Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated Sept 20, 2011 - Complete

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, Mar 16, 2003.

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Valiowk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2000
    star 6
    Both physical and mental pain for so many people, not to mention this issue of the investigation that still hasn't been settled. :( It seems so cruel that even after the death of Palpatine, those who have suffered the most are still not able to heal and recover in peace. Hopefully the investigation, at least, will be settled soon and the Jedi and Bendu can begin the process of planning for a new future.
  2. Tenages Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2011
    I'm sorry, but I've been forced to reply because of the constant [edited] over the story.


    And we?re just going to stop right there. We have rules about concrit in this forum and they?re listed
    here in our FAQ. We also have rules about baiting, flaming, thread-crapping and trolling, all of which you have done in this post. You are certainly entitled to your opinion and you are welcome to express it, but you must do so in a manner that adheres to our board policies and is not phrased as derogatory comments toward this author and other authors in this forum.

    ~Jedi Trace


  3. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I'm struggling with RL at the moment ? my muse seems to have abandoned me (I haven't even written any Merlin stories lately either) and I don't expect it to change for a while. Nothing bad, just really, really busy.

    Val ? Qui-Gon does need someone there for him and I agree. It should be Obi-Wan. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for staying with the story for so long.

    Musing ? I do love to spread the pain around. :p Yes, there is hope. There is always hope! Thanks so much.

    Obimom ? Yes, of course Le' would be feeling betrayed by Qui-Gon. How could she not? After all he left her and went with the Jedi. She'd be feeling badly even if she hadn't gotten hurt. Glad you liked it.

    Ocelotl_Nesto ? I did want it to be painful. Le' is feeling betrayed and she's in horrible pain and she's just lost her child. She's really unhappy and she took it out on Qui-Gon. Thanks for reading.

    Valiowk ? Yes, a few things are settled but Palpatine's reach is far and deep. I'm glad that you are enjoying it so much. I hope that when it's finally done, you will be happy with the result.

    Tenages ? I've always said that if you don't like a story, don't read it. So don't. Why put yourself through so much pain if you hate it that much? Instead, find stories you do like; otherwise, you've wasted your time here. Bottom line, I write for myself and since I like my story, even if no one else was reading it, I would and will continue to write and post it until it's complete.

    My readers - I don't know if Tenages is a troll or someone who genuinely dislikes my story and had to join the boards just to tell me all about it. Either way, I'm not upset. It is what it is. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I just happen to disagree with theirs. *shrugs* I will finish Betrayal, though, troll or not. Thanks so much for sticking with me.
    />/>
  4. nada_smith Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2006
    star 1
    I recently re-read this entire story, and I've realized I have never replied. Your story was one of the first I ever read on these forums. It was so marvelously crafted that I remember feeling completely immersed in your world for the time I was able to read until I caught up. I was so engaged that when I finished it felt passing through a veil dividing one world from another. It took me a while to finally sign up and post, and I suppose since then I've just felt overwhelmed at the thought of trying to give an adequate review to such a long and wonderfully written story. I hope you can surmise from the above comments that I truly enjoyed this story! This will be brief though your work deserves much praise.

    Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's relationship is my favorite part of this story. One of my favorite scenes is actually an "extra" where Qui-Gon stubbornly yet diplomatically negotiates the naming of his son after Obi-Wan. Generally, though, I just adore the way their caring for each other shines through all of the heartache and misunderstandings and differences in outlook. Obi-Wan is my favorite character and your Obi-Wan rings true for me. His foundations are upturned, he struggles with despair, yet in the end he will rededicate himself to giving his upmost for the Light.

    I've loved your treatment of all the other characters. Even the controversial Atel. I've long been fascinated by how otherwise basically good, decent people allow or even support atrocities (e.g. the German people and the holocaust or racism and violence/discrimination against African-Americans). For that matter I wonder at some things that happen today and how complicit I might be if I don't oppose them strongly enough. On the other hand, while one person can make a difference, we are also shaped by and limited by the societies we live in. I see Obi-Wan and Atel as both being caught in this conundrum to an extent. The difference was Obi-Wan always felt caught and lately rebelled whereas Atel didn't seem very aware of the dilemma in the beginning. I suppose Slefley is another character who shows yet another approach to this situation.

    Right now though, I feel for Qui-Gon and his wife. Her reaction must be devastating to him.

    Anyway, I thought I'd better give you a bit of your overdue praise. This is a wonderful story!
  5. padawan3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 1999
    star 4
    I lost touch with this story several years ago. It took me a over week to reread and catch up.

    Nothing makes you appreciate an author's toil than rereading a work after a long hiatus. The effort it takes to continue to update, or hell, even the effort to stay true the original outline without wondering down the vast highways of distraction and tangents is mind boggling.

    I know this novel has long been a work in progress, but you never surrendered to the temptation of letting it die. Betrayal has always been one of my favorite Star Wars fanfics. I am truly glad to see it among the living. Thank you!
  6. DRS Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 3, 2006
    star 1
    I just re-read Betrayal, and all I can say is, please update!

    Well no, I could also say how amazing it is, and how it really sucks me in, makes me feel for Qui and Obi... but 'please update', I think, summarises quite nicely. I so want to read more!
  7. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    nada_smith ? I'm very happy that you've enjoyed the story so much. I try very hard to make it as good as I possibly can. I want the world to resonate and the characters to stay real to their roots and I'm glad that I've been able to do that in a small way!

    I do love Obi-Wan with all his flaws and how he overcomes them to do the right thing. I think my love of them pretty much guarantees that I treat them with respect even when I'm putting them through hell. Oh, I'm happy that my little side story worked as well. I wasn't sure if I should have posted them but the characters just seemed to demand that I do so and I'm relieved that it worked!

    As for Atel, I really like how much she would be like Obi-Wan if she had been pushed in another direction. I wanted to show that circumstances can sometimes work against you and certainly can skew your worldview. I'm glad that also came across.

    Anyway, thanks so much. Sorry I haven't updated but between RL and my writing block, it's been hard.


    Padawan3 ? That's okay. I lose touch with the story some times,too. As I do update over years, I try to keep it similar to my earlier postings. I do have a indepth outline that has kept me pretty much on track ? although my writing style has changed over the years. I'm just glad that you are still enjoying it. Thanks so much!


    DRS ? Unfortunately, with RL and vacations and writer's block and the siren's lure of Merlin, I haven't been able to update a lot. But I will have something really long up momentarily.
  8. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    My apologies for the long wait. I've been having problems with writer's block with this story but I seem to have overcome it. This update is LONG!
    Qui-Gon didn't know how long he sat there, staring off into the darkness beyond. They'd given him a small room, little more than a bed, a 'fresher and a desk, something that a new knight would get. Enough privacy for meditation and not much more. Not even a window. The guard who had accompanied him had taken one look at it, shrugged and waited outside his door.

    Now, it seemed as if the walls were pressing in, a cage from which he'd never escape.

    He didn't know what to do. She'd told him not to come back; intellectually, he knew it was the shock of her experiences and the medications but still, his heart hurt every time it beat against his chest. He was both numb and flayed alive with anguish.

    So caught up was he with her words that at first he didn't notice the sound of voices outside. But then the door slid open and Leabe strode in. One look at Qui-Gon and the healer frowned down at him. "Have your wounds reopened? Are you in pain?"

    Shaking his head, he said, "A personal matter, nothing more."

    Obviously, Leabe wasn't a fool. He must have known that Qui-Gon would have contacted his family as soon as he could and that it was likely that things between him and Le' were amiss. How could they not be after all that had gone on before?

    The healer sent him a scowl, then sounding out one of those long, tortured sighs that spoke volumes of how much he didn't like Qui-Gon's terse reply, he sat down next to him. "Attachment is forbidden. The Jedi Order has had good reasons for doing so. It had kept us balanced for the last thousand years."

    "You call this balanced?" Furious at being lectured over something Leabe knew nothing about, Qui-Gon snapped derision at him and then looked away, down at his hands. "It would appear to be failing, has been failing for a very long time. And you have forgotten that I am not a Jedi."

    "You will always be a Jedi, Master Jinn, no matter what else you are."

    He could not argue the point. It was truth after all. He would always be a Jedi. He'd been raised in the ways of the Temple; it was bred into his bones and blood and no matter the trappings, his instincts were first and always to follow the Force in all things.

    He'd tried to tell Le'orath that. But she could no more understand it than he could understand how it was to bear a child. He could see it, hear her explanations but it wasn't the same. And the loss of the child was even more incomprehensible. He felt grief for their unborn daughter, now gone into the Force, intense grief but how much more was Le's anguish. She'd been carrying their baby all these months; she'd felt the child move in her womb. No wonder she'd screamed at him.

    Yes, he might be a Jedi but he had a life back on Naboo, and he would return to it and his family.

    "I am Bendu now." Shaking his head, he said, "I will deal with this in my own way."

    Another scowl from Leabe but he ignored it. Instead, Qui-Gon pressed one hand against his stomach and tried to breathe out the pain. The meds were beginning to wear off again and although the ache had lessened over the last days, it still hurt.

    "Of course you will. You always do. Now, let me see how badly you've mucked up my work."

    Leabe batted his hands away, started pulling Qui-Gon's tunics aside and looked at the gut wound. It was still angry-looking but in fact, the scarred tissue was already beginning to contract and he knew that physical therapy would be next; otherwise, his mobility would be impaired and he couldn't allow that to happen.

    There was a slight pleased noise coming from the healer as he shoved the tunic back into place. "You heal quickly. I believe that aside from the pain medication which I'll reduce over the next several days, you should begin therapy tomorrow. Small things, of course, katas if you don't push it too much and some weight training but it looks better than I would have thought."

    It was better than he'd hoped. He'd worried that />
  9. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    [face_dancing] An update, an update and what an update!

    Obi-Wan better think long and hard. If the Jedi Order is to survive it DOES need Jedi like him.

    I still have this sort of feeling that Obi-Wan is looking just at his sense of betrayal and too little at the demands of the Force behind all this. Without rereading all this, I can't quite think how to phrase that, but it seems that despite all the manipulations and the using of Obi-Wan and others, this was use with a good purpose.

    Nice to see you and this story back, Diane.
  10. Musing Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2003
    star 2
    Whoa...I thought I was seeing things when I saw an update. :eek: I'm so glad you're back, dianethx, even if it's only to finish this story. [face_dancing]

    The political maneuvering going on is a lot of fun to read, especially the confrontation between Sle?fey and Mon Motha. I've actually grown rather fond of Sle?fey. He's gotten to be such a really fleshed-out character.

    I'm not so sure that going to Naboo with Qui-Gon is a good move on Obi-Wan's part. Le'orath blames Qui-Gon for leaving, but she also blames Obi-Wan for taking him away. Given that, I doubt Obi-Wan's going to find much peace of mind on Naboo any more than Qui-Gon will. But at least they'll be able to lean on each other as they did before.

    Writer's block? You could've fooled me, dianethx. Good job, as always. =D=
  11. Valiowk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2000
    star 6
    It's wonderful to see an update, Diane! [face_dancing]

    Now that everything is over, this should be a time for reconciliation. Yet reconciliation is difficult, as we see - there are too many grudges and too many suspicions floating about. Let's hope that each of the parties involved is able to be more understanding and forgiving!

  12. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    It's probably good that Obi-Wan is going to Naboo with Qui-Gon. He needs time to see things clearly, and get some rest away from the stress of Coruscant. Just to be a man instead of a Jedi for awhile may bring him peace.

    Loved this chapter.(Loved them all)=D=
  13. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Loved this chapter and I'm glad Obi-Wan is going to Naboo. I had thought before that he should join the Bendu, but now with changes happening in the Jedi, I wonder...but even so, I'm glad he 's going there now to heal, help Qui-Gon heal, and be there for Qui-Gon as he tries to heal his relationship with his wife. I'm not sure what the ideal future for Obi is in this...but I'm sure you're working that out :)

    I know what I'd like to see, but it's not my story, is it? I can't wait for another chapter...=D=
  14. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I had somehow managed to miss that post from Feb and I find myself in quite a state. I am shocked and appalled at Le'. I get that she's traumatized by all that's happened, but out of all those in his life I would have expected more compassion from her. She should try thinking of others around her too, like her son who still lives and wants his mommy.

    Okay, sorry for what felt like a rant. I was just shocked.



    Next post...


    "I will do all I can to help him. For his sake." Of course he will.

    I think being away from Coruscant is the best thing the Jedi could do. They need to nearly start from scratch.

    Superb posts Diane.
  15. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Val ? It was a long update! And long overdue. Obi-Wan does indeed need to think long and hard about the Jedi and his place in it. But keep in mind that he has his saber with him. If he were truly leaving, he'd have left it at the Temple. I think his mind and his heart are at war right now.
    Yes, Sle'fey was actually following the Force in that they finally got rid of the Sith as well as understanding that maybe aligning themselves with the Senate was no longer working.
    Glad you liked it. :D

    Musing ? I will finish this story. I'm just that stubborn!
    I must admit I had fun with the political manoeuvring . Sle'fey loves to play, it's in his Bothan blood and he's very good at it at times. I have enjoyed writing him so much especially since he's mostly a grey Jedi and not so straightforward as some of the other Jedi we've seen over the years.

    Obi-Wan needs space. He's feeling battered and unhappy and he needs to clear his head. Le' will blame him in part but she's mostly furious with Qui-Gon for leaving, not Obi-Wan. I think Obi needs the peace of the Sanctuary and to get away from all the politics.

    Oh, yes, writer's block! I was even having trouble writing Merlin stuff and I'm in love with the show. I'm just glad it's over now. Thanks!


    Valiowk ? Reconciliation is what is needed. I think if Obi-Wan gets away to clear his head and get himself thinking again about his place in the galaxy, he'll come to the right decision. Thanks so much for reading.


    Gkilkenny ? Yes, I think it's a very good thing that Obi-Wan is going to Naboo. He needs to get away from everything and really think about what he's going to do. Glad you enjoyed it!


    Obimom ? Thanks so much. Obi-Wan really needs to get away and clear his head. I think he will come to the right conclusion once he's found his balance again. Thanks so much!


    Leona ? I'm surprised that you were shocked by Le'. At the moment, she's feeling so angry about Qui-Gon leaving her alone to cope with a monster; she's lost a child she very much wanted and she's furious at herself for not getting away; she's worried about Ben but also knows that she wasn't good enough to protect him and thinking he might be better of with someone who can. Plus she's in pain and was tortured while Maul laughed at her. So her mind isn't exactly clear at the moment. Plus it's only been a few days. Hard to cope with so much going on.

    As for the Jedi getting away from Coruscant, the fact that they were not really following their own hearts or listening to the Force that well is a big factor in what Sle'fey is trying to do. They do need to rethink themselves and the Bendu have given them a start.

    Thanks!
  16. Ocelotl_Nesto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2004
    star 4
    Great to see this posted! Definitely fun to see how this is turning out.
  17. Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 22, 2008
    star 4
    Great update! Even after all this time I can get back into the story with minimal thinking. Everything is still fresh in my mind. That says something for your story telling ability. :)

    Thanks for coming back to give us a bit of closure. :D Let me know when you post the next one...even if it is next year. ;) [:D]
  18. BrightFeather Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2005
    star 3
    Just got caught up. I have an itchy foot, too, Diane. :D Combine that with a busy household, a four-month-old and a three-year-old, and I was very far behind! I have to say that I'll be sorry when this story is over with, but I've certainly enjoyed the trip! Put me back on the update list, please?
  19. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Ocelotl_Nesto ? Thanks so much. Glad you liked it.

    Jedi_Perigrine ? Thanks. I am glad that it's not too bad getting back up to speed. Here is the next post. There will be only one after that and I'm pretty sure it will be before Halloween.

    BrightFeather ? It's very hard to keep things going, especially after all these years. It's okay, though. I really understand! I will indeed put you back on the list.
  20. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I can't believe it's almost over. Just this post and the next and we are done. Hurray! I've already written about 1/2 the next post so it should be finished within a month. :D


    Chapter 43 - May the Force be with you - part 1

    Qui-Gon let the silence follow them all the way to their cabin. The echo of their fateful journey to Coruscent still resonating in his memory, knowing that Obi-Wan must be feeling it, too, he didn't press for conversation. He could see that his once-padawan was still thinking hard about what Sle'fey had said, no matter how casually Obi-Wan was trying to hide it.

    Making straight for the viewport, Obi-Wan stood there, arms crossed, frowning into the image. Beyond, the cityscape was dotted with light, a scatter of brilliance in a sea of black septsilk and above there was a haze where a few stars' dimness struggled through. Qui-Gon knew that would change soon enough; the ship's engines were already starting to shudder.

    "I don't know what to think, Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan was still facing away. From a distance it appeared as if he was resolute, all determination; standing ramrod straight, the barrier of folded arms and set shoulders would certainly give that impression. But Qui-Gon had known him far too long not to understand the uncertainty beneath the façade. "I can't believe him. He's lied too many times to ever trust him again. But?."

    "The Force will guide you, as well you know." Qui-Gon said softly, "When you are ready to listen."

    Another being, someone not raised in the Jedi, might think it a reproach. After all, Obi-Wan was certainly aware that the Force was central to a Jedi's actions; he would have taught such things to Atel. But they both knew that Qui-Gon's words were meant as comfort, not rebuke.

    Even so, a question remained between them, unasked.

    "I thought I'd already decided what to do." Obi-Wan glanced toward him and then looked down, curling his hand around his lightsaber. "But I couldn't leave it behind. I know the law; only Jedi and those with permission may carry a saber. I'd placed it on my bed, even turned to leave, pack in hand but something drew me back. The Force, my own foolishness, I don't know but I can't seem to let my old life go."

    "It is a hard decision and one that will affect not only your life but others as well. Perhaps it is better to consider it further before you reject it so quickly."

    Under their feet, the rumble of engines was signaling liftoff. The brilliant lights of Coruscant were fading fast and over the lip of planet, the sun was rising, blindingly bright.

    "Master Yoda would say 'Easy is the path to wisdom for those not blinded by themselves.'" There was a kind of self-condemnation there beneath Obi-Wan's words but then after a moment, he shook himself free of whatever was troubling him and said, "What of Sle'fey's request?"

    Qui-Gon thought again about that final farewell. It had been more than just Sle'fey trying to manipulate them this time. He seemed genuinely eager to have Obi-Wan remain behind. The Bothan had made it almost a personal plea. "At the end, he hadn't talked about how much you would bring to the Order if you accepted the Council post. He kept saying how much he needed you to do so."

    "He doesn't need anyone," he said sharply, all too quickly.

    "You are wrong about that, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon shook his head. "With Master Xacor gone, it would seem that Sle'fey needs someone to keep him from straying too far and he knows it. His weaknesses and your strengths. I think you would balance each other well in time but it is your choice."

    Another shake of the head. "I can't trust him."

    "No, nor should you." Qui-Gon smiled a second, then gripping Obi-Wan's shoulder, squeezed warm comfort. "But think on Sle'fey's words. He never asked for your trust. In fact, he seemed to expect that you would not trust him. What he is asking for is your determination to do what is right ? and that I know you have."

    For a long moment, there was silence. The ship's engines had already quieted, seemed to poise for the jump to hyp/>
  21. Ocelotl_Nesto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2004
    star 4
    That argument with Anakin was very well done. You can see his brash teen angst/selfishness mixed with compassion guilt and pride. Great addition to this AU!
  22. Musing Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2003
    star 2
    Done in 2 more posts? Aw, geez... :_|

    Ah, well, might as well enjoy every last post, even if it wrings the heartstrings.

    The confrontation between Obi-Wan and Anakin...ouch. But it might an important step in letting the pain go for them both. You're making me dread the next post, dianethx, and not necessarily because it's the penultimate one.

    But I'm looking forward to it all the same, just because you do such a good job. =D=
  23. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    What? It's almost over? There's only one more after this one?

    Oh, my!! and this chapter was so good!

    I still plan to re-read this whole story when it's done, so I guess I'd better get ready to do some reading in the near future...:)

    I felt so bad for obi-Wan after Anakin's attack on him, but then, It's good that Obi-Wan saw that Anakin is hurting too.

    Gosh, it so hard believe this is all coming to an end soon....will everything be wrapped up in that chapter? It'll be a long one, right? I mean, Qui and Le, their child, Anakin, Obi-Wan and what he ultimately does, etc. Looking forward to it. =D=
  24. BrightFeather Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2005
    star 3
  25. The1stJediPrincess Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2010
    star 2


    "You helped to save the galaxy, Anakin, and to end the Sith legacy. But instead of accepting the sacrifices of others, all you can do is blame me because you didn't get your happy ending. And, unlike my apprentice, at least you lived."


    Very powerful line. =D= Very powerful chapter and an awesome story. I have just caught up and WOW! [:D]

    While I'm sad to see the story end, I'm looking forward to the finale.






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