Before Broken Friends, Qui/Obi, Pre TPM, Finally updated! 9/13

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Qui-GonJinn1, Sep 12, 2005.

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  1. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    Hello!
    This is my first attempt at posting a STAR WARS fic, and i would like some views please! Am i just waffling, on and on and on? If it is good enough, should i write a beginning? Please help![face_praying]
    Here goes....
    Broken Friends....


    Obi-Wan saw the lightsabre blade come down, hitting against his master?s green light. The severe strength of the attacker pressed the lightsabre down, and Qui-Gon's blade came close to his neck as he struggled to deflect. Nothing happened, and the blade cut into Qui-Gon, drawing a cry from the already injured knight. He took a couple of steps back, his hand slipping on his silver hilt as he strived to regain his composure and his battle stance.
    Obi-Wan let out a gasp as the red lightsabre flashed again, revealing the boy's position. Seeing that his hiding place had gone, he drew his blue lightsabre and leapt forward, drawing the blow from Qui-Gon and onto his blade. Suddenly the attention had left Qui-Gon and he was able to regain what he had lost, before jumping back into the fight. From close up, Obi-Wan could see the misery and pain that was etched onto his master?s face; the heartbreak and the hurt. Obi-Wan finally opened his connections and his heart and sent as much reassurance as he could to Qui-Gon, also transmitting his love and regret. The master accepted it, and suddenly the two became a fighting machine. The attacker was pushed back, until Obi-Wan knocked the lightsabre from his hand and Qui-Gon followed up, striking his head off, which flew across the ravine and into a corner, a spurt of red following it.
    Then the two Jedi turned, deactivated their lightsabres in unison, and looked at each other; Obi-Wan a little out of breath, and Qui-Gon badly wounded. For a second there was absolute silence as the two Jedi regarded each other, the only noise being that of the wind whistling through the gorge in the valley. Then a smile appeared on Qui-Gon's worn, tired face, and he stepped forward toward his apprentice, a bloodied hand gently touching the boy?s cheek. Obi-Wan felt the warmth of the blood that stroked his cheek as Qui-Gon?s fingers traced a pattern. Then Obi-Wan stepped forward and caught his master in a warm embrace, holding him close, just as the Jedi master lost his consciousness and blacked out.

    Obi-Wan sat beside Qui-Gon in sickbay, his right hand clenched firmly inside the master?s, gently massaging the cold skin beneath his warm touch. He had flown Qui-Gon back to the Jedi Temple the moment he had gotten back to the ship; he had seen that Qui-Gon were in dire need of medical attention and probably would die without it. Obi-Wan may well have been a good swordsman and in touch with the force, but when it came to healing people he was a novice, and for that reason could not practice on someone as fragile as Qui-Gon. Fragile at the moment, Obi-Wan thought repulsively; How could I have deserted him, left him on his own; Why did those hateful, wounding words come out, where did they come from; his thoughts went round and round inside his head as he sat and pondered, eyes lowered as sleep threatened to over come him. He could not go to sleep because he wanted to be awake when his master woke; he wanted to throw himself to his knees before Qui-Gon and beg his forgiveness, and ask if Qui-Gon could ever trust him again.
    ?You?re such a rubbish master, always disobeying the Jedi council, always going against their will! Why can?t you learn to behave and settle down, become a normal master leading a normal life? Why are you my master, because I don?t want you to be anymore! I hate you!? The words rang inside of Obi-Wan?s mind, filled with anger. Qui-Gon had been so hurt, so upset that Obi-Wan had seen the tears, and now Qui-Gon was wounded so badly that he would be in bed for at least a week, and it was his entire fault! Obi-Wan slumped his head into his left, free hand, not breaking his hold on Master Qui-Gon as he self-condemned himself. Then he found himself falling asleep and int
  2. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Hello Qui-GonJinn1

    I read it several times and I think the basic story is good
    where Qui and Obi are fighting some one with a red sabre
    Perhaps I am not the one that can help you, but I can only give you my thoughts.

    You need to explain the character in the story, who was the person with the red sabre.
    and perhaps thoughts should be in italics

    ?You?re such a rubbish master, always disobeying the Jedi council, always going against their will! Why can?t you learn to behave and settle down, become a normal master leading a normal life? Why are you my master, because I don?t want you to be anymore! I hate you!? The words rang inside of Obi-Wan?s mind,

    I hope you continue. practice makes perfect or so they say.

    The more you write the easier it gets.

    Geri K [:D]
  3. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    Back again! Thanks for the reply!;)
    This is the full story; Hope it satisfies!

    Broken Friends Part 1
    Obi-Wan Kenobi walked down the corridors of the Jedi Temple, unhurried and serene. His master was waiting for him outside of the Council Room; the Council were waiting for them to give them a new mission. Obi-Wan was glad for the interuption. He had been cooped up inside of the Jedi Temple for two months as he healed from one of their last incidents where he had badly broken three ribs. Master Qui-Gon had been very sympathetic and Obi-Wan knew that Qui-Gon had refused about three solo missions so that he could remain at the Temple with Obi-Wan.
    Master Qui-Gon was so good to his young apprentice.
    Obi-wan reached the council room and looked at the familiar form of his Master, standing outside the grand council room doors, back to Obi-Wan. But even without turning he knew that it was Obi-Wan. His warm mellow voice rang out as he turned. "Feeling better, my young one?" He asked softly, a smile creeping across his face.
    Obi-Wan nodded, and then the doors opened to the Jedi Council Room and the twelve formidable Masters inside.

    Qui-Gon was not in the council's good books at the moment. He had refused three very important missions from the Jedi Council in the past month, and they were angry and disappointed in him. So he had said to himself not to disagree with them.
    "Master Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, a mission we have for you." The ancient Master Yoda began, his small form drawing incredible attention inside the room. "Go to the far out planet of Kerussel you must, and find out about the slavery there."
    Qui-Gon frowned. Obi-Wan was in no fit state to go to Kreussel; it was a hard, barren wasteland of a planet with only a couple of cities in remote locations across the planet. Trekking throughout the desert with an only jst healed chest would not be good for him, and he voiced his worries. "Masters, with no disrespect, I do not believe that this is the best mission for me at this time. Or my Padawan for that matter."
    "Qui-Gon..." The dark skinned Mace Windu said in warning, his cool voice ringing out in the windowed room. "Are you disobeying us again?"
    Qui-Gon felt like arguing but could not bring himself to. "No..."
    "Then go you will to Kreussel. Report back to us in three day, you will." Now that would have been a dismissal if Qui-Gon had allowed it, but he said something that would ruin his reputation with the council for years to come.
    "No. I refuse..."

    That's it I'm afraid. Is it a good enough beginning?
    Kt
  4. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    Well you certainly have my attention!

    Qui-Gon refusing a mission :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

    The second entry is much better than the first. It is much better to start out at the beginning of the story so we readers can follow what's going on.

    Looking forward to the next update

    =D= =D=
  5. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    oooh very interesting! :D

    hmmm..is the prologue perhaps the present, and chapter one the past? showing us how it came to that situation?

    anywhow this is a great beginning..so Qui-Gon refuses the mission..that was very sweet. :) :) [face_love]

    What will the Council say though? Hmm I think he's going to get forced into it...


    Can't wait to find out what happens! :D [face_dancing]

  6. PadawanEstel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 23, 2004
    star 1
    I'm hooked!
    *pulls up a chair and sits down*
  7. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4


    ;) Yep That makes more sense.

    Qui-Gon is such a rebel isn't he
    But then again at least he is concerned about Obi-wan
    More than I can say about the Council.[face_dancing]

  8. LilQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2004
    star 2
    Hey! This had a good start. I love it so far, update soon! ;)
  9. Force-sensitiveLyn23 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 27, 2005
    star 1
  10. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    [face_laugh] Thank you ever so much for the kind replies!
    [face_dancing]
    [face_love]

    Broken Friends Part 2
    There was silence in the council room. Obi-Wan had stiffened, his green eyes looking straight at his Master, who stood defiantly with his hands on his hips, not backing down. This was bad. The council would not take this lightly; and Qui-Gon knew that.
    "What?" Mace asked incredulously.
    "I refuse to go to a planet where my Padawan will be in danger." Qui-Gon said, his voice soft but filled with deterimnation.

    Sorry that's so short but I have to go!
    Will post back later!
    Sorry!:_|
    Kt
  11. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    Hello, I am back! I apologise for the delay; wasn't feeling too well yesterday![face_sick]
    But here we go, the second part of Broken Friends

    ?My Padawan is not fit to go to that planet, not after his last escapade!? Qui-Gon continued.
    Obi-Wan flinched at the word ?escapade?. Flying at breakneck speeds through the city with his ship on fire and another ship pursuing him, and a desperate master on one end of his comlink following his progress and telling him to be safe. That hadn?t helped him from crashing into the brick wall and losing consciousness for a couple of days while his now frantic master had fretted for hours over him. That was not his idea of an escapade.
    And Obi-Wan felt very angry now. How could his master do this? He had sharp words to say to Qui-Gon at the end of this meeting.
    ?Qui-Gon...then you must go on this mission on your own. You are the only master that we can send this time around, and the planet needs you.? Mace admonished sharply. Qui-Gon took it all in his stride, and then nodded. ?I must have time to consider.? He said softly, his cerulean eyes on Mace. The council member nodded with a sigh. ?All right,? he said in a resigned tone of voice, ?Have some time to judge.? He realised that Qui-Gon was a master much like himself and realised that he had to be sympathetic toward him.
    Qui-Gon bowed stiffly then marched from the room, seething inside and angry at himself.
    Obi-Wan followed, arms folded.
    Qui-Gon glanced at him a couple of times; Obi-Wan?s young face was set in a stony mask eyes ahead of him, absolutely silent.
    When they reached their quarters, Qui-Gon attempted conversation but received none, only one word, forbidding answers. This irritated the master, but he also knew that Obi-Wan was 24 and needed some independence and time to himself.
    Obi-Wan got up and stalked around the room, deliberately keeping his back to Qui-Gon who endeavoured to find out what was wrong.
    ?Obi-Wan, what?s wrong with you?? he asked softly, his voice low.
    Obi-Wan did not respond, slowly turning toward Qui-Gon. Then his voice said so unlike his normal one, ?Nothing wrong with me, master.?
    Qui-Gon looked startled at the harsh reply. ?Then what is the problem?? He continued, sad to see his Padawan so upset and wondering if he could help.
    ?You are!? Obi-Wan spat, turning away from his master once again. Qui-Gon took a step back in horror and shock. ?What? What?s wrong with me?? he demanded, pain showing in his blue eyes.
    ?You?re such a rubbish master, always disobeying the Jedi council, always going against their will! Why can?t you learn to behave and settle down, become a normal master leading a normal life? Why are you my master, because I don?t want you to be anymore! I hate you!? Everything came out in a rush, and Obi-Wan had no care for his master?s feelings. He let go of the pent up emotions, and then just walked away from Qui-Gon.
    The Jedi master stood staring after him, tears building in his eyes. He sank down on his bed, watching the door close behind Obi-Wan. He had had no idea that his apprentice felt like that; what kind of master was he? How long had his Padawan felt like this? Was it a long time? Was this an ongoing problem? Why did he not tell Qui-Gon before? These thoughts ran round and round inside his head as he struggled to contain his emotions. Then he stood and chased after Obi-Wan, rushing out into the gardens.

    Obi-Wan sat behind a wall, breathing hard. He had been building up to that for a long time, and now had no going back. He heard his master calling his name as Qui-Gon came out to look for him, but did not respond. He was furious with his master, and could not see the hurt. Viciously he broke all the connections through the force he had with Qui-Gon, blocking out all of the emotions and his mind links with Qui-Gon so he could not feel anything anymore. A small, cruel smile played on his lips as he thought of the hurt that would cause Qui-Gon, and how that would help his payback. Qui-Gon had hurt his Padawan enough now
  12. Katieelessar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2005
    star 2
    Wow, this is really intense, but I always hate it when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon fight. Makes me sad:_| I really like the way this story's going but there was one tiny thing that irked me: Why would Obi-Wan tell Qui-Gon he hates him and so quickly too. I know it was probably out of rage (I would be mad too!:mad: ) but it just seemed to pop out too fast and too suddenly for my liking. But everything else was really really wonderful and I can't wait until the next chapt!=D=
    Kind Regards,
    K.Elessar
  13. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    Thank you for the kind reply! [face_blush]
    Obi-Wan had to get angry quickly...I think. He's only young. And he's very very very mad.
    At Qui-Gon
    The next chapter should be coming soon, hoefully in the next hour, so please wait up!
    ]-}
  14. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    [face_mischief] Another bit!

    Qui-Gon returned to his quarters.
    When he arrived he sat on the bed, looking at the closed and bolted doors to Obi-Wan?s interconnecting quarters of which they shared. Obi-Wan had obviously not Wanted his master to come in otherwise he would not have shut the door. Qui-Gon turned to the chest of drawers by his bed, and opened the bottom drawer. It looked like a nestle of cloths and spare tunics, but wrapped up inside one of the pieces of material was a black handled, silver bladed knife. Qui-Gon had kept it in case of that day when he would need to use it to get away from his own life. He had come close to doing it once before. Now he knew that he had to do it. If Obi-Wan did not want him to be his master then so be it.
    For a second he liked the feeling of the icy blade against his neck. Blood appeared on the blade, dripping on to his fingers. He would like this?

    Is it okay? or not enough detail? To be truthful I hate hurting Qui-Gon...you wouldn't think it really with my normal behaviour toward the great jedi master but i do. [face_worried] Don't tell him!

    Enjoy!
    KT
    [:D]


  15. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    :eek: Qui-Gon's not going suicidial is he?

    Loved Obi-Wan's temper tantrum. You'd have to expect him to be frustrated from time to time.
    I just hope they will patch up their relationship before something bad happens...

    great drama and suspense.

    =D= =D=
  16. LilQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2004
    star 2
    :eek: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! DON'T DO IT! DON'T YOU DARE KILL MY QUI-GON!!! [face_worried] I demand more dammit! ([face_batting] please?)
  17. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4


    What a wimp Qui-Gon is [face_worried]
    one little fight and he wants to end it all.

    BE A MAN Qui-Gon go in there and talk to your apprentice
    you say he is every thing to you
    Prove it, live for him.
    Talk to him find out what is wrong.:mad:

    Good post[face_dancing]
  18. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    I have too, I'm really sorry! i like him too!

    :eek: Qui-Gon's not going suicidial is he?
    Er....

    Here we go, the next bit:
    Obi-Wan didn't mean to feel the danger. But he did. it shot to his heart through the inpenetratable walls he had set up around himself, calling one word. Qui-Gon. he leapt up and dashed through the interocnnecting doors to Qui-Gon's quarters. he saw the knife. he saw the blood. And then he saw Qui-Gon.

    Qui-Gon was startled by Obi-Wan and the knife slipped, gashing the side of his neck and his hand. He let out a loud cry, as Obi-Wan ran to his side, snatching the knife off him. "What are you doing?" He asked in horror, catching his master's shoulders and shaking him. Qui-Gon tried to reply. "I..." But nothing came as he heard Obi-Wan's reply.
    "How can you do this to me?" He asked in horror. "You call yourself a Master? You would break my heart?"
    "You said that you did not want to be my apprentice!" Qui-Gon said in a harsh voice.
    "Tell lies about me as well? How could I ever not want you for a Master? But now I don't, for I realise that you do not care about me at all!" Obi-Wan took the knife away from Qui-Gon. He had not noticed the tears running down Qui-Gon's cheeks. "I am going now." And he left.
    Qui-Gon stared after him for a while, and then picked up his comlink. "Master Windu? I need a favour....."

    Be back soon!

  19. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    Oh dear!

    :eek:

    Obi-Wan yells at Qui-Gon, and then he tries to kill himself...

    :_| :_|

    OK mean little ungrateful Obi. :mad: Qui-Gon was defying the council for you!

    whats going to happen next? What will Qui tell Mace?


    Hmmm I think Qui-Gon needs to see a Mind Healer. [face_worried]

  20. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    Thank you so much for the replies, I'm afraid it only gets worse for Master and Apprentice....please bear with me![face_tired]


    Obi-Wan stormed out of the Jedi Temple, down into the seedy, downtown part of Courascant. He was in a fury with his Master; Qui-Gon knew that he meant the world to Obi-Wan-so why did he try to commit suicide? He had said that it had been something that Obi-Wan had said; that was a lie, his Padawan would never say anything against his Master. So what was he talking about?
    Obi-Wan didn?t want anything to do with his Master ever again; indeed, at the moment he hated the Master. And he thought he knew how to prove it. There was a diner in Courascant of which he really lied, so he thought about staying the night there. Qui-Gon would not know where he was and would probably panic. Serves him right too, Obi-Wan thought unkindly. He did not consider the emotional pain that this would cause Qui-Gon; he thought only of the fact that Qui-Gon would be hurt and beg him to come back; the situation that he wanted.
    Obi-Wan stopped over in the diner for the night, although he was not keen on the place at all. Full of young women giving him strange looks and gambling games. Not the sort of place that you would usually find a young, naïve, Jedi apprentice.
    He got into the soft, although dirty bed and rested his eyes. His comlink bleeped. He ignored it. He knew who it was anyway. He didn?t have to reply.

    The next morning, Obi-Wan felt refreshed and he started back to the Jedi temple, now not worried about his Master?s reaction. He enetered the building and made his way to his quarters, opening the door. He expected to see Qui-Gon worrying about him. He didn?t. Instead he saw Mace Windu, standing in Qui-Gon?s quarters. If there had been a ny sign of a preivous resident, there were none now. Obi-Wan stared in horror. This was not what he wanted.
    ?Where?s Master Qui-Gon?? He demanded, stepping into the room. He wondered if this was a dream?a nightmare, but it was real. Too real.
    ?Qui-Gon says he feels inadequate as your Master, and has asked me to carry on your training instead of him.? Mace replied, dark face impassive.
    Obi-Wan felt as though he was falling into the pits of hell, and he was never going to return?.

    Qui-Gon had not liked what he had had to do to his apprentice, but he felt that it had been the best way forward. Obi-Wan had said quite clearly that he did not want to be with his Master anymore. Qui-Gon could sort that.
    Qui-Gon, meanwhile, was now on a ship to Kreussel, all on his own. He had decided to carry out the mission, and leave Obi-Wan in the hands of Mace Windu, who would hopefully help his Padawan become a normal knight leading a normal Jedi life?

    enjoy!
  21. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4

    Obi-wan says
    [/i]?You?re such a rubbish master, always disobeying the Jedi council, always going against their will! Why can?t you learn to behave and settle down, become a normal master leading a normal life? Why are you my master, because I don?t want you to be anymore! I hate you!? [/i]


    Then Obi-wan says
    "How can you do this to me?" He asked in horror. "You call yourself a Master? You would break my heart?"
    "You said that you did not want to be my apprentice!" Qui-Gon said in a harsh voice.
    "Tell lies about me as well? How could I ever not want you for a Master? But now I don't,



    Ummmm Obi-wan tells Qui-Gon he hates him :mad:
    then tells Qui-Gon he's lying.[face_liarliar]

    Who's the crazy one Me thinks it is Obi-wan8-}






  22. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    I guess I is quite horridible to Obi-Wan really.:mad:
    I like him too, and he is being a mean, nasty person to Qui-Gon. But he'll pay, don't worry!
    Next part is coming up now, please forgive the delay!

    Obi-wan bounced over the training droid for the fiftieth time. He was exhausted, but Master Windu was not letting up on him. he had to continue to fight these droids until he had killed 100. he was covered in burns from the blaster bolts and stun bolts, and was tired. his face was streaming sweat and he was tired and wanted to go to sleep. there was something else bothering him. he had been told to forget about Qui-Gon. he couldn't though. everytime he collapsed on the floor, he asked himself how had he been so stupid and how could i have been so mean. He had begun to realise just what a nice master Qui-Gon was. And he wanted his Master to come back to him. Anothe stun bolt and it hit him, hard. He collapsed down on the floor in a heap. Master....

    Ha ha ha, i am being so wicked to the little boy, but it serves him right! [face_beatup]
    hee hee hee
    Please excuse any spelling mistakes; i am not very good at correcting them!
    enjoy!



  23. LilQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2004
    star 2
    Obi is sooooo mean! :mad: Qui-Gon needs a hug. [:D] What happens next?
  24. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4



    Ha ha ha, i am being so wicked to the little boy, but it serves him right! HeHeHe[face_skull]


    Ummm a bit sadistic I think you are:D [face_devil]

    Are you going to bring them back together, or are you
    not finished playing with their minds.8-}

    :confused:

  25. Qui-GonJinn1 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2005
    star 1
    Ummmmmmmmm.....
    I is going to continue to be mean to them for a little while longer I am afraid.......[face_skull]
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