Saga Beyond Repair - A Vignette

These things seem to come off an assembly line.

Title:Beyond Repair
Author: Sithspawn aka Medeine Bucionis
Genre: Starts with an a...ends with a t...has a g in the middle.
Characters: Luke, Ben, nameless OC.
Warnings: Foul language (I wonder if there are automatic censors...) and dark themes

Author's notes: This one's inspired by real experiences and something an acquaintance of mine said to me when I was down in the dumps.

For those who have tried it, those who were affected by it and most of all those who are considering it.

---

They know. Force help me, they know. It?s over. I have lost what little I had left ? they?ve stripped it from me. He stripped it from me. I stripped it from me. How it got out, I do not know. Perhaps it slipped out as I was ranting and raving in the delirium that followed the disastrous events at Cloud City, perhaps as lay trapped in my fevered dreams, thrashing in my throes of agony?No matter, the result is the same.

Everyone knows, and I feel naked, nothing but air beneath me, like I?m hanging by the thinnest of threads?I live in fear. Constant, biting fear. I never rest, not even when I?m asleep. I sleep with my blaster tightly clutched against my chest, for fear of someone slitting my throat at night. And as I wake, I wonder how it was that I did not shoot myself in my slumber. I do this in vague disappointment. My own mind has become cold and too disturbing for comfort. Each time I wake, I wonder when the day will come ? the day I break, the day that last straw drives me to madness. I wonder if insanity dulls the pain.

Though many would say I deserve this. They all despise me now ? this deep-rooted bitterness transcends everything. The places that were once the only home I had are now cold, alien and darkened. I am no longer welcome here. No one says anything. It?s in the air. It coats the blades of their sharp stares. Everywhere I go, their black whispers cling to me. [i]Don?t look now?Vader?s son?Spawned by darkness?Stay away?Vader?dangerous?Sith?tainted by?traitor?[/i]

It brings me to my knees to think of how cold they are. They have always trusted me, admired me. Loved me. Am I any different now? What has changed? It?s as if, ultimately, all I?ve done for them means absolutely nothing. I?ve given these people all I had, and they throw it away. They throw me away. Damn, it hurts. Do they not realize that they are the ones betraying me? Do they not see how it devastates me? Do they care anymore? I feel hollow, betrayed and alone.

Sometimes it goes so far that I consider the possibility of truly having changed ? Maybe I am different. Maybe they have reason to hate me so much, to treat me worse than filth ?

[i]I?m in a changing room. I hastily finish drying my hair ? I?m one of the last ones here ? and slip into faded grey fatigues. Then pain streaks across my skull as it makes impact with the wall. What..?

I look up into jaded grey-green eyes blazing with cold contempt. He?s tanned, dark-haired and has a hard, grim face, mouth twisted into the darkest of scowls. And he?s bigger than I am. I could take him, but I don?t move a muscle.

?Wha? you lookin? at, scum??

I say nothing. He only grows angrier. I don?t care. I?ve seen worse.

?Answer me, you **** filth!? I won?t give him the satisfaction. Again, I say nothing. It seems to strike a nerve. His fist meets my face, followed by more blows. I don?t feel them. I do not fight back ? I know I would be the guilty party no matter what, truth be damned.

I find myself thrown to the floor. I don?t get up. Instead, I lie there and bleed.

?Worthless **** piece of ****.?

After the cutting words leave his mouth, he spits on me. It?s true. I stay there, on the stone-cold floor, for Force knows how long. And I bleed.[/i]


I know ? knew this man. I was his friend. I also outranked him. Of course, this does not mean a thing. I don?t belong here anymore.

~*~

I could not stay where I did not belong. I was not wanted there, anyway. So I l

 

Edited: Oops, sorry. I forgot I was still logged into the sock. I'll post again under my own name.

 

Oof. I don't know what to say. But I want to say something, because this deserves a response.

What a powerful vignette. So utterly bleak and despairing. You made me feel just what Luke was feeling, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. But that's as it should be, and a testimony to the honesty of what you wrote.

Excellent work.

 

Much thanks, Elana.

You made me feel just what Luke was feeling, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. But that's as it should be, and a testimony to the honesty of what you wrote.

Sorry to make you feel this way, but as you said - it is as it should be. I'm glad this had the desired effect, because this was meant to be a glimpse into such a mind. Thanks again for the feedback.

 

Reading this was a bit painful, it strikes quite close to home. It's an excellent work.

 

Beautiful and powerful, quite poignant. Lovely work!

 

That was beautifully done. You showed his despair and utter hopelessness perfectly. All the emotions seemed so very real. This is an excellent piece of writing.

 

Brilliant Luke insight.
And I loved the moment with Ben- their pov's were so clear and yet Ben was so gentle with him.
-SE

 

Feng_Huang:Hey, I know you...I like inflicting pain on readers. Thank you.

VaderLVR: Thank you...*major *

Indra: Thanks Now go update scars and beginnings

Solo-Evenstar:: Thank you - glad you liked the Ben part. I'm pretty sure he knows the feeling well, after RotS.