"Castle Walls"- OC/Action/Romance/Angst Short Story- A TAGGED Story- COMPLETED 7/11!

Hi Pete! Just dropping in to say, mini-essay's on its way - it was delayed somewhat by Bill Gates' maddening software shutting me down when I'd just finished (GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! That same crash cost me 6 pages of Darkness Shaped!!!!!!!!)

It'll be with you soonest!

 

Sweet! I can't wait!

 

UP! Oh please have the next post soon!

 

I just got back from vacation and I am upping this so I know where this is for later reading. I can't wait to finish

 

Yay, a post! Great work, Peter, I'll be reading! And my shadowan wrote mush.....*in awe* And good mush too! *hugs*

 

Upping this!!!

 

Hey everyone! Just saying that I'm working on the next post, and it looks to be the final one, and a doozy! Now that my magnificent beta is back, it's making me work harder!

Thanks for all the ups!

And Dart, I'm still waiting for that essay!

 

I sent the final post to Am the magnificent beta!

So Dart, you should get the essay up soon if it's going to make sense!

 

YAY!!! I can't wait!!!

 

Well people, this is it! My final post! I finally get to put 'Completed' on a story of mine~! For those of you who don't know, this is my first non-one-post story that I have completed, and I couldn't have done it without all the support and ups that you guys have given me! I especially want to thank AM THE MAGNIFICENT BETA, without whom, none of this would have happened. Thank you all- and now the finale of 'my baby'....


***

It was with great anticipation that Logan tore the Tiresias through the atmosphere. It was a different kind of dread he felt from when he had left the planet, searching for his master. No, this was the bitter taste of betrayal, and his return only made his mouth turn sour - for nothing had been wrong with his master, and now, he suspected the worst. Logan felt sheer torture in his mind; the passing of time spent on travel only fueled the images of evil that could have befallen his love.

Screaming through the sky, the ship no longer retained any image of grace that it had so personified on its last landing. Now, glowing cherry red from the aerial friction, the Tiresias was like a falling angel, tearing from the heavens with vengeance in its eyes. Gritting his teeth, Logan only worked the controls faster. If the ship flew at the speed and insistence of his soul, time would have been left a broken shell of a former power.

Vicious wind lashed out at the craft, like a snake, upset of its home being disturbed. Turning over in the massive storm, Logan fought to gain control with a low guttural snarl. Buffeted by the ripping rain and ferocious wind, the silver body careened sickly, its tail end whipping around. Logan felt weightless as the nose suddenly ploughed downwards, wrenching him from his seat. Another, lurch, a giant heave on the side, threw the ship into a scribbling path. Gravity and wind both grabbed at the ship, like two nek battle dogs battling over a single scrap of meat.

"Yeeaunnnh!" Logan gave a large piercing grunt as the Tiresias flipped and twirled, like a leaf in the wind.

Then, with a sickening crunch and a blaring screech, the belly of the craft scraped heavily on the surface, the back end whipping around and sending mud flying in all directions as the ship abruptly halted and froze.

Not exactly as polished a landing as before, Logan thought as he stumbled from the Tiresias and began the long trek to the castle in the raging tempest from his downed ship.

***

The door seemed a living entity, a gruff guard longing for nothing more but to inhibit Logan?s entrance. Frowning, Logan placed a hand on the massive block of wood and pushed . Not with his hand, nor brawny arm, but with his greatest ally, the Force.

Gathering small pieces of light from around him in the uncontrolled deluge around him, he weaved the Force into a dense, packed ball of pure energy. Closing his eyes and with incredible, controlled concentration, he urged the ball further forward, pushing, pressing, condensing, compacting....

And with a mighty blast and a shattering of splinters, he was through. A gaping hole left the entry a mere skeleton, with jagged teeth of wood pointing inwards.
Logan felt a shudder as he stared into the black depths within. Once a stubborn, blocking obstacle, now the door seemed a greedy, hungry mouth of serrated teeth, inviting Logan to feed it.

Clenching his fists, he stepped inside... and almost buckled at the sight that greeted him.

"Dove..." he said in a pained whisper.

The beautiful princess lay before him, in the center of a massive stone courtyard, deathly still and cold on a stone tablet bed. Her skin was a ghostly white against the hard

 

WOW!!! That's was so sweet. Kind of sad, but at least they will be together. I was thinking he was going to take the poison, but I was unsure, because it was of the darkside, but then it turned white. I can only imagine that it turned to the light side. Yay! I was really happy to see the Duke get his, that was sweet. Great story! I loved every minute of it. Can't wait to see something else of yours.

 

Peter!!!!!!!

What a great story, I just have to tell you what a very awesome idea the story was, it's a Jedi fairy tale! (minus the happy ending of course... ) It's wonderfully told...everything you promised, action, romance, and angst.

Excellent work!

-Arna

 

*wipes tears from eyes* Omg that was sad! I mean sad in a slightly happy way, but still sad. Awesome job Peter!!

"She is mine." Hmmm, familiar? Slightly...

Again, spectacular job! I look forward to your next work with bated breath.

 

Jade_Skywalker: YAY! Glad you liked it, and yes, it was meant to be a little sad... It's a 'grayside' fic... And now I've got you hooked into my writing! WOO! Hee hee.. maybe you should run while you still can...

Master: Ah yes, a knight rescues a princess from an evil fire breathing.. Duke? Hmm... Fairy tale inspired, but more true to life... Minus the whole Force, lightsabers, dark side poison.. thing...

Meldien: A red haired jealous Duke who is in love with a beautiful woman who doesn't love him that he'd be willing to kill for, and says, "She is mine...." Wow, I've never seen that ANYWHERE before.. Especially not Moulin Rouge...



Thank you all for reading!!!

 

A red haired jealous Duke who is in love with a beautiful woman who doesn't love him that he'd be willing to kill for, and says, "She is mine...." Wow, I've never seen that ANYWHERE before.. Especially not Moulin Rouge...

Actually you're wrong...I'm pretty sure that was A Beautiful Mind. Or was it Gosford Park? I can't remember now...

 

OK, here?s a full mini-essay on the whole thing! Told you you?d get one, even if Uni postponed it!

OK, from the intro we have a grim sense of danger and darkness; the castle seems like this harsh, malevolent and imposing master; it looms around him, closing and embracing him, as he dies, a dark presence ready to extinguish all light and life. Beautiful!

And then we sweep back in time, as is the favourite style in this story, leaping back in time to this strange crash? The descriptions are excellent! Again we have this picture of darkness, with broiling clouds and frothing waves ? a storm.

We realise then that there has been a crash-landing. Here, we?re trying to get the idea of what?s happening. Someone?s survived this crash, although we don?t know who this man is yet. We have a sense of urgency conveyed, beckoning us and warning us something serious is happening on this planet. He pauses to speculate, then abandons this.

? The enslaved light, angered by its dark repression madly tried to claw through the bubbling levels of tar-like clouds. With a crack, an angry sheath of light stabbed out, cackling and branching, forming a jagged blade of lightning racing its primal death cry of a counterpart; thunder. ? ? My gut-reaction would have suggested over-description, but you proved me wrong ? you were describing an element important to the plot, so it deserved the description. I do suggest amending the sentence slightly though, maybe ?an angry flare of light stabbed down?, otherwise it muddles daft ppl like me and makes them think it?s a lightsaber

Here, the castle is an archaic monolith, stabbing out of the ground and tearing towards the heavens, an impassive fortress, towering and threatening. Its outlived cultures; who knows what it has seen in its time? It will outlive these today too!

The scenes are powerfully threatening, filled with this sense of destiny and fate ? as though the outcome has been predetermined.

?And so, with the demons of his past crawling on his soul, he pushed toward the growing citadel of fate perched on the horizon.?

***

We then see him at the door. He can?t get in. At this point we don?t realise he?s Jedi. Its strange, the castle seems as much a personality in this as any of the characters. Its provided safety before, but never again. ?Still, he struggled to penetrate its outer shell.? I like that line for no other reason than it so reminds me of some Doctor Who stuff I?ve read [face_reminiscent]

?Fate is cruel, the man thought bitterly.? Again, destiny!

?The ensuing ripples yielded memories that seemed the very antithesis of his bleak present condition.? And then we link back to the start of the story to see what has happened ? nice linking of the scenes!

***

OK, and now we get into the start ? and I like this, I was around when you were getting this scene ready actually IIRC? beautifully done though!

I like the descriptions, they contrast so much with everything that went before ? a sharp shock actually, but then that was how it was intended. I like the way the craft soars through the clouds, I must say!

?The heaven?s cream leisurely curled around the vessel in a cyclonic fluff.?

?And then, the ship was through, the metallic hue releasing the velvety coat,
channeling a dabbling stream of pouring sunlight down to the surface below. The
free moisture caught in the beam of light formed tiny bubbles of wet, through
which the sunbeams focused its eyes. And shining through the tiny floating drops,
rainbow colors flowed down with the ship. A colorful palette slid into the
surroundings to gracefully root itself to the ground - a prismatic pathway upon
which the ship could coast down to its waiting paradise.? Awesome! Oh this would?ve been a landing to remember!!!!

I?m curious, does Tiresias mean anything?

Hmm, the next scenes are nice to read as well. Forgive me, but I knew she was going to die at the point where she?s introduced; she seemed too perfect somehow, you could tell someone would be after her.

 

The first part of it was wonderful! I can't wait until the next part! Great descriptions! Keep the good work up!

 

How can my tiny, simple words compare to that mini-essay? I don't think they can, but I'll try to be poetic. Pete, that was shocking, mind-blowing, over-the-top, encore-worthy, everything. You left me speechless, that I am sure.

Can we all say 'description'? Repeat after me: D-E-S-C-R-I-P-T-I-O-N. That is what you achieved, and a very professional sense. I can see you going places with a striking talent like that, in contrast to what sort of rubbish we pick up today. I'm sorry to see that it's over. Only three parts.

Honestly, this was the fairytale land of SW. Even Lucas himself would be proud. So, shine in glory.

Love, Am

 

*is finally replying to the greatest readers ever!*

J_K_Dart: What can I say? My cup runneth over. You caught so many of the things, even small ones, that I hoped would bear some meaning. You truly understood my thoughts on fate, love, and power!
He sees love as possession.
Yeppers- that is why he truly was mad!
Score: Dart:1, Summer Reading Journals: 0
This is my first ever mini- essay from anyone, and it shall be long remembered! You use just the right ammount of precise quotes to support all your thoughts or convey a theme... SIMPLY GREAT! So now, all I can say to this masterful essay is a simple thing I learned when I was 4:

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bows before him*


Revisha: Thanks! I hope you enjoy the entire thing!

Sweety: Pete, that was shocking, mind-blowing, over-the-top, encore-worthy, everything. You left me speechless, that I am sure.
OOOoooh! *melts* I never really realized the power of description until I read your work, and then it was like a fire inside... I had to write descriptively! And it was tough- I was used to just: "The house was gray. It was tall. The man had to look up really high to see the top..."
I know that I could not have done any of this without you, and all I can say is that I am totally flattered and humbled by you! THANK YOU!!!!!!
Honestly, this was the fairytale land of SW.
That's what I was going for!
Even Lucas himself would be proud. So, shine in glory.

Thank you... It's just so...
*realizes he's blushing*
[face_shocked] GAH!

 

I think this deserves upping!

Oh, and Pete - bless you, tx for the thanks! I enjoyed the read, it definitely DESERVED the mini-essay!

 

Shameless UP...

 

*sneaks in* Thanks for the reminder, Peter

I should've paid more attention to the "angst" tagline... Well, I enjoyed it! A lot of powerful writing packed into a short space.

Up!

 

Hmm, I'll keep this upped methinx!

 

Domina- hmmm... which is angstier, the story or reading it? As long as it's not torture, I'm REALLY glad that you liked it! Thanks!

Dart- A thousand thanks! I've never really gotten ups... Hmm.. maybe I should write better more often.......... Hmmmmm...

 

ANNOUNCEMENT! THIS IS MY 1000th POST! WOOO HOOO!!!!!!!!

It took me almost a year... because I didn't get going for a long while... And now look at me- a member of the clique, archived author, shadowan to Arna, won a few humor awards, patent-er of the REJECTS (TM).... It brings a tear to my eye...

THANK YOU EVERYONE, for all the encouragement, betaing, and putting up with me when I was a GIANT newb.... Specifically, Fruity, the first person to ever reply to me on the boards, Am, my sweety who really brought out a style I never knew I had, Master Arna, for making me broaden my topics (mush! *shudder*), and Dart, the first mini-essayist I've ever had the pleasure of having a submission from....

THANK YOU ALL! LET THE PARTY COMMENCE!

*streamers and confetti*

Oh yeah, read CASTLE WALLS too!