Booboo Feet meets Grand Moo Tarzan

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - STREET - ALCOVE - DAY

QUI-GOON, ARTY, JAR, and PADDLE have found a quiet spot between two
buildings. The busy street beyond is filled with dangerous looking
creatures. QUI-GOON is talking on his com-link, while JAR nervously
watches the street. OBI-WANG is in the main hold of the NBA craft.

QUI-GOON : ...Obi-Wang, you're sure there isn't anything of value left on
board?
OBI-WANG : (V.O) A few containers of supplies, the Queen's wardrobe, maybe.
Not enough for you to barter with. Not in the amounts you're talking
about.
QUI-GOON : All right. Another solution will present itself. I'll check back.

QUI-GOON puts his calming away and starts out into the main street. JAR
grabs his arm.

JAR : Noah gain...day beings hereabouts cozy. Weeps be robbed UN
crunched.
QUI-GOON : Not likely. We have nothing of value, that's our problem.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - STREET - MARKET - DAY

QUI-GOON, PADDLE, JAR, and ARTY move out into the street. JAR is
walking behind the others. They walk by an outdoor cafe filled with a rough
gang of aliens, one of which is especially ugly, SEATTLE, a spider-like
creature. JAR stops for a moment in front of a stall selling dead frogs
hanging on a wire. He looks around to see if anyone is looking, then sticks
out his tongue, and gets hold of one, pulling it into his mouth.
Unfortunately, the frog is tied tightly to the wire. The vendor suddenly
appears.

VENDOR : Hey, that will be seven turrets!!

JAR opens his mouth in surprise, and the frog snaps away, ricochets
around the market, and lands in Seattle's soup, splashing him. As JAR
moves away from the VENDOR, SEATTLE jumps up on the table and grabs the
hapless Jungian.

SEATTLE : (subtitled) Chubby!! (You!!)
JAR : Who, messy??
SEATTLE subtitled) Nib chubby nag?? (Is this yours??)

SEATTLE holds the frog up to the Jungian threateningly. SEVERAL OTHER
CREATURES start to gather. SEATTLE shoves JAR to the ground. The Jungian
desperately tries to scramble to safety.

JAR : (to himself) Why messy always day one??
ANACIN : (V.O) Because you're afraid.

JAR turns to see ANACIN pushing his way next to him. The boy stands up
to SEATTLE in a very self-assured way.

ANACIN : (subtitled) Chess Cho, Seattle...Coo whoopla Tony rank. (Careful,
Seattle...This one's very connected.)

SEATTLE stops his assault on JAR and turns to ANACIN.

SEATTLE : (subtitled) Tony rank gnu prettier dunks, shag. (Connected?? Whaler
you mean, slave?)
ANACIN : (subtitled) Oh day Hoot...chi porno ottoman geese...me Tessa rodeo
co panda pee chapter china. (As in Hoot...big time outlander, this one... I'd
hate to see you diced before we race again.)
SEATTLE : (subtitled) Neck me chewier, wormy, moo killer ma clunky(Next time
we race, wormy, it will be the end of you!) Ana novo who shag, me wormy du
pox pox. (If you weren't a slave, I'd squash you right now.)

SEATTLE turns away.

ANACIN : (subtitled) EU, chef banana do mullet rag. (Yeah, it'd be a pity if
you had to pay for me.)

QUI-GOON, PADDLE and ARTY arrive.

ANACIN : (Cont'd) Hi! Your buddy here was about to be turned into orange
goo. He picked a fight with a Dug. An especially dangerous Dug called
Seattle.
JAR : Nosier, nosier. Messy hate crunches. Data?s day last ting messy wanton.
QUI-GOON : Nevertheless, the boy is right...you were heading for trouble.
Thank you, my young friend.

PADDLE looks at ANACINB and smiles; he smiles back. They start walking down
the crowded street.

JAR : Messy down nuttier!
ANACIN : Fear attracts the fearful. He was trying to overcome his fear by
squashing you...be less afraid.
PADDLE : And that works for you.
ANACIN : To a point. (he smiles)

EXT. TATTOOING - DESERT - SPACESHIP - DAY

OBI-WANG stands in front of the NBA spacecraft as the wind picks up and
begins to whip at his robe. CAPTAIN PANIC exits the ship and joins him.

OBI-WANG : This storm's going to slow them down.
CAPT. PANIC : It looks pretty bad. We'd better seal the ship.

CAPTAIN PANIC'S calming sounds off.

CAPT. PANIC : (Con

 

LOL!


See if you can guess these OT backround characters...

Bran Delrina

Hobo Klivian

Big Darklighter

Aunt Beer

Bo Shako

Greedy

Loot

Dingier

Sucks

Ice Tic

Crib Maiden

 

One more for the night. The one after this gets funny for all the wrong reasons...

+++++

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - SLAVE QUARTERS - STREET - SANDSTORM - DAY

The wind is blowing hard as QUI-GOON, JAR, and PADDLE follow ANACIN down
the street and into a slave hovel.

INT. ANACIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY

QUI-GOON, JAR, ARTY, and PADDLE enter a small living space.

ANACIN : Mom! Mom! I'm home.
JAR : Disney cozy.

Anacin's mother, SHIMMY SKYWALK, a warm, friendly woman of forty, enters
from her work area and is startled to see the room full of people.

SHIMMY : Oh, my!! Annie, what's this?
ANACIN : These are my friends, Mom. This is Paddle, and...gee, I don't know
any of your names.
QUI-GOON : I'm QUI-GOON Jinn, and this is Jar BIONICS.

ARTY lets out a little beep.

PADDLE : ...and our druid, Arty-Detox.
ANACIN : I'm building a druid. You Wanda see?
SHIMMY : Anacin! Why are they here?
ANACIN : A sandstorm, Mom. Listen.

The wind HOWLS outside.

QUI-GOON : Your son was kind enough to offer us shelter.
ANACIN : Come on! Let me show you Therapy!

ANACIN leads PADDLE into the other room. ARTY follows, beeping all the way.
QUI-GOON takes five small capsules from his utility belt and hands them to
SHIMMY.

QUI-GOON : I have enough food for a meal.
SHIMMY : Oh, tank you. Thank you so much. I'm sorry if I was abrupt. I'll
never get used to Anacin's surprises.
QUI-GOON : He's a very special boy.

SHIMMY looks at him as if he's discovered a secret.

SHIMMY : Yes, I know.

INT. ANACIN'S HOVEL - BEDROOM - DAY

ANACIN shows off his ANDRUID, which is lying on his workbench. There is one
eye in the head; the body, arms, and legs have no outer coverings.

ANACIN : Isn't he great?! He's not finished yet.
PADDLE : He's wonderful!
ANACIN : You really like him? He's a protocol druid...to help Mom. Watch!

ANACIN pushes a switch, and the DRUID sits up. Anacin rushes around, grabs
an eye and puts it in one of the sockets.

THERAPY : How do you do, I am See-Therapy, Human Cyber Relations. How
might I serve you?
PADDLE : He's perfect.
ANACIN : When the storm is over, you can see my racer. I'm building a
Poodle!

PADDLE smiles at his enthusiasm. ARTY lets out a flurry of beeps and
whistles.

THERAPY : I beg your pardon....what do you mean I'm naked?

ARTY BEEPS

THERAPY : (Cont'd) My parts are showing? Oh, my goodness. How
embarrassing!

INT. NBA SPACECRAFT - QUEENS CHIMBERS

ARMADA, EARACHE, RABIES, and OBI-WANG watch a very bad transmission of a SILO
BIBLES hologram.

BIBLES : ...cut off all food supplies until you return...the death toll is
catastrophic...we must bow to their wishes, Your Highness...Please tell us
what to do! If you can hear us, Your Highness, you must contact me...

ARMADA looks upset...almost nervous.

OBI-WANG : It's a trick. Send no reply... Send no transmission of any kind.

INT. ANACIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY

QUI-GOON listens to his calming. OBI-WANG is in the cockpit.

OBI-WANG : ...the Queen is upset...but absolutely no reply was sent.
QUI-GOON : It sounds like bait to establish a connection trace.
OBI-WANG : What if it is true and the people are dying?
QUI-GOON : Either way, we're running out of time.

 

This is, IMHO, the best one yet...

+++++

EXT. CORUSCANT - BALCONY OVERLOOKING CITY - NIGHT

DARTH SILLY and DARTH MAUL look out over the vast city.

DARTH MAUL : Tattooing is sparsely populated. If the trace was correct, I
will find them quickly, Master.
DARTH SILLY : Move against the Jewish first...you will then have no
difficulty taking the Queen back to NBA, where she will sign the treaty.
DARTH MAUL : At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jewish. At last we will
have revenge.
DARTH SILLY : You have been well trained, my young apprentice, they will
be no match for you. It is too late for them to stop us now. Everything is
going as planned. The Republic will soon be in my command.

The hologram of DARTH MAUL fades off as DARTH SILLY looks out over the
city.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - SANDSTORM - DAY

The giant sandstorm engulfs the town, including the NBA spaceship on the
outskirts of the city center, where What's ship is; and the slave
quarters, where drifts of sand begin building up against Anacin's house.

INT. ANACIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY

QUI-GOON, ANACIN, SHIMMY, JAR, and PADDLE are seated around a makeshift
table, having dinner as the wind howls outside.
JAR slurps his soup rather loudly. Everyone looks at him. He turns a
little brighter red.

SHIMMY : All slaves have transmitters placed inside their bodies somewhere.
ANACIN : I've been working on a scanner to try and locate them, but no
luck.
SHIMMY : Any attempt to escape...
ANACIN : ...and they blow you up...poof!

PADDLE and JAR are horrified.

JAR : How wood.
PADDLE : I can't believe there is still slavery in the galaxy. The
Republic's anti-slavery laws...
SHIMMY : The Republic doesn't exist out here...we must survive on our own.

An awkward silence. ANACIN attempts to end the embarrassment.

ANACIN : Have you ever seen a Poodle?

PADDLE shakes her head no. She notices the concern of SHIMMY. JAR snatches
some food from a bowl at the other end of the table with his tongue.
QUI-GOON gives him a dirty look.

QUI-GOON : They have Poodle on Molester. Very fast, very dangerous.
ANACIN : I'm the only human who can do it.

SHIMMY looks askance at her son.

ANACIN : (Cont'd) Mom, what? I'm not bragging. It's true. What says he's
never heard of a human doing it.
QUI-GOON : You must have Jewish reflexes if you race Poodles.

ANACIN smiles. JAR attempts to snare another bit of food from the bowl
with his tongue, but QUI-GOON, in a flash, grabs it between his thumb and
forefinger. JAR is startled.

QUI-GOON : (Cont'd) Don't do that again.

JAR tries to acknowledge with some silly mumbling. QUI-GOON lets go of
the tongue, and it snaps back into JAR's mouth.

ANACIN : I...I was wondering...something...
QUI-GOON : What?
ANACIN : Well, ahhh...you're a Jewish Knight, aren't you?
QUI-GOON : What makes you think that?
ANACIN : I saw your laser sword. Only Jewish carry that kind of weapon.

QUI-GOON leans back and slowly smiles.

QUI-GOON : Perhaps I killed a Jewish and stole it from him.
ANACIN : I don't think so... No one can kill a Jewish Knight.
QUI-GOON : I wish that were so...
ANACIN. I had a dream I was a Jewish. I came back here and freed all the
slaves...have you come to free us?
QUI-GOON : No, I'm afraid not...
ANACIN : I think you have...why else would you be here?

QUI-GOON thinks for a moment.

QUI-GOON : I can see there's no fooling you...(leans forward) You mustn't
let anyone know about us...we're on our way to Croissant, the central
system in the Republic, on a very important mission, and it must be kept
secret.
ANACIN : Croissant...wow...how did you end up here in the outer rim?
PADDLE : Our ship was damaged, and we're stranded here until we can repair
it.
ANACIN : I can help! I can fix anything!
QUI-GOON : I believe you can, but our first job is to acquire the parts we
need...
JAR : Wit no-nuttier mullah to trade.
PADDLE : These junk dealers must have a weakness of some kind.
SHIMMY : Gambling. Everything here revolves around betting on those awful
races.

 

Poodle racing.

 

***Almost falls off chair laughing***

SHIMMY : I don't want you to race, Annie...It's awful. I die every time What
makes you do it.

Shimmy!!!
What!!!

 

My favorite part:

QUI-GOON : They have Poodle on Molester. Very fast, very dangerous.
ANACIN : I'm the only human who can do it.

 

Moose ESPN can also be the network covering the poodle racing on Tatooing or the Poodles on Molester.

 

Enter the children...

+++++

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - JUNK DEALER PLAZA - DAY

The storm has passed. VENDORS and STREET PEOPLE clean up the mess and
rebuild their food stalls. JAR sits on a box in front of What's parts
shop, watching all the activity with growing nervousness. ARTY is standing
next to him. PADDLE stops QUI-GOON as he is about to enter the shop.

PADDLE : Are you sure about this? Trusting our fate to a boy we hardly know.
The Queen will not approve.
QUI-GOON : The Queen does not need to know.
PADDLE : Well, I don't approve.

QUI-GOON turns and starts into the shop.

INT. WHAT'S JUNK SHOP - DAY

WHAT and ANACIN are in the middle of an animated discussion in Hootese.

WHAT : Patio go bolero!
ANKAIN : No batter!
WHAT : Poodle. Mao keg chillier.
ANACIN : Bayonne, Bayonne!

QUI-GOON walks in, and WHAT and ANACIN join him.

WHAT : The boy tells me you Wanda sponger hi Inca race. You can't afford
parts. How can you do this? Not on Republic credits, I think. (he laughs)
QUI-GOON : My ship will be the entry fee.

QUI-GOON pulls a small object that looks like a watch out of his pocket, and
a hologram of the NBA spacecraft appears about a foot long in front of
WHAT. He studies it.

WHAT : Not bad...not bad...a Nubian.
QUI-GOON : It's in good order, except for the parts we need.
WHAT : ...but what would the boy ride? He smashed up my Poodle in the last
race. It will take some time to fix it.

ANACIN is embarrassed and steps forward.

ANACIN : Ahhhh....it wasn't my fault really...Seattle flashed me with his
vent ports. I actually saved the Poodle...mostly.
WHAT : (laughing) That you did. The boy is good, no doubts there.
QUI-GOON : I have...acquired a Poodle in a game of chunk. "The fastest ever
built."
WHAT : I hope you didn't kill anyone I know for it. (laughs) So, you
supply the Poodle and the entry fee; I supply the boy. We split the winnings
fifty-fifty, I think.
QUI-GOON : Fifty-fifty!?! If it's going to be fifty-fifty, I suggest you
front the cash for the entry. If we win, you keep all the winnings, minus
the cost of the parts I need...If we lose, you keep my ship.

WHAT thinks about this. ANACIN tries not to be nervous.

QUI-GOON : (Cont'd) Either way, you win.
WHAT : (subtitled) Deal! You banana pee ho-Tahoe, media yap. (Your friend is a
foolish one, methinks.)

EXT. NBA SPACECRAFT - TATTOOING DESERT - DAY

OBI-WANG stands outside the NBA spacecraft, speaking into his calming.
QUI-GOON is on the back porch of the hovel.

OBI-WANG : What if this plan fails, Master? We could be stuck here for a
long time.
QUI-GOON : (V.O) A ship without a power supply will not get us anywhere, and
there is something about this boy...

EXT MOOSE ESPN - SLAVE QUARTERS - PORCH - DAY

QUI-GOON puts the calming away as SHIMMY comes onto the porch

PADDLE, ANACIN, JAR, and ARTY work on the engines of the Poodle in
the courtyard below.

QUI-GOON : You should be proud of your son. He gives without any thought of
reward.
SHIMMY : He knows nothing of greed. He has...
QUI-GOON : He has special powers.
SHIMMY : Yes...
QUI-GOON : He can see things before they happen. That's why he appears to
have such quick reflexes. It is a Jewish trait.
SHIMMY : He deserves better than a slave's life.
QUI-GOON : The Force is unusually strong with him, that much is clear. Who
was his father?
SHIMMY : There was no father, that I know of...I carried him, I gave him
birth...I can't explain what happened. Can you help him?
QUI-GOON : I'm afraid not. Had he been born in the Republic, we would have
identified him early, and he would have become Jewish, no doubt...he has the
way. But it's too late for him now, he's too old.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - SLAVE QUARTERS - BACK YARD - DAY

KISSER (a young boy about Anacin's age), SEEK (a boy of ten), AMEE (a girl
of six), and WELD (a Greedy Type, six years old) join ANACIN, JAR,
ARTY, and PADDLE securing some wiring.

ANACIN : Paddle and Jar, this is my friend Kisser, and seek, Ammo, and
Wad.

All whistle, hoot, and speak a greetin

 

QUI-GOON : You must have Jewish reflexes if you race Poodles.


x 10

 

MOOSE ESPN!!!

 

Bring on the Blunt Poodles...

============

EXT. TATTOOING - DESERT MESSY - NIGHT

The sinister looking Sit spacecraft lands on top of a desert messy at dusk,
scattering a herd of banshees. DARTH MAUL walks to the edge of the messy and
studies the landscape with a pair of electrobinoculars. He picks out the
lights of three different cities in the distance, then pushes buttons on
his electronic armband.

Six football-sized PROBE DRUIDS float out of the ship and head off in three
different directions toward the cities.

DARTH MAUL stands on the messy and watches them through his
electrobinoculars.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - SLAVE QUARTERS - PORCH - SUNRISE

Paddle exits the hovel.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - SLAVE QUARTERS - BACK YARD - SUNRISE

As the twin suns rise, ARTY is busy painting the racing Poodle. ANACIN is
asleep. PADDLE passes ARTY.

PADDLE : I hope you're about finished.

ARTY whistles a positive reply. PADDLE sees KISSER riding toward them on
an OOPSIE, a strange camel-like creature. He is leading a second OOPSIE
behind him. PADDLE goes over to ANACIN. He looks very vulnerable as he
sleeps. She watches him, then touches him on the cheek. ANACIN wakes up,
yawns, and looks at her, a little puzzled.

ANACIN : You were in my dream...you were leading a huge army into battle.
PADDLE : I hope not; I hate fighting. Your mother wants you to come in and
clean up. We have to leave soon. ANACIN stands up and stretches just as
KISSER arrives.

ANACIN : Hook 'em up, Kisser. (to Paddle) I won't be long. Where's QUI-GOON?

PADDLE : He and Jar left already. They're with What at the arena.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - ARENA - MAIN HANGER - DAY

RACE CREWS mill about outside the Main Hanger.

INT. MOOSE ESPN - ARENA - MAIN HANGER - DAY

The hanger is a large building with a dozen or so Poodles being readied
for the race. ALIEN CREWS and PILOTS rush about, making last minute fixes
on their vehicles. WHAT, QUI-GOON, and JAR walk through the activity.

WHAT : ...I want to see your spaceship the moment the race is over.
QUI-GOON : Patience, my blue friend. You'll have your winnings before the
suns set, and we'll be far away from here.
WHAT : Not if your ship belongs to me, I think...I warn you, no funny
business.
QUI-GOON : You don't think Anacin will win?

WHAT stops before an orange racer. Sitting to one side, having his
shoulders and neck massaged by TWIN YUMMY, is SEATTLE.

WHAT : Don't get me wrung. I have great faith in the boy. He's a credit
to your race, but Seattle there is going to win, I think.
QUI-GOON : Why?
WHAT : He always wins. (laughs) I'm betting heavily on Seattle.
QUI-GOON : I'll take that bet.
WHAT : (suddenly stops laughing) What??!! What do you mean?
QUI-GOON : I'll wager my new racing Poodle against...say...the boy and his
mother.
WHAT : A Poodle for slaves. I don't think so...well, perhaps. Just one...the
mother, maybe...the boy isn't for sale.
QUI-GOON : The boy is small, he can't be worth much.

WHAT shakes his head.

QUI-GOON : (Cont'd) For the fastest Poodle ever built?!

WHAT shakes his head again.

QUI-GOON : (Cont'd) Both, or no bet.
WHAT : No Poodle's worth two slaves...not by a long shot...one slave or
nothing.
QUI-GOON : The boy, then...

WHAT pulls out a small cube from his pocket.

WHAT : We'll let fate decide. Blue it's the boy, red his mother...

WHAT tosses the cube down. QUI-GOON lifts his hand slightly; it turns blue.
QUI-GOON smiles. WHAT is angry.

WHAT : (Cont'd) You won the small toss, outlander, boa you won't win the
race, so...it makes little difference.

ANACIN and PADDLE enter the hanger on one of the OOPSIES, pulling an engine.
KISSER, on the other OOPSIE, is pulling another engine. With THERAPY
walking alongside, ARTY trundles behind, pulling the Poodle with SHIMMY sitting
on it. WHAT passes ANACIN as he leaves.

WHAT : (Cont'd) (subtitled) Banana cheese patties, o Wanda meaty chopped.
(Better stop your friends betting, or I'll end up owning him, too.)

WHAT walks off, laughing.

ANACIN : What did he

 

"Banana cheese patties, o Wanda meaty chopped"

Goo-Goo-g'Joob!

 

*reads script*



Quix....you. are. brilliant.

 

Thanks, j-m-t...

+++++

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - ARENA - STARTING GRID - DAY

On a bridge over the track, a great green light at the center flashes. The
Poodles shoot forward with a high-pitches scream. ANACIN'S engine floods
and coughs - then dies. All the other Poodles except one swerve around
him and disappear down the track. The slave boy struggles to get his racer
started. The two-headed announcer reports.

FODE/BEED : - (O.S.)
A : An dare ova! (And they're off!)
B : Oh...wait. Little Skywalk has stalled.

PADDLE and JAR are very disappointed with ANACIN. QUI-GOON puts his arm
around a very worried SHIMMY to comfort her. Finally, Anacin's engines
ignite. He zooms away after the receding pack of competitors, leaving one
quad-Poodle racer still trying to get started. The two-headed ANNOUNCER
describes the race as it progresses.

FODE/BEED : - (O.S.)
B : And there goes Skywalk... He'll be hard pressed to catch up with the
leaders today.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - RACETRACK - DAY (FX)

The Poodles fly across the desert. SEATTLE is running neck and neck with
MAWHONIC. They round the first turn in the track, side by side. SEATTLE
drives his Poodle into his rival, forcing him into the wall of a large rock
formation. MAWHONIC crashes in a spectacular display of fire and smoke.
ANACIN is much faster than the back-end stragglers and passes them easily.
One of the drivers, GASSY, won't let ANACIN by. ANACIN tries to pass him
on one side and is cut off. He then tries to pass him on the other side
and is cut off. As they come up on a cliff drop-off, ANACIN backs off,
then guns it as GASSY goes over the cliff. ANAJIN accelerates so fast
that he sails right over the top of GASSY and speeds away.
Four TUSKEN RAIDERS perched above the race course fire their rifles at the
Poodles racing in the canyon below them. One shot ricochets off the back of
Anacin's Poodle.

FODE/BEED : -
B : Looks like a few Tusked Raiders have camped out on the canyon dune turn.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - ARENA - VIEWING PLATFORM - DAY

JABBER THE HOOT and the crowd watch the progress of the race on small,
hand-held view screens. JAR is looking over the shoulder of a strange
alien named FANTA.

JAR : Where's Skywalk?

FANTA moves the view screen out of Jar's view. PADDLE, SHIMMY, and QUI-GOON
watch another screen and look worried.
ARTY, down in the pits with KISSER, lets out a worried sigh. The driver
of the quad-Poodle looks worried.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - RACETRACK - DAY (FX)

ANACIN is powering around corners and over hills and cliffs, passing other
racers right and left. SEATTLE is in the lead. He is being challenged by
another racer, EXCEL.
SEATTLE slows a little, and as EXCEL pulls alongside, he opens a side
vent on the racer's engine and the exhaust starts to cut through the
alien's engine.
The blast cuts along the engine until finally it EXPLODES. SEATTLE deftly
veers away.
ANACIN works his way through a dense mass of racers as they zoom over a
dune sea, kicking up dust. His Poodle shakes violently as he goes over a jump.
One of the Poodles, ODY, catches one of his engines in the sand, and the
whole thing EXPLODES.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - ARENA - VIEWING PLATFORM - DAY

QUI-GOON sits quietly, meditating. PADDLE and SHIMMY search the landscape for
any sign of the racers. JAR is still annoying FANTA for information.
The crowd SCREAMS. WHAT is laughing with his friends, confident in
Anacin's defeat.
The quad-Poodle engines start just as the racers come around the corner. The
DRIVER, BEN QUADINAROS, puts it in gear, and the four engines go off in all
directions, EXPLODING in a spectacular display. The Poodle drops to the ground
as SEATTLE enters the arena, closely followed by all the OTHER RACERS.
KISSER strains to see as ARTY beeps excitedly. The announcer continues.

FODE/BEED : - (OS)
B ; There goes Quadrants' power couplings.
A : Seattle! Kao pa me cheeps waiter! (Here comes Seattle in record time.)

QUI-GOON, PADDLE, SHIMMY, and JAR yell for joy as ANACIN passes. JAR is
very nervous and pound

 

I forgot all about this thread until now.

 

What the heck - up!

 

ROTFLMAO!

It was so difficult to read these texts in a classroom without getting everyone look at me like "what's she laughing at?".

More!

 

I promise more tonight...

 

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - RACETRACK - DAY (FX)

Sure enough, coming around the bend is ANACIN, quickly gaining on the pack.
The two-headed announcer describes the action. The crowd goes wild.

FODE/BEED : - (O.S.)
B : It looks like Skywalk is moving up through the field. He's in...
A : Teeth pa Angola! (Sixth place, not bad.)

ANACIN continues to gain on the pack. tension for SHIMMY and PADDLE is
unbearable.
ODY stops in the pits. Druids work on his engines. DUM-4 stands in front of
the engine and is sucked in, causing the engine to die. DUM-4 is spit out
the back of the engine, very bent up. The engine lets out one final wheeze,
then EXPLODES in a puff of smoke.

FODE/BEED : - (O.S.)
A : Odd Mandrels! Corona wag Wanda dunks! (Odd Mandrels into the pits for
some attention.)
ODY : Druids!

TARTAR is getting close to SEATTLE, who purposely breaks a small part off
his Poodle, sending it into Terrier?s engine, causing him to veer into ANACIN,
and unhooks one of the main straps on Anacin's engines that links the Poodle
to his engines.
ANACIN struggles to keep control of the little Poodle. It whips about wildly.
As the Poodle swings near the broken engine strap, ANACIN grabs for it.
Finally, he catches the strap and manages to hook it to the Poodle.
SEATTLE cuts the engine of OBITUARY with his side exhaust, and the racer
crashes with a cloud of dust. A THIRD RACER, HUBBA, flies into the cloud of
dust and crashes into OBITUARY. ANACIN rounds a corner and heads into the
cloud of smoke. He hits a part of one of the engines but regains control.

FODE/BEED : - (O.S.)
B :At the start of the third and final lap, Seattle is in the lead, closely
followed by Skywalk...

ANACIN finally catches up with SEATTLE, and runs neck and neck over the
rough terrain. JAR, QUI-GOON, SHIMMY, and PADDLE all SCREAM s ANACIN comes
through the arena. The lights in the tower indicate that this is the third
and last lap. WHAT begins to worry.
SEATTLE uses his side exhaust port to try to cut through Anacin's engines.
ANACIN manages to avoid having his engine disabled but is forced off
course.

FODE/BEED : - (O.S.)
B : Skywalk is forced onto the service ramp!
A : Oh Norah!

On a tight corner, ANACIN dives to the inside and takes the lead.

FODE BEED : - (O.S.)
B : Amazing... a controlled thrust and he's back on course! What a move!

SEATTLE is furious. He stay's right on Anacin's tail, crowding him and
pushing him through the turns.
SEATTLE pushes ANACIN harder, and the young boy has a difficult time
keeping control. One of the parts on Anacin's engines begins to shake
loose. ANACIN sees it and switches over to an auxiliary system. While he is
trying to accomplish this maneuver, SEATTLE races past him.
ANACIN tries to get around SEATTLE, to no avail. Every move ANACIN makes,
SEATTLE is able to block.
Finally, ANACIN fakes a move into the inside as he usually does, then tries
to go around SEATTLE on the outside. They race side by side down the final
stretch of the track.

FODE/BEED : - (O.S.)
B : He's catching Seattle.
A : Inky burger! (Incredible!)

SEATTLE veers toward ANACIN and bangs into his Poodle. He crashes into ANACIN
over and over. The young boy struggles to maintain control as the steering
rods on the two Poodles become hooked together. SEATTLE laughs at ANACIN.

FODE/BEED : - (O.S.)
B : That little human being is out of his mind.
A : Panda Tahoe pound! (They're neck and neck!)
B : They're side by side!
A : Bongo do bong! (Shoulder to shoulder!)

As they head for the final stretch, ANACIN fights to unlock the steering
rods by trying to pull away from SEATTLE. The strain on the steering rod is
tremendous. Suddenly, Anacin?s steering arm breaks, and his Poodle starts
spinning.
The release of tension sends SEATTLE into an ancient statue. One engine
EXPLODES, then the other. SEATTLE skids through the fire-balls, blackened,
but unhurt. He slides to a smoking stop, gets out of his racer, and throws
what's left of a shifter arm on the ground. Suddenly he realizes his pants
are

 

Unlocked and up'd at author's request.

 

This is awesome!

Evil.

 

It lives!

We rejoin our Jewish knights after the race...

+++++


INT. MOOSE ESPN - ARENA - PRIVATE BOX - DAY

Several ALIENS leave What's box, laughing and counting their money. WHAT sees QUI-GOON standing in the doorway.

WHAT : You! You swindled me! You knew the boy was going to win! Somehow
you knew it! I lost everything.

WHAT flies up to QUI-GOON and puts his face right up against QUI-GOON's.
QUI-GOON simply smiles.

QUI-GOON : Whenever you gamble, my friend, eventually you'll lose. Bring the
parts to the main hanger. I'll come by your shop later so you can release
the boy.
WHAT : You can't have him! It wasn't a fair bet!
QUI-GOON : Would you like to discuss it with the Hoots...I'm sure they can
Seattle this.
WHAT : No, no! I want no more of your tricks! Take him!

The SITH PROBE DRUID watches with great interest.

EXT. MOOSE ESPN - ARENA - MAIN HANGER - DAY

The Main Hanger is almost deserted as RACERS depart.

INT. MOOSE ESPN - ARENA - MAIN HANGER - DAY

JAR gives ANACIN a great hug, then PADDLE gives him a hug, then SHIMMY.

ANACIN : Ah, gee...enough of this...
SHIMMY : It's so wonderful, Annie. You have brought hope to those who have
none. I'm so very proud of you...
PADDLE : We owe you everything.
ANACIN : Just feeling this good was worth it.

In the background, QUI-GOON has harnessed the OOPSIES to containers full of
parts.

QUI-GOON : Paddle. Jar, let's go, we've got to get these parts back to
the ship.

The GROUP walks over to QUI-GOON and the OOPSIES.
PADDLE climbs on behind QUI-GOON. JAR swings up onto the second OOPSIE,
only to slowly slide off the other side. ARTY whistles. ANACIN and SHIMMY
wave as they ride off.

QUI-GOON : (Cont'd) I'll return the oopsies by midday.

EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT - NBA SPACECRAFT - DAY

ARTY cruises ahead of QUI-GOON and PADDLE, who are riding one of the OOPSIES;
JAR rides the other. They stop in front of the sleek NBA spacecraft.
OBI-WANG comes out of the ship and joins them.

QUI-GOON : Start getting this hyperactive generator installed. I'm going
back...some unfinished business. I won't be long.
OBI-WANG : Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life form...?
QUI-GOON : It's the boy who's responsible for getting those parts.

On a hill far overlooking the NBA spacecraft, the SITH PROBE DRUID turns
and speeds away.

EXT. TATOOINE - STREET - SLAVE QUARTERS - DAY

ANACIN and A GREEDY are rolling around on the floor, fighting. About A
DOZEN OR SO KIDS are standing around them, yelling. Suddenly, a long shadow
is cast over the TWO BOYS; they stop fighting and look up. QUI-GOMN is
towering above them. KISSER is with them.

QUI-GOON : What's this?
ANACIN : He said I cheated.
QUI-GOON : Did you?
ANACIN : No!
QUI-GOON : Do you still think he cheated?
GREEDY : Yes.
QUI-GOON : Well, Annie. You know the truth... You will have to tolerate his
opinion, fighting won't change it.

QUI-GOON moves off down the street. Anacin follows. The GREEDY wanders over
to WALD who has been watching the goings-on.

WALD : Keep this up, Greedy, and you're gonna come to a bad end.

Farther down the street QUI-GOON and ANACIN head toward Anacin's hovel.
QUI-GOON takes a handful of credits from beneath his poncho and hands them
to the boy.

QUI-GOON : These are yours. We sold the Poodle.
ANACIN : (suddenly beaming) Yes!

INT. ANACIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY

SHIMMY is cleaning up as ANACIN bursts through the door, followed by QUI-GOON.

ANACIN : Mom, he sold the Poodle. Look at all the money we have!

ANACIN pulls a bag of coins out of his pocket.

SHIMMY : Oh, my goodness, That's wonderful.
QUI-GOON : And Anacin has been freed.
ANACIN : What?!?
QUI-GOON : You're no longer a slave.

ANACIN jumps for joy! SHIMMY is stunned.

ANACIN : Did you hear that, Mom? (to QUI-GOON) Was that part of the prize,
or what?
QUI-GOON : Let's just say What has learned an important lesson about
gambling.
SHIMMY : Now you can make your dreams come true, Annie. You're free! (turns
to QUI-GOON) Will you t