Beyond - Legends Break Away - [OCs, action/drama/romance] UPDATED: May 12th

Wow, my second fic. I'm so proud *sniff*

Title: Break Away. (inspired by the song)

Author: Me!

Genre: Umm...pretty much everything....especially angst...we likes angst---oh, and some action and romance.

I own the characters, and GL owns SW, blah, blah, blah...you get the holo.

I hope you enjoy my SECOND fic.

Prologue

Seven-year-old Jylla Steff slammed the door of the balcony in frustration. Even out on the deck she could still hear her foster-parents yelling. Dashing a hand across her eyes, she slumped onto the deck.

She looked around as her older brother came storming out of the apartment. Noticing Jylla he tried to smile. ?Hey, Jy.? Casting a glance behind him, he asked, ?What are you doing out here??

Jylla stood up and wrapped her arms around him. ?Why do Dick and Hester always fight, Jared??

Jared looked out into the smoggy, dark streets of the underworld Coruscant. Ignoring her question, he scooped Jylla up and gave her a squeeze. ?Jy, have you ever looked up into the stars and wanted to be there??

Jylla nodded, pressing her head into her twenty-year-old brother?s neck. Jared kissed the top of her head gently. ?Jy, I?m going to be a space pilot and I?m leaving soon; I probably won?t be coming back.?

Jerking out of his grasp, Jylla dropped to the ground. ?No! You can?t leave me!?

Jared knelt down in front of her. He took one of her small hands in his. ?Would you like to come??

At a loss for words for the first time in her short life, Jylla just stared at him. ?Really?? She said, awed. ?You would bring me with you??

Jared nodded. ?Yes, but you?ll have to get packed without them hearing. And Jylla, you have to be very quiet, alright??

Nodding, Jylla crept to the balcony door and opened it quietly. Hearing Dick and Hester still yelling in the other room, she ran up the short flight of stairs to her room.

Packing all of her life?s possessions in her backpack, she threw it onto her shoulders and crept back downstairs to where Jared was waiting. Smiling at her, he placed a finger to his lips. ?Shh, now come on.?

Walking past the kitchen doors, Jylla felt her pulse quicken as she realized this would be the last day she would ever hear her foster-parents yelling. Clutching Jared?s hand she let him lead her out of the door and into the streets.

Striding through the streets, Jylla kept her eyes open, taking in all the sights of night time Coruscant. Once they reached the spaceport, Jared pulled his hand from her grasp, and walked up to a tall Devaronian. ?Are you Laset??

The Devaronian nodded. ?The ship?s waiting---who?s she?? He asked suddenly, pointing at Jylla.

Jared flinched, and Jylla realized, with some shock, that he hadn?t told them he was bringing her. ?She?s my sister, sir, I was hoping---?

Laset cut him off with an angry wave. ?We?re smuggling ?stim, boy, not playing babysitter!?

Jared held his ground. ?Then you?ve lost a pilot, mister, I?m not leaving without my sister.?

?But if she wasn?t there then you wouldn?t have a problem??

A tall, elegantly-dressed human stepped into the light of the streetlamp. ?That can be easily remedied.? Pulling his blaster from his coat-pocket, he levelled it at Jylla, but as he pulled the trigger, Jared, with a scream of rage, threw himself at the man---catching the bolt through his heart.

Jylla distantly heard herself screaming; then a hand caught her around the mouth and she passed out.

*^*^*

Well? Do we like?

 

::Splutters::

Wha? You can't.. ah... wow... WHAT?

That's just not right. So far one hundred percent of the twenty-year-old older brothers in your 'fic are dead. What is your problem with twenty-year-old brothers, huh? We're not all that easy to kill with blasters.

Good start. But don't scare me like that ever again without promising five extra posts of mush to make up for it.

 

You will notice, TCR, that Jared is the only twenty-year-old brother I've had in my fics.

Good start. But don't scare me like that ever again without promising five extra posts of mush to make up for it
Weell, the mush doesn't come 'til later....

 

Here's the next one!

*

Rolling out of bed, Jylla Steff pulled on her boots and stretched. At only sixteen, she was one of the youngest mercenaries the galaxy had seen, but that still wasn?t an excuse to sleep in late.

Strapping her holster to her waist, she reached down onto her pillow and picked up the small frilled lizard, and placed it in her cloak?s hood. She walked to her door and pressed her ear to it. Hearing no one, she slipped out, shutting the door quietly behind her.

As she walked, she pulled out a small datapad and flicked it on. Re-reading her assignment, Jylla smiled grimly. This one wouldn?t take too long, and was paying quite a bit. She was to take a hard document from the crime-lord Brass Doe to one of his associates on Thyferra.

Jylla pulled her cloak?s folds tighter around her as she walked. Geeber, her lizard, made a chuttering noise; clearly unhappy about the seating arrangement. She reached up and stroked its frilly head. ?Just wait, Geeber, you can sit in my pocket later.?

Turning down another hall, she came to a small, seldom used, turbo-lift. She tapped the button to call it and waited. The doors opened, and Jylla stepped in.

The doors opened again, in a very different place. Jylla glanced at the tall, but thin pillars that held up the building she had slept in that night, and decided she was glad she hadn?t seen this before she went to sleep---she most likely wouldn?t have.

Looking around, she spotted the man she was supposed to meet. It was obvious that he was trying to hide, but not very many people could hide from The Wraith---the name Jylla had taken as her own.

Walking until she was opposite his hiding spot, Jylla turned and looked him straight in the eye. ?You can come out now, or have finished your game of ?hide-and-seek???

Trying to act as if he had meant her to see him, the short-ish man in large glasses walked out into the light. ?Yes, well, anyway, here?s the document; I trust you will take it safely to the appointed place??

Jylla stared at him coldly for a moment, waiting until he started squirming. He finally began shifting his feet, and Jylla gave a short laugh, full of scorn. ?Fool, you even bother to ask that of The Wraith??

Reaching out, she plucked the piece of flimsy out of his hand, and, folding it carefully, slipped it into her pouch. ?I need one thousand up front.?

The bespectacled man fished around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a credit chip. ?There you are, mistress Wraith, I didn?t mean you any disrespect.?

Jylla felt slightly sorry for him, and wondered how a man like him hooked up with a tyrant like Brass Doe. Pocketing the credit chip, Jylla gave him a curt nod. ?One week from now on Thyferra.? She confirmed.

The little man nodded, pushing his glasses up farther on his nose, and nodded again, causing them to slide back down again. ?Right you are, and good luck.?

As Jylla strode back to the turbo-lift, she muttered quietly to herself, ?I don?t believe in luck; it?s never showed its face to me, anyway.?

Stepping out of the building into the relative sunshine of Nar Shaddaa, Jylla started off on foot to the nearest spaceport. Jylla herself didn?t own a ship, but she was well versed in the ways of stowing away.

Geeber slipped from her hood and climbed down her arm to her holster, seating himself securely on her blaster. Jylla shook her head, and lifted him, cradling him in her hands. ?Silly thing,? she said affectionately. ?You would?ve gotten squished next time I had to use my blaster.?

Geeber made a quiet noise of contentment, and licked her finger sleepily. Sighing, Jylla slipped him into her pocket, and let him sleep.

Reaching the grungy spaceport of the Corellian Sector, Jylla began casually walking past sailors in the attempt to find a suitable flight. She was just listening to a conversation that might suit her, when a shout made her whip around. ?Steff! It?s you!?

Faking a smile, Jylla watched as her one-time partner came running up to

 

First reply! Ha!

Very nice!

I'm impressed with what you're doing so far. The character is one I think I'll grow to like, though it's obviously pretty early on in her arc.

You're also continuing to show some good development as a writer. The difference between the maturity in your writing from the first post of your other story and this one is pretty wide. And you certainly weren't writing badly by any means before. Your style has grown, and your handling of dialogue is much sharper, much more natural. As is your prose. It just flows better. Way to go. I can't wait to see how good you are by the end of this one.

Jylla's history between our first meeting her and now should be interesting to see. I'll definitely be watching this 'fic, because you've done a great thing: you've made me curious. I want to know how she got to where she is now. So I'll be back for more. Keep it coming.

- Keralys

 

You've got a great OC here! Looking forward to more!

 

You got a manager reading your 'fic? How'd you manage that?

Must be your writing excellence just addicting people...

- Keralys

 

VaderLVR64
You've got a great OC here! Looking forward to more!
OMG!! I have a Manager reading my fic!!! *faints dead away*

Keralys
First reply! Ha!
Good for you.

I'm impressed with what you're doing so far. The character is one I think I'll grow to like, though it's obviously pretty early on in her arc.
Thank you! I like Jylla quite a bit too, she's got a lot of spunk.

You're also continuing to show some good development as a writer. The difference between the maturity in your writing from the first post of your other story and this one is pretty wide. And you certainly weren't writing badly by any means before. Your style has grown, and your handling of dialogue is much sharper, much more natural. As is your prose. It just flows better. Way to go. I can't wait to see how good you are by the end of this one.
Aww, thanks, Keralys! *huggles* I'm glad you like my style.

Jylla's history between our first meeting her and now should be interesting to see. I'll definitely be watching this 'fic, because you've done a great thing: you've made me curious. I want to know how she got to where she is now. So I'll be back for more. Keep it coming.
Oh boy, I have a deffinet reader now. [face_pleased]

Must be your writing excellence just addicting people...
You know how to make people blush....

 

neeeeeeext, CHAPTER! *cymbols clash*

* * * *
After take off, Jylla deemed in safe to get up and move around. Stretching, she walked around the cases reading labels, and trying to pass the time.

Geeber had apparently decided that sitting in her pocket was getting old, and finally made his appearance. Climbing out, he slipped to the floor and began looking around. Jylla watched him, the only companion she?d had since Jared?s death that hadn?t betrayed her. As if noticing his mistress?s gloom, Geeber came running back up her leg, and perched himself on her knee. Jylla grinned, and tickled him under the chin, causing him to roll onto his back and slip off her leg.

Jylla pulled out her datapad, and began reading up on Thyferra?s climate, population, and anything she could find out about the criminal underworld. Coming across the name of her employer, Jylla stopped. Apparently he was a big name in the underworld, but if that was a good thing or not, Jylla had yet to figure out.

Geeber climbed up onto her leg and began licking her hand. When she didn?t respond, he climbed up on her datapad; sitting down right where she was reading. She flicked him absentmindedly off, prompting him to give an outraged squeak from his unwilling destination: the floor. Laughing at his human-like antics, Jylla picked Geeber up and set him on her shoulder. ?You stay there, I have reading to do.? She told the annoyed lizard.

The rest of the trip passed in moderate peace, disturbed only by Geeber getting his foot stuck and falling off of her shoulder.

*

Once Jylla felt the landing gear touch the ground, she quickly found a hiding spot that was close the door, but out of sight. Tucking safely behind a bulkhead that held the hydraulics that let the ramp down, Jylla stroked Geeber?s head, and waited.

She watched quietly as the pilot and his men unloaded the stock, noting their numbers and firearms just in case there was a fight. They were all much bigger than Jylla, and she hope fervently that she didn?t have to ever meet them in hand-to-hand combat.

After they had finished unloading, they left Jylla?s sight, and her time had come. Running in a crouch, she managed to at least get out of the hanger before she was spotted. Taking her for a petty thief, they only half-heartedly chased her knowing that she couldn?t have taken anything as they had already unloaded.

Running out into the sunshine and humidity of Thyferra, Jylla stopped to take a breath. Geeber came out of his hiding spot and climbed up onto her shoulder, nuzzling her neck.

Walking through the streets of Zoltin city, Jylla tried to get her bearings. She had been to Thyferra once before, but, as far as she could remember, she hadn?t been anywhere near Zoltin.

She pulled out her datapad, and turned it on. Scanning through the list of bases she could drop the package off at, she found one that was just outside of the town next to Zoltin. Memorizing the name and coordinates, she slipped her datapad back into her belt and set off.

Wandering through the streets trying to find a suitable ride, she noticed a tall man in a military uniform walking slowly behind her. Not sure if he just happened to be going the same way as her, she turned a corner and walked down a long alley. When the man followed, Jylla?s heart leapt into her throat. This can?t be happening!!!.

Turning another corner, Jylla found herself in a dead end alley way. Panicking, she stopped and swung around, just as the tall man walked in. He had his blaster drawn, but when he saw her face he gave a start and slipped it back in its holster. ?You?re younger than I thought.?

Biting her lip until she drew blood, Jylla didn?t answer, but continued to look for a chance to escape. The man took a step forward, but Jylla?s blaster was now trained on him, she gave him a wry smile. ?You don?t know how many times I?ve been told that, mister. Though I must say, usually the people aren?t stupid enough to re-holster their blasters, so, as this is a first, I?m going to celebrate by

 

Good post! I continue to be impressed with your sense of character. Jylla feels very much like a real person. It's the little touches that are working so well - and having Geeber in the story goes a long way towards that. I like the effect; it's very human, and definitely very teenage-girl. I've two sisters, and I definitely see that side of them in your character.

This post is obviously setting things up to go somewhere exciting, and doing it well. You're doing a fantastic job at keeping the reader's interest, and keeping things moving. I'd only offer a few comments overall:

First, you need a way to identify the officer, most likely by identifying his uniform or something from Jylla's perspective.

Also, as an officer he should probably arrest her for something - with no charge stated or anything, we really don't know why he's arresting her - and why he'd have ten men nearby to back him up.

Otherwise, great job! I'm excited to read what comes next!

- Keralys

 

Thank you, Keralys! Yeah, I've gotten quite fond of Geeber. Being a teenage girl myself, I can relate.

Ooo, good thoughts on that, thanks! I'll see what I can come up with, again, thank you for your imput! *hugs*

As for the suspense....teehee....

 

Here's a shorty to bump the post. Shocking I know.

*^*^*^*^*

After slipping out of the landspeeder twenty minutes later, she walked along the streets of Yount towards the drop off. She gave a last glance around, and stepped into the tapcaf where she was supposed to meet her contact.

Looking around, she spotted him, a short Rodian with a long nose. Sitting down at the table, smiled at him. ?Hello, Grit, how?s your wife??

Grit shrugged, continuing the prearranged conversation, ?She?s fine, how?s Don??

Jylla took a sip from the mug he handed her. ?I?ve got it, but it?s going to cost you extra, I?m now a wanted criminal.?

Grit raised an eyebrow. ?How?d that happen??

Jylla rolled her eyes. ?I was almost caught by some hotshot military spawn of the Sith.?

?They?re really cracking down on us these days,? Grit shook his head. ?I don?t know what we did.?

Jylla snorted. ?Oh right, like killing people isn?t enough.

Grit laughed. ?True, but you don?t usually kill, do you??

?No,? Jylla shrugged, ?but I?ve done enough I guess.? She held her palm out. ?But now I need to get paid, where?s the dough??

Grit took a credit chip out and handed it to her. ?There you are, five thousand, just like promised.?

Jylla slipped it into her pouch, and handed him the document. ?Tell Brass that next time, I get to pick the spot of drop off---Dagobah sounds good.?

Grit laughed, and got to his feet. ?So long, Jylla, if you ever want to become partners, just let me know---the offer is still open.?

As she always did, Jylla shook her head. ?No thanks, I work alone.? Once he was out of earshot, she muttered, ?I?ve been pawn to enough of people already.?

**

 

Good fic. PM me when you post some more.

 

Welcome ot my humble fic, Garak! Oh, and about the PMing, just make this one of your active topics. Then I don't have to remember.

 

You have a Rodian in your 'fic that isn't a mindless idiot!



You don't know how happy that makes me.

 

Lol, got it and I really do like this fic.

 

You have a Rodian in your 'fic that isn't a mindless idiot! You don't know how happy that makes me.
I did it just for you...actually that's a fat lie, I didn't even know you then.

Lol, got it and I really do like this fic.
I'm glad! I like having you as a reader.

 

Good update, if a bit short. Sorry I don't have time to write up a more thorough review of it now; I'll try to do so later!

I continue to be impressed with Jylla's depth of character, and I look forward to more.

So when's the next post coming?

- Keralys

 

Well, I think I've let you hang there for long enough. Here's the next section.

****

Finishing her mug, Jylla gave a leisurely glance around the room. Noticing a friend from the last time she had been on Thyferra, she got up and walked over to his table. ?Westor Torle, I don?t believe it!?

Westor looked up at Jylla and sighed. ?Jylla, you?re still alive? Amazing.?

Confused, but willing to play along, she laughed. ?Alive and kicking?why??

Shoving a mug at her, he leaned in close. ?Because there?s a bounty on your head now, rumour has it that you took a list of the NewRep agents to Brass Doe!?

Jylla felt a rock settle in the pit of her stomach. ?I did what??

Westor shrugged. ?I thought it was a loud of mradhe dung, but you never can---?

?Oh, shavit!!?

Westor glanced sharply at her. ?Wha???

Jylla glanced up at him, a look of terror in her eyes. ?I did, I did! Don?t you understand! I?ve put thousands of people in danger! I gave him that list! I?ll bet you anything that?s what I was carrying?? She put her head in her hands. ?I knew something like this would happen!!?

Westor stared at the girl in front of him with a mixture of sadness and curiosity. ?But?I mean?it?s not your fault, you know?he could have asked anybody??

Getting quickly to her feet, Jylla slapped a credit chip on the table on nodded to Westor. ?I?ll see you later, Wes, I don?t know when, but I will.?

Westor stood up and grabbed her arm. ?Where are you going??

Jylla pulled her arm out of his grip. ?I have to go make things right. Wes, I just put thousands of people in danger, and I can?t live with that.?

Westor stared at her for moment, and then nodded. ?Alright---but you know there?s nothing you can do, right??

Jylla shrugged. ?There?s always something.?

Westor raised an eyebrow. ?Who told you that? Your mama??

?My brother.? She said, and left the tapcaf.

**

Major Shaffe Daviss ran a hand over his eyes and yawned. As tired as he was, he knew that he had to finish his report before taking his much needed rest. Picking up his datapad again, Shaffe surveyed his work.

I, Major Shaffe Daviss, Second Unit Commander of the New Republic Task Force, 781st, have successfully made contact and assessed the human known only as ?The Wraith?. The vital information I have gathered from my brief encounter is as follows: a woman of no older than eighteen; prefers flight rather than fight.
The complete meeting in detail is attached.

It was short, but his meeting had been short; it ought to do. Clicking the send button, Shaffe stood up and stretched. Making his way slowly to the ?fresher, he slapped the door open and walked in; the door sliding shut behind him.

**

Hmm, that was kinda short too....what's wrong with my posts?

 

She gave WHAT???? Talk about a bad day at work, that's a good way to get the New Republic pissed. Nice post if a little short.

 

That can't be good... *wonders what comes next*

As for the length of your posts, first, don't worry about it that much. The formatting here is drastically different from what it would look like on the printed page.

Second, an option you have is to type it up in Word/some other word processor before you post it and get it to a length you want. A lot of times for me when I have a post that I want extra length on, I'll write it up, then go back and look for areas that need fleshing out, things that need further clarification and elucidation, and so forth. In the last post in my story Revan, for example, I left it blacked out for a while because I wanted to go back and add to a vision I had one of the characters having - and I added probably about 1/6th as much again as I had originally had in the post, by the time I finished.

Also, don't feel like you only have to show one scene per post. It takes a long time, and also scenes suited to that, to be able to do that - trust me, when I was just starting my writing, I couldn't. That people like Quiet_Mandalorian and Thrawn McEwok and many others can do it is a testament to the time they've spent honing their writing skills - and even now you'll see them put out some posts that are much shorter and/or much longer than others.

Hope that helps a little!

- Keralys

 

I think 'pissed' is an understatment.

You can just wonder.

And about my posting lengths, it was a joke, rather than an actual problem. Next post should be up soon! (longer if I can remember )

 

Here it is, peoples!

**

Jylla shifted her weight slightly and jolted as her elbow came in contact with a sharp object. Her eyes snapped open, and she remembered where she was. Looking around the grungy alley, she sighed: another day.

As she stood up, Geeber came scuttling out of his hiding place, and sat on her shoulder, chuttering quietly. Jylla reached up and stroked his frilly head, and smiled. ?You?re really cute, you know that??

Geeber rubbed his head against hers and trilled softly. Jylla tickled him under the chin, and laughed as he rolled onto his back. ?Watch out, you silly thing, you?re going to fall off.?

Walking out of the alley, Jylla glanced around. The streets were crowded, and Jylla was glad; she didn?t want a repeat of yesterday. She didn?t know exactly how she was going to undo what she had done, but she was going to try to be one of those superheroes that she used to read about when she was young. She was going to find out the plots of Brass, and report them secretly to the New Republic.

Pulling out her datapad, she looked up the nearest planetary transport. She wanted to start her search on Coruscant. She had connections there that might be able to tell her something. The nearest one was in this town, and, after memorising the directions, she set off.

She waited at the transport until she found a large group of people and slipped into the crowd. As she had hoped, the first person through the door paid for his group, and the rest surged through---with Jylla safely tucked in their midst.

Once inside, she slid out of the crowd and wandered into the dining room. Picking up some food, she sat down at a large table and began eating.

She had finished her food and was nursing her lomin-ale and reading up on all she could find about the man she was going to meet on Coruscant, when the person across from her tapped lightly on the arm. ?Excuse me??

Jylla glanced up; sitting in front of her was a girl slightly younger than herself. Jylla leaned back in her chair and sipped at her lomin-ale a minute before replying. ?Yes??

The girl glanced down at her hands shyly. ?Are you a smuggler??

Jylla raised an eyebrow. ?No.?

The girl looked surprised. ?Oh?my dad says that the only people who carry blasters in public places have to be either smugglers or bandits??

Jylla gave a short laugh. ?I guess you could call me a mixture of both.?

Turning her attention back to her datapad, Jylla continued reading. She looked up again as the girl asked, ?What do you do for living??

?I live.?

The girl shrugged. ?I don?t work; I?m on my way to Coruscant to go to a boarding school there. This is my first time away from home. Where do you live??

Jylla shrugged, looking back down at her datapad and wishing the girl would shut up. ?Wherever I want to.?

?You don?t have a home? Oh, that?s horrible??

?I?ve gotten used to it.? Jylla muttered, still concentrating on her datapad.

The girl held out her hand. ?I?m Fressa; you are??

Jylla didn?t take her hand. ?Jylla.?

Suddenly Geeber came skittering out of Jylla?s pocket. Seeing him, Fressa laughed. ?Oh isn?t he cute? Can I touch him??

Jylla shrugged. ?If he?ll let you touch him.?

Fressa reached a hand out, but Geeber ran back up Jylla?s arm, scolding Fressa hotly. Jylla rubbed him absentmindedly on the head and he quieted down.

There was silence at the table for minute, and then Fressa asked. ?How old are you??

?Real old, kid.? Jylla wasn?t talking about years.

Fressa looked back down at the table. Finally, much to Jylla?s relief, she got up. ?I should go let my dad know that I got here safely. Nice meeting you, Jylla.?

Jylla nodded. ?See ya.?

**

A young man came running into his office waving a datacard. ?Major, sir. I have news of the Wraith?s movements!?

Shaffe looked up from the mountain of paperwork in front of him. ?Thank you, Lieutenant. Who?s it from??

The Lieutenant excitedly handed the datacard to Shaffe. ?It?s actually kind of a fluke, sir; Private Quigh was sit

 

Hmmm, that didn't go over so well...was it something I said? If any of my readers had Warren like YodaKenobi does on The Smuggler's Incorporation I would say he took it, but I don't think you do.

Well, anyway, UP.

 

Heh, no, it was good. I have just been so busy I literally haven't had time to reply.

I liked this post, and I look forward to more. I apologize that I don't have time for a lengthier response at the moment... for now I'll simply abide with commenting that the characterization of Jylla is still good - her impatience is a flaw that I look forward to seeing be a stumbling block to her. And you did an excellent job making that little girl believable; that's very much how that kind of little girl would act. Nice job, as well, on using that characterization-driven scene to subtly advance the overarching plot that you're pursuing.

Keep it up!

- Keralys