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Before - Legends By My Own 07/18/03 "To be continue under new name"

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by PatttyB0123, Apr 9, 2003.

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  1. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Hi!
    Thanks
    Well I got a main computer problem, so I format the hard drive.
    Something changed my Windows XP
    :_|

    I will be able to update by Friday.
    I lost everything
    passwords links :_|

    clips :_|
    sorry.
     
  2. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    "Mark I will be back for you"
    Then she run is faster she could to her house.

    The next day the servant went to check the prisoner, who still tied up to the post.

    "Hey kid how did you spend the night?"
    "Hey I am speaking to you?"

    The boy did not move.

    The servant kneeled down to see why the boy did not say anything.
    When he touched the boy?s neck the servant found that the boy was cold. Then he looked for the boy?s pulse, but he could not find any pulse.

    "He just died last night" "The beating is over, too bad"

    The lord was having his breakfast when he heard the servant rushing inside the house.

    "My lord, My Lord the boy is dead"

    "Well, we have to buried him"


    tbc
    sorry for the short post.
     
  3. SilverWander

    SilverWander Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2001
    Hmm,

    Intersting!

    I'm still spoting small errors here and there. I have one small suggestion ( That I use all the time when I'm typing up papers) Type the part of the story then leave it alone for a while then come back and re-read it before you post it . I spot alot of errors in my papers that way. Sorry I hope you don't mind me giving a small suggestion.





    I can't wait to read the next post! :)
     
  4. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    I am sorry [face_blush]
    I know and some times I cannot see my errors.
    I got the second part of this story, and I am going to spend the whole Sunday proof reading several times. :cool:

    I will posting Monday night, or Tuesday morning.
    I am really [face_blush] [face_blush]


     
  5. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    I will be looking for help in the readers.

    Now i do not if this going turn you off from my story, but one problem with my gramamtical mistakes come from my native language.
    I trying to fix my errors, but English is not mt native language.

    Please let me know I shoud keep writting this story.
    Thanks
     
  6. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    I will be looking for help in the readers.

    Now i do not if this going turn you off from my story, but one problem with my gramamtical mistakes come from my native language.
    I trying to fix my errors, but English is not my native language.

    Please let me know I shoud keep writting this story.
    Thanks
     
  7. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Keep writing. I'm enjoying this regardless of the errors. :) Now that has to mean something? :) :) :) :)
     
  8. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Thanks I got the next part, and it is all ready corrected by my Beta reader :D
    My husband, who hates Star Wars :D
    He liked the story.
    :D.
    I will be posting the next by Monday night.

     
  9. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    One question What did you refered with :Now that has to mean something?

    Sorry for the question.
     
  10. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2002
    *thinks.* in other words my reply 'I'm enjoying this regardless of the errors.' means i'm enjoying this anyway's. errors or no errors.
    Now that has to mean something?' is what I mean when i said 'I'm enjoying this regardless of the errors.'

    Did that make any sense? If it doesn't well owell then. :) post again soon.
     
  11. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Oops! [face_blush] I am sorry for the question.
    Also I could not post before,because my job got little too busy.
    Once More sorry for the question [face_blush]
     
  12. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    The victim?s body tied up against the post with his head motionless down gave the to the boy?s figure in a dead appearance. The Lord smiled and approached towards to the inert boy?s body and offered several kicks to the all ready abused victim's body to made sure that he was really dead.

    "Should I untie him my Lord?"

    "Sure untie him and bring the shovel and dig a deep hole to bury him, then when you finish with the whole call me."

    "Why my, Lord if he is all ready dead?"

    "Because I want to enjoy my revenge by burying him."

    Then the Lord kneeled down next to his victim and took off the blindfold from the boy?s eyes to observe the boy?s last expression.
    The Lord was expecting to catch a sight of pain on the victim?s face, but he found that the boy?s face had a peacefully expression.
    The Lord groaned by his discovery and angrier got up and kicked the boy?s body until more blood came out.

    "This is for dying in peace Ex-Jedi." Then the Lord satisfied from his previous sadistic actions left happily to the house.

    Several hours later the servant finished digging the hole and dragged the lifeless cold body next to the hole.

    "My Lord, I am done with the graved"

    The Lord came out from the house and walked to the lifeless kid?s body. The Lord smiled maliciously and with his boots gave to the boy?s body a stronger kick that sent the victim?s body into the hole.

    "Give me the shovel, please"

    The servant grabbed the shovel, and passed to his Lord, who was now spitting saliva into the hole. The Lord cleaned his lips and grabbed the shovel. Then he started with the shovel throwing mud and dark soil over the kid?s body.

    "Your house"

    SHAZZ shovel sound

    "Your final destination"

    SHAZZ

    "Never a padawan"

    SHAZZ

    "Never a Jedi Knight"

    SHAZZ

    "Never to able to train a padawan"

    Finally, the boy got buried under tones of dark soil and mud and the Lord satisfied by his master piece job tossed the shovel away and stood over the kid?s graved.

    The servant, who observed the whole buried ceremony, came nervously next to his Lord.

    "My Lord?"

    The Lord did not hear the servant. The Lord was looking down the graved thinking that he got away with crime, and the kid?s Master never would able to found his lost padawan.

    "Come my loyalty man, we should start packing because we are living tomorrow from this planet."

    "Yes My Lord" Then both walked inside the house.


     
  13. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Sorry once more If I said something wrong.
    Next part ready for Friday night.
    thanks.
     
  14. SilverWander

    SilverWander Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2001
    ack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You really have a talent... You are really good at making your readers want more.!!!


    cant wait to read the next post!
     
  15. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2002
    you didn't say anything wrong. :)

    UP!!!
     
  16. SilverWander

    SilverWander Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2001
    I'm just courious what is your native language? ?[face_plain] (If you don't mind me asking.)

    And as for help from the readers.. do you mean spoting erros ?[face_plain] becasue If you wanted me to I would love to proof read the stuff before you post it...
    Silver
     
  17. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Sorry for not posting before, but I was working with a new software.
    Sometimes I am little too tired of seeing too much computer code.

    Thanks about your idea of proof reading my story. This is really nice.
    My native language is Spanish.
    I do not know if will be too much for you.
    If you find some errors in the next part let me know and will send the next part.
    Thanks really thanks.
     
  18. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Hardy could not sleep that night.

    "Something is wrong, but what it is? "

    He could not understand why, so he got from his bed and walked outside of his room. Hardy shivered when a cold wind touched him on his back.

    "Maura, my little Maura you left the windows open again "

    He signed and started closing all the windows. Since Maura?s brother died she got the routine of leaving all the windows open every single night. Hardy knew why her daughter, who was mentally ill, wanted all the windows open every night. Her daughter wanted hears her brother?s voice carried by the wind of the night.

    Then he remembered his son?s kidnapping, the dead, and the lost.

    "Where is my son? "

    "Daddy find my brother"

    "ring, ring"

    "Sir, listen if you do not pay, hey he will be dead "

    "Let me talk with my son, please"

    "Dad, sobs, please help ME!"

    "We got the kidnappers! "

    "My son?"

    "Hey! we do not know where is your son"

    "Torture them I demand".

    "Sorry, Sir torture is against the law"

    "Enough! " Hardy sat on the floor tired and grabbed his head. "Please not more memories, my son is dead, please I do not want to be crazy too".

    Then the voices stopped at once, but more memories came to his tormented mind
    The search "yes, the search the twenty days oh!"
    A rescue team spent twenty days looking for his son?s body, but they never could find the body. The kidnappers got arrested, but the law did not allowed torture them, so Hardy went back home tired and angry with the justice. Then he decided to quit his job is a police officer, so he could take care of his mentally ill daughter.

     
  19. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Oh! got posted twice
     
  20. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    "Sorry, Sir your daughter is mentally ill, I think that she will be okay in a mental institution"
    "No I am afraid that I do not want her there, thanks Doctor Johnson"

    Hardy was so busy with own memories, that he did not hear his daughter, who came back from her nocturnal nightly walk.

    "Father oh uff" Maura was gasping for air.

    "Are you okay sweetie? "

    "No I am not Daddy please we have to save Mark"

    Hardy felt sad and walked towards her and gave to her a comforting hug.

    "Maura, my lovely Maura, Mark is dead"

    She pushed his father away with disgusted when she heard that terrible fact. The fact the she denied to hear, or understand at all.

    "He is not dead daddy, please we have to help him"

    "Maura, he is dead is all in your mind, also you needed is take your medicine"

    Hardy left Maura alone for few minutes and came back with two pills.

    "Please take your medicine my little Maura"

    "Father please" she walked away from his father.

    "Please, Maura take your medicine"

    Maura signed with resignation and grabbed the two pills. "Yes my father is right , is all in my imagination" then she swallowed the two pills.
    She started feel sleepy, so his father picked her up if she was like a baby, and carried her to her bedroom.

    "Sleep my child, sleep my little Maura".
     
  21. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Obi can't last that long under a pile of dirt. even if he is in a deep trance.

    Poor Obi.
     
  22. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Obi-Wan was immobile, stuck between the cold ground and the tones of dirt. He tried to bring his consciousness backed to its normal position again, but his body did not respond to any of his brain?s commands.

    "please Force help me".

    The padawan felt dizzy and panicked, when he felt that his body did not wanted react to his whishes.

    "By the Force Where am I?" "No Obi-Wan! I have to be calm"

    Once more the padawan regained his battle against his weakness body by sending frantically signals to his brain, until he started feeling his injured body. He opened his eyes and it closed right away, when he felt the dirt collapsing over his eyes. He tried to move his arms and legs, but they were stuck and immovable under the soil pressure.

    Then Obi-Wan?s mind screamed with fear "I am been buried alive, Oh no!"

    Suddenly Obi-Wan felt the necessity to breath and struggled to move air in and out of his lungs, but tones of dirt flowed into his mouth. The padawan felt pain, and panicked, when his lungs contracted as they desperately tried to reject the foreign substance, and the same time expanded to get some air in. The padawan found that the only way to bring some air into his lungs was to take very slow amounts of breaths, but even that made him cried silently with pain.

    "I am dying, perhaps I am dying".

    He felt his body moving away. He could smell the dead and a deadly chilliness covered his entire body.

    "I am sorry Master, bye Master wherever you are" Obi-Wan sobbed silently.

    He felt dizzy because his lungs started not working properly. Then something splashed on his head. Obi-Wan panicked when he felt several wet things crawling over his face, and now one was trying to slip into his mouth.

    "Oh no! WORMS, I want to died right now".

    More wet things kept crawling over his helpless body.

    "They are going to eat me right now, noo please".

    Then the padawan felt that his lungs stopped breathing, and he felt that he had died.








     
  23. jacen200015

    jacen200015 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2002
    ugh, gross.
     
  24. PatttyB0123

    PatttyB0123 Former RSA star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Oops! sorry [face_blush] my apoligies.
    I got a little bad dream after that part.
    Next part will be on Wenesday night.

     
  25. SilverWander

    SilverWander Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2001
    Wow! Noooooooooo Obi-Wan!!!!!!!!!!
    :(
     
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