Saga Broken Mirrors [TPM Dooku vignette]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Cael-Fenton, Sep 8, 2006.

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  1. Cael-Fenton Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2006
    star 1
    This was first posted some time ago over at Fanfiction.net. I think some people may recognise it from over there: namely, Kynstar and Charmisjess. Thanks to you two for your kind comments.

    This vignette was inspired by a beautiful fanart sketch by the talented darth_jurious that depicted Jedi Master Dooku at his former Padawan's funeral called Weep For The Boy...If The Tears Will Come. Anakin is shown in the foreground, Master Dooku in the mid-ground, and a sketchy figure in the background with his back turned I took to be Obi-Wan. As I wrote, the prose deviated quite a bit from having Anakin as the main focus as he was in the drawing, but otherwise I have tried to illustrate to the best of my rather limited ability the emotions I felt looking at her sketch.

    Constructive criticism is much appreciated. :)



    Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are property of Lucasfilm. I make no monetary profit from this, nor do I intend to.

    Serenn, Dooku's forename, belongs to darth_jurious, and I am using it with her permission. Most grateful I am for her generosity.







    Broken Mirrors

    The tall man stood quietly in a corner of the room. It was night. He watched the ash cooling in the final flicks of flame?his eyes glinted almost maliciously in the wheezy moonlight that trickled reluctantly into the room like the last few drops of summer rain squeezed from a filthy kitchen rag.

    It was all very self-indulgent, these funerals and other such ceremonies. Vainglory. It was not the way of the Jedi.

    But one grows old. He was already seventy-one. As he had done all too often in the past, Serenn Dooku indulged Qui-Gon, painfully aware that he was really indulging himself. So he was standing staring fixedly at the scattered, smouldering cinders, fragments of pale bone and the crumbling pile of ash he was supposed to believe was Qui-Gon Jinn. It was laughable, really, when one had had the time and opportunity to properly mull over the whole issue. Laughable! And he was supposed to be grieving?

    He frowned. The mystery deepened, and the broken mirrors that walled him in seemed to further splinter. 'I'm indulging you,' he whispered. 'Would you know if?' His husky voice, uncharacteristically thin and reedy, caught on a thorn inside of him. Of course Qui-Gon would know?he was no longer here, he was there. 'Does that make me less of a Jedi?'

    Does that darkness grow?

    Serenn was not a coward. It had simply not occurred to him to say Sith, just as an honest shepherd child of the Dune Sea would not cry Tusken if there was nothing threatening his banthas. Not to say, though, that the word had not been mooted in the incongruent spaces of silence whose threshold he did not care to cross. He was much praised for his oratory skill and fiery charisma?words were his gift; they were all he had, after all, to fend off the lonely hunter that moved in the moonlight outside.

    He took one step toward the pyre, and, like Obi-Wan Kenobi at the other end of the room, raised his brown woollen hood over his head. The coarse fibres of that old Jedi robe were trapped under the man's pale, well-kept cuticles?irritably, he scrubbed his fingernails against his thumb, and the dark strands fell into inky obscurity outside the smothered glow of Qui-Gon's ashes.

    He had come to Naboo as soon he heard the news?literally. He was going through his D5 starfighter?s post-touchdown checklist when Master Yoda had commuted the news to him, and he had immediately abandoned post-flight procedures, ignored the usually obligatory pre-flight preparations, vaulted into the ship?s cockpit, and come to Naboo. Straight from grueling Togorian negotiations, dirty, hungry, exhausted, and feeling more keenly than ever the weight of his seventy-one years, he had come.

    He had been confronted with a cold glare of barely concealed hostility from Obi-Wan Kenobi at an overcrowded mortuary in Theed.

    'Master Dooku,' greeted Obi-Wan with frigid courtesy. 'Unexpected
  2. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Ohh! [face_love] Glad to see that you posted it here! Yep, I remember it. And quite well! :D

    Well done! I soooo enjoyed Dooku's POV here, his thoughts on the Jedi's impact and the end there was awsome! =D= Great work! Remember if you have any other works, let me know! (even on ff.net too!)

    Once again, thanks for sharing this with us!
  3. VA_Parky Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2005
    star 4
    Wow, Cael! This was absolutely exquisite. We don't hear much from Dooku but your vignette here had me wanting more, more, more!!!! :)

    The rhythm of the story, your wording, the descriptions... oh, everything was just gorgeous. I am beyond impressed.

    Lovely work!
  4. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Absolutely stunning! I don't know what else to say. Incredibly powerful, exquisitely written...

    Once, when he was about twelve or thirteen years old, Master Yoda had pointed out to him a pair of sparring eighteen-year-olds. He had told the young Jedi apprentice, in not as few words?and the top right corner of Serenn?s upper lip twitched at the memory of that lesson?that the greatest Jedi were still; always, at rest, their lives one long meditative contemplation of the Force, and that it was all the rest that moved. Serenn had taken that to heart. He had carried that early lesson for a long time. It served him well?until he met Qui-Gon Jinn. The boy had been consumed with a fiery restlessness, a fierce searching, a hunger that plagued him all his life. He would never admit to anyone, least of all Qui-Gon, that he had probably learned as much from the apprenticeship as had his Padawan.

    The boy had grown. And grown, and grown, and grown. He was tall in a way different from his Master, whose dark cloak hung easily around him, and whose height, albeit intimidating, seemed a shortcut to the dark heart of the mystery. Qui-Gon was not, though, uncomfortable?the lightsaber that hung at his left hip was his life, and he had eventually grown into its elegant form, despite the countless times his long-suffering Master had had to request Temple stores for a yet larger pair of boots, or one of the extra-long sleepcouches usually kept for Wookiee Jedi.

    No, never let it be said that Qui-Gon Jinn should not have been a Jedi. He was simply too big for the role; he filled it so many times over; it would not contain him, it should not contain him. The Order was not worthy of Qui-Gon; indeed there were many whose?whose what, exactly??Who wasted and then died, stunted within its confines. And he knew it was not vanity to count himself among them. A tiny paroxysm of silent rage shook his consciousness, and he shuddered.


    It was hard to pick out my favorite passage, but this section was...well, perfect! =D=
  5. Cael-Fenton Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2006
    star 1
    Thanks to everyone who read this. [:D] You all made my day.



    Kynstar, you flatter me.

    I enjoyed Dooku's POV here, his thoughts on the Jedi's impact and the end there was awsome!
    His POV is always tricky to handle, as I am sure you know, Mistress Dooku. ;) I am really happy that you approve of my interpretation of him.

    thanks for sharing this with us
    You're more than welcome. :) Your coments made my day.



    VA_Parky

    We don't hear much from Dooku but your vignette here had me wanting more
    Thank you. I am glad it made a good impression.



    VaderLVR64 Thank you so much. I am a great fan of your work - must. stop. lurking - so it makes me really happy that you have such nice things to say about this piece.
  6. LLL Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2000
    star 4
    I love the idea and your Dooku POV. I love his thoughts surrounding the death and why he now feels he must leave the Order.

    But can I just say:

    The image of those young-old, green-grey eyes with the bleeding, bruised, tattered, sore, red, weeping and multiply contused remnants of a death-dealing angel?s hard-edged fury haunted the Master?s subconscious mind.

    his quiescent, raging, delicate, powerful, reticent, intense, giving, possessive, caring, jealous anger

    SO many modifiers make this a tough read. I'm sitting here going [face_hypnotized] .

    I really enjoy your ideas and I love your Dooku. @};-

  7. Healer_Leona Scattegories Host. Manager Emeritus

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    No, never let it be said that Qui-Gon Jinn should not have been a Jedi. He was simply too big for the role; he filled it so many times over; it would not contain him, it should not contain him. The Order was not worthy of Qui-Gon; indeed there were many whose?whose what, exactly??Who wasted and then died, stunted within its confines. And he knew it was not vanity to count himself among them. A tiny paroxysm of silent rage shook his consciousness, and he shuddered.


    As a Qui-Gon Jinn fan, I absolutely love Dooku's msuing over his fallen former Padawan and very much feel this is indeed Qui-Gon.

    The insight into Dooku is also quite wonderful.
  8. ZekksGoddess Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 2, 2004
    star 4
    =D= Bravo!

    This was a great[/i[ one-shot, I really enjoyed reading! You have excellent description and insight, and applied it well in this story. Excellent work!
  9. LLL Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2000
    star 4
    No, never let it be said that Qui-Gon Jinn should not have been a Jedi. He was simply too big for the role; he filled it so many times over; it would not contain him, it should not contain him. The Order was not worthy of Qui-Gon; indeed there were many whose?whose what, exactly??Who wasted and then died, stunted within its confines. And he knew it was not vanity to count himself among them. A tiny paroxysm of silent rage shook his consciousness, and he shuddered.


    As a Qui-Gon Jinn fan, I absolutely love Dooku's msuing over his fallen former Padawan and very much feel this is indeed Qui-Gon.


    Yeah, I gotta second this one. This is maybe the best and most poignantly expressed insight in the whole piece.

    [:D]

  10. Cael-Fenton Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2006
    star 1
    LLL
    modifiers make this a tough read
    Concrit! *dives to catch it* Seriously, though, thank you very much for the feedback. I agree that my self-indulgence is my greatest weakness as a writer and I will certainly keep your comments in mind in the future.



    Healer Leona
    I...feel this is indeed Qui-Gon

    LLL
    I gotta second this one

    Thanks to both of you. Qui-Gon was my first love, and the first time I saw him on screen when TPM was first released, I was completely smitten. It's gratifying that you liked my portrayal of him, though he doesn't actually make an appearance here per se.



    ZekksGoddess Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
  11. Ocelotl_Nesto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2004
    star 4
    Very good Viggie-- it would have been cool if George could have had him in the foreground of a scene of Naboo.

  12. KrystalBlaze Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    Woah!

    What a gorgeous piece of work! I don't usually read Dooku but this... what a lovely piece. I loved Dooku's thoughts, his almost anger with Qui-Gon for casting Anakin onto Obi-Wan, Dooku's mild indignation at Obi-Wan's knighthood and his choice to manhood... his thoughts on Anakin and Obi-Wan, how he leapt to go to Naboo...

    This is one of the best peices I've read in a long time. I am awed by your talent and this piece of work. Bravo on rendering me speechless. =D=

    -Krystal
  13. Cael-Fenton Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2006
    star 1
    Ocelotl_Nesto Thank you for your comments. That's a fascinating idea you have--I too, think he is severely under-utilised as a character.



    KrystalBlaze I am flattered. [face_blush] Especially since I know you don't dig Dooku that much. Thank you so much for reading.
  14. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    I was feeling sort of shattery tonight, and I had to look up this. It's one of those stories that I've read a hundred times, practically memorized at parts, and I must say, lovely Des, it gets better with every read. It's such a personal fic. You can convey so much extraordinary depth in your writing.

    You have very many long shadows to outshine.

    This line has brought tears to my eyes, something that has happened perhaps enough times in all of my fic-reading history to count on one hand. Absolutely wrenching.

    I know I've already reviewed this before at ff.net, but I realized I hadn't here, and it is a caliber of fic deserving up.


    @};-
  15. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Wow, I had passed this by because I'm not a big Dooku fan but this was gorgeous. I loved the way you used language in order to bring out the emotions of the moment. Love the musings of this man to explain what he was feeling and something of what he would do in the future. I'd quote the whole thing - choosing passages that I loved was very difficult to do but here are a couple.

    No, never let it be said that Qui-Gon Jinn should not have been a Jedi. He was simply too big for the role; he filled it so many times over; it would not contain him, it should not contain him. The Order was not worthy of Qui-Gon; indeed there were many whose?whose what, exactly??Who wasted and then died, stunted within its confines. And he knew it was not vanity to count himself among them. A tiny paroxysm of silent rage shook his consciousness, and he shuddered.

    Too big for the role - a perfect description of Qui-Gon Jinn.



    His mind turned to Qui-Gon, to sketchy memories, vivid memories, happy ones and sad ones, the tragic, the comic?the crazily slanted, poignantly tender, violently passionate, hastily scrawled language of their eleven years together. Eleven years passed him, relived, before he had enough time to finish drawing breath for a word of protest. But his recollection of the past formed words enough for him: Master, the Force is speaking now. Listen to the now, to the Living Force.

    Loved the way you described their 11 years together.

    Was it possible that Dooku, at that moment, smiled? His dark eyes beheld the emotion that filled the room: his quiescent, raging, delicate, powerful, reticent, intense, giving, possessive, caring, jealous anger that rattled the cage of himself. Qui-Gon would have called it love. Suddenly he felt a kind of kinship with Obi-Wan Kenobi, a strange link that transcended the vastness of?everything?the gulf that opened its shoreless dark maw between them. And the *ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn* hovered between them so that Serenn could at last recognise Obi-Wan as Qui-Gon?s Padawan.

    This was beautiful.

    Wonderful job. Bravo. =D=
  16. Cael-Fenton Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2006
    star 1
    Jess [:D] Also, @};- for you. And lots of L[face_love]V E.

    I hope you're feeling better already. Left kinda speechless that you would read my anything when feeling down ? especially *this* particular piece! I wrote it?two years ago, now. At a fairly weird time in my life. I think the main reason it's got some feeling in it is that I had just lost someone, and I transposed a great deal of my reaction to that into this vignette.

    Thanks, and again, muchest love.



    Diane I am immensely flattered.

    I had passed this by because I'm not a big Dooku fan
    Thank you for clicking, in any case. :)
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