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Beyond - Legends Black Is The Colour Of My True Love's Heart - post-ROTJ dark AU, L/M (one post) - replies May 28

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JediNemesis, Jan 21, 2008.

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  1. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Title: Black Is The Colour Of My True Love?s Heart
    Author: JediNemesis
    Genre: Dark AU. Angst. Er . . .
    Era: Several years post-ROTJ; most of the post-ROTJ canon never happened.
    Characters: Mara Jade, Luke Skywalker, OC, others mentioned

    Summary: What happens when the one you love is a monster?

    Notes: This AU exists only in snapshot form. It came to me at five o?clock in the morning a day or two ago, very nearly complete, and so I dutifully wrote it out without the slightest idea of the events leading up to those described.

    The song echoes some of the lyrics of Black is the Colour, a folksong of (possibly) Scottish origin.

    Cover art [done by the author]

    [image=http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b22/JediNemesis/Covers/BITCiii.jpg]




    [b]DISCLAIMER:[/b] The Star Wars universe is the property of George Lucas. EU characters are the property of their respective creators. OCs are mine. No money has changed hands.

    [hr]


    [i]I hate my love who loves not me ?
    I love my love regardlessly.
    Black lies the shadow of the day we part,
    Though black is the colour of my true love?s heart.[/i]

    *

    Leia likes the lilting sound of the old, old songs from the Rim. She?s barely four, but she dances around the room to them, golden hair flying out behind her. Sometimes she?ll grab for her father?s knees and demand to be picked up, swung around, danced with; usually he?ll oblige, no matter what affairs of state are waiting for him elsewhere. The galaxy is ruled at my husband?s whim, and he by his daughter?s.

    He?ll pick her up and swing her round, singing the words she doesn?t know about things she doesn?t understand: old songs about knights and maidens, lovers and mourners, ships sailing off into the distance and letters written in the sand. She loves the sound of his voice. There?s one ballad she wants again and again, one I knew when I was a girl, though to my shame I had little time for music then; a song that tears a wound a little deeper in me every time I hear it.

    Luke picks her up and swings her around; she laughs, he sings, quietly and more like chanting, the words that lament the curse of loving one who will never, can never, has not the capacity to, love you back.

    To him it?s just another song. All the love he has in the world is for her, his princess, who one day he will teach everything he knows, and she loves him back in the way that children can, unreservedly and with a whole heart. Sometimes it?s clear as crystal, that love; and in those moments I can bring myself to love him the way I used to, for a little while.

    Then, inevitably, as soon as I begin to think of him as the old Luke, the old echo starts in my mind, tireless and tiring as the sea beating against a shore.

    [i][You will kill Luke Skywalker.][/i]

    For years I?ve fooled the compulsion by refusing to equate my husband with Luke Skywalker. Skywalker is long gone; what remains bears the same name and face but is not the same man. Luke Skywalker had a heart and loved. If he has a heart now, it has no place for me.

    It?s a hideous thing, that I must hate him to stop myself from killing him, but still ? still ? I love him too much to do anything else.

    It?s easier to loathe him in his aspect as Emperor. Faced with the haunted, accusing holos of Rebels executed or killed in battle, I can hate him. For years it was easy. Then Leia was born, and without warning his light shone out again.

    (They say the brightest lights cast the darkest shadow, and I can believe that. My old Master, may he burn, never fell so far into the abyss as Luke did; never had so far to fall.)

    I thought that he lost the understanding of light and love a long time ago. Of course I was wrong. There?s always been a Luke and a Leia; there will always be a Luke and a Leia. Never mind that the other was my sister-in-law, whom he killed; there will always be a Luke and a Leia.

    I was there when he explained to our daughter, laughing and stroking her hair, that his sister had to go
     
  2. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fanfic Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    I just love this. A snapshot it might be, but it's a very vivid and believable snapshot. Mara's dilemma is a horrible one, and it's easy to feel the despair right along with her. I suspect that this story will stay in my mind for a long time. Very well done. :D
     
  3. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 25, 2005
    Very scary! :eek: The line about the two Leia's actually made my mouth drop open. What a place Mara and Luke find themselves in... Wow, very intense piece!
     
  4. Dana-Skywalker

    Dana-Skywalker Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Wow.

    That was dark, but beautiful. Mara's conflict is so real and vivid, I can see her teetering on the edge of despair.

    Very nicely done! =D=

    Dana
     
  5. Meredith_Kenobi

    Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    Whoa. :eek:

    That was very chilling, but it was also a very good read. I gobbled it up; I couldn't tear my eyes away.

    And that poem, the song, did you write that too? It was beautiful, hauntingly so.

    I was there when he explained to our daughter, laughing and stroking her hair, that his sister had to go because his little princess had just been born, and there could only ever be one Leia. She giggled in the way little girls do, and snuggled deeper into his lap. She went to sleep a little while after, as unperturbed as if he had told her that he?d swatted a fly rather than murdered his own sister in cold blood.

    Yikes!

    What a fascinating story you've written here, JediNemesis. =D=




     
  6. Alkibiades

    Alkibiades Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Dec 15, 2007
    I hate my love who loves not me ?
    I love my love regardlessly.
    Black lies the shadow of the day we part,
    Though black is the colour of my true love?s heart.


    A dark 'fic! I always love these. The darker, the better? 'They lived long and evilly ever after', could be a favorite ending line of mine.

    Leia likes the lilting sound of the old, old songs from the Rim. She?s barely four, but she dances around the room to them, golden hair flying out behind her. Sometimes she?ll grab for her father?s knees and demand to be picked up, swung around, danced with; usually he?ll oblige, no matter what affairs of state are waiting for him elsewhere. The galaxy is ruled at my husband?s whim, and he by his daughter?s.

    Hmmm. Someone very much in love with his daughter. For a split second, I thought it was Vader + Amidala, but then I realized the board we are on. Still, the ambiguity is entertaining.

    He?ll pick her up and swing her round, singing the words she doesn?t know about things she doesn?t understand: old songs about knights and maidens, lovers and mourners, ships sailing off into the distance and letters written in the sand. She loves the sound of his voice. There?s one ballad she wants again and again, one I knew when I was a girl, though to my shame I had little time for music then; a song that tears a wound a little deeper in me every time I hear it.

    Very much in love with his daughter. And, like all four year olds, she just loves the voice, and the cozy feeling that comes with it. And Mara doesn't like it a bit.

    Luke picks her up and swings her around; she laughs, he sings, quietly and more like chanting, the words that lament the curse of loving one who will never, can never, has not the capacity to, love you back.

    Does Luke understand the irony of what he is singing? Does he sings it to tick Mara off? He isn't fooling himself, is he?

    To him it?s just another song. All the love he has in the world is for her, his princess, who one day he will teach everything he knows, and she loves him back in the way that children can, unreservedly and with a whole heart. Sometimes it?s clear as crystal, that love; and in those moments I can bring myself to love him the way I used to, for a little while.

    Ah, no. It is just Luke thoroughly spoiling his little daughter. So there is some good left in him; he has not lost his capacity for love... yet?

    Then, inevitably, as soon as I begin to think of him as the old Luke, the old echo starts in my mind, tireless and tiring as the sea beating against a shore.

    [You will kill Luke Skywalker.]


    Hmmm. Methinks old echo's are better sometimes?

    For years I?ve fooled the compulsion by refusing to equate my husband with Luke Skywalker. Skywalker is long gone; what remains bears the same name and face but is not the same man. Luke Skywalker had a heart and loved. If he has a heart now, it has no place for me.

    She is fooling herself. She knows she is doing it, but she can't escape it. Twisted.

    It?s a hideous thing, that I must hate him to stop myself from killing him, but still ? still ? I love him too much to do anything else.

    Very twisted. [face_devil] [face_love]

    It?s easier to loathe him in his aspect as Emperor. Faced with the haunted, accusing holos of Rebels executed or killed in battle, I can hate him. For years it was easy. Then Leia was born, and without warning his light shone out again.

    Does she hate herself too, then? She was once like that too. And then, the light returns?

    (They say the brightest lights cast the darkest shadow, and I can believe that. My old Master, may he burn, never fell so far into the abyss as Luke did; never had so far to fall.)

    Or is it all visual trickery? Palpatine was all black, all bad, so, once you'd be used to it, you wouldn't notice so much. But someone who can go from a loving, caring father to a horrible monster - the contrast is way bigger. The larger the contrast, the lighter the light and the darker the darkness seems, yes?

     
  7. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Wow. You've really caught Mara in a twisted web here! She's paralyzed by fear and love. She can only love him when she hears the command to kill him. When the command stops, she hates him.

    And little Leia -- a blonde haired, laughing, dancing monster in the making. No conscience or empathy. She will make a wonderful Empress.

    The part about Mara dreading the inevitable day when Leia decides she hates her mother was creepy. She knows Leia will have her killed.

    Mara has gone from the servant of the Emperor to Luke's servant, and she knows she will be little Leia's servant one day, too. There is no escape.

    =D= =D=
     
  8. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Unique twist on the "last command" and its consequences =D= I also noticed the parts others have mentioned--but what also struck hard was that Luke still has the capacity to love a child--but his love for his life partner is all gone.... or maybe he doesn't love Leia--she's just someone he can remake into his image?? [face_thinking] For something just "whipped up" LOL this sure gives the reader a lot to ponder :D @};-
     
  9. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Wow, that was beautiful, haunting, deep - just, wow! :eek:

    I loce the way you have twisted "the last command", and Luke himself for that matter. The little girl is a monster in the making, and yet she is adorable at the same time. The line about Mara fearing for her own life should her daughter ever come to dispise her was particularly chilling. The poem too fit wonderfully with this story.

    Well done, but can we perhaps request to see anymore out of this plot arch? [face_batting]

    Just a suggestion. ;)

    ~MJ@};-
     
  10. Valiowk

    Valiowk Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 23, 2000
    You've done a wonderful job here, Nem! From the moment I read the poem at the beginning of the story, I was captivated by it. I love the way you've made Mara's dilemma seem so realistic (and for a story that could be said to "start in the middle of nowhere"!). I also really liked the way you made the first few paragraphs sound so innocent, but at the same time, suggesting that something is slightly wrong--Leia having golden hair, for instance.

    The part that perhaps touched me the most was the way you changed the second line of the poem--from "I hate my love regardlessly" at the beginning to "I love my love regardlessly" at the end. For even though the first version makes sense, it's really the second that describes Mara and her dilemma accurately, and which breaks our hearts.

    @};-
     
    Jedi Knight Fett likes this.
  11. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    Wow! Love the intense character development you've written here. It's almost too painful to read.

    Bravo! =D=
     
  12. mara_jade_rox

    mara_jade_rox Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2007
    I loved it despite the sadness! You reached into Mara's heart and soul and captured it beautifully. Wonderful fic!

    MJR[face_love]
     
  13. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Hi there everyone :)

    Gabri_Jade I just love this. A snapshot it might be, but it's a very vivid and believable snapshot. Thank you so much. Mara's dilemma is a horrible one, and it's easy to feel the despair right along with her. I'm glad it came across well :) I suspect that this story will stay in my mind for a long time. Very well done. I'd be honoured if it did. Thanks for reading [:D]

    ginchy Very scary! I try [face_mischief] The line about the two Leia's actually made my mouth drop open. I've always held that getting a physical reaction from something as insubstantial as fiction is worth any number of compliments. Thank you! What a place Mara and Luke find themselves in... It's a pretty hellish place. Shame I have no idea how they got there :p

    Dana-Skywalker That was dark, but beautiful. Mara's conflict is so real and vivid, I can see her teetering on the edge of despair. Thanks very much! I'm genuinely relieved - I have next to no experience of writing Mara and I'm glad she seems real. Very nicely done! Ta :D

    Meredith_Kenobi That was very chilling, but it was also a very good read. I gobbled it up; I couldn't tear my eyes away. Chilling is pretty much all I can do; I'm glad you enjoyed it nonetheless :D And that poem, the song, did you write that too? It was beautiful, hauntingly so. I'm such a sucker for including snatches of song in my stories. Yes, it's original, though I'm sure something very like it's been done before.

    Alkibiades My usual thing of pasting and replying just wouldn't wash here, would it? [face_laugh] Thanks for taking the time to give such a detailed commentary. Just a couple of things: the line about Luke reading the Evil Overlord list made me giggle ridiculously; and, on a more serious note, the line It is a terrible thing to be afraid of my own child was the first one I wrote. This was one of those stories that got built from the middle outwards.

    divapilot Wow. You've really caught Mara in a twisted web here! She's paralyzed by fear and love. She can only love him when she hears the command to kill him. I think paralysed pretty much covers it - when she can kill him, she doesn't want to. And little Leia -- a blonde haired, laughing, dancing monster in the making. No conscience or empathy. She will make a wonderful Empress. I concur. What is it about freaking scary little girls? Mara has gone from the servant of the Emperor to Luke's servant, and she knows she will be little Leia's servant one day, too. There is no escape. No. None. [face_devil] Thanks for clicking!

    Jade_eyes Unique twist on the "quot;last command" and its consequences. Ooh, thanks. I like 'unique twist' [face_blush] I also noticed the parts others have mentioned--but what also struck hard was that Luke still has the capacity to love a child--but his love for his life partner is all gone.... or maybe he doesn't love Leia--she's just someone he can remake into his image?? It's at least possible. He may even think he loves her. But he's very much into the whole raising-an-heir thing. For something just "whipped up" LOL this sure gives the reader a lot to ponder. That can only be a good thing, surely? :p

    Mira_Jade Wow, that was beautiful, haunting, deep - just, wow! Thank you very much :) The little girl is a monster in the making, and yet she is adorable at the same time. The line about Mara fearing for her own life should her daughter ever come to despise her was particularly chilling. In line with the rest of Luke and baby Leia's attitudes, though. The poem too fit wonderfully with this story. I always like making up bits of poems and songs to go in fic :D Well done, but can we perhaps request to see anymore out of this plot arch? Sorry :( but I can't say I've any plans for one. Maybe if inspiration strikes again . . .

    Valiowk You've done a wonderful job here, Nem! From the moment I read th
     
  14. SithGirl132

    SithGirl132 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 6, 2005
    :_| So psychologically believable and very powerful! So creepy and a very plausible AU. Great job!
     
  15. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Hello, o solitary reader :)

    SithGirl132 So psychologically believable and very powerful! Thank you very much - I don't find Mara easy and I'm glad people were convinced by her situation. So creepy and a very plausible AU. Great job! I like creepy, it's what I do :p Thanks again!

    And up we go . . . whoosh . . .

    Nem :)
     
  16. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Oh. My. Goodness.

    :eek: That was stunning.

    So I too spoil Leia, because though every part of me is revolted by what she is becoming, I know that my life rests in the palm of her little hand. All children declare at some point that they hate their mother and want her to go away forever, but only my Leia?s demand will be granted. If she has a fit of hatred for me in Luke?s presence, I will never see her again.

    It is a terrible thing to be afraid of my own child.


    Absolutely gorgeous! =D=
     
  17. Teresa

    Teresa Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 9, 2007
    Shakes head in awe.....this is one of the best vignettes I have ever read. The depictions are vivid, compelling, and frightening. It's a twisted version of a happy family, very reminiscent of what happened between Anakin/Vader and Padme. You mentioned that you didn't know what caused the situation but I wonder if Luke, like his father decided that just loving someone wasn't enough; he had to possess them as well. That's something he could share with a young child, but not with the adult Leia. His sister could love him, but she would never be his possession. As for Mara, she's caught until she dies. But how she dies might make a difference. Will she gamble on saving her family's souls, or just fade away leaving them in darkness? My thanks for writing this! =D=
     
  18. Lightsaber123

    Lightsaber123 Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2007
    Vergere was right.

    There is no dark side.

    Did you write that poem?

    if so, We are not worthy!!!!

     
  19. Frezzin

    Frezzin Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    May 18, 2008
    I hate to burst bubbles (and maybe it's been said already outside this thread) but the title and poem are from the song Black Is the Colour. And it's an amazing song, with a deep purity and soul all it's own, which is why you all felt the poem was so amazing. So like...not that genius. Well presented perhaps, but not original. And there's nothing wrong with that, as long as credit is given as due.

    The version The Corrs sang goes:

    Black is the colour of my true love's hair
    Hislips are like some roses fair
    He has the sweetest smile and the gentlest hands
    And I love the ground whereon he stands

    I love my love and well he knows
    I love the ground whereon he goes
    I whish that day would soon come
    When he and I can be as one.

    I go to the Clyde, I mourn and weep
    For satisfied I never sleep
    I write him letters, just a few short lines
    And I suffer death ten thousand times

    Black is the colour of my true love's hair
    His lips are like some roses fair
    He has the sweetest smile and the gentlest hands
    And I love the ground whereon he stands

    I love the ground whereon he stands
    I love the ground whereon he stands


    Generally it is presumed that Christy Moore, an Irish singer, was the first to sing it. But really he only popularized it. The original lyrics of the song, as written by John Jacob Niles purportedly can from original writer Hamish Imlach and are as such:

    Black is the colour of my true love's hair
    Her lips are like some roses fair
    She's the sweetest face and the gentlest hands.
    I love the ground whereon she stands

    I love my love and well she knows
    I love the ground whereon she goes.
    But some times I wish the day will come
    That she and I will be as one

    Black is the colour of my true love's hair
    Her lips are like some roses fair
    She's the sweetest face and the gentlest hands.
    I love the ground whereon she stands

    I walk to the Clyde for to mourn and weep
    But satisfied I never can sleep
    I'll write her a letter, just a few short lines
    And suffer death ten thousand times

    Black is the colour of my true love's hair
    Her lips are like some roses fair
    She's the sweetest face and the gentlest hands.
    I love the ground whereon she stands


    I had to set the record straight because this song is particularly meaningful to me and is among the best songs ever written.


    If you have concerns about a work, please contact a moderator.
     
  20. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Hello again :)

    VaderLVR That was stunning. Absolutely gorgeous! Thanks! And thanks for beta'ing, too.

    Teresa The depictions are vivid, compelling, and frightening. It's a twisted version of a happy family, very reminiscent of what happened between Anakin/Vader and Padme. There's something of a resemblance, except of course we never get to see what the addition of children would have done to the A/P relationship. You mentioned that you didn't know what caused the situation but I wonder if Luke, like his father decided that just loving someone wasn't enough; he had to possess them as well. That's something he could share with a young child, but not with the adult Leia. His sister could love him, but she would never be his possession. It's possible, though I'd still be interested as to what chain of circumstances could drive Luke that far. As for Mara, she's caught until she dies. But how she dies might make a difference. Will she gamble on saving her family's souls, or just fade away leaving them in darkness? Who knows? :p My thanks for writing this! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!

    Lightsaber123 Vergere was right. There is no dark side. The dark side's what you make it, definitely. And there's no real line; easy to end up in some very dark places. Thanks for reading :)

    Frezzin You'll have to take my word for it that nothing was deliberate. Seeing the lyrics I recognise that I've seen them before, but no more than that. An odd bit of verse came into my head when I was writing this vig; I can appreciate that I may well have been hearing echoes of a song I'd heard maybe once or twice before. That's all. I realise that you didn't mean any offence, but 'plagiarised' is a very serious accusation in the fanfiction community, and not one we throw around lightly.

    Edit: According to the Wikipedia entry, it's a traditional folksong with the most famous versions sung by the artists you mentioned. Plagiarism refers specifically to the use of another author's words without permission, and IIRC can't be applied to anonymous songs with multiple variants in existence. Once again, I understand that you posted in good faith, but it's something to consider.

    As you seem to have joined the boards for the express purpose of commenting on this story, now you have, maybe you'd care to have a bit of a wider look around? There's a lot of good stuff out there.
     
  21. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    If any reader feels that a writer has plagiarized, then they should contact a mod, NOT make a public accusation, especially in a case such as this. JediNemesis has answered your concerns and any further comment on this topic should be taken to PMs to a MODERATOR. As noted before, this is not a charge to be thrown about lightly. Also, you will find that titles are used more than once in fan fiction and in other forms of writing.
     
  22. 1Yodimus_Prime

    1Yodimus_Prime Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2004
    There are two segments of this vig that need to be highlighted:

    1) But hating him I am myself as I now am, with the old cold instinct of a killer long since gone.
    This sentence. Is awesome. I need a special =D= for just this alone. The construction is just exactly right for forcing the reader to slow down and hit every word like a note in a song. In fact, it reminds me of the pacing and meter of another pessimistic short story: "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" Have you tried writting original fiction too? You should, if you don't. Because more people need to read you.

    2) Mara's recounting of her childhood memory, in parentheses.
    It's not uncommon for vignettes and short stories to utilize a simple, seemingly unrelated moment-in-time or pieces-of-memory near the end as a means to summarize the theme of the story via metaphor. But doing it without feeling like you've just smacked the reader with a cast iron pan is difficult in even the best situations. Here, I think it's safe to say you handled it brilliantly. The image Mara gives us - so efficiently I don't think she's even aware she's making the implication - is of the lifelong near-impossible struggle of this one unfortunate flower, nearly succeeding in its single ultimate goal, yet failing at the last moment, cursed to die slowly at the hands of a child's naive superstition. Mara says her and her friends once believed the the pettals could tell the future; what she doesn't realize is that they sort of did, in their own way.

    Well done.
     
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