Saga Broken - An Episode III Duel - Complete

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by red rose knight, May 15, 2003.

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  1. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Again, you have shown yourself to be a Master of your craft. The interplay of the two locations and the words taunting Obi-Wan in both must pierce his heart. To suffer this and yet have years afterwards to play it in his head over and over again. It is surprising that he did not become mad with grief in those years....
  2. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I never thought I could become so angry at a fictional character. It can only be your amazing writing.
  3. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
    *reads posts*

    *smacks Ani*

    *rereads posts*

    *heart breaks for Obi*

    red, you are indeed, a Master, and the emotion you manage to convey in these posts is quite simply amazing.

    :D

    ......The Woo kiee :cool:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

    DWL is YUM!!!!!! Have to go see it again, and again, and again.....
  4. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    and even here we see obi accepting the blame to himself when others fail.
  5. ObiLegolas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2002
    star 3
    Wow! Awesome. I love the vividness of all the posts. Lucas needs to hire you as screen writer/director for Ep III. I don't think he could do a better job than what you're doing now. Especially if one uses Ep II as an example, there's no way he'd even be able to match what you've written so far. :D Great job, RRK! Wonderful story! And one of a very few where I don't feel the need to strangle Anakin just yet. ;)
  6. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Your writing is so vivid it leaps off the screen. Simply and beautifully done. You make it look so easy. There are few who can hold a candle to your writing.

    Thanks for sharing it, as always.

    Shaindl
  7. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    naw ibo?I really have to wonder how Lucas' version is going to hold up in a couple of years after reading this. ?? I hope it far exceeds anything that I have written. :) [face_love] ::We really need a drooling face:: You come bearing gifts of another lovely picture.

    LuvEwan?I still think your Path arc was a masterpiece..and we all know what happens to Obi at the end of THAT! ?? That was just a nice little story and besides?it wasn?t any secret that was going to happen. Just like in this one you basically know what?s going to happen. Obi-Wan and Vader/Anakin live and one goes on the serve Palpatine and the other spends many years in the desert.

    Sugar Bear?Adored it when the master pricked his apprentice's ire by countering Ani's vile and cruel lies with the profound truth. ?? For all Anakin had to say, it took only a few simple words to counter it.

    dianethx?To suffer this and yet have years afterwards to play it in his head over and over again. It is surprising that he did not become mad with grief in those years.... ?? It shows just how strong he truly was.

    PadawanKitara?I never thought I could become so angry at a fictional character. ?? [face_laugh]

    Flachbacca?*reads posts* *smacks Ani* *rereads posts* *heart breaks for Obi* ?? I don?t know, my rainbow colored Padawan, I might not let you read anymore. It makes you violent. :)

    Froggy?and even here we see obi accepting the blame to himself when others fail. ?? [face_shocked] Yup. Obi-Wan definitely blames himself for Anakin?s fall.

    ObiLegolas?Wonderful story! And one of a very few where I don't feel the need to strangle Anakin just yet. ?? The operative word being ?yet?. :D

    Shaindl?You make it look so easy. ?? I really wish it was. I have written and rewritten this story and I am still making major changes to it just before posting.

    Today is another 2 for 1 special, then a single poster tomorrow and another 2 for 1 to finish off the story on Friday hopefully.
  8. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    Again displaying his lack of fear, Obi-Wan turned his back to Vader. His gaze returned to the place where Qui-Gon had died so many years ago. Where an obedient padawan had doomed an entire galaxy with a simple promise.

    ?Why did everyone have to die?? The words had been spoken even before the thought had completely formed in the Jedi?s mind. The anger quickly rose with every word as he continued, ?How did the Naboo and the Gungan wrong you? What did they do to deserve death?? The fury bled away the instant he spun about to face his former apprentice.

    Anger would not be allowed to possess him?destroy him?as it had Anakin.

    The immovable ebony mask offered no answers to the Jedi?s questions.

    The silence took its toll.

    Steeling himself, the Jedi spoke evenly, ?What happened to you, Anakin??

    An infuriated howl echoed off the walls as Vader rushed forward. A leather bound gauntlet drew into a mighty fist and slammed into the side of Obi-Wan?s head sending him crumbling to the floor.

    ?Skywalker is dead,? Vader harshly replied but his steady breathing never altered as he lorded above the downed Jedi.

    Fire laced through his skull threatening to wash the ginger haired man into a sea of black. His body moved with little coordination as he forced himself to rise from the floor. His right eye burned and watered from the tooth-rattling blow that could easily have shattered his cheekbone. Thick red flowed over flesh where the skin had split upon impact. He could feel the thick liquid washing through his beard and down the side of his neck. Carefully steadying himself, he turned to face the now fuzzy image of the armored figure. Not yet ready to give in, Obi-Wan carried on, ?Anakin Skywalker was a kind??

    Once more the powerful fist connected with the side of Obi-Wan?s head. A startled oomph escaped him the instant he crashed into the stone floor sending gray powder swirling about.

    ?You will not speak that name again,? Vader warned. Red glistened against the black of his knuckles.

    ?You knew that Padmé was not here. There was no reason for this genocide,? the Jedi sputtered as he picked himself up off the ground again and planted his feet firmly on the blood-splashed floor. ?Was the death of innocents and the destruction of Theed to punish her??

    Vader drew his arm back to strike his former master once more.

    ?Padmé loved you,? he implored to the part of Anakin he hoped remained. ?Still loves you.? He struggled to clear his vision of the blur. ?Is this how you repay her? You destroy her home and the people she dedicated her life to protect??

    The black fist flew forward but the Jedi refused the physical manifestation of Vader?s rage and shifted out of the way suffering only a slight breeze as the fist flew passed.

    Little mercy found its way into Obi-Wan?s words, ?By destroying the Jedi, this how you repay Qui-Gon? What happened to your dreams, Anakin??
    ______________________

    Anamnesis:

    The decking underfoot bucked as if bent on shaking the unwanted occupants free of its wounded form. Obi-Wan clutched the shattered remains of the protective fencing as the platform writhed and turned up on its side as it tore at its failing supports.

    A suspension cable exploded under the strain whipping across the deck. Unable to duck out of the way of the jagged end, it whipped across Anakin?s left arm and back leaving a bloody trail where it met flesh. His wail was deafening against the clatter of the crumbling walkway.

    A large section of a connecting catwalk ripped free of the platform and smashed through the already damaged Borimai glass. The twisting steel quickly followed a rain of blue shards tumbling into the Senate chamber below. Jagged edges along the glass? gaping wound were like great teeth of some carnivorous beast waiting to swallow the two Force users whole.

    Grunting from the exertion, Anakin struggled to hold on even as his blood slicked the surface. Rivets beneath him started to pull free of their settings. He cried out as his gri
  9. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    ummm, your ani is a few bolts short of a droid, red.

    but the action and the obi-angst is absolutely gripping.
  10. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    A perfect characterization of Vader's madness. Not only is he dillusional, he's bent on death.

    And Obi-Wan, his actions and thoughts, remain beautiful and courageous, even in the face of lethal peril and his apprentice's gruesome mutation.

    Mind-blowing, red.

    Need more.
  11. naw ibo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 1999
    star 5
    I did not realize how empty was my cup, until it was filled again---I don't know how I got through these past few months without your story post a-day, RRK. :D

    I really can't stand Anakin, Obi-Wan is risking his own life to save that nasty thing and he tries to use it as an opportunity to kill him. He deserves that suit.

    And speaking of gifts, I'm trying to decide whether or not to post up the "Tattoo picture"(my old uni finally remembered I had webspace which I was supposed to lose nearly two years ago and cancelled it, so now I've only got this little bit of picture posting space at villagephoto.com)--remember the tattoo Ewan got that we saw just a bit of a glimpse of back in early January? Well there are some VERY clear pictures of it from Cannes at the motorbike thing--it really is THAT honkin' huge, especially on his skinny little arm. :D But you can clearly make out Clara, Eve and Esther on it--I don't much like tattoos, at least big ones, but I must admit that's awful sweet(although had I been his wife, I would have been like "You are getting a tattoo like that over my dead body" ;) )
  12. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    Stunning Red!!!! My biggest wish is that you would be writing Ep III. As much as I appreciate what talent he does posses, George could take some lessons from you in story telling and character delvelopment!
  13. Sugar_Bear Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2001
    star 3

    A fantastic post with pulse-pounding excitement and compelling interaction, RRK.

    While it was painful to witness Obi-Wan being pummeled by Vader, it was quite a rush when the Jedi master drew blood in kind by attempting to appeal to what was left of the Dark Lord's humanity.

    Splendidly Sithy portrayal of Anakin. His brutality and maliciousness in the face of Obi's repeated honorable and good-hearted intentions to save his arrogant, twisted, miserable hide perfectly demonstrates how far he has fallen.
  14. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    It seems I am a bit late to this party. I don't know how I missed the start of a great new story by you Red and here it is almost done. :_|

    Your version of the fight between Obi-Wan and Anakin is awesome. I have a feeling Lucas' will pale in comparison but we can only hope he will allow some emotion to actually show through this time around. I am definitely glad I found this before you finished posting. :)
  15. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I don't think Obi-wan could get thru to Ani/Vader no matter what he said- including mentioning QGJ and Padme. It seems that Palpy has done a good job of confusing the kid's mind so much that he no longer knows which way is up. And if he is already in black armour, it is safe to assume that he is already disfigured and half-dead. That would go a long way towards ruining his day.
  16. ObiLegolas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2002
    star 3
    Poor Obi. :( Nothing he said would have ever gotten through to Anakin. I think it would have been better if he'd let Anakin fall from the platform. Mean but it might have been more merciful.

    Great descriptions, RRK!
  17. jedi7 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2002
    star 4
    There is nothing like the adrenaline rush of a RRK story. WOW! 7
  18. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    froggy?ummm, your ani is a few bolts short of a droid ?? You think?

    LuvEwan?And Obi-Wan, his actions and thoughts, remain beautiful and courageous, even in the face of lethal peril and his apprentice's gruesome mutation. ?? Silly Jedi, doesn?t he know when it is time to give in? Nope. That?s what we love about him.

    naw ibo?I did not realize how empty was my cup, until it was filled again---I don't know how I got through these past few months without your story post a-day ?? :D And back to suffering this weekend for probably another month. Not to worry though, another story is on its way, I have written a dozen chapters this week just have about 4 dozen more and a quick clean up and it will be ready for daily posting.

    Tattoo picture?

    Kelly Kenobi?Stunning Red!!!! ?? [face_blush] Thanks!

    Sugar Bear?While it was painful to witness Obi-Wan being pummeled by Vader, it was quite a rush when the Jedi master drew blood in kind by attempting to appeal to what was left of the Dark Lord's humanity. ?? :)

    Sheila?It seems I am a bit late to this party. I don't know how I missed the start ?? Better late than never. :) I tried to sneak it passed everyone.

    PadawanKitara?And if he is already in black armour, it is safe to assume that he is already disfigured and half-dead. That would go a long way towards ruining his day. ?? Just a little bit.

    ObiLegolas?I think it would have been better if he'd let Anakin fall from the platform. ?? Maybe, but he could not try to save his padawan.

    jedi7?There is nothing like the adrenaline rush of a RRK story. WOW! ?? Thanks!
  19. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    ?You were always a fool,? Vader?s deep voice intoned as his crimson saber flew forward with the determination to put an end to the battle of words only to be stopped by a powerful block. Red clashed and sparked against blue.

    The Force buffered the calm figure, shielding him from the bone jarring crash of weapons. Vader moved about quickly striking at him from every angle, seeking the first instance of weakness in the Jedi?s defense. Try though as the dark lord might, Obi-Wan endured.

    The Jedi easily dodged each wild slash and potentially fatal swing of the sword. While every explosion of meeting blades made his heart ache more, he knew that the time for speaking was over. Vader would not listen and Anakin Skywalker was gone.

    Yet he was loathe to give in so completely. ?Anakin.?

    The word was jolted from him as he was pressed to defend against an unwavering thrust. Mere centimeters spared his life. Then just as swiftly as the attack had begun, it ended as Vader retreated a step. The black cape swept around the dark figure, gliding just above the powder-strewn floor.

    Taking the moment, Obi-Wan wiped the cream-colored edge of his sleeve across his split cheek collecting a large red stain on the material.

    With the slightest wave, Vader commanded the Force to send the Jedi flying backward with an invisible hand and shattered the spell of calm Obi-Wan had possessed.

    Before the Jedi could regain his balance, the dark lord threw himself forward. The blood-hued blade sliced low followed through with a wild upper cut that glanced off blue. Unrivaled power flowed through the black shrouded figure as he hammered the blade down on his opponent. Every successful impact drove the Jedi another step closer to the melting pit.

    Obi-Wan gritted his teeth, struggling for purchase even as he was shoved over the grit-covered stone floor. A deep throb built in his muscles as he absorbed the brunt of each blow. ?You can stop this,? he said between ragged breaths.

    Blood tickled as it oozed down the side of his face from the gash below his right eye. The thick red fluid oozed itself into the ginger hairs of his beard. His arms shook from the strain as he parried a downstroke. Countering, his pale blue blade clipped the black armor at the dark lord?s shoulder.

    An orange explosion of sparks from a damaged mechanism went unnoticed as Vader eliminated the space between them. Scarlet flashed and with the flick of a wrist the dark lord inflicted a thin slash across the Jedi?s back.

    Jerking hard to the right, while fighting against the newfound pain, Obi-Wan turned and kicked out connecting the back of Vader?s knee.

    The masked figure roared as he sank to the floor before catching himself. With a frustrated growl, the fallen Jedi moved faster than the cumbersome suit belied and drove his weapon forward. ?This ends now!?

    Fighting against the injury, the Jedi bounded backward, a mere step ahead of the lethal weapon. The cream of his tunic hung open revealing the torn flesh that grazed his spine. Breathing heavily Obi-Wan retreated beyond the Sith?s reach and dropped his saber arm to his side. After a brief pause, the blue blade was disengaged.

    He was tired.

    While his vision had remained somewhat blurred, the pain in his head had been relegated to a place where it would not interfere with the combat. Every breath burned and he struggled to reach his calm center.

    Pale azure met the hidden gaze of his apprentice?friend?as he awaited Vader?s next move.

    It was a mercifully short wait.

    Vader whirled about in a flourish and rushed the Jedi once more. Red sliced through the still air, its aim true and clear.

    An instant of blue.

    In the distance of a heartbeat, a width of meters stood between the two men, flaming weapons in hand, as silence reclaimed the chamber.

    Obi-Wan stumbled.

    Uneven boot falls echoed in the sudden silence. The blade once more disengaged as the silver cylinder slipped from numb fingers and clattered to the floor. Every breath burned as he clutched his wounded shou
  20. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Oh, again, wonderfully done. Both injured and yet Vader is still willing to fight. Poor Obi-Wan, so tired of fighting and in such pain.

    Can't wait for more....
  21. ObiLegolas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2002
    star 3
    NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't leave us there! Poor Obi, that had to have hurt! Glad he got a good blow on Vader as well. As usual, very well written.

    OT: Anybody see Down With Love? I saw it today. It was hillarious! :D Ewan is awesome in it!
  22. Sugar_Bear Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2001
    star 3

    Breath-taking imagery in a mesmerizing furious clash of laser swordplay, RRK.

    Obi-Wan's Light side focus and perpetual cool was a striking contrast to Vader's Dark side power and unhinged rage.
  23. naw ibo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 1999
    star 5
    Eek, you and your danged cliffhangers, RRK! :) I'm breathless in anticipation and I hate leaving Obi-Wan in such pain and exhaustion.


    edited out picture link no longer valid
  24. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    Wow, that was an awesome fight scene Red. :)
  25. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    Wow. I feel like I'm there. Of course, I I really were there, I would've charged at Vader by now (hey, I may be small, but I'm vicious :)). I think it's funny how we're all thinking "Oh no! What going to happen next?!" when we kind of know what'll happen--at least in the long run. And I have to say that the image of the "fire of a dying age" was very moving, very sad.

    OT to naw ibo: Okay, the tattoo is pretty honkin' big, but you have to admit, it's a very sweet and loving gesture. Although I wonder: what happens if he and Eve have another baby? :eek: Back to the man with the big honkin' needle! [face_laugh] And wow, you've got some really niiiiice pictures [face_love] :D
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