Saga Blood is Thicker Than... (Post-Ep.III - human girl raised by Noghri; Vader; Jedi) Update 1/16!

I've written fic in three different fandoms (SW, CSI and House), and the biggest hang-up I always have is worrying whether or not the characters are in character. I probably have half a dozen to a dozen unfinished fics just sitting on my hard drive because of that worry.

But at the same time, if you throw in an OC, there's always the risk of a Mary Sue popping up. Not only do you not have any Mary Sue-ish qualities, your OC's are consistently in character, and you write them so that we as readers can tell what is in or not in character for them.

 

I think Mary Sue is an over-used term. Main Canon characters tend to be more Mary-Sueish (at least if you've looked at Legacy of the Force, recently), than OCs because writers have a misguided idea forced on to them that they can't write an OC and make him or her interesting! I've only ever come across a Mary Sue in fan fiction once or twice, but there were also other flaws in the stories, not just the characters in question.

I don't think this, but an OC skeptic would consider Senika to be a Mary Sue because she was orphaned, raised by Noghiri and is good in a fight (aka a strong female character). The reason why I point this out is because I'm a fan of Jean M. Auel's Earth's Children series, and I was looking on Amazon a while back and I saw a reveiw where someone had accused the main character, Ayla of being a Mary Sue, because she was orphaned and raised by Neanderthals, was good at hunting, a healer and made discoveries.

I recently took this test (out of fun, intially,) for my OC Flik. He scored rather highly on it, but with him being a OC from the Star Wars Universe, the only part of it that would be relavent to him would be the Fan Characters part of it, and if you took into account everything else on there, you would end up with what they call a Mary Sue (but since I only plan on writing more stories about him (canon characters like Luke Skywalker have that done anyway,), is the brother of Lak Sivrk, (a very minor character who has only ever had one short story written about him and a couple of appearances in obscure RPGs) and the fact that he saves the life of other characters a few times in the stories (which all characters in something like Star Wars do anyway), wouldn't really make him a Gary Stu.

Mary Sue Litmus Test

If you scroll through it, you'll find that vertually everything you could ever write into a character's background or through the course of a story (or several stories) is critised in there.

I've only ever come across one or two instances where I would consider a couple of characters blatent Mary Sues, but there were other flaws with the stories, not just the characters.

Some people are too picky when it comes to characters. My advice is only change something about a character if it seems too "perfect" or ridiculous to you, the author. For instance, when I was writing Redemption, in my original draft, I had Shiba suddenly sprouting Force powers, when she wasn't Force-senstive (obviously that didn't make it into the final version). That doesn't necessarily mean that there aren't any Mary Sue tendencies, but people labeling a character a Mary Sue/Gary Stu is often inaccurate.

 

I agree that the term "Mary Sue" is often overused. And yeah, the characters in the LOTF series could be clumped into that category. One big, and extremely frustrating problem is the lack of consistency of characters between each author and each book. Take Jaina, for example. In one book, she's a mature, responsible woman. And in the next, she's acting like she's 13 and not 31. Granted, this happens in real life. Some days I certainly don't act my age, but in the books there are some characters that remain constant throughout an entire series, while others (like Jaina) just don't. And that's something that I've seen carry over from profic into fanfic.

But anyways, I don't want to steal this thread away from TK. I'd love to discuss this more with you elsewhere, if you'd like.

 

No problem. It's a worthwhile discussion to have.

Definitely concur with you on the Jaina aspect. I think Jaina, as the strong female character, should be paid more attention to in the LotF. I *love* Jaina, but ARGH, Karen Traviss cannot write her. Give me Denning any day.

The problem with Mary-Sues is that if you try to hard to make them individuals, they become a different kind of Mary Sue. I loved the X-wing books, but I grew to dislike Corran a bit by the time "I, Jedi" rolled around because I thought he was just overdone. You know? It was like like the character was *too* multi-faceted.

I think the best way to handle things is to give the character a few defining characteristics and then just let them go. They always end up being shaped more by the events and other characters around them than any plans you have in store. Kind of like real-life that way.

 

Just a posting machine this week, I am...

I think I need more sleep. I opened this fic document, thinking it was my other fic, and stared at it for a full five minutes in incomprehension before my brain made the connection.

Also, I learned today that one should not eat popsicles on boiling hot summer days while driving stick-shift and wearing a jean skirt. Stickiness on fingers and legs ensues.

Ahem, anyway, this post will be the last until next Saturday, because I'm going camping for four days, then going to another city to write the stupid test (yay! freedom!) and then I'll be home on Friday. Sorry for the wait!

***

Relkivik was just on the verge of feeling comfortable when the Jedi decided to use the cargo bay for a battleground. He peered anxiously between the cargo crates, watching them execute their battle forms.

It was the two men now, he noted. He was now sure the younger one was the one he had spied on, the reason that he was on the ship in his current predicament. He had followed Senika on the night of the masque without her knowing it, and had watched the boy approach her with feelings of both curiosity and hostility. He was a bit too free with his hands, in Relkivik?s opinion, when dealing with his dearest and impossibly innocent friend. But once Relkivik had gotten over that, he had noticed that another person was watching Senika and this boy, a young girl with unusual tattoos spread across her fingers that had caught Relkivik?s sharp eyes.

He had followed the girl to the ship, and had been regretting not taking out his cortosis-weave sword to bash her over the head a few times, when he overheard what had occurred between her and Senika.

Now, he questioned again whether he had done the right thing in following the Jedi. He suspected the other Noghri were following the ship closely, aided by the homing beacon he had installed. Two nights had passed, and the Jedi seemed to have noticed nothing amiss. Relkivik tried to keep his mind unobtrusive, as he had practiced for years with his mother. While not a Jedi or Force-sensitive like Lord Vader, the Matrakh had a habit of knowing just what he was thinking just when he did not want her too. He?d learned to make his actions unpredictable and his mind clear.

Relkivik watched their footwork with interest, admiring the quick changes in direction and the easily executed half-spins and counter-retreats. The weapons seemed quite deadly, but the Jedi held them with graceful confidence. He made mental notes to incorporate some aspects into his practice of stava, which he thought could use some new techniques. The practice of their martial art could stagnant if left without development.

?Shen, wait?? The boy (though perhaps he was a man, but to Relkivik?s understanding, human psychology itself was a bit fuzzy in that area) stopped and turned off his lightsaber.

The older man similarly unarmed himself and looked puzzled. ?What is it, Keshaiah? You nearly had me beat.?

The boy shook his head. ?I?m not sure, but I felt something? something a bit out of place.?

His master looked thoughtful. ?That could be anything.?

?But it?s the same feeling from the other night. The feeling I got about the girl.?

?Someday,? the man muttered, ?You could tell me what this feeling was, precisely... Then maybe we could decipher your instincts on the whole matter??

Keshaiah shook his head, stone-faced. ?It was subtle, but it came from down here.?

Relkivik, starting to get a very bad feeling about the whole conversation, began to back away from where he was watching, trying to find some better cover. The options were greatly limited; clusters of crates and assorted junk hid him from view, but once the Jedi were past those, he would only be trapped in a corner.

He looked around furtively. There was only one thing to do in such cases, if only he could find it? Behind him, the young Jedi had pushed aside the biggest pile of crates and was glancing back and forth as though he had seen movement.

There!

Relki

 

Hmm... Good post. I wonder if the Jedi will get anything when they try to interrogate a Noghri...

 

Great post, have fun camping, and good luck on the MCAT!

 

Great job!

 

Oop, I meant to send out PMs last night, but then I was tired and thought, "I'll do it at work tomorrow" but then I came here and a bunch of you had already replied! *feels loved*

Ocelotl_Nesto: Ahaha! Having just read the Clone Wars comic with the Battle of Honoghr in it, I'm starting to really pity the Jedi when the Noghri track them down.

sarahpie: Ah! Thanks so much! I'm nervous, but what can you do?

G__Anakin: Thank-you!

 

great post, i like this story.

 

Wrote this while camping! Am very sunburned now. Caught a fish with my bare hands! It was all very Mulan-esque!

Shameless Transformers movie tribute in here, and a yummy e-chocolate cake to whoever notices it.



* * *

?How do you even know he understands??

?What makes you think he doesn?t??

?Well, he would have said something by now, if he could.?

?Not everyone?s a loud mouth like you, Nagiala.?

Relkivik shifted, wincing as the stun-cuffs around his wrists protested this movement. He decided it was better off not letting them know exactly how much Basic he knew. It was considerable, as he had trained for years to be selected for Lord Vader?s commando team, and his mother had insisted upon it. If there was an advantage to be pressed in the hunt for power, she would find it, and Basic was part of the plan.

?You?re impossible, Keshaiah. Simply impossible. Have fun trying to get anything out of him your way. And later maybe you can explain to me where this sudden streak of patience came from.?

The tattooed girl left the room, her footsteps belying her anger with the male human. Relkivik watched her leave with relief and regarded the other with some curiosity. He was interesting to Relkivik, partially because he always seemed at odds with his comrades and partly because of the way he had looked at Senika.

Relkivik admitted to himself that even though it was his mission to capture the Jedi, his often-buried curious nature was intrigued by their powers and traditions. Besides that, Relkivik had always viewed the universe in more lenient terms than some Noghri, perhaps in an adverse reaction to his mother?s tutelage.

He watched the young Jedi consider him from where he stood by the door, watched as he looked briefly over his shoulder to where the female had exited and sighed deeply. A wicked thought occurred to him as the Jedi moved over to the table between them and studied the dagger they had confiscated from Relkivik carefully, moving it between his hands.

?Her name is Senika,? Relkivik said softly.

Keshaiah dropped the dagger abruptly, nearly slicing his finger and stared at Relkivik.

?Excuse me?? he asked, shocked.

?I said, ?Her name is Senika?. Before you nearly cut off your hand. Clumsy of you.?

?I don?t know what you?re talking about,? the human said, averting his eyes away swiftly, but Relkivik had seen the flash of recognition.

?I saw you dancing with her,? Relkivik continued, stretching out his legs in a gesture of nonchalance, then quickly curled them under his body again, ?And if you ever presume to touch her like that again, I will kill you, Jedi.?

Keshaiah, who had begun to pace back and forth along the length of the room, halted in mid-stride. He eyed Relkivik with fresh interest.

?You are? friends? with her then?? he asked, swallowing uncomfortably.

?Friends?? Relkivik repeated, drawing the word out, enjoying himself a bit too much, ?Oh yes, the best.?

?I see,? Keshaiah said, refusing to look him in the eye. He faced the wall, taking in the grey space. Relkivik saw his mouth move slowly, heard him whisper softly, ?Senika.?

?I am not sure I can keep her away from you though. She has an odd preoccupation with humans, for all that she had never seen one until recently.?

?Yes? She seems very like you in many ways. And more human in form than demeanor,? Keshaiah replied in a thoughtful tone.

?But she is very beautiful by human standards, yes?? Relkivik asked, sticking the figurative dagger in just a little more.

Keshaiah glared at him then, looking him straight in the eye as though he knew what Relkivik?s game was. ?Very. But it?s not the first thing you notice about her.?

Relkivik didn?t say anything, only waited. Keshaiah glared at him and seemed reluctant to answer.

?The first thing you notice is how bright she is,? Keshaiah said eventually, ?How she appears in the Force. You wouldn?t understand, but trust me when I say she shines.?

?Well, that?s very touching,

 

great post. this stories turning out well.

 

Great job!

I was losing intrest before, but the last several chapters have recaptured my intrest!

 

OOPs he said too much... Or did he... Crazy like a fox if you ask me... I think he wanted the Jedi to stop so his team could catch up...

How did the MCAT go? I took the GMAT to get into grad school and it wasnt much fun.

 

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Ahah! I know, the first bit was a bit slow, wasn't it? Ah well, know we're on track.

Relkivik is a tricky fellow.

I actually write the test tomorrow... if you hear the sound of weeping at about 12 o'clock or so, it's just me, hating life.

 

Seems I missed out, but I'm back. I confess, I never really thought of nogri as deadly in any way but literally, but Relkivik handles a hypothetical knife quite well. Great post!

Raptor517

 

I think Relkivik's a bit of an oddity among Noghri. I didn't mean him to be, I just started writing him more and his character took over. Blame the mother! Freud does.


Alright, should be a post up tonight, I've been a bit remiss in my duties, but it's fairly long! Hope you all like it.

 

Hola!

I'm excited for this one. I love writing fight-scenes. I think you know the moment that homing beacon alert comes in there's a big butt-kicking coming up soon.

* * *


The frantic noise stemming from the ****-pit alerted Senika that one of two things had happened: they were about to crash, or they had found the Jedi.

?Time to take you some place fun,? she whispered, stroking the hilts of sword and dagger at her hip with an uncharacteristically wicked grin.

A thrill coursed through her and she rushed through the metal corridors of the Vikarus. As she reached the threshold, she saw that the pattern of hyperspace still danced around the ship. Icherab and Bakfulor were gesticulating rapidly and pushing buttons on the console, pointing to a red light that flashed above one of the data screens.

?What?s going on?? she asked softly to Marpeshka, who was sitting in the navigator?s seat behind the pilot and co-pilot chairs.

?The homing device detects exit from hyperspace. Apparently the Jedi are changing course??

Senika considered this for a moment. If Keshaiah and his compatriots were coming out of hyperspace, it could simply be to make a jump along a different route. But what if it had something to do with Relkivik? Had they tortured him? Made him give them the location of the homing beacon?

She considered what Palpantine had told her of the Jedi, pictured his unnerving reptilian eyes while he instructed her about the history and peculiar viciousness of the Jedi, their plots and conniving to take over the Republic. She compared his cold and decrepit visage with Keshaiah?s warm and hesitant smile, considered the disparity between the manner that the Jedi had behaved compared with what she had been told.

She shook her head furiously, trying to squelch the traitorous thoughts, as the older Noghri brought the ship out of hyperspace. Lord Vader told her who was right and who was wrong, she only lived to obey, to fight. She lived to perform her duty.

But would the Jedi really kill Relkivik? Or torture him?

She bit the corner of her lip, unwilling to believe her best friend has harmed or in pain.

Icherab exhaled with a sound of triumph in front of her. ?They?re going to land on the planet? They must be trying to search the ship for the beacon. We?ll land and catch them before they disable it.?

Senika?s stomach twisted, feeling as though dagger practice had gone just slightly astray. If they Jedi were landing, they hadn?t found the beacon, but Relkivik?s fate was still a mystery. Icherab looked back at her as though in question, and her jaw was sore with tension as she nodded, meeting his gaze without the fear forming in her chest showing in her eyes.

?Ready, Senika?? he queried, ?Good. Get the others ready, tell them we found the Jedi.?

Gripping her sword hilt with white knuckles, Senika turned to follow his commands.


* * *

?We have to make this quick, so everyone spread out and use the scanners carefully. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we?ll be on our way again.?

Shen Wai?s voice was stern and serene, but even his meticulously honed control could not prevent the concern dampening his tone.

Keshaiah found the atmosphere of the planet distracting, very misty and cool, with thick grey fog obscuring sight beyond the entrances to the hanger they?d taken their temporary refuge in. He could feel the emotions of the closest inhabitants; full of wariness, greed, and anxiety. This was not a happy planet.

The four of them spread out to the different quadrants of their vessel, using a combination of their Force prowess and their hand-held scanners, looking for an intrusion on the hull. Keshaiah knew they had to be close, the Noghri they held prisoner had been radiating apprehension as they exited the ship to look.

Keshaiah felt the disturbance first, the prickling at the back of his neck and the tightening of his stomach organs warning him danger was coming, and that it was growing increasingly near.

?No time,? he

 

Can only wonder now!

Excellent job!

 

Excellent post! I always love a well-written action scene! Now I must go work on mine...(Slinks off)

Raptor517

 

I thought the Jedi would have done a bit better, but they were caught off guard.

Now what? Will she interrogate them and get indoctrinated?

 

Thanks! Hopefully I won't leave you wondering for too long!

Aww! Thank-you! I'm glad you thought it was well-written!

Aha! Well, you'll just have to see! Maybe the Jedi will get indoctrinated instead?

 

Hey guys!

I'm gone for a week to Vancouver to try surfing and go camping and stuff, so more when I get back, but unfortunately, this will be a week without an update! (I try to hold myself to the standard of one a week at least for a post, because if I don't, I think I fall out of the story, and I need to be present in it to be able to write it effectively.)

Anyway, thanks for being such fantastic and loyal readers, and for your lovely comments and sorry there's no post this week. Soon!

 

He would have almost missed what happened next, if he had not been so attuned to her through the Force. Before hitting the ground, her legs snapped out horizontally in a split kick, hitting Nagiala and Palaios each in the chest. She dropped and rolled, coming up with a long dark blade in her hand to meet Palaios?s waiting lightsaber.

Like in Keshaiah?s mediation, she looked like a creature of mythology, the long braids of her hair flying in all directions, her movements like a nexu, her face set in a grimace of resolve.

Now she's reminding me of Beatrix Kiddo

 

Aha! Yay! I love both the Kill Bill movies, what a compliment.

Sorry for taking so long guys, I was lent the first four season of Smallville and I'm kind of addicted...

I hate this next post. I can't make it work. Gr. Stupid sister moving out and not beta-ing things anymore. *sniff*