Saga Briefly Describe Each of the Films (Badly)

Assuming the mods allow for lighter threads (I created a different one exactly one year ago), I thought this would make for a fun, breezy challenge. Your task, should you choose to accept it, is very simple. Reduce the plot of each film (you can include "Rogue One") to something, at the least, silly; and at the worst (or best), absurd. I guess bashing is allowed; but try and be reasonably creative. Nothing too offensive either way. The aim is really to have a laugh, but maybe oblique and obviously myopic descriptions can also elucidate the eccentricity of the saga from new angles. Okay, here's my shot...


TPM
A talented pilot goes free because someone's favourite dice develops a malfunction.

AOTC
A grumpy librarian starts a galactic civil war.

ROTS
A kid gets annoyed when told to take a seat and hides inside a space suit.

ANH
Two robots are shot at and decide to take a safari vacation to get away from it all.

TESB
A father and son with a fondness for telekinesis meet and argue about the local government.

ROTJ
A guy leaves his swivel chair without the aid of his walking stick, unwisely breaks health and safety regulations, and ends up destroying his new office.

TFA
The retrieval of an old flash light from a beer cellar causes some problems.

 

TPM - Someone finally kills Liam Neeson.

AOTC - Saruman the White takes droid rights activism to the extreme.

ROTS - Obi-Wan Kenobi realizes his life sucks.

RO - Bor Gullet sees the truth.

ANH - Annoying teenager whines about power converters.

ESB - Mark Hamill talks to a muppet for 2 hours.

ROTJ - Darth Vader kills Donald Trump.

TFA - See ANH

 

Episodes IV-VI: best thing ever

Episode I-III: worst thing ever

 

Darkslayer

Nice work!

Since you were the first to respond and you included "Rogue One", I'll add it to my descriptions:

R1
Guy has his herbal bath interrupted and gets a bit upset.



Martoto77

That's not very sporting. Reminder:

 

Cryogenic Reminder: "Briefly describe each of the films, Badly"


I think my descriptions are the worst so far. If I do say so myself. And I do.

 

You're meant to describe the plots of each, or plot elements; not use this thread as an opportunity to make satirical swipes at fan rage and fan overrating, both of which are older than the moon.

 

But I am doing what you asked, badly. You're taking it the wrong way.

One might complain that the other descriptions in the thread are a reflection of some fan's sympathies.

But I thought this thread wasn't going to get hung up on that.

 

Cryogenic I think what Martoto77 is trying to say is that he is making fun of the overdramatic hate some of the films sometimes get.

 

No -- they're just trolling.

Which reveals their character; and, once again, gives an insight into the nature of anyone with a "thing" against the PT.

I wanted a simple, fun thread; and I gave some basic instructions at the outset about what sort of responses I did and didn't want this thread to be about. As usual, they're deliberately not followed; because someone wants to make "a point". Whatever.

 

I: Obi-Wan gets screwed over.
II: An angry teen who doesn't like sand ends up killing people on two planets full of sand.
III: The movie in which Padme doesn't have much to do.
RO: Things would've gone much better if they could just transfer the large files over the HoloNet.
IV: A farm boy manipulates energy to blow up a circle.
V: A father with prosthetic limbs and a respirator chops off his long-lost son's hand after a fight over the family business.
VI: Take your child to work day goes horribly wrong.
VII: Luke's absence drives everyone nuts.

 

There's creativity in putting familiar words to a different use. There's creativity in economy.

I posted two sentences that are crude, inadequate, shallow, and wrong. i.e.bad.

In the context of this thread, offense has not been given but nevertheless taken.

 

I: Lots of Sand
II: Return of the Sand
III: Hot Sand
III.5: Wet Sand
IV: More Sand
V: Thank GOD! No More sand!
VI: Flashback to Sand
VII: MORE Sand !?!?
VIII: Please No More Sand.

 

TPM: NASCAR in space! oh ya and some other political stuff happens too...

AOTC: Obi-Wan helps a drug dealer rethink his life

ROTS: An old hard working politician finally gets to loosen up and just be himself for a while

ANH: A sentient trash can must deliver vital info to an old man in the desert

TESB: PSA on why you shouldn't get on Vader's bad side

ROTJ: Man-eating teddy bear aliens fight the worst soldiers ever

TFA: An old man in the desert delivers vital info to a sentient beach ball

 

Applies to all films....

"A boy, a girl and the universe."

 

TPM: A vaudevillian tours the galaxy with a racist Padawan and Oskar Schindler. They meet up with a future convict and a queen bee. The vaudevillian leads his acting troupe in a battle against robots, while Schindler and his stupid apprentice battle a punk rocker.

AOTC: The racist dumb Padawan has become a buffoon Jedi Knight, who takes a one seated ship to track down a bounty hunter, hoping to give him a lap dance on the way back to the capital. Meanwhile the future convict and the queen bee party and succumb to social pressures.

ROTS: A mad scientist creates a bunch of monsters in his lab, including an apprentice that was once the future convict. The queen bee gets depressed because her boyfriend dumped her and dies, but not before he gets her pregnant. A group of undercover cops try to stop the mad scientist and fail.

RO; A group of terroists try to steal government secret, the leader of said terrorist group finds every excuse to beat people up, even her rescuers. Meanwhile, a man comes back from the dead after 22 years and takes command of the Desth Star as a CGI projection.

ANH: a rebellious teenage girl is grounded by her dad, and she is rescued from her room by her boyfriend and her brother. She flirts with both of them, and the dad kills her brother's martial arts teacher. The girl is too self absorbed to think of her rebel base, and intentionally lured her dad's nukes to blow it up.

TESB: A father chases down his runaway children while plotting to kill his boss at work. The son plays with puppets in a swamp while the daughter hooks up with an older guy. The dad punishes the Daughter by freezing her boyfriend and cuts off his sons hand. Meanwhile, the son starts believing in ghosts

ROTJ: A mad scientist wants to replace his monster with the monster's son. Meanwhile, a group of friends goes tailgating in the desert and some people get killed along the way. An army of environmentalist teddy bears defeat the deforesting government and everybody gives in to the party lifestyle at the end.

TFA: A goth kid kills his father and becomes obsessed with a popular girl who likes bad boys. Meanwhile, a bad boy runs away from home and meets up with the goth kid's crush. To prove he can be a bad boy, the goth boy slaughters a village of innocence like his grandfather before him and takes orders from his grandpa's boss's boss.

 

TPM: Local boy does good.
AOTC: Local boy does good and bad.
ROTS: Local boy does really bad.
R1: Daughter of local boy does good, with the help of out-of-town girl, while local boy still does bad.
ANH: Son of local boy does good.
TESB: Son of local boy does not-so-good.
ROTJ: Son of local boy does really good.
TFA: Grandson of local boy does bad, and other out-of-town girl does good and meets son & daughter of local boy.

 

TPM
An oversized frog teams up with two monks and someone ends up cut in half.

AOTC
Two monks walk into a bar. One of them orders a drink and somebody loses a hand.

ROTS
Two monks have a disagreement. Lots of people lose their limbs.

RO
A group of rebels team up with two monk associates. They all die.

ANH
A monk and a farm boy walk into a bar. One of them orders a drink and somebody loses a hand.

TESB
Two monks keep the truth from a farm boy. He loses a hand.

ROTJ
A farm boy becomes a monk. His father loses a hand.

TFA
A smuggler, a soldier and a scavenger walk into a bar. Nobody gets hurt.

 

Wow...

That is the crappiest description of the saga I have ever laid eyes upon....


Well done!

 

TPM: Exiled general leads natives to victory.
AOTC: Cowardly bounty hunter takes on protectors of the universe.
ROTS: Pitiful negotiator fails to kill a man after chopping off his arm and both legs.
ANH: Arrogant officers disturb Lord Vader. He lets them all die.
TESB: Ice creature human doll collection leads to mass exodus.
ROTJ: Son of cowardly bounty hunter tries to finish what his father started.
TFA: The First Order defies science. Shrinks galaxy to size of solar system.

 

I really like this thread.

TPM: Kid accidentally blows up a space station and a WWE wrestler gets cut in half my a magician.
AOTC: Awkward romance blooms, some guy tries to sell death sticks and a frog gets to command a clone army.
ROTS: Teenager gets mad and almost everyone dies.
RO: Everyone dies.
ANH: An entire planet is destroyed but hero is more upset by the death of some old guy he just met last week. Blows up bad guys.
TESB: Walking dinosaurs attack, a Nerf Herder is stuck-up, and the frog still hasn't learned to speak forwards.
ROTJ: Big slug dies, some teddies die, troopers have useless armor... they die, a black helmet-guy dies, a wrinkly guy dies, and then they have a party with some ghosts.
TFA: Moof-Milker puts compressor on hyperdrive, Emo kid kills his dad and girl finds out she's magic.

 

TPM: Green Jedi sits on chair, attends funeral
AOTC: Green Jedi teaches children to hold deadly weapons, leads war effort, fights Count Dracula
ROTS: Green Jedi loses home, forced to hunt for new accommodation
R1: What?
ANH: Huh?
ESB: Green Jedi gets new roommate
ROTJ: Green Jedi Dies
TFA: Green Jedi's roommate stares at the sea

 

TPM-A corrupt republic that allows it's members to invade another member's planet doesn't come to the aid of Naboo when invaded by the
Trade Federation. A young queen allies herself with the neighboring dino-swamp people to take back her planet.

AOTC- The corrupt republic continues to exist. People are angry. Jedi are stupid. An Arrogant librarian insist that a planet doesn't exist, because it's not in her achieve despite there
being so many ways they could have heard the this planet. War breaks out, during which time a Senator falls for a creepy whinny teenage Jedi with issues.

ROTS- Palpatine an evil creepy old man forms an Empire. Anakin gets a name change along with surgery, while his wife dies after being misdiagnosed by a quack medical droid as having
"lost the will to live".

ANH- A Naive farm boy is manipulated by a lying old man and breaks an angry white woman, racist toward Wookies out of a cell with the help of a greedy pirate.
Then goes on to destroy a planet destroying weapon.

TESB- An abusive military commander searches for the son he never knew.

ROTJ- The Empire is deafened by terrorist teddy bears. The Emperor is overthrown into a shaft.

TFA-A boring story where, Mary Rey Sue defeats a 30 year old whinny brat Caillou Ren, but doesn't kill him, so he lives to whine another day.

 

Ep. 1: Stupid Aliens with Chinese accents get cheated and conned by a wrinkly old man in a cloak.
Ep. 2: Man with mullet predicts his own death Nostradamus style.
Ep. 3: Wheezing robot refuses to go to a doctor for his horrible cough.
RO: Military director gets really angry and gives orders to deploy the garrison.
Ep. 4: A terrorist organization obliterates government property.
Ep. 5: Gay robots are separated from each other and learn to live on their own.
Ep. 6: Foolish Monk-like warrior hatches a convoluted plot that almost gets all of his friends, and himself, killed.
Ep. 7: Traitor gets owned by a murderous, moody man-boy.