Change Serious PT Lines to Comedy PT Lines.

This is basically a humour thread. Where we parody any lines from the PT into comedy lines. Feel free to post your comedy talents. Here's some of mine and my friends.

Darth Maul strikes Qui-Gon down.
Obi-Wan:NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! He was gonna pass that cloak on to me!

Aboard the Trade Federation Ship
...talking about the Jedi
Nute Gunray: I knew it, they're here to force a settlement.
Rune Haako: I'm not going in there with two Jedi, send the droid.
Protocol Droid: Hell no, who do you think I am, some stupid droid, get out of my face, go do it yourself biatch.

Ani:It's working, it's working! KERPOWWW!
Nope, never mind.

Obi Wan - I have a bad feeling about this Master.
Qui Gon - Yes, you are right, lets go back to Coruscant.

Watto: and no one else has a T-14 hyperdrive generator, I can promise you that!

*Qui grabs hyperdrive and runs grabbing Ani and Padme, but not Jar Jar.

Padme and her men are captured in the throne room. Her decoy runs by and shoots the guard droids. The droids attempt to follow.
Viceroy:No, you fools! This is the real Queen.
Droids stop in their tracks and no Ep.II.


meesa called jar jar binks!
Meesa a fool!

In the scene where Qui-Gon has Anakin hide in the cockpit in the hanger..


"Anakin, stay in that cockpit."

"But I want to come too!"

"Boy! Don't make me take this belt off..."


Or

When they open the hanger door and Maul steps out and lights both end of his lightsaber, you see Obi-Wan quietly slipping away with a voice over of "Yeah right! Hey Master, why don't you go first!"



Watto and Qui-Gon arguing over Republic credits.


"Republic credits are no good here"

"Credits will do fine"

"No they won't"

"Credits WILL do fine"

"No they won't"

Qui-Gon B-slaps him up side of the head

"I SAID, credits WILL do fine"


R2 bumps Jar Jar

Jar Jar: How wude

R2 stops dead in his tracks

R2: BEEP WHISTLE DROID LAUGH BEEP WHISTLE WHISTLE!

Then the little droid charges Jar Jar and uses his electric thing that he used on the Ewoks to zap the gungan and chases him around the ship.

Qui-gon: Train the boy
Obi-wan: Haha, you r kidding me right?

Qui-Gon: "Who is his father?"

Shmi: "There was no father."

Qui-Gon: "No seriously, who is his father."

its the very beginning of the movie right when the jedi get board the trade federation droid control ship the conversation starts with obi-wan and then goes to qui-gon...

"i have a bad feeling about this"

"i don't sense anything."

"its not about the mission master its something elsewhere elusive."

"ohhh, i told you not to eat that bowl of chile before we came."

Jar Jar; Gungans get pasted to eh?

Padme; I hope so

during the midi-chlorians explanation

Qui-Gon: "...without them, life couldn't exist and we would have no knowledge of the Force."

Anakin bursts into a fit of laughter.

Qui-Gon: "What's so damned funny?"

Anakin: [pointing] YOU, you silly prat! Of COURSE we would have no knowledge of the Force if life couldn't exist, dumbass!"


Obi-Wan: I've got a bad feeling about this

Qui-Gon: I wanted to say that!!!

Obi-Wan: Even Master Yoda doesn't have a midi-chlorian count that high.

Qui-Gon: No Jedi has.

Obi-Wan: What does it mean?

Qui-Gon: That the boy has a higher midi-chlorian count than Yoda. Pay attention!

Obi-Wan thinking to himself: Oh, get bent, you old fool.

Qui-Gon: Hey, I sensed that!

Qui Gonn: They have Podracing on Malastare, very fast, VERY dangerous.

Anakin: I'm the only humna who can do it.

Qui Gonn: Great kid, you want a medal or something?!

(After Padme reveals herself as queen)
Qui-Gon: She's the queen!
Ob1: Oh ya, I knew it all the time.
Qui-Gon: Yea right!

Obi-Wan: Why do I sense you've picked up another pathetic lifeform?
Qui-Gon: I dunno, why do you always ask questions?

Boss Nass: Yousa no thinkan that yoiusa greater than the Gunguns?"

Padme: Acually yes, but we need you to die for us and you are the lower species so.

 

Qui-Gon: "Anakin Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi"
Anakin: "Hi, you're a Jedi too? Pleased to meet you, I'm gonna kill you someday."

 

Yoda: A Jedi's power flows through the Force. It surrounds us, binds us! *pauses* I pooted...

 

C3PO to R2D2 after R2 gets a few kilovolts of juice rans through him on Cloud City (ESB):

"Hey dude, you just did more ludes than anybody i've ever seen man!"

 

Anakin: Wait.. what about mom? Is she coming too?
Qui-Gon: Nah. She doesn't love you anymore. Let's book.

R2-D2: That girl's really the Queen. I saw her naked.
C-3P0: I beg your pardon, but what do you mean 'naked'?
R2-D2: I mean like you are. Parts showing.
C-3P0: My parts are showing!?

Qui-Gon: Anakin, stay in that cockpit! Wait.. allow me to clarify. Remain hidden in that cockpit but don't operate the controls and fly away.

 

Obi Wan: Why do I sense, we've picked another pathetic lifeform?

Qui Gon: Not really, this one boy's a responsible type, who played his part. Eh what?

----

Boss Nass: They think they so smarty they think their brain so big.

Obi Wan: Once the droids take control of the surface, they'll take control of your big... nevermind.

Boss Nass: We shall not care of the Naboo

Obi Wan: You and the Naboo form a symbiot circle..

Qui Gon: What's with you? Taking my thunder again? Im in charge here. Besides, the guy can't speak proper English how do you think he'll understand living force jargon? That'll be enough for you, now get back on board. Wait...Im seeing the future again, darn the Force!

*okay those were horrid*

 

Feel the force surround you...
No! NOt that force! That was Gas!

 

LOL "
Watto and Qui-Gon arguing over Republic credits.


"Republic credits are no good here"

"Credits will do fine"

"No they won't"

"Credits WILL do fine"

"No they won't"

Qui-Gon B-slaps him up side of the head

"I SAID, credits WILL do fine"

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL OL OLL OL LOVE IT!

 

Guys, this is not original, but I thought it was quite hilarious. Some of you may have seen this before, but its humorous enough to bear repeating.

A Star Wars fansite interviewed David Prowse recently, asking him what was the funniest thing he saw or did onset. Here was his reply;

"By the time we made "Empire", I knew that George was going to overdub my voice, and noone could see my mouth moving behind the mask (Vader), so I didn't worry to much about getting my lines right. There was one scene where Vader was supposed to say "Asteroids do not concern me, I want that ship!" Instead, I substituted "Hemorrhoids do not concern me, I have to ****!"

 

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in the gungan sub...


I think you over did it.

No..this is overdoing it!

*Qui-Gon tosses Jar-Jar out the back of the sub, audience in theater applaudes*

Or even.........


Qui-Gon giving Obi-Wan the parts for the hyperdrive.

Get the parts installed, I have some unfinished business to take care of.

What am I? Your little slave boy, gripe, gripe, gripe.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have just arrived on the Federation ship:
Obi: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Qui: I don't sense anything.
Obi: It's not about the mission, master, but something elsewhere, elusive.
Flash to Obi-Wan's apartment where he left the iron on.


That little human being is out of his mind!
They're side by side! They're...playing chess?

Qui-Gon Jinn: Its too late for me Obi-Wan. Promise me you'll train the boy
Obi-Wan Kenobi- No! Satine! Don't leave me Satine!

Qui-Gon: Who was the father?

Shmi: Well, I'm not sure. It might have been that guy who told me I had nice legs...or maybe the hot greasy guy from the shop...or the girl who said she was a guy...or...

Qui-Gon: Save it for Jerry Springer.


(After Qui-Gon dies, at the funeral.)
Obi-Wan(V.O.): Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and then - one not-so-very-special day, George Lucas went to his computer, wrote our story. A story about a long long time ago. A story about a galaxy far far away. A story about the creatures. But above all things a story about love. A love between a little 9 year old boy and a 14 year old queen.

How about

When Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon see Darth Maul just as the doors open at the Theed Hangar.

Voice from Obi-Wans' head.

"Oh ####! OK master, you go first! Yeeahh! Thats it"
As he slinks back a few steps!


What if when Anakin is preparing his podracer and everyone is there, Kittster, Padme, Jar Jar, the other kids. And they all suddenly launch into song...

"Go, greased lightnin', you're burnin' up the quarter mile
Greased lightnin', go greased lightnin'
Go, greased lightnin', you're coasting through the heat lap trials
Greased lightnin', go greased lightnin'
You are supreme, the chicks'll cream for greased lightnin'"


Qui Gon: Don't center on your anxieties Obi-Wan. Keep your concentration here and now, where it belongs.
Obi Wan: But Master yoda said I should be mindful of the future.
Qui Gon: Oh, in that case, forget I said anything.


*after Anakin asks Padme if she's an angel, and explains the deep space pilots*

Pamde:"Your a funny little boy."

Anakin: {voice like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas}"Funny, funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you, am I here to ammuse you? What is so funny about me?"


My friends and I were talking about how Obi-wan just stood there and watched Qui-Gon and Maul fight and we thought of this one...
*Just after Obi-Wan falls off the cat walk, he looks up at Darth Maul and Qui-Gon fighting.*

Obi-Wan: Wow...I was doing that? That looks pretty damn cool! *pulls out a fold up chair, and out a cooler, then two beers* QUI-GON! Wanna beer? *Qui-Gon and Maul stop*

Maul: I want one too!


Qui-Gon: The queen trusts my judgment, young handmaiden. You should too.

Padme: You assume too much.

Qui-Gon: Look, how long are we going to play this game? Just reveal yourself as the queen, and get it over with!


Obi-Wan: Why do i sense you've picked up another pathetic life form?

Qui-Gon: You're right... I should've stopped with you!


Luke: Ben? Ben Kenobi?

Ben:That's my name, don't wear it out.

Luke:Boy am I glad to see you!

Ben:Most people are.

(just after anakin gets his arm cut off,Episode 2)
obi1: Whoa this is getting to be a thing. Maybe I should cut my hand and arm off to.

(When obi1 and qui-gon meet Darth Maul in Naboo Palace. Darth Maul takes off his cloak and powers up his lightsaber)
Obi1:HA HA HA. That the best you got? Well guess what sucker, you don't even MAKE it to the second movie.
Qui-gon:Ex-cuse ME!

anakin: Only people with weird names can be sith. Look at Dooku. Dook

 

(After Qui-Gon dies, at the funeral.)
Obi-Wan(V.O.): Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and then - one not-so-very-special day, George Lucas went to his computer, wrote our story. A story about a long long time ago. A story about a galaxy far far away. A story about the creatures. But above all things a story about love. A love between a little 9 year old boy and a 14 year old queen.

That one was very good

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

Yoda: hmm lost a planet master Obi-Wan has how embarrising.

(younglings laugh)

Obi-wan: ( in tears) you don't have to rub it in

( Obi-wan runs away crying)

Yoda: a mood swing master obi-wan has

 

Back in my school days, my class had a form teacher called Mrs. Morgan. She looked rotten and was psychic so we decided that she must have been a sith lord, ergo, she was christened Darth Morgan.

One day, a kid from the lower school came in wearing plain clothes rather than his school uniform.

Darth Morgan stood up, pointed her finger at the poor kid, and said, "I find your lack of uniform disturbing" in a deep voice.

She never cottoned on to why we couldn't stop laughing.

 

Anakin: Master Qui-Gon, I overheard Yoda talking about midi-chlorians. I was wondering, what are midi-cholorians?
Qui-Gon: Your father.

 

Actually my favrite comedic Ep.I lines come from the fanfilm "That Prequel Movie"! They really have great lines in there!

But I have a few of my own:
Nute: We're being attacked! Get the Queen! (Looks around) Where's the Queen! Where's the Queen!

Rune: I'm the Queen!

Nute: No you're not!

 

Here's a Matrix/Starwars crossover

As Obi, Ani, and Qui-Gon are entering the Council Chamber:

Qui-Gon (Opening door): This Ani is - What the-

Morpheus: Hello Neo, we've been expecting you.

Ani: My name's Anakin! Are you are a Jedi?

Obi: Who said you could be in our movie? And- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COUNCIL CHAMBER!?!

Morpheus looks around

Morpheus: Um.. uh ... You saw nothing!

Runs off

 

Vader: Luke, I am your father!
Luke: Noooooo!!!! That's not true, that's impossible!
Vader: And C-3PO is your robot brother!
Luke: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

 

boarding the tf ship...

Obi Wan:I've got a bad feeling about this
Qui-gon: yeah me too, i wonder were the toilet is...



when anakin is taking the test on coruscant...

Anakin: A cup? a speeder?
Mace: hahaha, wrong, now get your ass out of here before i kick you out.

When queen amidala asks Fatt nass for help...

Amidala: I ask you to help us, no i beg you to help us, you see we are traveling for about an entire day now, and i wonder if you could sell me some cheese burgers...

 

Qui-gon! "I finally sense a toilet!" (^read my other reply)

When Anaikin and Obi-wan meet for the first time:
Anakin: "you're a jedi to he? please to meet you."
Obi-wan: "wooohhh, can i have your signature?"


Doid: "ROGER ROGER"
Droid commander: "For the last time, my name is NOT Roger!"

In the swamps...

I'm queen Amidala,..- decoy: you're talking rot, i'm the real queen!

Amidala: "You? have you ever looked in the mirror when walking with that dead chicken on your head?"

Decoy: "Shut up, you make poo look good!"

Boss NAss: jumps onto them "enough, you're waking my dogs with all that noise".

 

Leia: Hey, what's wrong?
Luke: Vader. I have to confront Vader.
Leia: Luke, don't. Just leave. If he can sense you, then leave this place.
Luke: It's not like that. He's my father.
Leia: Father? Wow...no wonder you're so screwed up.
Luke: What?
Leia: Nothing.
Luke: Do you remember your mother? Your real mother?
Leia: Kinda. Though I probably shouldn't, but I do for some reason. Just images. Feelings, really.
Luke: I have no memory of my real mother. I never met her.
Leia: Luke, you have a power, I don't understand, I never could.
Luke: You're wrong, Leia. You have it too. And in time, you'll learn to use it as I have. The Force runs strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. My sister has it. Yes, Leia...it's you.
Leia: I know...somehow...I've always known.
Luke: And...wait...what? You have? The whole time? Then that time...after Hoth? Oh my GOD!
Leia: What?
Luke: That's sick! You're sick!
Leia: What? The kiss? I was trying to make a point.
Luke: A POINT? You kissed your brother, who you KNEW to be your brother, full on the mouth!
Leia: It didn't mean anything to me. Who was I supposed to kiss? 3PO?
Luke: At least he isn't blood related!
Leia: Really, you're making too big a deal out of this.
Luke: Too big a deal? I tasted my sister's saliva, and I'm making a 'big deal?'
Leia: Is that all you had to say?
Luke: Now I lost my train of thought. Hell! I can't think of anything more to say. Jeez! I gotta go for a walk. Gotta get my head together.
Leia: Be careful. There're Stormtroopers out.
Luke: Yeah, whatever. *muttering to himself* Ben, why didn't you tell me? Why?
Ben: She wasn't your sister when she placed her film supple lips on your and sealed them with passion...from a certain point of view. *cracks up laughing*
Luke: Shut up! This isn't funny!
Ben: HOOO!!! Boy, I didn't see that coming twenty years ago! Man. You Skywalkers are a screwy lot. I never got any when I was alive, but at least I never got close with my sister! HOOO!!! Wait til Qui-gon hears about this! He's gonna have a laugh fit.
*stormtroopers appear*
Stormtrooper: Stop right there!
Ben: Whoops. Gotta go! *poof*
Luke: Crap.

 

Vader: Obiwan never told you what happened to your father...
Luke: He told me enough, he told me you killed him!
Vader: No, I am your father
Luke: No, thats not true! Thats impossible!!
Vader: search your feelings, you know it to be true!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Vader:And Princess Leia is your sister
Luke: NO, thats not true, thats... sick! i just made out with her! No no thats impossible too!
Vader: I bet he never told you I grew up on the same planet you did as well
Luke: NO.... wait... doesnt it get hot in that suit? I mean tatooine has 2 suns and you're wearing black armor... No, that doesnt make sense...
Vader: And Obiwan never told you about your grand father
Luke: NO, I uh? What?
Vader: The midiclorians are your grandfather
Luke: midi-what? you lost me...
Vader: symbiote organisms living within every cell of your body which generate the force are what created me.
Luke: NO, thats not true, thats impossible... Yoda said...
Vader: What? that little fart bag is still alive? *#@$, I thought he died!
Luke: see, you dont know anything!
Vader: Yeah well, i forsee ewoks overthrowing the empire
Luke: NO, thats not true... thats improbable
Vader: And i bet Obiwan never told you that it was i who built C3P0 when i was just a boy!

Luke: OK, this is stupid! George??!!! hey, where's the script? Dave is making up stuff again! Whats my next line?

Lucas: "dont worry, we'll edit it out and make James Earl Jones say something else"

Luke: I hope so, because if you keep this stuff the movies are gonna make alot of people upset!

Vader: jOIN ME,and together we can rule the universe as father and son, come with me, it is the only way!
Luke: And i suppose next you'll say you turned to the dark side to save my mother!
Vader: As a matter of fact....
Luke: OK THATS DUMB. Screw this... my acting career is over after this movie series anyways...
Vader: Wow, the force IS strong with this one! Way to go son, way to see the future! your mother....
Luke: Dont talk about my mommy!
Vader: She had soft skin, not like sand or anything! hey LUKE come back!
Lukescreams like girl and falls off platform)
Vader: you will do well voicing cartoons my son!

 

^ haha



Qui-gon during the entering of the hanger in the final battle:

Qiu-gon:"Ani, i did NOT free you so you can hide in that cockpit, now pick up a weapon and make yourself usefull!"

Anakin: "But I...

Obi-wan: "Heey, you better listen to him or I'll slice you in peaces!"

Qui-gon:"thank you Obi, you're a good padawan."

 

Jar Jar on the royal cruiser...

Jar Jar: "wesa no dying without a fight...wesa warriors!"

Obi-wan: "okey, then show me what you got!"

Qui-gon: "yeah you're right, lets take him down to size!"

Amidala dancing around: "Finally!"

Amidala: "Padme, you now what you gotta do, dump him out of the window"

Padme: "my pleasure"

 

Come on people, post!

this thread rules....!

 

I've moved this thread over to the PT forum. Please continue posting there.