Saga Broken - An Episode III Duel - Complete

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by red rose knight, May 15, 2003.

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  1. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Agree with JadeSolo about the tattoo- It's just the "N" word that I have problems with. Obviously, he doesn't.

    As for the fight scene- OH WOW
  2. RebelPrincess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2001
    star 2
    Wow, I just found this and I'm glad I did. This is beautifully written, rrk. The action sequences are amazing, as I can almost see the events happening. You have definitely captured the sadness and heartbreak of Obi-wan, and the depth of Anakin's fall to the dark side. I'll keep reading till the end!
  3. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    Glad I found this when I did. All I realy can say is WOW!!
    It's the awesome writers like you that make me feel like such an inferior. But hey, I might try my own at some point. Until I get that brave, I'll just read from my inspirations here. *adds RRK to list, and goes to find other RRK stories...*
  4. LuvEwan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    I don't think I've ever read a fight scene that was so eloquently written, with such style and beauty and desperation...

    Stunning, red.

    You need to post your other new story fast cuz now that I'm used to reading your stuff again, I don't know how I'll go through withdrawal! :_|
  5. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    great action red.

    as for the tattoo, i rather think it comes under nice emotion, poor judgement. shudder.

    something a little less gaudy would be perfectly fine. that is just overwhelming.
  6. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    dianethx?Can't wait for more.... ?? Well, the last post will be up in a moment and I hope it satisfies.

    ObiLegolas?NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't leave us there! ?? You should know by now that it is the best place to leave my readers hanging. 8-}

    Sugar Bear?Obi-Wan's Light side focus and perpetual cool was a striking contrast to Vader's Dark side power and unhinged rage. ?? Maybe I should have called this ?A Study in Contrast?.

    naw ibo?Eek, you and your danged cliffhangers, RRK! I'm breathless in anticipation and I hate leaving Obi-Wan in such pain and exhaustion. ?? :D ?? Gods, is that thing huge! (The tattoo, get your minds out of the gutter ;) ) Yikes, if I was his wife I would have said lovely gesture and whopped him upside the head.

    Sheila?Wow, that was an awesome fight scene Red. ?? Thanks!

    JadeSolo?I think it's funny how we're all thinking "Oh no! What going to happen next?!" when we kind of know what'll happen--at least in the long run. ?? I could be truly evil and turn it into an AU without telling anyone and kill Obi-Wan off?.nah, let?s stick to the story. :)

    PadawanKitara?As for the fight scene- OH WOW ?? :)

    RebelPrincess?Wow, I just found this and I'm glad I did?I'll keep reading till the end! ?? I am glad you did, thanks for popping by! :D

    Darth Leia 6669?All I really can say is WOW!! ?? Thanks! :)

    LuvEwan?I don't think I've ever read a fight scene that was so eloquently written, with such style and beauty and desperation... ?? Wow, thank you. [face_blush] ?? You need to post your other new story fast cuz now that I'm used to reading your stuff again, I don't know how I'll go through withdrawal! ?? Eeeek! That?s not good. I?m still a few weeks away at best. June! June! I promise. Now that I have ?Broken? out of the way I can focus on ?Wild Knights: Grasping an Ancient Fire?.

    Froggy?great action ?? Thanks!

    I thank you all for reading this little story. Today is the last post?a two for one?and I hope you enjoy it.
  7. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    Anamnesis:

    A low moan echoed throughout the chamber as the maintenance station on the platform that had suffered so in the raging battle broke free of its moorings and slid over the slanted surface. Ripping through the thin rails, the console smashed into the Borimai glass creating a larger wound in the once elegant dome.

    The ever shifting weight too much to bear, a deck support shuddered and bent with a terrible growl sending the platform crashing into the jagged edge of the dome. Thick blue shards sliced through the floor plating as if it were nothing. A long, narrow piece ripped into Anakin?s mechanical arm. Crying out in surprise, he released his hold of Obi-Wan.

    Under the savage rain of glass, the Jedi threw his arm across his face protecting it from the barrage of tiny explosions that blew all around him. Sensing Anakin?s movement, Obi-Wan peered under his dingy sleeve just in time see him dive toward the center of the now bowed platform.

    Dark power swelled around the younger man as he swept his blue blade about with deadly intent. Anakin burned bright with rage as he drew the shadowy energy to him. Catapulting off the bent deck plating, he lunged for the Jedi.

    The ginger haired man threw himself backward just as the other bore down. Rolling back, Obi-Wan kicked out redirecting Anakin?s momentum and in a fluid motion tossed the youth over him.

    The instant he had gone into motion, he recognized his mistake. Anakin flew over the damaged railing just as Obi-Wan whirled about and launched himself at the rail.

    The young man?s lightsaber clattered across the damaged deck plating.

    Anakin cried out at the sudden halt to his fall. The rail moaned and bent under the Jedi?s weight as he struggled to hold on to the younger man?s arm. Blood that had flowed so freely over torn flesh from the wire injury made it even more difficult for Obi-Wan to get a good grip as Anakin slipped further through his fingers.

    ?Give me your hand,? the Jedi demanded through gritted teeth not wanting to waste any more energy than he had to.

    Anakin tried to raise it but the damaged servos did not respond quite as they should. His head shifted limply to the side revealing a deep laceration on the back where he had hit the rail. Under their struggle, the platform sank a little deeper into the shattered glass threatening to take both men with it.

    The bent railing dug into the Jedi?s wounded side and he gasped for each breath but could not let the pain interfere. He had to save his apprentice. Sweat ran into his wounds and intensified the fire that raged through him. It was too much; robbing him of his much needed hold of the Force. He clutched desperately to Anakin?s arm that seemed determined to slip further through his grip. ?No,? he growled. ?No. Do not let go.? The younger did not respond. Weary muscles were infused with his determination to hold on, no matter what. ?Anakin,? his fear laced voice called out. ?Padawan.?

    The hard angles of the rail?s utilitarian design cut deeper into the Jedi?s wounded side even as he pressed harder seeking what little aid he could in firming his hold of Anakin?s wrist. Sweat beaded against his pale skin while he fought for a stronger foothold. Just beneath where his former padawan dangled was the jagged edge of the shattered false ceiling.

    ?No.? He could not draw on the Force. He could not focus. Breaths came quick and shallow. ?Anakin, wake up.? Concern tempered his voice, ?Anakin.?

    The young man?s head jerked back. Bright blue eyes focused briefly on him before dulling.

    ?Snap out of it!? Obi-Wan barked but the youth slid a little further. ?No. No.?

    But a power far greater than the Jedi reached up and wrapped its dark claws around Anakin Skywalker. Obi-Wan could feel the darkness growing but was helpless to combat it. His calm scattering, as he realized that he could not even rescue his own apprentice from the abyss.

    ?Anakin! Fight it!?

    Again the young man?s head jerked and bright blue eyes focused. ?Why
  8. dianethx Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Oh, my...what an ending! I am breathless with wonder and delight, with sorrow and despair. I loved how you went from Anakin slipping from Obi-Wan's grasp to Vader giving his old Master one final chance at life. Superb!
  9. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
  10. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I guess I shouldn;t be surprised that Vader walked away at the end. Thank you for sharing that wonderful adventure :)
  11. Sugar_Bear Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2001
    star 3

    A haunting finale to a marvelously written work, RRK.

    Obi-Wan's self-recriminating inner torment has been a masterful tragic creation.

    I was deeply moved by how crestfallen the world-weary Jedi master was to have his peaceful acceptance of his anticipated death shattered when Vader stayed his killing blow.
  12. ObiLegolas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2002
    star 3
    Powerful ending there Red! Very well done. I wasn't expecting the fic to be over so soon. But it was a very well written fic. I still think Lucas would be smart to hire you for Ep III. I'd love to see it happen this way! Great job!

    I'm so sad that another fic of yours is finished. :_| I hope the next fic comes out soon!
  13. LuvEwan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Amazingly well done, red

    I can't believe how beautiful and haunting that ending was. Just incredibly powerful! [face_shocked]

    I too eagerly await your next fic. Every story of yours is so intricate and gorgeous and...Obi-licious! [face_laugh] Sorry, just had to put it. [face_blush]

    Wonderful, simply wonderful.
  14. Jedi_FuzzyWuzzy Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 11, 2003
    star 1
    I am very sorry for this late reply Master. It seems my computer has developed a mind of its own, and then promptly lost it, and I have not been able to log onto the internet for 3 whole days.

    Anyway, that was wonderfully visualized and exquisitely written. The anguish Obi feels when Vader doesn't kill him is a direct antithesis to what it would seem he should be feeling (i.e. relief at being spared), but since the Jedi see joining with the Force as being a "peaceful reward" it is completely believable. The fight scenes had me gripping my chair (broke an arm or two). And I would still like to smack the sithling.

    LOVED IT!!!!!!! :D

    .......your bouncing multicolored Wookiee Padawan

    :D :D
    btw: I agree with everyone about the tattoo. Thanks for posting the pic Naw I had not seen it before, just knew that he had gotten one. That sucker is HUGE!!! If I had been his wife I probably would have whopped him upside the head too ;) (course then I would have to kiss him to make it better) :p Sweet idea but gah that thing is BIG!
  15. RebelPrincess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2001
    star 2
    Wow - that was amazing, rrk. I really enjoyed reading. Thanks for taking the time and effort to write! :)
  16. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    Wonderful and breathtaking, as always (I sound like I'm describing a waterfall [face_laugh]). Waiting eageyrly (I can't speel) for Wild Knights!!
  17. naw ibo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 1999
    star 5
    Typically wonderful writing RRK. Sorry I missed it, wasn't on the computer to respond immediately but I've only just read it. Terrific account.

    Have to say I really don't want the official version to go that way(it's bad enough I have to deal with Obi-Wan's complete lack of character development and the "he didn't really defeat Maul, it was a cheap trick" in TPM and being the damsel in distress and getting his butt handed to him by an 80 year old in AOTC) but if Lucas can get half the emotions and excitement into his version as you have we'll be some very lucky filmgoers. :D
  18. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    He had been denied release into the gentle energies of the Force. His soul ached as he reached into the swirling currents, seeking meaning for his continued survival. :_|

    A beautiful and haunting ending to your story Red. Bravo on another great fic. I anxiouly await your next endeavor, hopefully I will not be so late in finding the next one. ;)
  19. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    wonderfully done. so anguishing.
  20. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    dianethx? Oh, my...what an ending! ?? Thanks! :)

    obi-ew? Exquisite! Bravo! ?? [face_blush]

    PadawanKitara? I guess I shouldn;t be surprised that Vader walked away at the end. Thank you for sharing that wonderful adventure ?? Your welcome, I am glad you read it.

    Sugar Bear? A haunting finale to a marvelously written work ?? Thank you. :)

    ObiLegolas? I wasn't expecting the fic to be over so soon. ?? Well, it is just another case of me trying to keep my readers on their toes. [face_laugh] I don?t think I could have kept up a story with that kind of angst in it more than 8 posts.

    LuvEwan? I too eagerly await your next fic. Every story of yours is so intricate and gorgeous and...Obi-licious! Sorry, just had to put it. ?? Obi-licious! Hmmm?that?s an interesting way to describe it. Of course, between you and Froggy, there?s plenty of Obi-licious running around the boards.

    Jedi Fuzzy Wuzzy? It seems my computer has developed a mind of its own, and then promptly lost it, and I have not been able to log onto the internet for 3 whole days. ?? Eeeeek! That?s horrible! Poor, Wookiee, I hope you didn?t suffer too much.

    RebelPrincess?I really enjoyed reading. ?? Thank you for reading. :)

    JadeSolo? Wonderful and breathtaking, as always (I sound like I'm describing a waterfall ?? Waterfalls are beautiful, it?s just the rocky bottom you have to look out for.

    naw ibo?Terrific account. ?? Maybe Lucas will never explain it, but I wanted to explain the line in ANH when Vader tells Ben he should never have come back and this was my love note to it.

    Sheila? I anxiouly await your next endeavor, hopefully I will not be so late in finding the next one. ?? I promise the next one will be longer. Wild Knights should run about 70 posts.

    Froggy?wonderfully done. ?? Thanks! :)

    Thank you everyone for all your kind replies. [face_blush]

    OK kiddies, here are a few little teasers from the upcoming Wild Knights: Grasping an Ancient Fire, hopefully a happy, light hearted story. At least compared to my all my other stories. ;)

    _____________________________

    ?We had hoped that we had acted quickly enough in sending you and Knight Tachi to retrieve the Prak?sha,? Adi said. ?Our hope was to have it in our possession before this Maka Koth or anyone else could acquire it.?

    ?And Garen?? the ginger haired man asked, not addressing any council member in particular.

    Mace Windu spoke up next, ?His mission is of the same vein. This Maka Koth is hunting for the tomb of Mon?Ryth and the treasure supposedly inside. He is gathering pieces of some device that was built many millennia ago. Our best archivists and scholars are at a loss as to what it might be. There is no record of such treasure or what this device?possibly a map reader?might be.?

    ?You sent us on a mission to recover the Prak?sha, an ancient lightsaber for historical preservation. Does this have anything to do with Koth?s quest??

    ?Does, if Koth possesses it.? Yoda said.

    Quietly waiting, Obi-Wan shifted slightly but the little master said nothing more as did the other Jedi. Pale blue eyes sought out the various holographic images floating around him.

    ?Of the puzzle, a piece it is,? the little master finally continued. ?More than that, the Prak?sha is. Much more.?
    _________________________

    Maka Koth smiled. ?May I offer you another drink, my lady??

    ?No, I have had plenty,? Siri said with a wicked smile. So let?s get back to??

    ?You can?t have it,? Maka quickly interrupted.
  21. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    I don't think I replied to the finish of Broken - another wonderful story from your keyboard, Red. You're so capable of packing so much emotion into such a short piece - do you have any idea how envious I am of you? :D

    Your teaser is just as wonderful, and it looks like Wild Knights is going to be a whole lot of fun. I can't wait for you to start that one. Any idea when?

    Thanks for sharing your talents, as always.

    Shaindl
  22. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    oooh, so many goodies in store for us. i cant wait!!!
  23. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    *dancing around the computer* Ohhh yummy treat, I can't wait :)
  24. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    Yahoo!!!!! I am simply giddy with delight at the prospect of your next story :D :D :D :D :D

    "Broken" was beautiful, just so sad :(

    Oddly enough I found that the person I was most angry with while reading this story was Qui-Gon!!


    Go Obi and Garen [face_love] [face_love] [face_love] [face_love]
  25. naw ibo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 1999
    star 5
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