Saga Breaking Fangirl's Curse - humour/nonsense, Fett, Chapter 3 up 1/28

Genre: Humour/nonsense/romance, almost
Timeframe: Dreamtime, most likely
Characters: Boba Fett, me, miscellaneous
Summary: Somebody messed with Boba Fettâ??s mind, and Lanna has to suffer the consequences
Notes: This is what happens if your fanficcing mind roams free, tries to relax, and gets fed unhealthy ideas. Substandard goods of the brain, so to speak.
And itâ??s all your fault, Darth_Gangrenous


Fangirl's curse


~ ~ Chapter 1~ ~

The morning was grey, icy, and full of tiny snowflakes swirling in a soft breeze and getting everywhere. Flying open landspeeders in such weather is hazardous, thought Lanna, but I'd give my right arm for one!

Small heaps of white crystals had built up on her jacket while she tried to kick her speederbike back to life. She had taken off her bulky gloves, only to have her fingers frozen within the minute. And still no sign of life from her bike.

Suddenly she kicked it hard in frustration. "I'll be late, and it's all your fault," she yelled at the vehicle, which took the assault stoically. A few more prods and kicks at the correct places convinced it to work again, though. Grumbling, Lanna remounted and continued her way to the Morakti Mall.

Of course she was late, and her boss complained and threatened to cut her wages. After all, this was already the third time this week -- and it was only Thursday. Fuming, Lanna assumed her post behind the counter, searching for her professional sales face.

"Good Morning, sir. How can I help you?" she beamed at the next customer.

---------------------

The day dragged on endlessly, and of course the last hour took longest to elapse. By the time Lanna could knock off work, the smile felt chiselled into her face. But the boss had been watching her closely the whole day, probably looking for a reason to boot her out. The Sith take that speederbike, Lanna though ruefully. Or winter. The speeder was a sissy when it came to cold.

Pulling her coat close, Lanna secured her scarf and pulled on her thick gloves. She looked pretty much like a black snowman now, and felt about as mobile as one. "Blasted cold," she muttered, "bet the speeder will break down at least once again on my way home."

After several attempts, the speederbike came to life, and the Lanna drove off. During the day it had stopped snowing, and everybody tried to get a last ray of sunlight by using the highest air-lanes they could. Close down to the ground, Lanna was crossed by zigzagging shadows of all sizes.

Two blocks from home, the bike broke down. With a sigh, Lanna dismounted and peered into its interior. As always, there was nothing unusual to be seen. She kicked the vehicle half-heartedly and was surprised by the loud rattling that ensued. When she looked up, however, she realized the sound had not come from her speeder at all. Next to her right mudguard lay a heap of crumpled green armour.

Irritatedly Lanna gazed up, but none of the vehicles slowed or showed any other way that they might have lost something. Bet it scratched my coat of paint badly, too, she thought bitterly as she went around her speeder to investigate.

When she arrived, the supposed heap had already begun to rearrange itself into a man in green body armour. Not thinking, she extended her hand to help the man up. "You all right?" she asked.

Ignoring her hand, the stranger got up, straightened his armour, and answered her question with a curt nod. At any other man Lanna would have snapped a remark about politeness, but the heap of armour had by then transformed into the figure of Boba Fett. And who would dare argue about polite behaviour with the galaxy's most notorious bounty hunter? Lanna didn't. Great, she thought, it's raining bounty hunters.

Shaking her head, she returned her attention to her speeder, opening up its side to get a look at the engines. What was it that customer had said I should check? she wondered. Was it the thrust

 

That was great. I almost fell out of my chair laughing, Lanna.
I can't wait to see more of this story. Especially since it's all my fault.

*keeps feeding Lanna's plot bunny so it keeps growing*

 

Well, I wish it were raining bounty hunters around here!

Sometimes it's fun to just let go with the silliness. I'm looking forward to finding out exactly why Boba Fett fell out of the sky on Lanna's bike, though. I'm assuming it wasn't just random clumsiness.

 

Hey, do not blame poor DG for being brilliant! Thank him for pushing you in here!

 

That was hilarious! Lanna's speederbike reminds me too much of my first car.

 

Hmm...just the thought of having to hang on to Fett's waist while zooming around at dangerous speeds makes me all happy inside.

This was a lot of fun -- I hope you post more soon!

 

If I had know that all you need to do to get readers, is put 'Boba Fett' in the header, I'd have done that long time ago.

Thanks for thinking it's funny. (Did I hear hilarious, wow, thanks a lot. ) It's my first attempt at real humour.

Darth_Gangrenous: You know where this is going, it'll happen in chapter 4.

GrandAdmiralV: It was not what you would call 'on purpose', though. But not clumisness. He IS Fett, after all. (And yes, I still don't like him. )

Bale: The speeder is actually behaving very much like my current bicycle.

Since this got more answers in two days, than my other stories got in two month I'll hurry up writing. I promise to get the next chapter up this week.

 

Yes I do know, but that part is not my fault. I'll take the blame for you starting the story, but there is no way I'll let you blame that on me.

 

Without much blabbering:

---

~ ~ Chapter 2 ~ ~


The next morning Lanna was actually early for work. This was completely the fault of her speederbike, which did not even do so much as twitch. It had acquired a whole new sound as well, and sounded like a normal speeder again.

Mr. Rend, her boss, looked as astonished as Lanna when she arrived at the shop, and in his surprise couldn?t find anything for her to do. On a Friday morning this was not very surprising, since it was the most quite day of the week. Most customers waited until Saturday to storm the shop for last-minute gifts and useless decorations.

The only interesting event of the day was the arrival of new goods. The unwrapping, pricing and sorting of all the new merchandise could fill up most of the day -- if she worked slowly enough. And she could always hope that some of her friends might drop in for a chat.

For the first time in a long while Lanna stood behind the counter at nine sharp. There were no customers in sight to appreciate this feat, though, and even Mr. Rend had retired to his office to take care of some paperwork. After looking around encouragingly and trying to appear busy, Lana gave it up and began to tidy up the shelves. But she found it difficult to draw this activity out, so it would last until the new commodities arrived.

Around midday Lanna had completely given up on trying to look busy tidying up and instead lurked beneath the counter, reading from a datapad she had smuggled in. She kept one eye on the door, hoping the goods would arrive any moment, and looking out for any more stray customer. So far there had been only five in the shop, and none had actually bought anything. Additionally, Lanna began to wonder if Mr. Rend had taken an overdose of caf and needed help.

Finally the door opened, but instead of the expected commodities, Boba Fett arrived. Lanna shut her pad, donned her professional smile, and watched him come up to the counter. [i]Whatever he might want,[/i] she wondered. Without looking to either side, the bounty hunter strode up and came to halt in front of her.

?Good day, sir,? Lanna greeted him. ?Are you looking for something special??

Fett did not answer immediately. But just when Lanna decided to try again he said, ?I came looking for you.? The tone of his voice, filtered as it was, still indicated that this answer surprised him as much as her.

?Me?? Lanna asked incredulously. ?What do you want from me??

Again there came no immediate answer. Instead, the bounty hunter cocked his head slightly, as if thinking. Then he slowly shook his head, as if lost, turned, and went out again. Lanna couldn?t help staring at the door until long after he left. Now [i]that[/i] was strange behaviour.

She was still staring when Mr. rend came to relieve her for lunch. Shaking her head, Lanna went into the small kitchenette to heat a pack of instant noodle-soup of an undefined salty flavour. It tasted of whatever you had on your mind, so usually Lanna tried to think if nerf or gornt -- it worked every time.

With Boba Fett on her mind, things became difficult. Because Lanna certainly didn?t want Boba-flavoured soup, she tried hard to think of chicken instead -- with most questionable results. Her concentration lasted only for short periods, and then the soup began to taste of Boba Fett again -- or worse, chicken in Mandalorian armour.

Finally, Lanna gave up and dumped the cold soup in the sink. Opening her pad again, she hoped the latest net-novel could keep her from brooding. [i]Concussion, [/i]she thought repeatedly. [i]Must be a really bad case of concussion.[/i]

By the time Lanna had to return to work, she had stowed the incident of the morning away far in the back of her mind. Before he left, Mr. Rend gave Lanna a detailed set of instructions on how to close up the shop -- as if Lanna hadn?t done it hundreds of times before. She suspected he had either a small neurosis about it or simply liked being a nitpicker. She nodded her head through the litany, promised several times to make sure,

 

Because Lanna certainly didn?t want Boba-flavoured soup, she tried hard to think of chicken instead -- with most questionable results. Her concentration lasted only for short periods, and then the soup began to taste of Boba Fett again -- or worse, chicken in Mandalorian armour.

There's a mental picture to brighten anyone's day.

?Did you know,? Cally burst out before anybody had the chance to say hello to anybody else, ?that Boba Fett is in the city inquiring after you??

Uh-oh! That can't be good!

Great update.

 

Hey, I want some Boba-flavored soup! (A girl could do worse, you know.)

I also think it was pretty funny that Lanna's one friend was more worried about how Lanna looked in the photo than about the fact that Boba Fett was wandering around the city trying to find her!

Very curious to see how this all turns out!

 

Boba flavored soup.

My sides and stomach hurt from laughing so hard.
I can't wait for the next chapter.

*continues laughing*

 

So what is it with my padawans refusing to PM me when they post new updates? Are they testing boundaries? Do they assume I have Jedi mind powers? (In case you were wondering...I don't...hence the GrandAdmiralV screen name instead of jedi_lulu or whatever.) I'm going to make you guys scrub down the aft hangar bay with a toothbrush if you keep this up!

That said --

Very funny update, Lanna. I just love the Boba-flavored soup bit (as does everyone else, apparently). The interaction with Lanna's friends was very well done, too. I'm finding myself hoping that Boba will crash the concert on Friday night. Let's see the Fettster get down with his bad self!

 

Just found this. Great story.
If you do pm's...add me to the list please...

 

After reading your comment about using the line it's raining bounty hunters in the Tuckerism thread on the resource board, I had to come read this.

It really is a wonderful, silly story and I do enjoy those sort! I'd love a pm when you update this.

 

She was still staring when Mr. rend came to relieve her for lunch. Shaking her head, Lanna went into the small kitchenette to heat a pack of instant noodle-soup of an undefined salty flavour. It tasted of whatever you had on your mind, so usually Lanna tried to think if nerf or gornt -- it worked every time.

With Boba Fett on her mind, things became difficult. Because Lanna certainly didn?t want Boba-flavoured soup, she tried hard to think of chicken instead -- with most questionable results. Her concentration lasted only for short periods, and then the soup began to taste of Boba Fett again -- or worse, chicken in Mandalorian armour.

On the one hand, I would love for soup that tastes like whatever's on your mind, but I imagine chicken in Mandalorian armor might taste a little... metallic.

And taking the non-exploding speeder as a good sign - I do that whenever my car starts up and doesn't explode. So I feel for her.

Cute story, very humorous. =D

Uh oh, you didn't PM the master either? She's gonna have our hides!

 

Great many thanks to all my readers. Your comments really do mean a lot to me.


Bale: You comment warmed my heart! I was afraid nobody would consider the chicken funny. Thank you.

BobaFanGirl: Uh-oh. So I got a Bobagirl as reader. I can just hope I don?t get lynched later on.

Darth_Gangrenous: Why does everybody like Boba-soup? I?ll never understand. At least, you got a stomach full of laughter?

GrandAdmiralV: I grovel. I?m sorry, I just didn?t think because I didn?t have a pm list by then. I created one now so I?ll hopefully never ever forget you again. I need my toothbrush for other things...
Wow, if you think the interaction well-done, I might be on the right way of cancelling ?dialogue? from my ?weakness-list?.

PadawanKayla: My shameless dark-side plugging in ?Resource? worked. muahahaaaaa. Glad you liked it and of course you are on my newly created pm list, as is hyperspace_police

unknown_shore: Yes, she had my hide, but was kind enough to give it back later...


And now, back to the story??

---

~ ~ Chapter 3 ~ ~


Lanna kept seeing Boba Fetts everywhere. Either he was playing hide and seek with her, or, more likely, she was simply on the verge of going stark raving mad.

It had already begun on her way home from work. She thought she had seen him twice -- once standing in the dark doorway of a house, and the second time crossing a side street, which was, of course, nonsense. Then Lanna had blamed the hallucinations on being tired, along with Fett?s strange behaviour at Mr. Rend?s -- just her subconscious trying to make sense of the events.

With a bounty hunter, that meant being hunted. Which was, when looked at logically, complete nonsense. By now he certainly knew where she lived, and it would be much easier to simply wait for her there. If he even wanted something from her at all, that is.

Of course, there was no bounty hunter waiting with a raised blaster in her apartment. Neither could she find a note threatening her with an immediate and sudden demise. As far as Lanna could tell, the flat was completely untouched.

--------------------------------

If Lanna had expected that everything would be fine again the next morning, she was disappointed. By the time she retrieved her speeder from the lot, Lanna could have sworn she saw the bounty hunter lingering in a gateway across the street. By the time she had turned around for a closer look, the gateway was, of course, empty. Still, as soon as she turned around the corner, she was sure she?d seen him cross the street behind her. Unfortunately, you cannot really turn around on a running speederbike in the middle of the street to take a second glance.

And that was only the beginning.

On her way to work, Lanna kept seeing Boba Fett at every other corner, in most doorways, and even one or two shop windows. No amount of eye-blinking, head-shaking, or annoyed muttering could do anything to stop the visitations. She hoped this paranoia would wear off in the shop -- he could hardly hide in there.

She wished. In the middle of a sales talk, she glimpsed him from the corner of her eye, standing either far across the shop, or on the opposite side of the way in the mall outside. Whenever she was able to get a good look at the place in question, there would be nobody there. [i]If this does not stop over the weekend,[/i] Lanna decided, [i]I?ll get a psychiatrist first thing on Monday! [/i]

As soon as her shift was over, Lanna hurried home -- since she didn?t dare to look up, right, or left as she drove, she was pretty much a danger to all traffic around her, but at least she didn?t see any more Bobas, either.

At home she sat down with a chocolate-flavoured stim-caf, trying to get into the mood of the evening ahead. [i]The evening with Jereko, [/i] she corrected herself. That was really something to look forward to. Musing, Lanna stood before her closet, wondering what kind of dress would most ap

 

Beautifully done, Lanna.

She wonders if he wears a cod piece.

 

See, the two of you push one another to your limits!

*still wants more!*

Lanna, unlimited Lanna!

*goes on strike!*

More, more, more...

 

I love the "steel-enforced bane of unwanted admirers and their noses." Sounds like what I used to call my "plus-5 vorpal purse." (That's a D&D reference, for the uninitiated.)

I also like Jereko's taste in music...at least, if those GFFA equivalents represent the bands I think they do.

But poor Boba! To declare his undying love and then have the door slammed in his face! That's just gotta hurt...even if Lanna decided to avoid kicking him in the codpiece. I can't imagine that he's going to take it very well!

This just keeps getting more and more fun! (Well, for the readers, anyway.)

 

PM LIST!!!


You have to have a PM list! I'm dying to know what happens next! If you don't put me on your PM list I'll bug you every day for an update. Just kidding, I'll try not to harrass.


It's so cute! Boba Fett's in love! You're a lucky girl, Lanna.

Lol I laughed out loud at this part:

With Boba Fett on her mind, things became difficult. Because Lanna certainly didn?t want Boba-flavoured soup, she tried hard to think of chicken instead -- with most questionable results. Her concentration lasted only for short periods, and then the soup began to taste of Boba Fett again -- or worse, chicken in Mandalorian armour.



Boba flavored soup! Yum!



-Commander Tharen-

 

But that ceased to be true if one of them was Boba Fett who, though he had his legs crossed in your direction, kept his arms folded over his chest and, in spite of his mask, managed to look indignant.

Love that!

And wondering if he wore a codpiece! Lanna sounds dangerous. She better watch that anger as we all know where that leads...

Great fun! Thanks so much for the pm and nothing wrong with shamelessly promoting you fic in the right setting!

 

This is really hilarious!

Please add me to the PM list.

 

I absolutly, totally, and completely, LOVE it!!! It was wonderful, perfect, the best fic I've read in a long time! PLEASE add me to the PM list! I simply MUST be on that thing!! Please update soon!

Jasmine

 

Thank you all for those wonderful comments. They encourage me without end, I?m even afraid that by now I?m addicted to them. And they might corrupt me to the funny side of fanfiction.


GrandAdmiralV: I guess the bands do represent those you believe they do. I also was thinking of Nine Inch Hydrospanners, but that was just too far away.
And I?m not responsible for Boba getting love. That?s your job. And I think he?s be much happier with Miele anyway?.


Thanks for not bugging me MoeTharen. Wished I could say the same for me? The soup, the soup -- what have I done with that?.


PadawanKayla: It will lead to hate? I personally see no other way.



So here comes the reason I?m doing all this. Just because the first scene couldn?t stand on it?s own and I so wanted to do it. I wanted to do it, for those who wonder why I gave the girl my own name.
I hope you like it, too.

---

~ ~ Chapter 4 ~ ~

This was one of those moments hundreds of fangirls dreamt of every night: the man of their dreams kneeling in front of them with a huge bouquet of roses, proposing to them.

[i]But then,[/i] Lanna thought, [i]there have always been fangirls and, well, fangirls. And, of course, the scene loses a lot of its allure when it?s happened three days in a row, and you always kept being late for work because of it.[/i]

Lanna grabbed the flowers and glanced briefly at them. Then she hit Boba Fett repeatedly over the helmet with them, scattering petals in all directions. ?No, no, no, no, No, NO,? she shouted at him. ?And again, for you in case you need to take notes: no, no, no, No, NO!? She tossed the remains of the bouquet into his visor and stormed off.

You might have said that Boba Fett knelt there, thunderstruck, but since he hadn?t been moving much before the attack, the difference was hard to tell.

Lanna stalked into the shop, ?approaching storm? written all over her face in such big letters that her boss didn?t dare say a word. In grim silence Lanna went through the moves of opening the shop, applying such force to the fixtures that Mr. Rend feared for his furnishings. Then she stood behind the counter, displaying a glare that would scare away even the most determined customer.

Not only had turning down Fett not helped any, he additionally kept behaving like a lost puppy in her vicinity -- which was absolutely ridiculous. And even though Jereko [i]had [/i]called her on Sunday morning, he'd really just called to make sure that Fett hadn't killed her. Actually, he had renounced any further development of their relationship until the Boba-thing had been solved!

[i]Boba better dissolve himself! [/i]Lanna thought angrily. She had run out of ideas how to tell him: GO AWAY!!!

There was one thing, though, that Lanna absolutely adored about Fett: He made Mr. Rend squirm. It was a beautiful spectacle, and she liked it immediately. After accosting Lanna with the first proposal on Monday, Fett had later appeared in Mr. Rend?s shop and stood next to the door with his hands crossed over his chest for several hours.

His intimidating behaviour had not been good for business, and Mr. Rend obviously ached to get him out. But he was still Boba Fett and had quite a reputation. So her boss didn?t dare to throw him out, no matter how much he might want to. He couldn?t even measure up the courage to ask the bounty hunter why he was there.
Over the past three days, news of Boba Fett?s presence in the shop had obviously gotten about. There were ever more nervous and/or giggling girls around, sometimes pretending to look at the window decorations, sometimes even lingering in the shop for lengths of time that bordered on loitering. Unfortunately, no security personnel came to free Lanna from this additional nuisance.

And the two fast food stalls close to Mr. Rend?s certainly did not complain. They were full all day long. Occupied with females of all kinds hoping to get a glance, or more, at Fett. Speaki