Can I come back

Hello all,

Remember me. I am slowly coming out of my self-induced sabbatical. After everything that happened, I went through a big period of depression because I felt I was the cause of it all, that it was all my fault. If I would have had some foresight, none of this would have happened, and life would have gone on as normal. I have talked with Tom many times about this, and he will confess, I can't seem to let the guilty feelings go. Before everyone gets into another war over this, please let me say that the cause of me leaving had nothing to do with you all, but everything to do with me.

One of the things a lot of people don't know is that I have been struggling with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember. Most of the time, I can keep it in check, and not let too many people see what lies beneath. When it comes to groups, most of the time I feel like an outsider looking in, never really becoming apart of them. If I do get accepted, I feel like I cannot do anything wrong, otherwise I will lose whatever friendships I may have made. This may sound ridiculous to you, but it has happened before with other groups I was apart of, and that is what happened with this one. And, my seclusion was not isolated. I also fell back from the Jediism forums that started this whole mess. My self-esteem issues made me feel unworthy to be there too.

So, for almost 2 months now, I sat back and watched the rift that formed in the group, one that spawned because of me. This made me feel even worse because this may not have been unearth if it wasn't for me. It took me 2 months to build up the courage to write this, and to help form a bridge across the rift. Before I end this, I just want to say, I'm sorry for everything.

Thanks,
Devan

 

Welcome back!

The "rift" was not caused by you Devan. I would rather not even call it a rift - it is more of a disagreement as to what these forums are about and the ultimate purpose of our little group is.

If it weren't your post, it certainly would have been someone elses that set off the firestorm.

Anyway, life goes on and we are all looking forward to Saturday. Hope to see you there!

 

Welcome back. Glad to see you around again.

Jeff

 

Welcome back Devan! I'm glad you decided to come back.

As Dan said, the discussions we had around and after you decided to leave really had nothing to do with you. I don't mean that to sound as curt as it did, but that's the easiest way I could think of to state it. The situation acted as a catalyst, but it was not the root.

I completely understand your issues with self-esteem, as I suffer from them myself. And I'm afraid there's nothing anyone else can do for you, other than be here. You have to make the decisions which best suit your positions, and no one else can do that. But, don't let your fears and insecurities govern your decisions. That's easy for me to say, I know. But I've been there, and in many ways I'm still there. You'll work through it. It just takes time.

And please don't feel you need to walk around on eggshells here. We're all friends, we all respect eachother's beliefs and practices, eventhough we don't necessarily agree with them. We're a pretty easy going group, and all joke around quite a bit. Don't take anything too seriously with us. We're here for fun. Remember that.

Again, welcome back!!

Catie

 

It's good to hear from you, Devan! Never feel that you cannot be a part--you will always be welcome.

 

Devan, you are always welcome here. Hope to see you on Saturday.

 

Welcome back, Devan! It was nice to see you at Catie's the other night. Hope to see you again soon!

 

Absolutely! Welcome home!

 

WB, see you on Saturday if you can make it

M & D

 

Your always welcome here, Devan. I don't know what really happened since my computer was being fixed during the time that this "rift" occurred. I am totally neutral like Switzerland.

 

One of the things a lot of people don't know is that I have been struggling with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember. Most of the time, I can keep it in check, and not let too many people see what lies beneath. When it comes to groups, most of the time I feel like an outsider looking in, never really becoming apart of them. If I do get accepted, I feel like I cannot do anything wrong, otherwise I will lose whatever friendships I may have made. This may sound ridiculous to you, but it has happened before with other groups I was apart of, and that is what happened with this one.

Devan, you just described me, so I just want to let you know that you're not alone.

Welcome back.

 

Welcome back, Devan! Glad to see you have decided to come back!!