Lit CAD BANE IS DUROS (BUT ACKBAR IS WATCHING) - The Lit Forum Social Thread, v2.0

Discussion in 'Literature' started by Master_Keralys, Jan 1, 2009.

  1. anakinfansince1983 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 4, 2011
    star 7
    If I tried to put any clothing on any of my cats, much less a three-piece suit, I'd have a mural done on my skin from all the claw demarcations.

    That cat is drugged.
  2. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

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    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    The cat's wearing a ruche knot and a wing collar... what a smart little guy!
    Last edited by GrandAdmiralJello, Nov 21, 2013
    jSarek likes this.
  3. CooperTFN TFN EU Staff Emeritus

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    Jul 8, 1999
    star 6
    I'm pretty sure that cat is Jello in a past life.
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  4. RC-1991 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 2, 2009
    star 4
    So, my current game of CKII has turned into an utter bizarro world.

    I started as the Republic of Gotland in 1066, a vassal of the Kingdom of Sweden. Several Swedish civil wars later, I was independent, and quickly began holy warring Finland into the ground, eventually forming the Serene Republic of Finland. After having survived one of my daughters during the 1100s literally being the spawn of the devil, I managed to take over most of Sweden, and began hording money in anticipation of the oncoming Mongol onslaught. As it turns out, the Mongols couldn't care less about anything west of Lithuania.

    Then the Aztecs showed up.

    Within the span of 5 years, they managed to overrun Scotland, England, Brittany, France, Aquitaine, and the Frisian territories of the Holy Roman Empire, and were aided in an unsuccessful embargo against me by the treacherous Hanseatic League. My current character has decided that the Aztecs are the armies of Satan himself, and has taken part in every single war against them- crusading in France and Aquitaine, aiding revolts in Lothian and Mercia, and aiding the Irish in holy-warring the everliving daylights out of any Aztec to set foot on the Emerald Isle. It's currently 1308, and the Serene Republic of Finland now controls Sweden and Aquitaine, and my armies are led in the field by my 69-year old Prince Mayor Ingvar "The Great" Stynkyrka.
  5. Gamiel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2012
    star 5
    How in all the sith can there be Aztecs in 1308?
  6. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

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    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    Well, since we're trading stories, here's my fun adventure from the other day:


    I started as Alexios Komnenos in 1082, right at the start of his reign, when the Seljuk Turks have conquered Asia Minor and established a sultanate there and driving the Byzantines into near extinction. I immediately married my brother to a sister of the King of Georgia, making sure to land him first. Then I pressed her claim to the throne of Georgia against my new brother-in-law and won the war handily (although mountain attrition in Georgia is now something terrible, so my armies took some heavy losses but Georgia is too weak compared to me). When I captured the capital, I could've ended the war quickly, but I chose instead to castrate my brother-in-law the king as well as that woman's nephew, the king's infant second-born prince. Why not? Anyway, that sister-in-law of mine became Queen of Georgia, but for some reason resented me -- who knows why?

    Meanwhile, the pope declared the First Crusade because the Turkish Sultanate of Rum holds the Anatolian heartlands, and while the Seljuks and Rum are distracted by the Crusaders (who eventually lost), I recapture the duchy nearest to Constantinople. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law has been overthrown by her brother, the old king. Just as well, because as it turns out, she had a child with a Doukas prince earlier -- so a scion of the former imperial house would've taken Georgia instead of my Komnenos clan! Unacceptable. So things are status quo in Georgia, with the great castrated king in charge.

    I create vassal kingdoms in Bulgaria and Greece -- being the only lands held by the ERE at the moment -- and I give the former kingdom to a Doukas prince and the latter to my eldest daughter (who is not my heir). This six year old queen immediately faces a revolt, which she is losing handily because her vassals have way more men than her, except while they are about to win the war, her tiny armor (ten percent of theirs) wins a siege against the capital of the head revolter, immediately giving her 100% warscore and she crushes the revolt. Atta girl! Not only that, but she castrates the duke in charge. She's a chip off the old block! :D

    I also notice that Corfu is held by the Normans. Annoying. So with the Varangian Guard -- who I am now rich enough to keep as a standing army -- I crush the Normans on the island (capturing their 3-times duke and, of course, castrating him). Then I obtain his surrender easily enough. I notice I don't have the entire island though -- there's a castle that appears to be the headquarters of the Knights Hospitaller. So, I declare war on this holy order which -- holy smokes -- deploys a massive force to defend its castle, so I call my little girl in to help and with her massive army plus my Varangians, I smash the Knights. I capture their grand master and -- of course -- castrate him. No smelly Catholic knights in MY Empire!

    Meanwhile, my sister-in-law has died. Her second child, a Komnenos girl, has a strong claim on Georgia. The truce has expired by now, so I immediately declare war on her uncle, the old king. I head straight for the Georgian capital with my Varangians -- being all I need -- and capture the castle. The king is not there, but I have captured his wife, his eldest child and heir, and his grandson and granddaughter. I castrate all of the males and blind the females. I took a screenshot of the diplomacy screen and the guy HATES me -- I've castrated him, his two sons, his grandson, and blinded his wife and daughter. Since I did all that to those folks, I had to release them so I needed to crush his army to get a high enough warscore to end the war. During the lopsided battle, the long-suffering king dies in battle. The poor guy... I was laughing at his misfortune, when I realized his death had ended the war by making the casus belli invalid. I was like WHAT?!?! And immediately prepared to wage war for my niece's throne again, except I realized something.

    Because I had castrated or blinded all of the king's immediate relatives, the line of succession went directly to my niece -- she was queen! [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
    instantdeath, Gorefiend and jSarek like this.
  7. RC-1991 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 2, 2009
    star 4

    Sunset Invasion DLC, baby. They showed up in about 1270 or so, just to punctuate what a terrifying century that was. What with multiple Mongols invasions and all.

    (Yes, I'm aware that the Mexica didn't unify the Triple Alliance until almost a century later. Silly Paradox Interactive DLC with its random script triggers :p)

    EDIT: also, according to in-game events, back in the Americas the Inca are opposing the Aztecs with firearms. Yet another polity that didn't exist at the time, but he, CKII!
    Last edited by RC-1991, Nov 21, 2013
    Ulicus likes this.
  8. Gamiel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2012
    star 5
    To continue with something newer, hope at least some can get the references
    [IMG]
    [IMG]
    Last edited by Gamiel, Nov 22, 2013
    Gorefiend and Bib Fartuna like this.
  9. instantdeath Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 22, 2010
    star 5
    RC and Jello are reminding me I really need to fix my damn computer and play CSII again. Such a great opportunity for personal stories in that game
  10. MercenaryAce Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2005
    star 5
    You know, the more I learn about history, and the closer I come to being an actual historian (just turned in the final paper for my masters this week), the less I care about historical inaccuracies in fiction.
  11. Barriss_Coffee Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2003
    star 6
    Welcome to the world of postmodernism.
    CooperTFN likes this.
  12. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

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    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    Historical liberties are fine when the underlying narrative, theme, or message is good (see: Gladiator) because it's just one aspect that makes it fiction. I have less tolerance when the artistic merit is lacking too (see: just about everything to rip-off Gladiator).

    The same is true of literary adaptations. Jurassic Park changed a lot, but it was brilliant. Disney movies freely alter the fairy tales they're sourced from, but they tend to be pretty great.

    There's a lot to be said of history as inspiration, so I never demand absolute fidelity. It's just that a lot of sword-and-scandal concepts suck, and suck badly. Other period settings seem to be more expensive and/or risky, which means that good ideas have a better chance of making it through than all the ancient world folderol we have to deal with.
    Bib Fartuna and Gamiel like this.
  13. instantdeath Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 22, 2010
    star 5
    To be honest, I would have been perfectly fine with Ryse's numerous inaccuracies if it was even a fun game, but it doesn't seem to be even that (at least, not for more than two hours out of what seems to barely be a six hour campaign).
  14. Gorefiend Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Oct 23, 2004
    star 5
    Barriss_Coffee likes this.
  15. CooperTFN TFN EU Staff Emeritus

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    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 1999
    star 6
    Wait, Gladiator wasn't 100% historically accurate? That's basically all I know about Rome.
  16. Trip Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 7, 2003
    star 4
    lol no gladiator is super wack. it's the best movie ever though so it doesn't matter.

    (true story, i have a shirt that says on the front THE FROST and on the back SOMETIMES IT MAKES THE BLADE STICK)
  17. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

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    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    Yeah, and the costumes and set designs are really pretty despite being super fanciful. I want the Roman throne in that movie so badly...

    [IMG]

    So pretty!
  18. DigitalMessiah Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 2004
    star 5
    I liked Maximus' armor in the opening battle.
  19. Trip Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 7, 2003
    star 4
    i liked his dog in the opening battle, her name was Hell which is a badass name for a dog
  20. DigitalMessiah Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 2004
    star 5
    was it hell or the roman equivalent of hell which I guess is what did they just rip off tartarus or hades or latinize them somehow like how elysion became elysium or what
  21. Trip Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 7, 2003
    star 4
    no it was definitely hell maximus says it remember? "at my signal... unleash Hell"

    and then they did and she ate that angry german man's face
    Last edited by Trip, Nov 22, 2013
  22. DigitalMessiah Chosen One

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    Feb 17, 2004
    star 5
  23. Trip Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 7, 2003
    star 4
  24. instantdeath Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 22, 2010
    star 5
    Sounds very interesting... though I'm not seeing a release date.

    Wait, I see it, January. Interesting, made by former members of Bioware. I know that will certainly inspire a variety of reactions, but it's still a definite plus in my book.

    Oooh, another plus, same soundtrack composer as Journey. This game is sounding better every minute, which isn't very impressive since I've known about it for like two minutes, but still.

    Another oooh, it's inspired by The Black Company, and will focus more on a caravan than a single character's journey.
    Last edited by instantdeath, Nov 22, 2013
  25. DigitalMessiah Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 2004
    star 5
    isn't that armor studly though