The debris was bulging toward him like some great hand pushing against melting flimsiplast. The sound, too, was hideous as more and more of the wreckage piled into the invisible wall of Force energy.

    He couldn't hear Windu but he knew the man was saying something, shouting at him. He didn't dare answer, instead poured ever more energy into the battle.

    And then everything, jagged metal parts and mechanicals and dirt, crashed to the ground. The sound of it filled the gloomy air.

    He sent a frantic glare toward Windu, just in time to see the man lowering his arm.

    As the noise subsided, Anakin could hear soft crying in the distance, a child's grief. Now that the Zabrak's attack had been foiled for the moment, he worried about Ben. The boy was stubborn and reckless at times. Ben might try and come out of his hiding place, might go after the monster who had hurt his mother and Anakin knew it would be disastrous if he did. They wouldn't be able to protect him and take down the killer at the same time, not without a great deal of luck.

    Anakin didn't believe in luck. Apparently, neither did Master Windu.

    "Ben, stay where you are." Hardly above a whisper, the man managed to make it sound like a command. There was a sniff of protest but it quickly subsided when Windu said, "We'll be as quick as we can but you have to stay hidden, Ben. It's important. You have to promise me, Ben."

    "Yes, sir." The kid sounded scared.

    Anakin didn't blame him but he was also relieved that Ben hadn't argued harder/>
  24. Musing Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2003
    star 2
    I got the first post!! :eek: [face_dancing]

    And what a great post! =D= Maul finally got what was coming to him, but at Mace's expense. :( Really tough lesson for Anakin, but it doesn't seem that he learns in any other way.

    Glad to hear that Le'orath survived, along with Ben. Although you didn't completely resolve this cliffhanger, dianethx... [face_shame_on_you]What happened to the baby?

    I'm sorry to hear about the demise of your affection for Star Wars, dianethx. No more stories from such a great writer like you is saddening, but understandable. I guess it's true that all good things come to an end eventually, but I hope it won't be forever.


  25. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    :( That's so sad to hear. I know it happens, but still, losing such a great writer as you is hard. Personally I never got into the EU, only read a few with Han Solo in them as a main character, as long as they were very close to the movies. And I'm reading JA, because they have Qui-Gon in them, but no, I just never managed to see the books as more than authorized fanfiction myself. The movies are Star Wars for me and I just can't get into all those new characters myself. But when you did get into them and liked them a lot, like you, than I can totally understand getting dissapointed when they go a way you can't follow.

    I'm very, very glad that you've decided not to just dissapear and leave your readers hanging, but finish your stories, that is wonderful and very gracious of you, thank you! [:D] [:D] [:D]


    And you came back to the story with a bang! What a really intense fight! I was at the edge of my seat the whole time and very, very worried. And now Mace! :_| :_| :_|

    Anakin was so completely young and teenager here, I just hope that what Mace did will keep him in the light. And oh, there's still a tiny bit of hope for Le'orath. But the baby... *choking up now*


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