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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga Bidding Farewll, Newbie challenge

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Art_Of_War, Jan 25, 2006.

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  1. Art_Of_War

    Art_Of_War Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2005
    Bidding Farewell

    It is customary at funerals to say a few things in remembrance of the passed, a symbolic showing of respect and love. It is the final chance for the living to express how much warmer the departed had made the galaxy. Usually that solemn duty is assigned to a parent or a sibling, but Marie had made a special request.

    Her family had called me over after they received the heart-numbing news. Her father stoically led me into their quarters, his lined face deepened and his glacier eyes darkened by one simple fact. He had been sleeping when it happened, content that all would be right with the galaxy when he returned to the living. And now all he could do was stay awake, his head covered by trembling hands in the dark lit sky, as his mind toiled with the news that all he had cared for had been swept away in the tide.

    Marie?s mother was not much better. She was tucked in the end of the couch, her arms encircling her body, as if protecting her from a world that had become so indifferent. The monitor shone brightly, the heavy grin of the newsman ??esterday the Empire?s finest were able to stop rebel traitors from initiating an attack on the spaceport?? I couldn?t stand anymore and nearly smashed the console in irritation to make the screen go black.

    The grieving husband, after escorting me to a seat, went to her side and looked into her red rimmed eyes. At first, she didn?t seem to notice him but then he whispered a lie to her over and over again. ?Everything is going to be alright. Please come back to me.?

    A sob escaped her lips and she released her arms and gripped him fiercely, the tendons along her slender arms bulging and taut. He took her up in his arms, dutifully carrying his once young wife into the place that had always been their sanctuary.

    I drew my gaze from their forms to the holo-disk lying on the table. I bent over to pick it up, and a sudden lump formed in my throat. I had bought that for her not two weeks before.

    It had been a birthday present.

    You are an Imperial Officer. Control yourself, breathe in and breathe out.

    I raised it off the table, pressed the play button, and placed it on the floor.

    A bright light made me squint, and then Marie appeared before me.

    I composed myself, reflexively straightening my olive green officer uniform that had only recently been a source of so much pride. I stopped my hand and placed it on my knee, a small part of my mind loathing the very feel of the fabric, the cold rub of the shined medals.

    She looked so beautiful. Her dark russet hair tumbled down the back of her bronzed neck as it had so often when we had been children. She opened her emerald eyes and gazed out with false enthusiasm. I couldn?t look at them, the vice on my heart compressing until my gaze slipped from her face.

    Marie paused for a second, composing herself. It would have been difficult for her, standing there, all alone, crafting a message that would only be heard after her death. But she had always been brave that way, facing what she feared.

    ?If you?re hearing this Devlin, I?m already dead.? I waited.

    Her alto voice rang out again; tightly controlled ?I?m sorry that I couldn?t keep my promise to you.? My eyes moved to the ring that comfortably encircled her index finger.

    We were going to have a throng of lovely children. We were going to be standing by each other for all eternity as friends. As lovers. As husband and wife. I thought that was all we needed.

    I should have known better. She had always fought for what she believed.

    That?s how we first met after all.

    ?Do you remember that day Devlin? That boy, Ben, was being attacked by the Skulls in the alleyway. Afterwards, you said I was some kind of Kath Hound.? One side of her mouth tried to lift into a grin. ?You asked??What could have induced you into attacking Skulls?? and I said that?.?

    Evil will always triumph if good people don?t do anything.

    ??evil will always triumph if good people don?t do anything.?

    ?The Empire?.the Empire i
     
  2. ZaraValinor

    ZaraValinor Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 31, 2002
    You have a wonderful narrative style. I enjoyed it very much and found myself near tears. Which doesn't happen often.
     
  3. Jaira

    Jaira Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 3, 2005
    Very nice! =D=
     
  4. Jaya Solo

    Jaya Solo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 1999
    Wow. Excellent story, Art_Of_War! Just... wow. You gave it a wonderful heart-wrenching quality. It was very realistic and unfolded nicely, didn't reveal information too quickly and had a good pace. I hope you continue to write! I see this is your first story! It's excellent! :D

    Perhaps you'll continue the story of Devlin?
     
  5. jaina_clan_solo

    jaina_clan_solo Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2005
    Amazing! This was heartbreaking, Poor Devlin killed the woman he loved because he was fighting for what he thought was right.

    I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work.

    jcs
     
  6. Art_Of_War

    Art_Of_War Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2005
    Oh jeez, you're making me blush.[face_blush]

    I'm glad that you found it so emotional, I was somewhat worried that I may have overdone it a bit.

    As for Devlin,I can say with absolute certainty that there is a possibility of him expanding into other works;).

    Thanks you for the feedback.

    And until next time, May the force be with you all.
     
  7. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    That was very well written but sad!

    :_| :_| :_|

    Nice job

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  8. Kestrel_Kenobi

    Kestrel_Kenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2005
    Wow, that was powerful stuff...wonderfully written.

    I killed her; I killed Marie without an ounce of regret, content in the knowledge that I was keeping the Empire safe for its future. I had murdered the one thing that made it all worthwhile.

    Marie, my first sacrifice.


    So sad... :(

    Great job.

    =D=
     
  9. Ludo_Kressh

    Ludo_Kressh Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 30, 2005
    Oh my gods, that's got to be the worst pain of all...fighting for what you believe is right and destroying the very person in your life that meant something, a pain that will last forever...

    Very well written, and very sad, the perfect example of how evil the Empire could truly be by twisting the fates of those who love each other...

     
  10. Darth_Tequila

    Darth_Tequila Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2006
    Hello.

    Well done I'd say, Bravo.

    Not planning this, but the story I've posted is in essence a tale of saying Farewell, both in theme and in words. Where can I see the details of the challenge to see if my story qualifies?


    Thanks,
    Marc
     
  11. merijune

    merijune Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Oct 26, 2005
    Very powerfully written!
     
  12. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Superb entry for the challenge, simply superb.
     
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