Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated Sept 20, 2011 - Complete

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, Mar 16, 2003.

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  1. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I know it's been said before, but wow. The battle with Sidious was riveting. I loved every second of intensity. I'd still be hopelessly crying for Atel but I've just discovered that post was last month and I've another to read. :D :D

    The latest post only increased the sadness I felt. All I can think is poor Obi-Wan and wander how he can make it past all this.

    What stunning posts Diane. =D=

  2. Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 22, 2008
    star 4
    Sorry I'm late...as usual you've crafted a fantastic story here, with amazing writing and vivid characters and a super consistant storyline and characters. Very well done, Diane. Keep it up!
  3. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Leona - Thanks. Yes, I tried to make the battle with Sidious a bit over the top. After all, he was the Sith Lord! I'm glad that you liked the second post, too. I'm trying to wrap things up and hopefully, it will be done fairly soon. Thanks so much for reading!

    Jedi Perigrine - No, you're not late. Any time is a good time for a review. :D Glad you liked it. I do try the best I can. Thanks so much for reviewing.


    We are starting to wind down now. A few more posts and it will be done. [face_dancing] Anyway, here's the next post.

    Chapter 39 - Jedi Business

    Flying back to the Temple was a quiet affair. Kenobi and Jinn sat close together, the Bendu almost solicitous of his former padawan but there were no words exchanged, no hurried whispers. Sle'fey supposed that it was likely due to the hulking guards on either side of them.

    He was not particularly happy about that aspect of their ride back, either. His own guard, that damnable pushy Lieutenant who had given Amidala so much trouble, was following him like a Toydarian blood-leech. He didn't think it would be easy to lose him but lose him he must. He needed to coordinate the Jedi Order's responses to whatever the Senate threw at them and a Republic guard following him around would be inconvenient at the very least and potentially damaging to the Order if the Senate got wind of Sle'fey's plans before he could finalize them.

    There was quite a delegation when they arrived. Outsiders might think the Jedi stoic or even disinterested in mundane matters but Sle'fey knew better. Under the deceptive calm, they were intensely nosy, had to be in order to protect themselves over the last ten years. The Jedi had always had an innate curiosity but it had reached a fever pitch when there were constant threats of dismissal. One might call it paranoia; others might see it as protection. But in any case, the beings at the Temple knew something was up.

    Sle'fey limped off the shuttle with his guard, that massive irritant, trailing behind him. Healer Leabe was right there, already clucking at the mess on his fur, the strips of cooked flesh, the matted blood. He was sure the man would have made him go to the Healer's hall, Councilor or no Councilor, if Leabe hadn't spotted Jinn and Kenobi and hurried over to them, complaining the whole time. At least his departure gave Sle'fey time to edge away.

    He was not going to be diverted, not by Healer Leabe, not by anyone.

    Sending laser-bolt glares across the room to show his displeasure at such a crowd of onlookers, they were already beginning to disperse when NeTa Phen appeared. Sle'fey shook his head. There could be no discussion of what had happened and what would come next with that guard following him, spying on his every move.

    Master Phen must have sensed the problem because she only nodded and fell into step beside him.

    As they made their way slowly toward the turbolift, Sle'fey said, "Until circumstances become clearer, Lieutenant Obrim will be attending me as per Senate requirements. Master Jinn and Knight Kenobi are being sent back to the Healer's hall. They have extensive physical damage that may need reconstruction, perhaps bacta therapy as well but they also have guards attending them. Since the security officers will be staying at the Temple for an extended period, perhaps you could find suitable accommodations for our Republic guests."

    The hulking annoyance grunted a bit. "Master Jedi, I will not remain here indefinitely. When my shift is up, a new guard will replace me and this will continue until such time as the Senate investigation is complete."

    "And how long will that be?" Sle'fey had better things to do than deal with fools but he kept his voice composed.

    Obrim had no such compunction. Moving in front of the Jedi, he put up one hand to stop them both, the other tightening on his blaster. "If it were up to me, you'd be under arrest and in a detention cell, not here. However, since Senator Amidala has directed me to make sure you are available for questioning by the Senate/>
  4. Musing Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2003
    star 2
    First post! :D And for such a great update, too.[face_dancing]

    Everything?s coming together at last. Interesting to see it all from Master Sle'fey?s perspective. As a result, I like him a lot better than I have previously, especially since he?s struggling with his own grief. His resolution to continue with his responsibilities is admirable, and he?s right to take the broader perspective on events. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan might both be better off if they also had something to focus on beyond their personal situations. Life goes on, even though emotionally things may seem to be at a standstill. In retrospect, Sle'fey?s Bothan background may have made him better able to withstand the Dark Side manipulations of Palpatine, Tharten and their minions.

    Sle'fey?s thought that the Sith may have been eradicated now and forever reminded me of Dooku, though. Is he and Yoda going to make an appearance? They can hardly ignore something as significant as Supreme Chancellor Palpatine/Darth Sidious? demise.

    I can?t wait (though I?ll have to, I know) to see the next post, even though it brings the end that much closer. Fantastic work, dianethx! =D=
  5. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Oh, boy, now comes the hard part - rebuilding - rebuilding the Order, rebuilding trust....

    Will Qui-Gon's pain help to pull Obi-Wan out of his dark mood? Normally I'd say yes - his compassion would see to that - but has he been pushed too far to even truly find his compassion for others?

    Eagerly looking forward to more.
  6. Ocelotl_Nesto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2004
    star 4
    Great post!

    I like how you are wrapping up the details... it isnt all sunshine and trumpets when the dust has settled.
    It requires work, investigation, building, and recovery... like any personal crisis with significant magnification.

    Well done.
  7. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Now Qui-Gon knows, how sad :(

    The Bothan is trying so hard, he's trying to be the one to help them all. Being a leader is NOT an easy job. Don't envy the guy not at all! (BTW have I mentioned that he's one of my fave OCs of yours? hehehe I like Bothans as it is and lookit! ;) Poor guy gotta feel for him! :( specially seeing his friend die that way.

    Great job once more!! And Obi's anger, whoa definitely gonna be interesting if he straightens or becomes what has been destroyed. :eek:

    Only a few more chapters to go? Man... it's been awesome adventure that's for sure! =D= :D
  8. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    So many beautiful and intense posts. I can't believe Atel died. I wasn't expecting that at all. :_| And Qui-Gon's unborn child gone too.

    Obi-Wan's reactions have me worried. Obviously Atel's death has pushed him over the edge. I wonder if he feels he has anything worthwhile left to fight for. Again I have to marvel at the lovely pace of the story---nothing rushed, we see it all unfolding in its own time.
  9. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    You know I had started this fic a long time ago, then during one of my lapses from the boards lost it and decided to finish it today.

    All I can think after this last page is just whoa! You have such a talent for creating all these different colored threads and then weaving them all together to form a Masterpiece. I'm really sorry to see you go from the Star Wars arena, but understand completely too.

    Poor Obi-Wan, losing A'tel. I remember last time I read, I wasn't so fond of her, but she always wanted her Master's best. I imagine she would tell Obi-Wan not to grieve too long for her though, as she would have seen giving her life for him as her duty.

    And Qui-Gon, always so patient and centered in the Force. It's almost like torturing a puppy to watch him lost his unborn child and possibly good relations with Le'orath.

    I must try to keep an eye out for any further new posts for this story. I'd love to finish it. :)
  10. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Obi-Wan needs to really take a look around him and see that everyone is hurting around him.

    Poor Qui-Gon, losing his child. :( I can't believe that Le'orath would blame him for this. It just doesn't seem like her.

    Another incredible post Diane. [:D]
  11. Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 22, 2008
    star 4
    Obi sure has an attitude. Not that I'd blame him. :D I feel for QUi-Gon's pain, but there is good news at the heart of horrible; the worst might be over.

    Maybe. if I know you... ;)

    ANother fantastic update, Diane. I wish profic writers had as much talent at writing as you do. :D
  12. Magier Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2007
    star 1
    Poor Atel :( She wouldn't want her master to lose himself like he is. I hope Qui-Gon can get through to Obi-Wan because I think he might be the only one who can.

    I can't imagine how hard it is for Qui-Gon to not be able to go home. He's right, Le won't be pleased.
  13. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Musing ? Still writing but I keep getting distracted. Yes, everything is coming together, at least so far but Sle'fey still has some issues to address. He certainly is trying to take the longer view, even though he does like power but he feels that he's doing it for the Jedi, rather than for himself. Still grey, rather than black or white.

    Qui and Obi still have issues. Their focus won't really be back until the last chapter because what happens to the Jedi Order is important in this chapter. I'm pretty much cleaning up after the mess.

    Yes, Yoda will make one more appearance but it will be short and we will find out about Dooku before the end. Thanks!


    Val ? Rebuilding the Order and having the Senate go along with it may be tricky but that's what Bothans are known for.

    As for Obi, he's been through a lot. We'll have to see what finally happens. But I'm sure he's aware of Qui's pain and will be understanding. His compassion is just such a part of him that I can't see him not wanting to help.

    Oh, btw, loved your Qui being mean story. I figure Anakin is manipulating him big time and eventually everyone will figure that out.


    Ocelotl_Nesto - yes, wrapping up the details. It's never all sunshine and light when they've just had a major crisis on their hands. Glad you are enjoying it. Thanks!


    Kynstar ? Qui knows and isn't too happy about it, plus not being able to leave when his wife needs him is making him very upset.

    The Bothan is a sneaky, manipulative being but at least he's doing it for the Jedi Order, not really himself. Thanks. I like him, too. He's got lovely flaws to play with!

    Obi needs time and sympathy. We'll see if he gets it. Yes, only a few more chapters to go but keep in mind, they will be long ones, especially this one! Thanks so much for reading.


    LE ? Yes, I'd planned on killing Atel from the start which is why when someone suggested that she and Anakin could be good for a bickering type romance, I was like ummmmm. As for Obi-Wan, he's still dealing with the aftermath and it will take him a while to regain his balance, assuming nothing else bad happens.

    Honestly, I just want to finish the darn thing. It's been hovering over my head for a very long time and I ache to write Merlin fic but I'm not willing to compromise even for Merlin's lovely smile. So pace will remain slow enough to complete the story the way it needs to be. Thanks so much for sticking around.


    JediKnight-Obi-Wan - Thanks so much for coming back. I've pretty much left Star Wars and am only finishing up my remaining stories. I don't like to leave things unfinished. Besides, I adore Merlin so much that I can't tell you. It makes me breathless!

    Yes, poor Obi-Wan. He's lost a lot, with Atel dying and realizing that they'd be manipulating him for so long. At least now he knows. I did like Atel. She had great flaws, making her difficult to like as a character but great for storytelling.

    Yes, poor Qui-Gon. I had always planned on his wife's injuries and loss of the child and he's going to be unhappy for a while. At least I didn't kill her off?.


    Leona ? Obi-Wan needs to regain his center. As long as nothing else bad happens, he should be okay.
    Yes, poor Qui-Gon. It's rough for him, more so since he loves Le'orath so much and can't be there for her. We'll see if Le' blames him or not.

    Thanks. Glad you liked it.


    Jedi_Perigrine ? Obi does have an attitude but it's one that's completely understandable. The worst might be over. I am really on the last couple of chapters (this one will be a long one and multi-post). Thanks so much for reading.


    Magier ? Yes, poor Atel. At least she died saving Obi-Wan. As for Obi, he needs to regain his center and I think you are right. Qui is really the only one who could get through to him. Thanks for reading.
  14. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Coming into the home stretch. This chapter will be in multi-parts.

    Chapter 40 - Politicians


    Lieutenant Obrim was true to his word. Sle'fey couldn't find any place to be alone, anywhere that the hulking fool wouldn't go, even the 'fresher.

    He would have taken great pleasure in baiting the man, but it really was beneath him to even consider such things and so he let the intrusions into his personal space pass. Obrim would be gone soon enough and Sle'fey had better things to do with his time than try to embarrass a Republic guard, even one this annoying.

    So finally he'd ignored the man, stumbled into bed; in the darkness, grief and the faint memory of nightmares, smoke and terror and lines of fire cutting through the black, had plagued him enough that he woke more weary than before and to the gleam of eyes staring at him.

    Now he was just waiting for Masters Phen and Medza to arrive at his office, to discuss Council memberships. They'd both sent their suggestions hours ago but there hadn't been any surprises in the lists. They all knew who they could trust and who they could not.

    There were six seats vacant, five if Kenobi was included and he planned on leaving one or two open, just in case some of the Bendu would be willing to return. He didn't expect Jinn to leave that organization, especially with Windu dead, but there were other possibilities. He would remain flexible and see where the Force and their future took them.

    Whether or not there would be a Jedi Order once the Senate was done with them remained the larger question. But even that had possibilities.

    Obrim was still glaring at him but he ignored it, turning to the more important problem, keeping the Order from falling apart. He had Zak's files on Sera Tharten's dealings with the Banking Clan, her financial accounts and those of her followers. The monies she'd managed to siphon into her own accounts from the Jedi had been staggering but he was sure there were other more hidden treasures still to be discovered.

    Tharten hadn't been the only one who had been stealing from the Order. Over the years, pieces of Jedi history had gone missing: holocrons and statuary and old, precious books, jewels and artifacts of lost races, a thousand different kinds of plunder. They began turning up on the illegal antiquities trade some time ago but Medza and Xacor had only stumbled over the thefts in the last year or so and the trail had led back eventually to Veendo and his protégées.

    Councilor Nunb had been busy as well. Equipment had gone missing or the Order paid for things that never arrived and his accounts had grown fat. And he knew TaKet, head of Information Resources, had been blackmailing some of the Senators and accepting bribes from some of the more powerful corporations whenever the Jedi had arrived to mediate wrong-doing. He was ashamed to say that the Order had found for those with rich holdings and political power more often than not because of it.

    The Jedi Order was rife with illegal activity and it had not been good ? until now. Sle'fey tried not to smile. Tharten and her followers had amassed a fortune and with their financial accounts at his fingertips, there was money enough to tell the Senate to go to hell if need be. A position of strength and he would be a fool if he didn't use it.

    Things were finally beginning to look up.

    **************************

    "I've talked with Master Jinn. He was able to contact the Bendu group last night and speak with his son briefly." Master Phen rubbed her eyes, hands shaking a bit. Yesterday had taken a toll of them all. Two more of the Jedi had died in the night and there was a possibility of a third passing before long. "Apparently, the boy is well enough although wanting his father, of course, but his wife is still unconscious. She was badly burned in the fire and the Sith had?." Pausing a moment, glancing from one to the other, Phen's face tightened into fury. "The Sith had etched symbols into her skin while he tortured her. According to the healers on site, the bacta will help her enough that
  15. Musing Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2003
    star 2
    After all the bloodshed and death in the previous posts (unavoidable, I know), the political gameplay is something of a relief. It's great to see that not everyone's under Palpatine's thumb. Go get 'em, Sle'fey, Leabe, Mon, Bail and Padme! =D=

  16. Ocelotl_Nesto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2004
    star 4
    Fun to see the banter with some of the good guys vs. the bad senators. I wonder if the raw video will ever "appear"
  17. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    musing - Yes, I figured the political gameplay would be a relief. I would have liked it to be shorter but my muse is insisting on completeness. More gameplay this time but there should be some movement next post. Thanks for reading.

    Ocelotl_Nesto - Thanks. I did have fun with some of the sniping! Well, we'll see about the raw video! Thanks.

    It didn't take a Jedi's sensitivity to the Force to understand that there was more going on beneath the surface than just an investigation into the death of the Republic's leader; the air was seething with animosity and greed and a kind of hunger that fed on raw hatred. Qui-Gon could feel the tension, almost taste it.

    It was obvious that they were looking for a scapegoat and Qui-Gon was not going to volunteer for the honor, not this time. The Force had demanded much of him, sacrifices almost too painful to acknowledge, loss and aching regret, but that time was now past. The currents were pulling him back to Naboo; his heart was, too. Home to an anguished wife and a bewildered son, to Anakin and the families who had lost loved ones under the Sith blade. To Le'orath, her skin carved into meat ? how could he face her again knowing that somehow he should have protected her from such agony, that he should have prevented the death of their unborn child.

    He had been prepared to give his own life to the Force, his training as a Jedi all but called for it. But this was more than his existence; it was his family's. This was a stark reminder why the Order demanded that attachment be forbidden.

    But even as a Jedi, he had known pain. When Tahl died, he had almost gone mad with grief and he struggled for years afterwards trying to find serenity again but it had been a pale thing compared to this. He could only wonder how he continued to remain outwardly calm when every beat of his heart demanded he go home. He was breathless with the need of it. And yet, and yet he remained a captive of the Senate until the hearings were complete.

    Now it was his turn to face them.

    It didn't help that he was in physical pain as well. The meds had long ago worn off and Leabe's sharp attempts to get him to take more were in vain. He knew that he would need all his experience in diplomacy to get past the questioning and meds just dulled his awareness. He would need every advantage.

    As he rose to take his place in that circle of bright light, he winced, too, at the ache in his chest. Tharten's last gift to him was still fresh, muscles and cauterized flesh pulling tight. Bacta could only do so much and it would be some time before he could move with any kind of grace. But he would not let them see him too vulnerable; they were already circling like hawk bats, waiting for the strike.

    Trying to look dignified, trying not to hunch into the pain, he walked slowly, deliberately into that circle of bright light and stood there for a moment, gathering his strength. Then he gave a shallow bow, forcing himself not to jerk as he straightened up. But a glance at Master Sle'fey's concerned face and he knew that he'd given away more of his condition than he realized.

    But for now, all he could do was stand there and waited patiently for the questioning to begin.

    Healer Leabe was having none of it, of course, was visibly upset and apparently didn't care who knew it. Voice sharp and cutting as a vibroblade, he glared at them all as he snapped, "Senators, Master Jinn was wounded in his service to the Republic. You cannot be serious about making him stand during his testimony."

    Divinian opened his mouth, clearly ready to mock the Healer when Senator Organa spoke up. "A guard will bring a hoverchair, Healer Leabe. We are not barbarians, after all."

    "You do not speak for the rest of us, Organa. This man helped murder the Supreme Chancellor. He deserves more than a few hours of mild discomfort while we find out the truth. It might loosen his tongue." Divinian snarled back.

    "Senator, if he collapses due to his injuries, it will prolong this investigation." Mon Mothma gestured toward Amedda. "Vice Ch/>
  18. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Yeech - those Senators are braying hounds on the tail of a wounded fox.
  19. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    The cards are stacked against the Jedi.:oops:

    Who there can help them. I think no one, there is too much corruption. [face_devil]

    The senate don't need Sidious they are killing the Jedi very well on their own.[face_skull]

    Betrayal is so right!

    Good update.=D=
  20. Musing Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2003
    star 2
    I dunno why, but the situation following Palpatine's extermination reminds me of the aftermath in smacking a spider on its web... The remains smeared over everything in a disgusting mess that's hard to clean up. Ugh. [face_sick]

    Really tough situation you've set up, dianethx. Fantastic! =D= Feel free to spin it out as long as you like. ;)
  21. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Those were fantastic posts. I have obviously been away far too long, but it is stories like this one that keep me coming back for more.
  22. Ocelotl_Nesto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2004
    star 4
    I am still impressed at how this story is unfolding. Nice to know that there are still bad guys. Your observations on the dark side even without the Sith seems very logical.
  23. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Arrrrghhh, no!!! You stopped right there???

    Lovely posts those were and I just know teose holovids have been tampered with!!!! :mad:
  24. Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 22, 2008
    star 4
    Sorry it's taken me so long to get here. Just wanted to say this story is still a wonderfully crafted tale, and I really want to see how the Senator is going to pervert the truth. Keep up the awesome work! :) :)
  25. littleobiwankenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2009
    star 1
    love the story, please PM List if you have one.

    I´m still a little behind, with reading
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