Before Breaking Dawn- A Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan Adventure-Chapter 3 update 09/08/08

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Thorn058, Aug 11, 2008.

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  1. Thorn058 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2008
    star 2
    This is my second fanfic but I hope you like it

    Title: Breaking Dawn
    Author(s): Thorn058
    Timeframe: Before The Saga
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi
    Genre: Adventure
    Keywords: Breaking Dawn, Jedi, desert
    Summary: Following his master to the desert planet of Klatoonie Obi-wan expects one thing and both he and his master find something wholly different
    Notes:I hope the ending leaves you wanting more


    The Breaking Dawn

    The harsh desert winds pulled at his robes, the midday heat almost overwhelming. He felt the slow trickle of sweat as it winded its way down his neck to the base of his spine. More sweat pooled along his brow and dripped into his eyes causing them to sting. His body ached in a thousand places and with each tortured step a thousand new ones joined. His robes began to feel stifling, they irritated him with each step he took, yet he could not voice his pain, he could not rest, for his master, as always pressed on. If the master feels no pain, no discomfort the student must follow his example. It was an endless cycle and for Obi-wan the cycle was what kept him going?

    The plant Klatooine was a forbidding landscape. It inhabitants were fierce people who revered strength, honor, and their ancestors. It was a desert world, a harsh world, a world in which you were tempered and molded and finally when you distilled to your pure essence, you were honed to perfection. It was for this reason Obi-wan believed that his master Qui-Gon Jinn had brought them to this barren desolate world, to prepare him for the Trials. If only that was the case.
    They had spent three days following their guide into the deep desert, neither his master, nor the guide showing that the landscape or the weather had any effect on them. Each time he felt the urge to ask why they did not take a transport or have a ship fly them out he heard his master?s voice inside his head.

    ?Patience Obi-wan, Patience?

    By midday of the third day they were nearing their goal. They crested a large dune and stood together, the harsh wind whipping the two jedi?s robes about their feet. Their guide pointed his finger into the distance.

    ?What you seek out there. I go no further? he stated in harsh basic. He turned to leave before a word could be uttered to him. Obi-wan watched him go and turned to his master but Qui-Gon had already begun walking away as well, his long even gait carrying him away from his student. Obi-wan hurried to catch up. They crested the next dune and there they beheld the reason for their trek.

    Half buried beneath the desert sands and worn down by the harsh winds lay the remains of a large starship. Obi-wan could not even begin to guess its age let alone its type. He starred at it, all this way for an archeology dig? He turned to his master.

    ?Master??

    ?Come on Obi-wan we haven?t much time before the sun goes down.?

    He was confused; this hardly seemed like a mission fitting of jedi. He raced after his master who was running faster and faster down the dune. He followed him into a large hole that the elements had worn into the exposed side of the great ship. Qui-Gon held a glowrod over head and as he did Obi-wan watched as shadows played tricks with his eyes. He sensed great age in the wreck through his connection to the force and just a hint of malice. Qui-Gon moved deeper into the wreck, searching for something but not really looking. Obi-wan let his curiousity over take him and he finally questioned his master.

    ?Master what is this place??

    ?I don?t know my young padawan. Its discovery only just recently came to the council attention. I thought a little adventure was called for so I volunteered to look into it.?

    He moved to a abandon computer console. Of the five or more screens set into its surface one remained intact though years of sand and dust covered it. Using the glow rod Qui-Gon began to pull wires from underneath grabbing some and yanking on them while leaving others alone. He pulled a small vibroblade from his boot and stripped three wires bare.

    ?Did you bring your datapad Obi-w
  2. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Whoa - shades of Wrath of Khan!

    Run, Obi, run....
  3. Thorn058 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2008
    star 2
    Valairy_Scot Yeah I thought it was a reach but then again I thought after reading some other people stories what if the title meant something totally different. So then I why not an adventure story
  4. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Very good short story,=D= even though I didn't understand the last line.?

    I'm sure it will come to me eventually.:p
  5. Thorn058 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2008
    star 2
    Well when I firsted starting thinking about the challenge and read a few other stories I started working an outline over in my head and then I thought instead of some poetic meaning what if it is the name of a ship? What type of story could I write about that? So I thought why not give it a whirl. It is a good start just needs a middle and an end. Think anyone would take it up?
  6. mujapple-juicey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2008
    star 4
    OH NO!
    Quiggy, Wan, RUN!
    I dunno what 'Breaking Dawn' means, but its probably REallY mystical (or HAUNTED)!
    Run kiddo!
    Listen to your old man Wan!
    O gee...
    Will there be more?
    I'm just the type that really hates suspense and so I'm totally on this.
    Suspense makes me CRAVE for more.[whimpers for Wan and Quig's sake]

    tapping fish
    so well
  7. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Oh, it's YOU ;) - just bebopped over here from the Over30 thread in Resource and I've already read this!

    It is a good start just needs a middle and an end. Think anyone would take it up?


    I'd be interested in reading more.

    Are you asking for any kind of off-board feedback/assistance? If so, I'm free if you'd like to bounce some ideas around via PM.

    If I'm misunderstanding, no problem and just tell me kindly.

    You've certainly got my interest tweaked on just what Breaking Dawn means, since it obviously means something to Qui-Gon (hence my Wrath of Khan reference).
  8. mujapple-juicey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2008
    star 4
    ER, Valairy_Scot, what do you mean?
    Sorry, I have a nosy soul.
  9. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Uh-oh. Suspense is definitely here. More, please?
  10. Thorn058 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2008
    star 2
    Here is the long awaited second chapter to my tale. I apologize for the length of time it has taken to get it out but I was working hard on my Saga serial Y-wing. So without anymore preamble her is more.


    Chapter 2

    It had begun its life as the dream project of a talented yet erratic young ship designer. He had envisioned a luxury space liner the likes of which the galaxy had never seen. It had sleek classic lines and smooth features. He had named it the Breaking Dawn in reference to the beautiful sunrise that had inspired him. He had designed it so that the passengers would be serviced completely by droids, there would be no mingling of crew and guest. The promenade deck had no access to the command deck as well as lower decks not having access to engineering. In fact the only access from the bridge to engineering was by a narrow corridor that ran the length of the great ship from bow to stern and was completely separate from the guest areas. The bridge itself was little more than a figure head as everything was controlled from engineering. He had sunk parts of his soul into his design and he could not wait until his employers saw it. He felt sure that he would be proclaimed the greatest ship designer in the galaxy, but it was not to be. Whether by fate or by happenstance the plans he sent out did not arrive at the fabled Kuat Drive Yards planning office instead they were delivered to a little known branch of the Republic?s office of procurement and there they lay, forgotten for years.

    As if by some twist of fate the plans were found during the closing moments of the last Great Sith War. They were passed from committee to committee, each one adding to or altering them. With each change the designers original dream became less noticeable until the only real remaining original part was the name Breaking Dawn. It became the Republic?s great humanitarian effort at the end of the war, a prison ship to house the galaxy?s most vile instead of the swift death that many thought they deserved. Five hundred thousand prisoners, including Sith soldiers, acolytes, gangsters, murderers and the lone remaining Sith Lord they held prisoner. There would be no escape, no contact other then the droids that fed and cared for them. Each prisoner would be sealed in his cell for all time. It was harsh to even comprehend but it was a little bit better then death. The ship could travel for eighteen months without a change of crew and it was a minimal crew at that since it was thought inhumane to subject anyone to that level of evil for too long. Project Breaking Dawn it was called and it was hoped that it would never be necessary for a ship to be built like it again. Yet as before the fate of the great ship was in the hands of some force other than its builders.

    Two weeks after its launch the Breaking Dawn disappeared. The Republic being the Republic did not stop to take notice. The great wheels of the bureaucracy continued to turn and little thought was given to a ship holding the galaxy?s most feared and vicious killers. Only the Jedi Order looked into its disappearance and they found little if any clues to it whereabouts. So it drifted out of memories save for the occasional story by an aging Jedi master meant to frighten younglings or willful padawans. ?Beware the Breaking Dawn? they would say ?It holds the last of the Sith and it will return to claim you.? Soon that too fell out of recent memory until one day many many years later a young Jedi knight studying in the Jedi archives stumbled upon a reference to the Breaking Dawn and became enthralled by it. Perhaps it was the will of the force or perhaps the twisted fate of the great ship but the young knight would come to be woven into the long mystery of the Breaking Dawn.
  11. mujapple-juicey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2008
    star 4
    First dibble!
    This is deep, legendary.
    Oma, I love ancient myths being crawled on by little people!
    This is amazing!

    tapping fish
    frewqummm
  12. Thorn058 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2008
    star 2
    Well here again I was taken to provide more to this tale. It comes and goes at will so I do apologize.

    As always Thanks Fish for being here to lift my spirits and let me know that the work is appreciated. so Chapter 3


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Chapter 3

    His body ached in places he never thought it could ache in. His mouth was dry and he fought the urge to cough up whatever moisture, be it blood or spit, that he had left. There was dried blood from the gash in his forehead caked on his cheek along with an abundance of dirt and sand. The harsh light hurt his eyes and he wanted to block it out with his hands but the solid pole running between his back and his arms prevented it as well as the bindings on his feet and legs. His hands were bound tightly together behind his back, the pole making any movement a painful one. He took a deep breath and tried exhaling slowly but it came in ragged gasps. His lungs and chest no doubt bruised from the struggle. There is no pain, there is only the force. He reached out with his feelings and found nothing. His connection to all that is, was not there. It was as if a part of him was missing and he struggled with the overwhelming nature of what it meant. Was he dead? No if that were the case he would not feel like this. Then what? What could be the reason for his lack of connection? He blinked away the spots caused by the harsh light in his eyes. He was positioned inside a circle of sunlight perhaps three feet in diameter. The shadows beyond the circle were dark and ominous; he squinted; trying to make out anything lying within their blackness. He heard muffled breathing and whispers, but could not focus enough to see beyond the veil of shadows.

    ?Hello? Who is there?? he rasped

    A voice ancient and powerful floated as if from nowhere to his straining ears.

    ?Why are you here Jeedai?? it asked

    ?I am Qui-Gon Jinn. I mean you no? he started

    ?We asked why you are here Jeedai? Do you come to kill us?? was asked again this time from a different direction. He blinked away more spots and peered closer into the shadows hoping his eyes would grow accustom to the reduced light but he found nothing in which to look.

    ?I?m sure I don?t know what you are talking? he tried to stall for time

    ?Enough! Why are you here Jeedai? Answer us lest you suffer more,? Was shouted at him.

    ?I came here to explore an ancient shipwreck. I did not mean to trespass.? He replied hoping that it was enough to placate his captor. Just then a long withered arm shot out of the dark and grabbed his chin. The skin of the arm was deeply tanned and marked with sunspots and age. It was stretched taut over thin bones with little substance beneath, the veins stuck out all along its length. Yet there was strength to it, so much so that Qui-Gon could not move his head.

    ?Lies. You have come to kill us Jeedai. You are here to end us, but you will find it not an easy task. Baagh!!? it spat and then released his chin, the arm retreating into the darkness. He worked his jaw trying to relieve the tenderness the hand had caused him, some of the dried blood on his face flaking off.

    ?Since you obviously know what I am, I find it hard to believe that you would think I would have been sent here to harm anyone. Especially given the fact I don?t know who any of you are.?

    The voice cackled in the darkness. ?Twisted words from a twisted mind that is all the Jeedai know. You know who I am.?

    ?Truly I have no idea.?

    ?I AM BREAKING DAWN? the voice announced, the echoing filling the room.

    ?You seem to have me at a disadvantage. Should that mean something to me??

    A lightening fast hit to his face drew fresh blood this time from his cracked lip.

    ?We grow tired of your lies Jeedai. We have already stripped you of that which you hold most dear, do not push us further.?

    He mulled the meaning of this in his mind. Could this person be responsible for his lack of connection to the force? It seemed impossible t
  13. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    Wow, this is intense! And intriguing, because who or what is this creature? And yes, it does sound like it barely has a hold on sanity - not good for someone/something this powerful.

    Now I'm wondering... all those thousands of figures Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan saw after getting out of the wreckage, what are they? And where are they now? Were they even really there to begin with?

    And whatever Breaking Dawn is, it definitely meant something to Qui-Gon and luckily so, because it made him move fast enough to give Obi-Wan a chance to get away and warn others.

    I'm very curious as to where this is going, so I hope you'll keep updating!


  14. mujapple-juicey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2008
    star 4
    Run Wan! Run!
    Hurry up Wan!O no, evil Breaking Dawn, o them twits!!
  15. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    WOW!!!

    Please please PM me when this is updated!!

    EG
  16. mujapple-juicey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2008
    star 4
  17. mujapple-juicey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2008
    star 4
    A box of virtual chocolates and a 'GREAT PYRAMID' of encouragement to Thorn!
  18. mujapple-juicey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2008
    star 4
    A life-time supply of ice-cream
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