Beyond - Legends Black, White, Grey and Red - Ben Skywalker [DDC 2013] - Updated Aug 1st

Part of me is worried about R5. If she's gone will be a horribly painful reminder that you always get more information before going on solo missions. And I don't think that Ben could take the loss of something that belonged to his mother.

I bet that Tionne feels horrible about what happened. I would since she took care of Ben for so long and that she more or less sent him on the mission.

 

Ouch, poor Ben! And Luke must have been worried sick. They should really have a bacta tank reserved for the Skywalkers...

 

Thanks for reading everyone. I think in most societies, keeping a journal is considered being a feminine thing (then again, I live in red-neck hell, so what do I know?) so that’s why Ben wants to keep his journal a secret from his father. And don’t worry, R5 was fine And the lecture is coming next update.

Tag list: @Lady_Misty TrakNar mavjade immertreu Hazel lukemaraben Katana_Sundancer

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Entry 7

When we got back home I headed for my bedroom.

“Do you want me to make you a late dinner?” my father asked me. He ate earlier while I was being examined by Cilghal.

“No thanks. I’m still really tired.” Things at that point were still really awkward between us. “I’m going to head to bed. My own bed is going to feel really nice tonight,” I said with a forced smile.

“Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.”

I went to bed and nothing was out of the ordinary when I went to sleep.

I don’t normally remember my dreams. Heck I don’t even know if I’ve really dreamed. But I will never forget what I saw or felt last night.

I was trapped in an Embrace of Pain - the one that Jacen once trapped me in. In my dream I felt the bindings burning my body, but that wasn’t half of the nightmare. Beside me was my mother, also in an Embrace of Pain. She was alive. We didn’t talk, but her eyes said everything. Her eyes blamed me for her death. I felt like I was stuck there, staring at her, for eternity.

Jacen then appeared and slowly killed her as I watched.

I woke screaming and crying. I then saw someone entering my room. Out of reflex from my GAG days, I jumped out of bed and grabbed my lightsaber off my nightstand, activating it. In the blue light I saw my father in his boxers (not a pretty sight), holding his hands up.

“Ben, it’s going to be alright. It was a dream.”

“Oh. Sorry for waking you,” I said as I deactivated my lightsaber and wiped my eyes. I sat down on the edge of my bed. “You can go back to bed. I’m fine.”

My father stood there for a minute before entering my room. “Ben,” he said, sitting down beside me. “Stop lying. You’re not fine. You haven’t been fine for a while.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“It’s perfectly acceptable. But what isn’t acceptable is how I’ve dealt with it. It hurts me so much to see you hurting that I just want to make you better.” He paused and swallowed loudly. “But I need to give you time to grieve, or to be angry or whatever.”

I finally figured out my problem. “I want to be done being angry. I’ve buried it so deep but it escapes at you and I don’t want that to happen again.”

“Okay,” he said, getting up. “Put on some sweats. We are going to release some anger.”

“At three in the morning?” I asked as he left.

“Of course.”

I dressed, he obviously did the same, and we went to the speeder bay. He drove us to the Jedi Temple and led me to one of the training rooms – the one deemed the blue room because blue mats cover the walls and floor. My father directed in a line of three dozen recycled light foam figures into the room and set them up around me. He then started to leave.

“Hey, what am I supposed to do?”

He turned around and shrugged. “Release all your anger. Go crazy so you don’t explode on me. I’m going to go get some caff.”

I stared at the first foam figure for a while. I then punched it and small particles of foam exploded everywhere. It felt kinda nice.

I whipped out my lightsaber and stabbed the figure behind me. Against my greater conscious, I imagined the next was my cousin Jacen. I lopped off the head and kicked the body to the ground. A part of me felt guilty for striking in anger, but it was a foam figure.

A realization hit me. Jacen is now like a faceless foam figure to me. He doesn’t have any effect on my life – not anymore. He did. He used to have an effect on my life and he changed me and my life forever, but he is not a part of me and he can’t do any more damage to my life – not if I let him.

I destroyed the rest of the figures one by one. I was not destroying Jacen – I was destroying what he attempted to make me and what he turned into. I wasn’t striking in anger, but it released it nonetheless.

After all the foam figures were destroyed, I stepped out of the room and activated the vacuum. All the particles of foam slowly disappeared. I let go of Jacen in those moments. He is only a memory to me now.

My father came up behind me, cup of caff in his hand. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. Can we go home now?”

He ruffled my hair and some foam particles fell from it. “Yes.”

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Nice post. Jacen damaged his family big time. I wish the profics didn't screw everything up.

 

Great post. And a great way for him to cope with the loss

 

There's releasing your anger into the Force and there's releasing your anger onto foam figures. What works works!

 

Excellent post and insights. Glad the foam figures worked. Stuffing feelings made them bust out on unsuspected and innocent others. Now that Jacen and the consequences of what he did have been released somewhat, healing can continue.

 

bravo...sometimes relieving stress/anger helps

 

Wonderful next chapter! I'm glad Ben finally figured out how to deal with his anger (with a little push from his dad).

Totally agree with you! It feels like a contest sometimes...Who can make the Solo/Skywalker family most miserable...

 

I'll put 100 credits on Karen Traviss. Killing Mara was unnecessary. And if she had to die, she should have gone out in a blaze of glory and not like a punk. I think if the lead up to all the mess made sense to me, it wouldn't be that bad. But allowing your child to become a Jack booted thug GAG officer at...was he fourteen...just because Jacen is getting him to embrace the Force again? What parent does that? I think most of the people were written OOC in order to get them into that bad place in the plot.

 

Again, I totally agree with you! It made no sense - still doesn't - and everyone was so OOC it made me cringe.

I never understood why Mara and Luke weren't able to reach Ben. They can't have been that bad as parents! The most compassionate and gentle man in the whole universe wasn't able to connect with his son? Seriously?! And Ben was all over the place, too. The writers had all the freedom in the world because Ben had never been on screen, but what did they do? They totally messed it up.

Don't get me started on Traviss! I always had the feeling she hated the Jedi, and especially Luke. She should have stayed in her corner of the universe and written Boba Fett stories

Sorry about the rant.

 

Thank you! I think the whole basis for not being able to connect with Ben is because Ben was afraid of his father in a sense.. intimated by him. I got the feeling Ben was afraid of disappointing Luke or he might have FELT like a dissapointment.

 

Loving this back and forth immertreu and JL and EJF. After reading Bri's and EJF's handling of post NJO Skywalker interactions and Stone Jade's magnificent canon-compliant stuff, I think if you could spell it out in one sentence it would be: Profic writers aren't loving the characters enough to be motivated to get them right, to feel their feelings. Just like anything else you do for a living, etc.: If you're not passionate about it, you might as well quit, because you'll do a pissy job.

 

Well, being the son of one of the most famous men and the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy does that to you...but still, it was weird. It just wasn't believable in my eyes. And Mara was there, too. She should have been able to knock their heads together and/or make them work on their problems. There was so much love in the Skywalker household, but they never managed to be a real family of three? That's just odd.

Edited because of Jade_eyes' post: I guess you're right. It's sad, really.

 

Blame that on Mara's poor characterization, instead of being Mara Jade and putting her foot down they had her being reasonable by telling Luke not to push Ben.

 

The Skywalker family was in a sense divided which allowed all that other crap to happen..if Ben hadn't been so estranged from his father...he would not have followed Jacen so far. Thus Mara wouldn't have died.

 

That's where fanfic comes in. But you're right, of course. They should have handled the characters differently, but they didn't, and now we have to live with this disaster called EU/canon.

 

Here's how I feel..sending in my some of my fanfiction with Mara in it to the publishers and say, this is how it's suppose to be done. LOL

 

Yessssss! *wriggles!!!* I'm lovin' it! !!!!

 

Hey guys, thanks for all the comments and I'm agreeing with everything being said, but my story thread isn't the place to do it (I'm getting like 10 notifications here). If you want to continue this discussion, may I suggest going to the SJRS thread, or the "Return of the Tang" thread over in the EU community? Thanks.

 

Sorry, Bri

 

It's good that Ben got out his anger.

Hopefully things will be better for them.

Thanks for the comment to take things elsewhere or I might have added to it.

 

Very nice. Ben needed that release.

 

Hm... foam figures...

Ben realizing that he reduced Jacen to a faceless object that he can needlessly destroy was certainly an eye-opener. He just realized how quickly he dehumanized his own cousin. It takes a lot to be able to do that.

 

Thanks for reading everyone. I really suck at remembering to update this. Ben did dehumanize Jacen in the last post, but you have to remember, Ben was tortured by Jacen – so Ben is pretty messed in the head at this point and there is no returning back to innocence. In FOTJ, Ben still harbored some ill-feelings towards Jacen (the scene in abyss with Ben talking to Jacen in the Lake of Apparitions shows this, though he forgives Jacen in that scene... kinda).
I really struggled with this chapter. I hope it doesn’t sound too OOC. Most 14 year olds I know don’t show their emotions like this, but Ben has been though a lot.

Tag list: @Lady_Misty TrakNar mavjade immertreu Hazel lukemaraben Katana_Sundancer

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Entry 8

After getting all my anger out at three that morning, I woke up at nine, peacefully tucked into my bed. I felt at peace too. Both my mind and my heart were at ease – I haven’t felt that in a long time.

I rolled out of bed and walked out into the kitchen to see my father making hotcakes. My stomach growled loudly. It had been days since I ate a proper meal.

“I figured you’d be hungry,” my father said, turning around.

“I’m starving.” I looked to see the table already set up for two. He obviously wants me to open up to him. I have to say that he knows how to bribe me. Few people know my father actually has some culinary skills – he was a bachelor for like 20 billion years.

“They’ll be a few more minutes. Go have a sanisteam. You still smell like bacta.”

I turned on my heel and headed towards the refresher. I attempt to make a joke. “You of all people should be used to that smell.”

“Only because I’ve put up with you for fourteen years.”

Damn it. When did my father become so good at comebacks?

After a long, hot sanisteam I came out to see my father putting the hotcakes on the table. We both sat down and began eating in silence.

“Dad –”

“Ben –”

We both started talking at once. My father gestured for me to talk first. “I know I said it before, but I’m sorry for snapping at you. You didn’t deserve it.”

“No, Ben, I did. I am going about this parenting thing wrong. I am going to try to be better. What I think I didn’t deserve was you leaving me with just a note. I never told you this, but your mother left with just a short note – not explaining anything.” My father reached for something in his pocket. It was a small piece of flimsi. He slid it across the table. I recognized my mother’s writing.

Gone hunting for a few days. Don’t be mad at me farmboy.

I gulped. I instantly felt guilty. These had been my mom’s last words to my dad. “Dad – I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

He placed the note back in his pocket. “I didn’t want you to feel guilty. I just wanted you to know what I had to go through – seeing that note when I got up then when I felt you get injured. I nearly had several panic attacks on my way to get you.”

I felt myself starting to break down. Between the image of my father panicking about me and the dream of my mother, I can’t take it anymore. I started to get up but my father put his hand on my arm.

“Ben. I didn’t want you to feel bad. I’m sorry. See, I’m horrible at this parenting thing.”

I sat down. “Dad,” my breath hitched as a spoke. “You’re not a horrible parent. It’s just….” I trailed off, not wanting to retell my dream in detail.

“Ben, tell me.”

“Last night I had a dream about Mom.”

“Oh. Tell me, please.”

“We were both strapped into an Embrace of Pain.” My father instantly grimaced. “I watched Jacen kill her. In her eyes she blamed me for everything.” I hung my head, refusing to look at him.

“You know that isn’t true. Your mother’s death was not your fault - I know she does not blame you. I don’t blame you either – for anything. I wish I could convince you of that fact.” My father sighed.

After a few moments of silence, I could tell it was my turn to speak. “I was doing so well a few minutes ago. What is wrong with me?”

“Ben, there is nothing wrong with you, and it’s my fault that you think that there is.” He paused. “Last night I helped you get rid of your anger. Now we need to help each other.”

“Do what?”

“We both need to let go of our pride and let out some sadness together. I know it might sound stupid, but please. I need this. I need to let out some grief. I think you do too.”

“Okay,” I mumbled before thinking about it. I needed to let out a lot of grief. When I finally looked up at him, I had tears rolling down my face. “I miss how life used to be. I miss who I used to be. I miss my innocence and I miss Mom.”

Tears welled in his eyes. “I miss all those things too.”

We sat there – our hotcakes half eaten – crying for a long while. Eventually we slowly stopped. He started to clear the table.

“Hey, what do you want to do today?” he asked me.

“Do you have to go in to work?”

He shook his head. “I asked Corran to take care of my duties today and I can ask him to do the same tomorrow.”

“Can we just stay home and watch holos or something?” I really didn’t feel like going out after crying for a half hour with my father.

He smiled. “Okay. Pick some out and we’ll have a marathon.”

So I picked out a couple holos and my father and I watched them all day long. It’s a good thing Aunt Leia wasn’t on planet – the living room ended up a dump of order-in boxes that contained our lunch… and dinner… and our late night snack.

I woke up the next morning on the couch with my father surrounded by our filth. We fell asleep during the last holo of our marathon. My father was just waking up.

“Dad.”

“Yes Ben?” he yawned.

“You are the greatest father ever.”

He chuckled. “Thanks.”


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