Breaking News: Top Gear's Richard Hammond "critically" ill in hospital after high speed crash!

No, I'm being entirely serious.

 

fixed

 

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/UnNews:Top_Gear_presenter_Richard_Hammond_injured_in_300mph_teeth_whitening_attempt

This is great!

 

Wiz, as CR I have to behave in an impeccable manner so I shall refrain from calling you the name I was going to

(git)

 

How's he doing? Been ages since i've heard anything about his condition.

 

I'm taking it as a good thing. Seeing as how bad news sells, then he must be doing alright as we've not heard anything.

 

Well thye have re-started filming on the series, and they may even show his crash.

I can imagine it now, Clarkson saying something like 'Richard tried to break the land speed record...who'd like to see his practise lap? Play the tape!'

Classic

 

Last I heard, Hammond wanted the BBC to show his crash! That's moxey for you!

They way I see it, no news is good news.

Here's one you may have heard...

What's one thing that Richard Hammond and Kate Moss got in common.

They've both been hammered on Top Gear!

 

That might have been funny if you got it right

It's "They've both been 'smashed' on Top Gear!"

 

latest update - Mad as a bag of snakes !!

HAMMOND EXCLUSIVE: 'I FELT MAD AS A BAG OF SNAKES. MY MIND WAS LIKE A FOREIGN PLACE, NOTHING IN IT BUT BLANKNESS'
RICHARD HAMMOND: BACK FROM THE DEAD
By Victoria Ward And Clare Raymond
EMERGING from his coma, a terrible knowledge that something was horribly wrong made Richard Hammond panic.

He said: "My mind was like an office that had been utterly ransacked. All the filing cabinets were knocked over.

"It was a total mess and I couldn't find my way around any more. My own mind was like a foreign place. I didn't know where anything was.


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"It was like everybody had messed all the furniture up, nothing was familiar. So you try to think about something and it's all strange. Like somebody had ripped my head apart.


"It was utterly terrifying - the scariest thing that's ever happened to me. It made me panic. It made me desperate.


"Sometimes there was nothing there, complete blankness. I've never been so scared in my entire life."


Richard, who suffered serious short-term memory loss known as traumatic amnesia, has only hazy flashbacks of those first days he spent in Leeds General Hospital.


And he admits that as he recovered he behaved childishly and irrationally. He said: "Basically I was mad as a bag of snakes."


In his darkest moments he lost all associations with the normal world and struggled to piece together even the simplest things.


He said: "All my coping mechanisms had gone. I'd sit down to try to gather my thoughts, have a little daydream, and there was nothing there. It's the most horrific feeling.


"I was standing there and watching everything I knew disappear through my fingers up to the point where I could barely hold on to my own name."


Richard candidly revealed he was regularly reduced to tears in his grim battle back to health.


He said: "Yes, I've cried a lot. There've been many, many private breakdowns. I'd be confused and panicky. "


The first two days after Richard's near-fatal 288mph jet car crash at York were critical.


It was feared the much loved Top Gear presenter, who lay unconscious in intensive care, could be paralysed down one side and lose all sight in his left eye.


He said: "There was spotting on my brain for the first 48 hours - haemorrhaging. The big worry was my left side was not responding.


"There was clearly a great danger of many nasty things happening to my brain - swelling, sudden bleeding.


"There were so many tubes and wires it was impossible to tell where the machines ended and I began."


At first surgeons thought they might have to drill a "bore hole" in Richard's head to drain the blood from his brain.


But incredibly he did not have any surgery and has not been taking any medication for the past fortnight apart from the odd Nurofen.


AS Richard slowly regained consciousness two days after the crash he refused to believe he had had an accident, though wife Mindy, 36, reminded him every day.


He said: "For two weeks, all the time I was in Leeds, I simply didn't believe I'd been in a crash. Mindy kept telling me over and over, but I refused to believe it.


"I'm dimly aware of a time when I was in intensive care, of bits of conversations, of a sense of people being around, a sense of urgency.


"That feeling went on for quite some time. I'd wake up and be very lucid, then pass out and forget it."


As well as suffering intense mental anguish, Richard was also gripped by excruciating pain. He compares one of his darkest moments to a scene from the Stephen King horror story Misery.


He said: "I needed morphine for the pain. It was like in Misery where the writer has these splintered legs after his car crash and the psycho nurse gives him the drug.


"In the book Stephen King says it's like soothing ocean waves covering up the jagged trusses of wood exposed in the sea.


"Sharp jagged pointy pain. Just agonising. It hurt like hell. The moment the nurse mentioned morphine I went 'Oh yes please'."


But it was Richar

 

Poor bugger.

 

Anyone see Top Gear this evening?

Interesting to see the crash finally. Some of the stuff Hammond did to camera before the incident was strangely disconcerting.

 

Excellent Gear of Topness last night.


Tha Hamsters crash was rivetting stuff

 

It was most amusing episode.

Hammond's crash was obviously worse then it looked, and I admire him for being able to look back on it with such good humour.

 

At the very end of the episode, Hammond said that he didn't want the accident to be mentioned on the show again. Clarkson agreed, but I felt as if he was taken by surprise by it a little.

 

75 Cod and chips please

 

It was funny when the megaphone got run over by the steamroller.
It's probably part of the road now.

 

I don't think he was tbh. Hammond has been saying that for ages, it was in the Radio Times interview so has to have been said before shooting of the studio bits.

 

i actually agree with lukesgirlieperson

im sure he knew what they were gonna talk about. i dont know if it goes out live, but even if it does. itll be vaguely scripted. if he didnt wanna talk about it they wouldnt have done

he probably just wants to draw a line under it. and quite right. i dont care about it...what a waste of a minute

 

Okay fine if it was scripted then fine. I just felt Clarkson sounded a little surprised.

 

The live parts of Top Gear are recorded over a 4/5 hour period a few days before broadcast (I have my name on the waiting list for tickets).


To me Hamster seemed surprised by the crowds reactions and overall support they gave him but he would have been expecting pretty much everything else.

 

First full episode I've ever watched tonight. Rather enjoyed it

 

I think I found last weeks episode to be funnier, but it was definetly interesting. lol at the artistic value of the cars!

But with last weeks, and tonights episodes; are they going through my CD collection for background music? Batman, Fight Club, The Ususal Suspect, Black Hawk Down, The Phantom Menace...I thought I was missing a few CD's!