Saga Briefly Describe Each of the Films (Badly)

TPM: The guy from Taken sponsors a 10 year old in a Space NASCAR race.
AOTC: Angsty teenager doesn't like sand.
ROTS: An Old Dude and an Emo Guy take over the galaxy.
R1: Tarkin copies Krennic's homework.
ANH: Tarkin is expelled (from life) for stealing homework.
ESB: Guy chases down his son for misbehavior.
ROTJ: Same guy kills his boss and mends family relationships in the process.
TFA: Emo Guy inspired by the original Emo Guy kills his dad for thinking that he was just going through a phase.

(No bashing meant obviously, I love all of these movies )

 

TPM: Ra's Al Ghul and Lumiere rescue a young girl from invading forces and enlist the aid of a young boy.
AOTC: Dracula decides to create a civil war.
ROTS: Young man believes politician's lies, betrays his comrades as a result.
RO: Seditious forces steal classified military secrets.
ANH: Wanted fugitive joins with criminal and hermit in escaping justice.
TESB: Father only wants what he thinks is best for his son.
ROTJ: Young man makes gangster an offer he can't refuse.
TFA: Severus Snape-look alike and Space Voldemort plot to destroy the last monk.

 

That is an absolutely putrid description of ROTS.

 

1: Space John the Baptist abducts young boy to join his cult
2: Romance blossoms over hatred of sand; several of the same person save the day
3: Warlike cult is eradicated and peace is restored
4: Space John the Baptist 2.0 abducts boy; boy kills millions to prove loyalty to cult
5: Talking frog convinces son to kill father
6: An army of killer teddy bears and some dude with a breathing problem save the galaxy
7: Dang, that didn't work, maybe this girl can do better

 

Ep 1: The working blue man is conned out of his property by a crooked space cop

Ep 2: Honest factory working bug people get slaughtered on the job by some more rampaging space cops

Ep 3: Third world lava harvesters are made jobless when their place of work is destroyed by inconsiderate dueling space cops

Ep 4: Countless menial workers in a government facility are blown up by a space cop in training and his buddies

Ep 5: Rookie space cop abandons his friends to hang out with a pretentious frog-man for awhile

Ep 6: The space cops rise again in order to screw-over the little guy for years to come

Well, until...

Ep 7: The space cops are finally put back in their place by a new generation of heroes!

 

TLJ - Jake Skywalker unifies the Star Wars fandom.

 

Well, I can update this a bit now:

TLJ: Green Jedi ghost bugs his roommate and burns down his new house.

 

TPM: Characters George Lucas thought would be funny engage in something Star Wars has always been loved for- trade federation debates.
AOTC: Count Dooku shows off his sweet Geonosis miniature.
TCW: Trained warriors have to endure pain and agony to rescue the little frog son of a crime lord.
ROTS: Obi-Wan almost kills Anakin because the latter never learned to jump.
R1: Some rebels steal the Krabby Patty Formula and Mr. Krabs tries to kill them.
ANH: A farm boy is convinced by an old man to destroy a whole regime.
ESB: Little green puppet convinces boy to kill his father.
ROTJ: The Galaxy recreates the fall of the USSR in 1991.
TFA: The Three Stooges endure the hardships of being different in a harsh world.
TLJ: Bad executive decisions... bad.

 

This series is weird - The first three films are cartoons...

TPM: Some annoying mop head kid helps a couple of karate guys and a chick in clown make up save her planet...
AOTC: The annoying kid grows up, becomes a karate guy and stalks the clown make up chick...
ROTS: The annoying dude fights his sensei and gets turned into black Robocop. The clown make up chick dies after having kids in space grand canyon...

Now the films are live action...?? (Except one huge snail scene in ANH) ...weird!

SOLO: Some mop head...um...er...I have no idea - This film may not even get released!
RO: Some chick and a couple of ninjas go to sea world and steal a VHS... These are the instructions for a huge robot ball...
ANH: A new mop head joins an old karate guy, another mop head, a Sasquatch, a chick and some robots - They blow up the huge robot ball...
TESB: Same idiots go to the Alps and fight robot elephants. Mop head learns karate from green E.T. - Black Robocop is his dad...
ROTJ: Karate guy gets his black belt and a green sword. Fights black Robocop (who is white underneath) and his grandfather who electrocutes him...

New series still live action... (Except 1 circus is cartoon in TLJ) ...weird!

TFA: A desert chick and White Robocop (who is black underneath) find a ball. Then they help blowing up a bigger one. They fight a metallica fan...
TLJ: Desert chick visits old karate guy who is on survivor. White Robocop joins a ninja and they go to the circus. Metallica fan now boss of robot elephants...

 

TPM: two men seek to recruit young boy into government sponsored religion
AOTC: assisination attempts go awry
ROTS: do not tell Anakin he is the father
RO: young girl joins rebellion after leaving terrorist group
ANH: Hermit tells teenager to leave his family
ESB: Boy finds out about parentage, does not take it well
ROTJ: Boy confronts his father about his smoking habits of the past
TFA: Girl steals ship and then goes on a life changing journey with a guy who does not want to be there
TLJ: Old hermit on island sad of past mistakes tries to train young girl, but fails.

 

TPM: A man with a Particular Set of Skills crashes his space Ferari in a desert and purchases Baby Jesus in a bet on rocket cars.
AOTC: Space Jesus hits his angsty phase and pines after the Queen of Space for a few hours.
RotS: Space Jesus transforms into Nega!Space Jesus, before getting rekt by his Eskimo Brother.
ANH: Space Jesus firmware update 2.00154 is kidnapped by a film producer and trained to be totally wizard.
ESB: Space Jesus and his new friends tie ropes around large snow dogs so they can form the largest dog fighting ring in the galaxy.
RotJ: Tiny Bears help Space Jesus and his friends beat up the cops and kill Hitler and blow up his space palace.
TFA: Space Jesus firmware update 3.10045 and some dude in a jumpsuit hook up with a bad crowd and go on a midiclorian fueled joyride.
TLJ: A backup of the previous Space Jesus firmware appeares to do not a whole lot while everyone else hangs out at a Casino.

 

Update on TPM: Good Darth Vader is a little boy, joins the film business, and becomes evil.

 

That was great! I contributed earlier but am now just reading through the thread...

 

TPM: 9-year-old Jesus defeats robot army by spinning.

AOTC: Today on Jeremy Kyle: I fell in love with 9-year-old I met in the desert.

ROTS: Angsty teen and creepy old man overthrow the bourgeois

RO: Government plans are stolen and used for terrorism.

ANH: Son of Jesus isnt allowed to pick up power converters.

ESB: Incest.

ROTJ: Teddy bears defeat Galaxy-spanning empire

TFA: Son of Jesus has disappeared in search of power
converters

TLJ: Son of Jesus still doesn't have power converters.

 

TPM: Amphibians lose to Space Walmart's Droid militia, kid gets taken from mom to join a cult

AOTC: Basically one long ass hide n seek game with a Jesus on a rain planet leads to the government literally sending an army of white supremacist soldiers to attack a obvious Middle Eastern-esque planet full of construction working insectoids. Sand plays a big role in this movie.

ROTS: Everyone messes up badly....like REALLY bad.

RO: Everybody dies because something about hope.

ANH: Kid gets picked up by crazy cultist to attack a military installation and become a space terrorist.

ESB: The Minutemaid Eagle gets lost in space

ROTJ: Muppets in Vietnam

TFA: Angsty neo nazis blow up a government with an over-compensating death sphere.

TLJ: Old man drinks green substances and female hero falls in love with a shirtless emo guy.

 

TPM: Shady wizard with a gambling addiction wins 9 year old boy.
AOTC: Mother left for dead in the last episode dies. Battle on termite planet.
ROTS: Hero seeks recipe for immortality potion. Kills everyone to get it. Doesn't get it.
RO: Empire's DIY project hits a snag. Upset neighbours steal building schematics.
ANH: Wizard grooms a young boy to go on a holiday. Angry cyborg-wizard in pursuit.
TESB: Cyborg-wizard suggests evil wizardry to boy. Offers paternity test.
ROTJ: Fat gangster murdered by princess. Cyborg-wizard switches sides. Dead wizards become ghosts.
TFA: Young evil wizard can't remove helmet. Talks to grandfather's helmet. Eventually removes helmet.
TLJ: Grand wizard on both sides die. Junior wizards not co-operating.

 

TPM: a boy risks his life to leave his mother and be turned to the dark side

 

Dr. Ellie Sattler commits a suicide bombing, bad boy ditches his popular crush for a shy, quiet fangirl, said popular girl runs away from school to join a gang, goth boy in gang kills clique leader, teacher dies from playing a dangerous Halloween prank on the goth boy, Star Wars crossover with upcoming Mary Poppins Returns.

 

TPM: Kid creates robot to help his Mom.
ATOC: Robot tries to go to battle: Unsuccessful.
ROTS: Robot's Dad turns into an evil part-robot. Robot gets mind wiped.
RO: Nobody tells the robot the rebels are going to Scarif.
ANH: Robot fights with a trash can.
TESB: Robot gets blasted to bits and is carried by a walking carpet.
ROTJ: Teddy bears think Robot is a God.
TFA: Robot has a red arm. Does nothing.
TLJ: Robot realizes he can't wipe a grin off his face.

 

May be slightly off-topic, but here are my SW "bad titles" :

I : When Goofy met Scrappy.
II : Why you shouldb't mess with Dracula.
III : Restructuring your company : where to start ?

IV : Laurel & Hardy's Space Adventure.
V: Parenting lessons (for Dummies).
VI : Gummy bears & Bikini.

VII : Top 10 questions no one want to answer.
VIII : How parking properly can save lives.

 

I. Taxes are too damned high
II. Senate approves army to bring tax evaders to justice
II. Tax collectors become tax evaders

IV. Ex-tax collector uses naive kids to take out the Death Tax
V. The Cloud loses tax exemption status in a bad deal
Vi. Taxes abolished completely. Don't piss off Lando.

VII. No Lando. No Peace.

 

Lando was the true chosen one?