Change Serious Trilogy Lines to Comedy Trilogy Lines.

This is basically a humour thread. Where we parody any lines from the trilogy into comedy lines. Feel free to post your comedy talents. Here's some of mine and my friends.

The death star exploded. Han and Leia are on Endor. They start having their conversation.
Han: You love him don't you.
Leia: Of course, I do
Han: Well when he gets back I won't get in your way.
Leia: No you don't understand. He's my brother.
(Han gives her the whoa I didn't know that but I'm very happy look)
Leia: But on second thought, he's not so bad looking. Screw the fact that he's my brother. Han you can go home to your walking carpet. I have a date with Mr. Jedi.


Vader: Obi-wan never told you about your father.
Luke: He told me enough......he told me you killed him.
Vader:Luke, you're father was the Jedi pimp. Ladies wanted to be with him and men wanted to be him. No one could resist his charm. He did pretty well until he met your mother. Then it was the old ball and chain deal. Luke, I am he. Luke I am your father.
Luke: No that's not possible!

Leia"i'd just as soon kiss a wookie!"
Han"I can arrange that!"
Leia"OK! What time!?"

Ben: thats no moon its a space station(ben then leans forword and squints)no... no its a moon alright my bad

Vader: Obi-Wan never told you about your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Vader: No, I am your father.
Lukepause) Dad? Daddy, is it really you? (hugs Vader) I've missed you, Dad!
Vader: I've missed you too, son! Let's go get some ice-cream from that dude who was fleeing Cloud City with the ice-cream maker...

Imp: We've analysed their attack Sir,and there is a danger.Shall I have your ship standing by?

Tarkin:Evacuate?! In our moment of triumph?,.....On second thought,...


Ben: We were meant to think that they did. These Bantha tracks are side by side, Sand People travel single file to hide there numbers... And these blast marks, only Imperial Stormtroopers are so accurate.

Luke: But what would Imperial stormtroopers want with... wait a second, Imperial stormtroopers? I've seen these guys shoot, it would have been more effective if they just threw their blasters at the Jawas.

Ben: The Force is what gives a Jedi his power
it's an energy shield created by all living things, it penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.
Luke: Riiigggghhhht...


Luke: Wedge, I've lost my gunner, you'll have to make this shot, I'll cover for you set your...

Wedge: whoa whoa whoa, did you just say you lost your gunner? dack is dead?
What kind of pilot are you?

*wedge flies off* handle these guys on your own

Vader:what is thy bidding my master

Palp:Vder, i am your father



Luke: Greetings exhalted one. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight and friend of captain Solo. I know that you are powerful and ........................
........As a token of my goodwill I present to you a gift, these two droids.

C3PO: What did he say?

Luke: Both are hardworking and will serve you well
(Luke goes on)
But watch out for the gold one! He'll talk to you until the suns burn out. Also, watch out for the Astromech. He'll tell your kids scary stories and then tell them that they only have so long to live. R2 also has the voice of a drunken sailor-bot. And never leave C3PO alone at the palace. He's a klepto. Until then oh mighty Jabba.

C3PO: What the Hell kind of a message was that!

R2: (whistles sadly)

Jabba Laughs


Obi-Wan: That boy is our only hope.

Yoda: Yes, screwed we are.

After the Death Star destroys Alderaan ...

Obi-Wan: I sense a great disturbance in the force ... As if a million .. wait .. nevermind. Its just my heartburn. This new medicine I've been taking hasn't been doing a thing for me!

(At the Mos eisly cantina in ANH)

Criminal: I have the death sentance in five different starsystems!

Luke: Well laddie freaking da! I have the new Vanilla coke and damn is it smooth!

After the Imperials board the Blockade Runner,and slaughter all on board:


Vaderops,...wrong s

 

I can not even believe you mentioned the dude running through Bespin with the ice cream maker. That is the most unintentionally funny scene in the whole saga.

Lando (using the remote PA interface on Bespin): "...I suggest everyone flee the city before more Imperial troops arrive."

Man later seen running through Bespin w/ ice cream maker (speaking to wife and kids): HOT DAMN! Pack your things, we're leaving...but not before we go back to Target.

*Rest of family looks confused*

 

Obi-Wan: That boy is our only hope.

Yoda: Yes, screwed we are.

 

ROFL!

 

Luke: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
Palpatine: Your Sci-Fi ventures after this are yours.

 

I always liked the ones where people changed one word in a line to "pants"
That's always fun.

"You don't know the power of the dark pants"

 

Han Solo: Well, you can forget your troubles with those Imperial slugs. I told you I'd outrun 'em.

[Nobody is listening]

Han Solo: HELLO! DID ANYONE HEAR ME!? I SAID I TOLD YOU I'D OUTRUN 'EM.

Luke: How did my father die?
Obi-Wan: heart attack, too many chili cheese fries

 

Han: Travelling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy!
Luke: I've never dusted crops in my life, jacka**. And who talks like that? Seriously..

Han: Old fool.. I knew you were gonna say that.
Obi-Wan: I pity the foo' who follow the foo'!

Tarkin: You may fire when ready.
Leia: No...
(the Death Star blows up the planet)
Tarkin: There. All done. How's that for a piece-full planet. Mwahahaha!
Officer: Uh sir...
Tarkin: What is it? I'm busy gloating.
Officer: Remember when you said you wanted to drop by your mom's place?
Tarkin: Yeah...
Officer: Well, I wasn't sure if you meant before or after we did the blowing up Alderaan thing. So.. uh..
Tarkin: Dammit!

Luke: What is it?
Obi-Wan: (chuckling) Heh.. nothing. I was just thinking of something funny.

 

Han, Leia, Chewie, and Lando walk up to a door. Lando opens the door to reveal the awesome sight of Darth Vader and Boba Fett standing at the other end of the room behind a long dinner table:

Vader: We would be honored if you would join us.

Han reaches for his side as if to pull out his blaster but instead pulls out a knife and fork.

Han: Great! what're we havin' I'm starvin'!

Boba: Tea, anyone?

Yoda: STOP! I mean you no harm!
Luke lowers his weapon and is killed soon after by a quick lightsaber thrust by Yoda.
Yoda: Born every minute a sucker is....
.

EMPEROR- Good, Good, my young apprentice.... Use your hatred, strike me down with all of your anger and your jouney....
LUKE ignites his lightsabre and kills the EMPEROR
LUKE- God he goes on doesn't he?
VADER- Old guy's senile- always has been. Come on Son, lets take his place.


Imp 1: there goes another one!

Imp 2: hold your fire, there's no...

BLAM!!!!

Imp 1: sorry sir. itchy trigger finger.

Imp 2: hmm. that's okay. let's pretend this didn't happen.

Imp 1: I didn't see nothin' sir


Vader: If you wish...
Tarkin turns away, and viewers can glimpse Vader whack Motti on the side of the head with his fist.

Vader: This day will go down in infamy for the Rebellion. The force cannot save them now. Soon, the rebel alliance will be crushed, and--

Tarkin: SHUT UP! WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE HECK UP AND LET ME CONCENTRATE?! YOU NEVER STOP TALKING! BLAH BLAH BLAH FORCE BLAH BLAH BLAH DARK SIDE BLAH BLAH BLAH OBI WAN! SHUUUUUTTTTT UUUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!

Vader: ...........sorry.

Threepio: LOOK!!!
Han: I see it!
Leia: What?
Han: This is no cave....

The Falcon speeds toward the mouth of the giant space slug. It seems as though they will make it, when suddenly...BOOM!! And the Falconis no more.

Palpatine: Rise, my friend.

Vader stands.

Palpatine: No, no! Never mind, kneel down again.

Vader kneels.

Palpatine: No, this won't work either. Do a handstand.

Vader complies.

Palpatine: Ha ha ha ha *laughs evilly* Obi-Wan has taught you well. Now let's get to business....hurry up, I'm still walking, and you'd better follow me...

Vader starts to stand up to walk...

Palpatine: No, NO!! Walk on your hands, dummy. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to get such a blockhead as an apprentice. Honestly! Now, back to the Death Star. So, how's it going? *continues talking*

Vader obediently follows, walking on his hands.

c3PO: sir! the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are approximately 3720 to 1!

Han: oh. all right then. Chewie, turn this baby around we're not going in there. hurry!... chewie!


Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.

Vader: What?! Aw now why'd a brotha be dissin' a playa like that? C'mon Gee show the love?


ok this is when Luke watches obi-wan get killed by vader

Luke:No, you killed my father
Vader: Obi-wan isn't your father
Luke: Yes he was he told me he was on the mellenium falcon
Vader: well that was a lie Luke,I am your father
Lukek now i have 2 fathers i want a paternity test


Palpatine: Guards, leave us.

Guards leave. Once out of earshot, they begin speaking.

Guard #1: What you think they doin' in there?

Guard #2: Dunno. Don't think I wanna know.

Guard #1: Maybe ol' Palps showin' them the, ya know, dark side? *snickers*

Guard #2: He he he!


On the Second Death Star:

Sidious: This battle station is fully operational!

Vader: Ummm execuse me sir I'm sorry to rain on your parade and all, but this station is not operational.

Sidious: Oh! really, well boy is my face red...I just made a complete jerk out of myself in front of your son.

Vader: Well we could always turn him to the dark side someplace else.

Luke: Nah, it just wouldn't be the same.

Sidious: Yeah he's right let's just go to Taco Bell or something. I heard they have this seven layer nacho for only 99 cents!

Vader: Well I'll be a one legged cat trying to barry his p00p on a

 

Tarkin's far too trusting.

Tarkin: Name the system!

Leiathinks* Okay. Coruscant. They're all in Coruscant.

Tarkin: Coruscant! Okay you may... wait a minute the home of the emporor.

Leia: uh...yeah well. We thought that would be the last place you would check.

Tarkin: Mmm. Captain take the death Star to Coruscant immiediatly.

Vader: What about the Emporor?

Leiathinks* Ahh he's gone on holiday. He thought the sun would help his skin.

Tarkin: Good. Time to blow up Coruscant. Captain, escort Princess Leia back to Alderaan and make a full apology from me. We have a planet to blow.

*Leia is struggling from laughing as she is led away*

 

Heh heh..all I'm going to say is:

Look at My signature, Jangafett

LOL

 

Thanks, that really means a lot to me.

 

Oh Chewie, how easily you misunderstood...



Ep4: (Trash compactor)

Han; "Get 'on top of it'!"

Leia; "I'm trying!"

Chewie; *Wookiee guffaws*


Ep4: (Detention corridor)

Han; "Get in 'there' you big furry Oaf! I don't care what you smell!"

Chewie; *Wookiee guffaws*


Ep4: (Rebel Briefing room)

General Dodonna; "There's a 'small thermal exhaust port right below the main port'..."

Chewie; *Wookiee guffaws*


Ep4: (Battle of Yavin)

Wedge: "Look at the 'size of that thing'!"

Biggs: "Luke at the speed would you be able to 'pull out' in time?"

Han: "Your all clear kid, now 'lets blow this thing' and go home!"

Chewie: *Wookiee guffaws*


Ep5: (Anoat Asteroids)

Han: "There's 'an awful lot of moisture in here'..."

Chewie: *Wookiee guffaws*


Ep6: (Falcon departing Tattooine)

Han; "Hey Luke, thanks for 'coming after me'...now I owe you one..."

Chewie; *Wookiee guffaws*


Ep6: (Endor bunker)

Han; "Back door hun? Good idea..."

Chewie; *Wookiee guffaws*


Ep6: (Battle of Endor)

Rebel pilot; "She's gonna blow!"

Chewie; *Wookiee guffaws*


Edit:

And a special sneak peak at 'prequel Chewie'

Nute Gunray; "Again 'you come before us' your highness..."

Chewie; *Doubles over*

 

LEIA: NO! Alderaan is peaceful, we have no weapons, you can't possibly --

TARKIN: Would you prefer another target?
A Military target?
A Civilian target?
An industrial target?
An environmental target?
A large target?
A small target?

HOURS PASS . . .

TARKIN: A primary target?
A secondary target?
A tertiary target?
A moving target?
A static target?
A --

TARKIN IS INTERRUPTED BY AN INTERCOM BUZZ

Tarkin pushes a button and responds to the intercom buzz.

TARKIN: Yes.

VOICE: (over intercom) We've captured a freighter entering the Alderaan system. Its markings match those of a ship that blasted its way out of Mos Eisley.

TARKIN: Take care of it, Vader -- Vader? Princess? Trooper? Anybody here???

 

Darth_Digital it could go something like this.
The scene, Han and Leia are in bed for the first time and everyone is watching
Han; "Get 'on top of it'!"
Leia; "I'm trying!"

General Dodonna leaning in wearing a hardhat with a flashlight on it; "There's a 'small thermal exhaust port right below the main port'..."

Han; "Back door hun? Good idea..."

Han: "There's 'an awful lot of moisture in here'..."

Wedge: "Look at the 'size of that thing'!"

Han is finally banging away on Leia
Biggs: "Luke at the speed would he be able to 'pull out' in time?"

Han grabs his "lighsaber" and yells
Han: "Your all clear kid, now 'lets blow this thing' and go home!"

Rebel pilot; "She's gonna blow!"

 

We want more, we want more


*sorry guys, my comedy talents are not that famous, just thought to thank you all for bringing fun in the forum. three cheers for [bjengafett[/b] !!

 

Thanks guys, I try my best.

*in mos eisly*

stormtrooper: we'll need to see your identification.

obi-wan: *slight wave of hand* you don't need to see his identification.

stormtrooper: umm...yes we do.

obi-wan *looks confused*:well, um, these aren't the droids you're looking for.

stormtrooper: although we don't know that for a fact, you simply knowing that we're looking for droids implies that these ARE the droids we're looking for. now, we'll need some identificantion.

obi-wan *waves his hand very obviously* you don't need to see his identificantion!!! these aren't the droids you're looking for!!! he can move along and go about his buisness!!!

stormtrooper: what are you doing, waving your hand around like that. do you think you're some kind of a jedi or something. i'll have to report you to lord vader-there aren't supposed to be any jedi left. come with me....


Luke: so...what do you think of her, Han?

Han: Leia? hubba hubba! *honk honk* ahooga! hotcha momma! wowza! wowzie wow wow! *boing* *zing!* *doink!* schaaaaawiiiiiinnnng!


Luke: Greetings exhalted one I am Luke Skywlaker Jedi knight and friend of captain solo
Jabba(In his Language):Stupid Jedi knights always put the message in there language how do they expect me to understand them?


Scene form ANH

Han: You all clear kid, now blow....um wait sure you dont want to have a few brewski back on this Bespin bar I know and sit this war out?

Luke: Yea, been getting this bloody old man in my skull all during this battle, you really think he just stay dead.....your buying first round (veers x-wing off and buzzes the Falcon) suckerrrrrrrrrrr

Both ships depart as Yavin is blow apart........

scene from ESB

Door opens in where Han is thrown his cell after session with Vader

Han: I feel terrible.....I get taken to some screen room after those shocks and I get shown some slides of some swampland of some planet called Degoba (sorry spelling),
Vader keeps pitching some time-share deal, won't back down on it , says the curent owner just a short dude that just levatates and talks a tad funny but just really harmless unless you don't leave your garbage covered tighty in jedi-proof lids.....God why couldnt I just say no ......(sob) I just mortgaged the Falcon for 30 years cause I such an impulse buyer....

Leia thrown in cell

Leia: Han, honey......I been talking to some nice people about swampland (glazed look in eyes).....

Han: I got a bad feeling about this (groan).....


Scene from ROTJ

Leia mounts the gun

Luke : Point it at the deck!!

Leia swings to aim, she misfires and gets Han, Chewie and Lando

Luke: oooooo great shot, princess.....not

Leia : Hey listen Mr Jedi ....lets see you move your bod well when you got near sunburn with this fricken suit on...

Obi: Luke!!!! Leia!!! Will you both get your butts in gear and get back to the Rebels stat!!!!! I can't believe the galaxy rests in your hands and you both having hisssy fits!!!!

Luke: Yo, old man....care to explain Vader being my dad?

Obi: I spent good part of my retirement on dune sand and you really think I get all the details right? Welll excuse me, Mr I Have To Save My Friends And Not Hang Around For The Details, eh? O by the way, I noticed how you been drooling over Leia ......knock it off, its bad enough I had to have your dad take cold showers when he was gawking at Padme!!!! Besides, SHES YOUR TWIN SISTER YOU PERV!!!!! (fades away)


Scene in ANH where Obi meets Vader

Vader: I been waiting for you Obi-Wan. We meet again at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but a learner....Now I am the master

Obi: Ummmm wanna run that by me again? All this circle complete stuff...I mean....tad overdramatic?

Vader (slouches and lowers lightsaber): Yea your're right....I getting in too deep with this business.......can't seem to find to time to pursue my real intrests.....plundered planet here......soldiers having windpipes crushes.....torturing princesses........no real quality time at all

Obi: Hey lets blo

 

Luke: Yoda, I need to know the truth, is Vader my father?

*Yoda pretends like he didn't hear him*

Luke: YODA, you must tell me, is Vader my father?!

Yoda: Hear you I cannot, go away you must

Luke: Yoda!!

Yoda: Luuuke!!

Luke: Now look here Yoda, tell me what I need to know!!

*Yoda puts his fingers in his ears*

Yoda: Hear you I cannnnoottt, la la la la la la

 

Ep4: (Yavin control room)

Rebel Dispatch; "Did it go in?"

Red Leader; (VO) "Negative..didn't go in. Just 'impacted on the surface'..."

Chewie; *Wookiee guffaw*


Ep4: (Death Star docking bay)

Leia; "You 'came' in that thing? Your braver then I thought..."

Chewie; *Wookiee guffaws*

 

Han: Look, he's heading for that small moon.

Obi: That's no moon ... (drops pants) THIS IS A MOON!

 

(On Endor, Luke has just surrendered to Vader)

Vader: Good work, Commander. Leave us. Conduct your search and bring his companions to me.

Igar: Yes my lord.

{He leaves.}

Igar: (to stormtroopers) Do you know what this means?

Stromtrooper: We have the satisfaction of knowing that that rebel's probably going to die a horrible death?

Igar: No, you numbskull! I;m going to get promoted! ^_^