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Blood - TPM reflection on Obi-Wan - angsty, somewhat twisted

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by kikeriki, Dec 29, 2002.

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  1. kikeriki

    kikeriki Jedi Youngling star 1

    Oct 23, 2002

    Okay, I should be working on Descent into Darkness - but hey, I'm facing the facts here - nobody's reading it anyway, and I have the mother of all writer's blocks impeding me.

    And so I wrote this twisted little sucker to try and free up my mind... I was going to make it a full-fledged AU story, but I got lazy and just stopped it. Besides, I AM going to finish DiD, despite it having no readers - it just might take a while.


    I bleed for you now.

    My blood runs on the floor, a river of my life, poisoned and tainted by the blade of a demon. I am somehow surprised that I can bleed at all ? I had always imagined my heart to be of stone. I want the guilt to stay with you always ? this deep-red testament to the fact that I died for you will stain your spirit as it does the floor, a tatoo that will mark you for life.

    When the creature came to us like a grim harbinger of the death that all must someday accept, I knew that my planning had come to fruition. The Force has always supplied the means of producing its end.

    I just never knew that it would be so painful.

    For the first time, uncertainty swelled within me as I gazed upon the face that would be my own Reaper, as the proverbial tales of scythes and irrepresible haunts would say. His patterned face did what few other things could: it produced a sharp and unforgiving fear that chiseled into my heart of stone ? and my resolve nearly broke. Death and pain were patterned so clearly among the symbols that adorned his face ? they told of my own mortality, my final weakness, and the unimaginable pain that my chosen end would bring.

    But then I saw something else in the indiscernable devil-ridden swirls of black and red. I saw the blood that would be on your hands ? the blood of a galaxy, the weight untold but heavy on your soul. I saw the shadows, deep as night, that would obscure the maddening light that clung to you like a well-fitted sheath does its sword.

    The light will be your own undoing. It will not protect you as it has done before. It will be your shroud.

    I saw the tragedy that would overcome your life, and I reveled in it - I basked in it like a sun-baked lizard would on a hot day. Your sorrow, your complete and utter desolation, is not the main goal of the Force but merely a fortunate byproduct.

    I also saw the will of the Force being fulfilled. Your own downfall was intertwined with the collapse of the galaxy itself. The only difference would be that you would die a horrible, lonely death ? and as a result, the galaxy would be reborn.

    Such is the cost of a hero?s life.

    I suppose this rejuvination could have been supplied by other, less torturous means ? but the Force left the machinations of its plan up to me, and I chose to sacrifice you, so that you may nobly die your hero?s death, but you will never know it.

    And so I shook off the terror that had engulfed me upon the appearance of the wraith and resolved myself to the fate that the Force had designated for me, and I resolved you to the fate I had chosen.

    I choreographed my dance of death perfectly, flowing gracefully across the floors as if in a lovers? waltz with my executioner, and when his blade bit deep into my body, I welcomed the pain as a mere shadowing of the torture you would suffer in years to come. I heard your wretched scream; I could envision the tears working their thunderous way to your eyes; and I indulge myself in the irony of your sorrow.

    Had you been the one to fall, I would have pranced a glorious jubilee.

    As I lie crumpled here in a state of desolation, listening to the sounds of your furious, vengeful battle, I feel a twinge of remorse for ruining your life ? but I can quickly banish it. It was your own stupidity that led you to trust in a man whose only goal was to destroy others around him. The will of the Force is all fine and good and dandy, but when it comes down to the end, I was the most convenient choice to fulfill it ? and you, my poor, naïve student, were the most convenient scapegoat.
  2. Wild_Huntress

    Wild_Huntress Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 15, 2002
    Whoah. OK. I'm a little confused and this probably was not the thing to read tonight but it was good, well written, and very depressing. I'm depressed enough as it is cuz of this darn Phantom Menace PC game but that's beside the point. Anyway good, interesting, if somewhat bizarre fic- should probably review properly when I can think clearly.
  3. Jedi_Suzuran

    Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight star 5

    May 22, 2002
    kikeriki, will you stop saying that sucked?
    :mad: :mad: :mad:

    That was creepy, but very good. :D I almost thought that was Palpy (yes, I'm very obsessed :p ) I liked it! If you continue it, I'll read it. It looks most interesting. :)
  4. kikeriki

    kikeriki Jedi Youngling star 1

    Oct 23, 2002
    WildHuntress - I won't explain too much, 'cause that'll just ruin the effect of its being so bizzare (ha), but the gist of it is: Qui is pretty much corrupt and evil and etc. - all the things he shouldn't be. I don't know where I got that - I was trying to write my Palpy story, nothing was forthcoming, and all of a sudden I just went 'ah! Qui is evil!' and out it came... but anyway... he's just reflecting on Obi and how much he hates him (? it sounds so generic when I put it like that...).

    JS - I can't believe an amazing author like you keeps reviewing my stories! :D Happy, happy. And yes, it did suck... And you may be happy to know that, despite DWB, I'm working my arse off on the Palpy story! I might even have a post up tomorrow... *crosses fingers*

    Thanks for reviewing! :D
  5. Cascadia

    Cascadia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 15, 2002
    That was . . . shocking! [face_shocked] But very well done, I think. I'd never thought of Qui like that before. :D
  6. kikeriki

    kikeriki Jedi Youngling star 1

    Oct 23, 2002
    Thanks, Cas!

    Well, I'm going to bed... G'night to anyone else who reads this and please, leave feedback!
  7. draigon_myth

    draigon_myth Jedi Youngling star 1

    Jun 10, 2002

    Well, when you told me you posted another story on the boards, and 'yep, it sucked again,' I didn't believe you...


    So I decided to actually review something, even though I haven't been on the boards in ... er, a while...

    Kat - RESIGN YOURSELF to the fact that you, if not the best writer that has ever graced the planet, are at least pretty good one! Your self-confidence seriously needs some bolstering, girl...

    And to think - I introduced you to SW. So proud, so proud... :D
  8. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 8, 2001
    WELL! Or, maybe, WOW!

    Congrats to you - for there aren't many people who can effectively render me speechless.

    It was every bit as twisted as you warned - but it was also very, very good and extremely well-written. And intense enough to make me remember all those moments when I really, REALLY despised Qui-Gon for being an insensitive lout. But this took real imagination and a willingness to take a risk.

    By all means, continue. This, I've got to see. :D

  9. Happy_Hobbit_Padawan

    Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 3, 2003
    [face_shocked] Yes, it was definitely twisted and evil, but delightfully so! [face_mischief] It doesn't look like you're planning on expanding this into a full-length AU story, but it does make for one awesome vignette! Yikes. I really enjoyed it, but I think I'm gonna have nightmares! 8-}
  10. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 18, 2002

    *dies from creepiness* :p And so very depressing! I'm impressed! :p
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